Parenting and musicianship or vesus musicianship

[Bob]

Nearly everyone I've seen is good at one or the other, but rarely both.  The people I've seen who are good musicians and good parents have been jazz people and they're improvising who knows what kind of practice time they're putting in (meaning, yes, I'm thinking they are probably slacking off in their practicing).

Do you agree?

[pianistimo]

no.  children go to school - and then you have more time to practice. 

yes.  maybe in the summer.  i'd rather go to the park than practice three hours but get interrupted.  and, i'm not as stressed as i used to be thinking about getting away to the college practice room - because the older parent you become the more you realize children grow up very fast.

when my two others were younger - i'd take one or two evenings a week and call them my evening/s.  my husband came home early - and i would go to the uni or college and practice for 5-6 hours.  but, as you say it isn't consistent - but it was something.   

bach had a lot of children.  he just trained them early.  i think that is the key to loving music.  it takes a lot of hard work and dilligence.  i admire bach very much.

[ted]

No, I have to disagree there, Susan. I can't see how pumping your wife full of kids until she dies is anything but pig ignorant.

[amelialw]

well my piano teacher is both a fantastic mom and musician. She squezzes in her practice time when her daughter is at school and when her daughter gets home she spends as much time with her as possible. She gives her alot of encouragement and motivation. Her daughter, who's only 9, is already going to grade 6, playing grade 8 piano and grade 9 violin and she started when she was 4. It's not so much to do with talent but her mom's effort.

[pianistimo]

perhaps everyone is right here.  bob - because it is certainly hard to have a performing CAREER.  i mean - with a career you are travelling and thinking about the next gig.  and ted is right - because back in bach's time - women literally died having their last child.  although, i'm not sure bach was doing anything different than the men of his time.  plus, they didn't have birth control then, did they?  so - now we come down to our era. if you are catholic - still not supposed to use birth control.  but, how would they know anyways?  are they going to put a couple of priests in the bedroom.  not trying to make anyone go counter to their beliefs - but i just think that you should only have the number you can take care of and still stay mentally sane.

think about it.  back in the 'old days' - usually people had extended family all around.  nowdays - many people are on their own.  it's not just caring for the children.  it's everything!  so - you don't get so much of a break.  and, you do have to think about your health (and your husband's or wife's).  i think ted is right that you should consider the health of both partners and how much one can literally do physically.  my last child is very very busy all the time.  in one way - she keeps me very young because i have to run around a lot.

we didn't plan the last child.  it wasn't that my husband was trying to do anything of the sort.  i think it was a shock to both of us.  but, we were very happy - especially when she was born.  children are a gift of God, to me - and even if you attempt some kind of control - sometimes things happen.  they're meant to be.  literally, i think each of our lives is guided in some way by God.  so - if you have a certain number of children - i wouldn't feel badly about it.  hopefully the children will be like bach's and all be talented.  that says a lot for a family.

and amelialw - i take courage and comfort in what you said.  at times i am a good mom - and others a terrible mom.  i mean - when i was going back to get some more piano lessons - i know i overdid it.  you can tell when you are attempting too much too soon. better to wait for the right time.  there's a season for everything.  women can be very satisfied at the end of their lives of having made an impact of worth on their children.  i am sure i will be thinking of my children and husband and not so much the piano when i die.

[amelialw]

there's nothing wrong with going back to work more..it does not make you a bad mom when you less spend time with your kide. Although my piano teacher has her one and only daughter and tries to spend lots of time with her, she still has her career and music life to the extent that she seldom has time to teach her daughter piano neverthless her daughter still feels love and adores her mom. I adore my  piano teacher too, for the way she is such a commited piano teacher, pianist and mom and i want to be just like her when I grow up. Haha don't work, a parent can't be perfect, no one can. You still can spend alot of time on the piano and still love it as much as ever cauz you know that your family will always be number 1 !

[pianistimo]

agreed.  i think the ages of 1-3 are really super important for setting the 'ground floor' though.  so it's important to spend time establishing whatever things you want to get established and not leaving it to a babysitter.  others might disagree - but as i see it - it's communication and affection.  to see the world as friendly and to be optomistic.  between 3-4 they can learn to read.  if you teach your child to read early (even before or during kindergarten - they are set for a good foundation in school).  all this takes incredible time and patience.  you need to set aside time to go to the library - and to take music or dance classes (or whatever).  it's not like you have 20 hours left to also keep the house clean enough so they don't get sick, and to shop to feed them healthy things, and to teach them about maintaining relationships (trips to the park - to exercise and meet and play with other children).  so - for each of my kids - i did spend a lot of time between probably ages 1-5 especially. 

people here in pennsylvania spend a lot more time with their children than i've seen in other states.  one or the other parent routinely picks them up from the bus stop - and very few are in daycare full time.  but, the payoff is that families are really close here.  when the kids grow up - they don't move very far away.  and, you have a network of family that really helps the next generation get ahead. 

that said - i agree with your assessment that mom's can work.  for me - it's fulltime school that starts to kick in when they are 6.  you are free to not worry about busstop pickups or whatever.  who else will care for your child like you when they are small?  it's a matter of necessity to work after a baby sometimes - but not ideal.  i think age 6 is rather ideal.