Yet Another Story!!! (New Rules)

[thalberg]

  Rules 

1.  All contributions must be 3 lines in length.  No more, no less.

2.  Always build on previous material.  Don't cancel out what a previous person wrote.

3.  No consecutive posts by the same user are allowed.  (Otherwise, it's like having a contribution of more than 3 lines and it breaks rule 1)

[thalberg]

As I stepped out onstage for my first performance of the Wanderer Fantasy, I was quite nervous.  My hands were sweaty, my throat was dry, and my shoes felt pinched.   I smiled warmly at the audience and sat down...

[pianistimo]

this would never get by the publisher's.  'smiled warmly at the audience?'  who, when nervous, smiles warmly at the audience?  are you crazy.  you must change the rules to this story telling game.  i change that part to - 'knees shaking - slightly glimpsing the lights....'

[amanfang]

Unfortunately, the man with the yellow suit was sitting on the front row, right in my peripheral vision.  WHYYYY do people do that?  To make matters worse, an old lady began to loudly unwrap a piece of candy.

(By the way, I totally predicted this new set of rules!)

[thalberg]

"Typical," I thought angrily.  "When will I get a cultured audience?"  I deliberately pounded the first C major chords of the piece in the hopes of giving the old lady a heart-attack.  She did jump a little, which made me happy.

[pianistimo]

the man with the yellow suit also had a monkey in his lap.  well, he also wore a yellow hat.  speculation was, he was a 'wanderer fantasy' expert.  the lady next to him (the one opening candy wrappers) had the last name 'abegg,' strangely enough.

[cmg]

Yet, what haunted me was that woman in the front row.  Holding that cursed Schubert score in her lap, her fingernail scratching along as she followed every note I played.  And the heinous guide to English composition that she held in her other hand.  I wanted to clobber her with C Major chords!

[amanfang]

I began to get more and more agitated as I played.  I furiously played through the first section, hoping to get to the slow part soon so I could turn and glare at the lady on the front row.  Then, I noticed someone coming in late at the back of the hall.

[pianistimo]

and yet i could not - due to her looking like marilyn monroe and the english comp guide not having any wear to the spine.  it was as if she brought the comp book to shield her eyes from the glare of the stage lights.  also, she was watching me with great glee.

[cmg]

Despite her dazzling beauty, she held yet another book to her bosom -- even more dazzling than her beauty!  A Bible!  A saint, I muttered to myself, thinking of poor Schubert, his terrible STD and that nasty fall from grace.  Perhaps this sainted beauty could save us both??

[pianistimo]

i skipped the slow part and played as fast and wandering as possible.  i assumed the man who recently came in the back would sit down.  instead, he said 'aha, you skipped a part.'  even the attractive woman who was following the score didn't catch it. 

[thalberg]

I couldn't believe he would say that in the middle of a performance!  I began to sweat through my tuxedo.   As the third movement approached, I began to anticipate that distant chromatic modulation to Ab major.

[pianistimo]

it was uncomfortable to move to this distant chord so i modulated to F major instead and then made it peak at Ab (by delaying this modulation by four added measures of my own).  the man again spoke.  'this is not what schubert wrote.'  he was very adamant.

[thalberg]

I began to realize I would have to stick faithfully to the score from now on just to keep this guy's mouth shut.  As the third movement drew to a close, I flew through the arpeggios and didn't miss a single note.  I even amazed myself!

[pianistimo]

so awestruck i was by my own playing that i didn't hear the standing ovations and continued sitting there as if i had not heard the first claps.  i realized this could work for my benefit (shutting the man in the back up) - and continued on with the next selection.

[thalberg]

No luck....he shouted, "Hey, there are FOUR movements to this piece!! Why did you skip the last one?!" I stopped playing & turned bright red.  I wanted to shout, "because the audience gave me a standing ovation too early!"  But instead I began the closing fugue.

[pianistimo]

even if the audience didn't know this was the last movement - i would sure they would 'get it' when they heard the 'wanderer's theme' wandering around in it.  although, the fugish part was deceptively confusing so i skipped it and substituted a mozart cadenza.

[thalberg]

When I finished, I got up to take a bow.  After the recital, I was greeted by a long line of guests.  I was surprised how many people came.  It must be because I'm so hot.  "Josh, you were wonderful," Ms. Abegg said.

[pianistimo]

'but, blintz, in the back was right!  you did skip a few areas of relative importance.  i won't write  a scathing critique if you can manage $50.  in fact, i'll (pops another candy in her mouth) write about the standing ovation for $100.'

[thalberg]

"You evil witch!"  I shouted.  Something in me just lost control.  I grabbed Ms Abegg and started choking her right in full view of everyone.  Surprisingly, nobody stopped me.  I think none of them liked her either.  Soon she slumped over, dead.

[pianistimo]

it was then that the marilyn monroe looking woman came by with her bible and said a few kind words.  she decided to leave the bible in one of abegg's hands and wondered if she herself would ever go to a classical concert again since they seemed to be, at times, quite violent.

[thalberg]

I walked out of the building calmly, and strangely, no one stopped me.  People really must have disliked that woman.  Anyway, I saw a pretzel stand across the street and figured I'd stop.  I've always had a weakness for those.

[pianistimo]

marilyn walked by.  or the lady who looked like marilyn. and, she seemed to nod approvingly over her shoulder.  it was as if she was beckoning me to the starbucks across the street.  it was odd because i really had no intentions of hurting anyone else that day.

[thalberg]

As I walked into Starbucks, I saw her sitting at a table in the far corner waiting for me.  I decided to get something to  drink.  What to have......something with caffeine....mocha?  Espresso?  Cafe au lait? Cafe americano?  What to have....

[mike_lang]

Suddenly, Taylor the Latte boy burst dramatically through the saloon-style doors to the Secret Starbucks Space behind the wall that holds the menu board!  At his emergence, I shuddered, feeling a divine current electrify my Fourbucksian Cortex.  Fate had solved my polylemma.

[pianistimo]

i decided to order the cafe ole ole ole.  it just had a nice ring to it.  and was topped with froth and whipped cream.  enough to make marilyn laugh when she saw it around my mouth.  she said that she didn't care if i had missed a few bars here and there in schubert.

[mike_lang]

But then, Marilyn reached into my Cafe TripOle and pulled out a miniature Fidel Castro by his little Cubo-Communist Ears, but out came with him two buxom Russian olympians.  Again, a dilemma presented itself, but Isaac Asimov, watching from around the corner, decided to deminiaturize them.

[pianistimo]

suddenly the table was filled with chemistry.  the two buxom russians being named after asimov's wives.  gertrude and janet.  i found myself terribly confused.  it was then that asimov reappearred and reassured me that science fiction and chemistry went together.