Thanks Lostinidlewo!
The last two paragraphs restated what I have told myself, and what my teachers have told me! They all have said, "Everything is there, you just have to believe it!" They have all heard me play well, but somehow, when performance nears, it all goes out the window! I was told exactly what you said about "listening" from my current teacher. She says that if I learn to really listen, the beauty and concentration will take my mind off of negative thinking. I have experienced that as well. I have been there! The first time I performed on stage, (just prior to the actual recital!), it was just for my teacher. However, I was so in awe of the sound coming from that 9 ft Steinway in that hall, I completely forgot about the fear! It was suddenly all about the music! My teacher was amazed at the openness I played with! However, when the actual recital came, just 30 minutes later, the listening was sporadic! I am hoping that it was because it was my FIRST performance. I am hoping that as I perform more, I will get a little more comfortable. I have had EXCELLENT teachers, and I agree with EVERYTHING you said as well.
Music is too beautiful, and deserves to be shared, and yet we can't share it if we aren't able to let go of our fears. To me, it's like a speaker who tries to give a persuasive speech! It is not going to be convincing if the speaker is not convinced!
Music, while in many ways is similar, I have to remember that I (ME Personally!), do not have to convince anyone of anything........the music will speak for itself if I allow it too.
I just have to relax , listen, and enjoy, so that others can too! I know this, sometimes it just helps to hear it over and over again from others who know and have overcome the same fears! I have to SHARE the music with others. It is up to them to decide whether they like it, and up to me to not care what others think! Sort of!
Thanks!