How much of your ability rest in believing that you can do it ?

[m1469]

I sometimes get these glimpses that seem to suggest that most of what I lack in my playing is basically the confidence that I can do "it."

I doubt my ability to perform well and I doubt my ability to prepare well -- why ?  I doubt my ability to perform well, partly because I doubt my ability to prepare well, and I doubt my ability to prepare well, partly because I doubt my ability to perform well (I just pshych myself out).

I think that some of this is based on what seems like fact, though in reality it's fact that is skewed and not complete, and whatever mindframe I seem to be in while considering these "facts," will greatly color precisely what I view as fact.

Am I thinking too much now ?  Probably.  But, these are serious deterrences and nobody is walking into me and getting them worked out for me, so I have to do it in whatever way that I can.

Somewhere in me I know that I can actually do both very well.  I can prepare well and I can perform well -- I have felt it in me, if nothing else.  So, what's stopping me ?

I think part of it is laziness -- but there is also just a huge wall saying -- "it just doesn't matter, whatever you do or try to do, it will never be perfect and it will never be good enough and somebody will just pick it apart."  At some point, and I think it's a fine balance, I just can't care anymore about that because it just stops my progress.

What would my experience be like if I just believed that I could do it ?  What if I just went and did it ?

A question that has stopped me in my tracks for years :  What about the people who believe they can, but they really can't ? (according to some) -- I don't want to be delusional, but if I never believe I can do it, what chance do I have at all ?

Okay.  I will get to work now.

[m1469]

Okay, I am dissecting a bit. 

Yes, a person does need to find the correct way to play something, they need to discover what that special technique is that makes something easy.  But, it is there !  (almost) Always ! 

Sometimes people, me included, just doubt that it can be found -- the doubt starts there.  But, what's to stop somebody from finding it ?  I think it's just static, really.  Static can be fear, doubt, ego.  Whatever keeps our attention from the task at hand and from knowing what our experience really is when it's happening.

But, especially once the correct/easy technique has been found, what's in the way ?  For me, sometimes it's second guessing what I have found (it's important to stay open-minded).  You know, all you people are scary for the likes of me.  I have to be able to stand tall with you guys -- I have to know who I am.  That's kind of a lot to ask of anybody, it seems to me.  But, right now, I don't mind, and I even like it, actually -- it helps me grow, I think.  Perhaps you will see my weaknesses and faults, but, perhaps this means you will also see my growth over time, too.

But, why don't I just follow the yellow brick road ?  Is it really that difficult to do ?  Maybe it just looks yellow (the thought crosses my mind) -- but, I know in my heart that actually it is the real thing...

[amelialw]

50% of it is believing, the rest is actually doing it

[opus10no2]

Well, more for performance anxiety that other things, but belief is just a motivator, it doesn't have any bearing on ability, it's just an inspiration.

[zheer]

   Relax, think music. There are so many outstanding pianists and a lot of them have serious advantage over the vast majority of us. So naturally at some point we can have doubts, however if you truly love music, then nothing will come in your way.

[m1469]

You're all wrong 


Thanks for your replies.  *hands out complimentary prizes*

[opus10no2]

Good god, what an arrogant b!tch 

[m1469]

 

[opus10no2]

It's ok, you have redeeming qualities 

[m1469]

I guess it's a good thing, too, otherwise I would be completely intolerable 

[mcgillcomposer]

50% of it is believing, the rest is actually doing it

I thought it was 50.2%

[oot]

I think it is 100%.  Consider this, if you did not think you could do it you would not even try.  In which case you would be right.  However, if you think you can then you will try and find out you are right.  I think self doubt comes into play when you know you have not done your best to prepare.  Performing is somewht stressful and that stress tightens muscles, is distracting, and makes it harder to concentrate or focus during the performance.  If one is not as prepared as possible all these things are added to the stress of knowing you are ill-prepared and so the performance is not as good as it could have been.

Also low self esteem will hamper a person as well in this respect and suggest that you can only do so well so why put in the time to do more since it will always turn out less.  Focussing on a perfect performance will cause trouble too because it distracts you from what your mind should be attentive too.

I have been in both situations and I feel the preparedness is the most important.  Knowing that the brain and motor coordination will happen in its own due time and that trying to shorten that time only makes things worse  It is very important to start preparation early so there is plenty of time to polish.  The other danger I find is "over-prep" which can breed over-confidence and cause problems as well, like a wandering mind at performance time. 

I was performing a piece one time years ago that I had played for a long time and knew it very well.  It had 3 sections to it and I finshed one of the sections but could not remember which one and my mind went blank as to what iIwas even playing so I was forced to improvise until I could remember what I was doing.  Upond getting my mind back,  I finshed the other sections and got off stage.  A patron commented that they had never heard that arrangement before and I had to agree that he would probably never hear it like that again.

Guess it is kind of complicated isn't it?  I think all of these factors play a part.  Getting very relaxed before performance and focusing on the same during the performance is critical.  I tell myself just before the performance that the prep time is past and I accept what ever is going to happen and push all thoughts from my mind except the music I am performing.  It seems to help me.

[wotgoplunk]

I have the opposite effect somehow. I find if I go into a performance expecting the worst, I'll actually do better.

I'll start off well, and that gives you a little confidence boost, "Hey, I'm doing better that I thought!" And then that confidence boost helps you through the performance. Works for me anyway.

[burstroman]

Years ago, I had a piano teacher in Hungary who believed you could accomplish almost anything in music if you worked hard enough.  Of course, I have doubted her words often, but time and again her words have proven true.

[wotgoplunk]

Years ago, I had a piano teacher in Hungary who believed you could accomplish almost anything in music if you worked hard enough.  Of course, I have doubted her words often, but time and again her words have proven true.

I suppose that's the same way with learning pieces. Difficulty is subjective. There's no reason a student at Grade 5 can't play a Grade 8 piece, it's just that they'd struggle more.

[ramseytheii]

I suppose that's the same way with learning pieces. Difficulty is subjective. There's no reason a student at Grade 5 can't play a Grade 8 piece, it's just that they'd struggle more.

Ah, that reminds me of something!  I knew there would be something I could contribute to this thread.   It reminds me of Martha Argerich; an interviewer or someone asked her how she learned Gaspard in three days, during her student years with Michelangeli.  She said that she never thought it would be hard.  Maybe we all can't learn it in three days, but I think that is a useful and inspiring attitude!

Walter Ramsey

[goldentone]

m1469, I have similar glimpses like you do.

The importance of confidence in ourselves is so true.  It can't be overstated.  Just from being in a more self-assured frame of mind I can play far above where I usually play at.  It is like a black box that opens up and allows us to do what we couldn't do.  The "real" musician in us emerges, and we can do the things we dreamed we could do.  It can even lift us technically above where we play at. 

I had one of those experiences last night.  It helps me to keep going and to keep seeking for the prize.   

[m1469]

Hi, goldentone.  I agree with everything you have said.  What I seem to struggle with is what 'self' is ?  Of course, my grandma-aged self is looking back at me from the future and twinkling her eyes at me over this (I will be an older lady with twinkling, magical eyes -- you know, the kind that arrest something inside of you if you catch their glimpse, no matter what age you are -- I have decided this ).

More and more, though, if nothing else, at least I am finding a way to face a person -- and maybe even myself in the mirror .

Hey, if I am not making sense, sorry -- my mind is a magnificent riddle at the moment .  Really, though, somehow it's comforting to me that you also get these glimpses about yourself .

[cmg]

  What I seem to struggle with is what 'self' is ? 

(screwed this up.  my response to m1469's is below in a dumb quote box.  sorry)

[cmg]

Self is simply our identity, formed from all of our life experiences, others' opinions of us (right or wrong), societal stances (men are "superior" to women, straights to gays, etc.), religious pronoucements.  We reflect on all that, bit by bit, over the years and come up with an identity based on all that data.  That's the "self."

And VERY often, the "self' is a false conclusion, because it is based on external data that could be totally wrong.  Objectively examine your own strenghts and weakenesses.  Come up with your own definition of your "self."  Don't let others do it.  No one will know you better than you do if you do the slightest bit of non-judgmental self-examination.

As Aristotle said, "The unexamined life is not worth living."  He was referring to that self-examination.  Get to work, m1469!   

[m1469]

Self is simply our identity, formed from all of our life experiences, others' opinions of us (right or wrong), societal stances (men are "superior" to women, straights to gays, etc.), religious pronoucements.  We reflect on all that, bit by bit, over the years and come up with an identity based on all that data.  That's the "self."

Well, the main point is that I don't believe that this is really the core nor extent of who I am -- and, I question how much of it is really me at all, even.  Some of it is, some of it not -- that's what I want to know, the difference between them.  Plus, there is this whole other ... universe ... to me that I feel is largely unexplored to some extent.  Well, you know, it's part of all of us as far as I am concerned. 

As far as defining who I am, or what I am, for the past decade what I have been most interested in is first finding those things which are intrinsic to life itself, and letting that define who I am.  But, you know, well ... from where I am standing it's eternal and infinite -- so, you know, that kind of puts "me" and the whole concept of "me" into a different light... if you catch my drift.

I just don't (want to) take anything for granted and accept something about myself just because that's what people tell me I am -- whether it's one person or many.  And, even "my own" thoughts can be down right lying.

Anyway, right now I am on a journey and perfectly pleased about that. 

*feets have made a turn and are moving down a new path*

[opus10no2]

Oh my gosh, she's so confident, she's so self-assured, she need never know.