But when I got tired and angry because I was tired and did mistakes I started doing more mistakes until everything just sounded like a mess... like I said, it sounded like I barely had practised. It was terribly difficult hitting the right keys with fingers like spaggetti and with all the problems with the heavy piano I had it was impossible to focus properly on interpretation, so everything just sounded like I just had learned it by heart or something and was still struggling with everything else, though I felt I was playing as good as I possibly could at a lighter piano.
I once met an Hungarian pianist who studied back in the day at the Moscow Conservatory. He told me a story of when he had to turn pages for Richter, who at this time was playing all his concerts with the score. The concert opened with a selection of slow pieces of Liszt, the only title I remember is Ave Maria, but others like that, then there was the Franck Pr, Ch, and Fugue.
This pianist told me that Richter absolutely made a hash of the opening pieces. There were wrong notes, he looked stressed and slightly disoriented at the piano, and it was basically a big mess. After those, he took his bow and he and the page turner went backstage before the Franck. This pianist described to me how Richter started grumbling about something incomprehensible, bent his head down and walked violently in circles for several moments. He said, Richter looked like an animal stalking a prey. He calmed down, then went out and played the Franck like a God on earth.
I'm telling this story to show that Richter, who was sort of an enigmatic talent, because he could mess up so spectacularly on hard and easy pieces alike, seemed to have been made furious by his mistakes, went backstage, and conquered himself. He battled with himself, overcame whatever it was that was preventing him from playing like Richter, and went back onstage victorious.
Unfortunately, in this business, in the end one can't say, the concert was bad because the action was too heavy. I don't know how old you are, and that might seem like a harsh statement, but in the end one has to creatively adjust to all sorts of unflattering circumstances; or one has to conquer the inner mental blocks, as it seems Richter had to do.
In a concert setting, always give yourself the chance to succeed. That means taking time between pieces, as much time as you need, and making whatever creative adjustments have to be made. For instance, you could have cut all the dynamics in half, to compensate for the difficult action. Would it have been as thrilling as you wanted? Probably not. But it still would have represented the music, and it would have been better than a hash. To go into a creative endeavor like performance with a fixed goal, is in my mind, counter-productive. It obviously works for some people, but not for me, and that's where I get my ideas.
I would advise you to practice on heavier pianos, well I
would advise you, but then I'm reminded of something else about Richter; he said he never tried the piano beforehand because playing each concert on a different instrument should be like "walking a tightrope." In other words, he preferred not to know!
Walter Ramsey
Topic: Gaaah I FAIL AT PLAYING PIANO!!!