Playing with sense of control over your instrument

[etcetra]

I noticed something really strange about my playing recently.. I seem to sound completely at different times of my practice, almost to the point that i feel like there is two different piano player inside of me one with control of the instrument and one without (metaphorically speaking.)..

There are times when i am playing where i will be so off that i cant stand listening to myself. I am having problem speeding up, and my 8th notes sound extremely uneven.  The music sounds unarticulated, and there is no clarity in the notes or the rhythm.  It's a huge problem since in my mind I am playing as even as possible but i wasn't' in those time.

On the other hand when I am playing with sense of control,  everything sounds articulated, clear, and well, in control.  When i am playing jazz or  Bach or any music that requires rhythmic accuracy, I would literally be locked into the rhythm and the music feels really good.

At first i thought it was a technical problem but lately i am starting to realize it might be a mental/listening problem.  When i am usually struggling i notice that there is this strong urge in me to rush everything.  I could be playing a very simple synchopated rhythm, and i would rush so much that i would be a beat ahead sometimes.  When that happens i spend a lot of time playing the same rhythm but i tell myself to relax and stay in control, and tell myself to actually WAIT and not rush the notes. 

I also noticed  that when i am in control,  i am listening to myself a lot closer and i am paying much more attention to detail.  When i am out of control, it seems like this mindless autonomy takes over. You can literally feel that i am out of control just by listening to it.

I may be overemphasizing my problem too much in my practice, but i feel like its such a big issue, because i don't see the point in practicing when i am  out of control, because the result of the practice will be out of control also. 

Has anyone here had the same problem when they practice and perform? How important is it to (find your center) in your playing? What kind of stuff do you do to overcome those problems when they occur in your practice?   

[kard]

I have similar problems and I'd say its very important to find your center. For me I need to have the mental music really going for my practice to be worth anything. The music comes from within they say...find your triggers and use them well  
For me, its always great to leave the music scene for a few days and refresh myself and my enthusiasm. I'll practice so well, and then the progress just burns away after a few days. I'll get stressed by this or that, and I'll just need to rest until I feel leveled out before I can do anything. So just find what leads you to be in control as you put it and try at least on some level to pursue it.

[keypeg]

I think you are onto something.  If you don't know what you are playing, how can you play it?  If you don't know that you don't know, then you will rush through it.  They keep saying that much of playing is more mental than physical - and this must be part of what is meant.  It's a matter of focus - and you have to know what you are focusing on.

[etcetra]

Keypeg,

Yea i really think this is a turning point for me in a lot of ways.  Its amazing how much students (even college level) just don't listen to themselves when they play. I noticed it a lot in improvisations but also in classical performances too. 

Right now I am working on clair de lune, i played it a long time ago, and my focus right now is just getting it to sound right.  It's a strange feeling, but the more i get it right the more i feel like i am just watching myself play, and I am just directing the music as it goes... and by doing that i find the difficult passages much easier to play than it did even couples days ago. 

kard,

yea its really important to relax, i used to push myself to the point where i would be throwing things out of frustration because i couldnt get it right.. when i come back practicing the next day with more relaxed feeling I immediately started playing right, and all i could think is wonder why i wasted an entire day trying to get it right, because it was so easy. I think its a change in attitude and concentration.. i just wish i can find a way to make the switch faster when i need to, or maybe its something that just takes some time to adjust.

[danny elfboy]

In my experience it is a posture problem.
I could write a book about the way imperfect posture (no matter how unoticeable) literally ruins your health and your potential. You must feel at home and in control when sitting at the piano and I can assure you that the wrong posture won't allow you to feel like that.
You can with time find alternative ways to feel such control, but since this might never happen and bad posture is simply as much destructive as chronic smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day is, it's best to correct it and feel good at the piano.

The problem with posture is not only that most people have terrible posture but that most activities meant to solve these problems just worsen them. Most common stretches (i.e. toe toeching) just worsen the posture as most weight lifting exercises.