A positive thread about nerves

[gruffalo]

Dear all,

There are frequent threads, with good reason, posted by people who suffer serious nerves and find it difficult to control them during performance even when the repertoire has been well practiced.

I have made this thread because I too suffer from nerves and have not had a good performance for a fair few years... until recently. A lot of the replies in the nerves threads are very good and include great ideas, but when i seem to read those posts, i never really hear anything postive experiences or people describing a sudden breakthrough (please forgive me if i did miss something).

My experience happened for me end of first year recital exam. To give a brief background, i played the piano from an early age and i was exposed to lots of competitions and performances in front of people, so i was very used to performing. i stopped playing when i was about 14 and i had stopped performing about 3 years before this. i came back to the piano, taking it seriously when i was about 17 and i am now 20. i have suffered serious issues with performance ever since i started again.

this time things changed. first of all, going to conservatoire was a big step in gaining some confidence and learning to play in front of friends, fellow piano students, teachers, in performance classes and in exposed practice rooms. at first, i was not even able to play decently in front of friends, but that soon changed. however, i still performed quite badly in performance classes and other performances.

towards the final recital i was getting increasingly worried. my exam repertoire was the following:

rachmaninov etude op33 gminor
Brahms op116 nos 3 and 4
ravel - ondine

I had performed the ondine two times previously in performance classes (each time the nerves got the better of me), like wise with the brahms capriccio. i even found it difficult settle my nerves when playing the intermezzo on it's own in performance classes (though it wasnt so trivial because it isnt a technically difficult piece).

in the last two weeks i played my programme to friends in the concert hall and various big rooms 2 or 3 times. one was quite successful.

what helped was the advice of my alexander technique teacher. the advice that she gave was a bit different to what people have said in posts here (although those pieces of advice have still been good).

she first asked me to explain what happens when i play that goes so wrong. I explained that even before i start, my finers go blue and stiff and as result my whole body feels tense and uneasy and this all happens even if it isnt a cold room. because i am quite thin and i have thin fingers, i generally get cold quite easily. she explained that nerves attacks people in different ways, but generally picks on your weak points, but at the same time it is all psychological.

her first bit of advice was to place my fingers on the piano and momentarily concentrate on each finger, one at a time, and let your brain recognize that they are present and working (sounds daft, but is actually quite important).

so i went off and had a performance later that week, and it still didnt go very well.

her next piece of advice was a bit more alexanderish and focusing in posture and allowing the neck to go back to align with the spine.

she also talked about more spiritual things like connecting with the music, but the important thing she mentioned was to try and experience something positive whilst playing.

i found this a bit difficult, because the pieces i was playing werent necessarily happy, but i gave it a shot. i played in front of some people in an informal recital (the one of the 3 that went well). i started with the brahms intermezzo to give myself a chance to get going, and i found that making a small cheesy smile to myself and just feeling happiness and a desire to be more happy helped me relax so much. i was still playing mistakes and not as well as in a practice room, but i decided in the moment just to accept that and carry on enjoying making music.

the same thing happened during the exam recital, only this time i was able to soak my hands in warm water in a bathroom very close to the exam room (something which i have never really had the opportunity to do).

I came in and the room was very cold. this wasnt actually my nerves playing up (although i was still quite nervous), because i found out that the heating had broken in this particular room and it my exam was quite early in the morning.

once i started playing (i started with the rach etude) with a positive mind. to my surprise, i felt a glow of heat in side my body and an instant sense of calm, yet a buzzing feeling, from the first note that i played. i smiled to myself several times during the performance and i felt a 100% sense of enjoyment, thrill and connection with the music.

in the end, i received a 1st for my recital and a very nice report.

the reason why i am posting this experience, is because i feel that there is more to being prepared for a recital than just eating bananas and doing press ups or drinking coffee etc , although those things are good to do (except the coffee idea which i am totally against). i also want people to know that there is a solution and that it does take time. for me, it took years. for some it may be less and others more, i dont really know for sure.

thanks for taking the time to read and i hope it helps. i would like to encourage people who have had similar or other experiences to share them with everyone.

Gruff

[lostinidlewonder]

Seriously the most important development is not to care. As soon as you eliminate your care about making a mistake on stage the better you will play in public. I have always had that attitude, even when I was young. I use to play in a lot of competitions with many instruments and do a lot of singing with choirs and folk groups. My teachers, friends, family who all attended these competitions always said, just have fun, do your best. It was a lot of fun! We where missing school because of this, how great! But the great amount of preparation we had before this competition made us really care about doing well, it also gave us confidence that we would do well, failure didn't cross our minds.

I have always associated public performance with enjoyment, no fear for mistakes. I have blundered on stage many times, has it done anything to me? Nothing at all! There is nothing to fear. Once you realize that, you will immediately play better. But to strengthen to that psychological state is sometimes monumental for some people who have had bad experience being the center of attention in public.

When we find we have to think about what we are going to play often this distrupts our muscular memory. If we are very nervous often when we try to think about what to play while we play we will play wrongly. Personally I play wrong notes when this happen, when I try to think about what I have to exactly play, the conscious memory of the notes, the nerves of a performance can do this to you because you really want to hit all the right notes with the right expression. This over concentration can actually block the muscular memory flow of your playing. The way I combat this is to be able to play pieces I play in public from any point at will. This allows me to recover without making mistakes sound obvious if I make a mistake and was the only remedy to give me confidence against this ailment.

So often I will practice and make a mistake on purpose, or force myself to over concentrate on my notes so I can set myself up for similar situations on stage. It is hard to emulate this type of feeling though, we all get some kind of effect from an audience staring at us, but if you have a good imagination you can replicate the situation.

Still I think the best way to get better at public performance and to reduce your anxiety is to play in public. Not necessarily a full concert hall of 1000, but certainly you can start with smaller groups and make it a habit that you play for people. "Sharpening your sword" as my dad always called it.

[dnephi]

Thanks gruff.

[ramseytheii]

A wonderfully conceived post, and a hearty congratulations!

Walter Ramsey

[goldentone]

A very positive and encouraging post, gruffalo. 
Your story was very interesting to read.

[nanabush]

I'm going to try the things your teacher said to do.  I'm thin and I do freeze up before performances/exams.  I have an exam this Friday, and I have horrible nerves moments before playing.  Awesome story though, makes me feel that I'm not alone 

[dora96]

I am very nervous person, and I have high expectation for myself. I decided to play in public and shared classical music with people. I called my local retirement villages, communities hall, even high school, churches for demonstration or accompanist for piano. At first, I was so nervous, I didn't know what I expected. In the retirement village, I found that extremely nervous because I couldn't concentrate. The people are  talking, walking, snoring, coughing and all sort of different thing happening when I was playing the piano.

In fact, my first time playing Mozart Turkish March, someone in the audience said quite clearly, commented that the performance was dreadful. I was upset, and I even posted the thread in the forum. But I didn't care, and I continued  preserving, practicing and went to back to perform. It took me six months to get over the nervousness and the distraction.

Just last month, I played the Beethoven pathetic, I had memorization lapsed, I couldn't recover, I stopped and explained to the audiences. It is very high demanding piece, thank you for giving me the opportunity to play in front of you. I hope I can overcome this next time. By the next month, I played it again, it was better than the first time, and didn't get so nervous and speed out of control but still there was mistakes, and asked the audience please me second chance to play again. Another month, I tried it again, it got it perfect with memorization and the sense of joy and comfort. The people also felt that wonderful performance was amazing. I am not trying to praise myself but it is a very hard and long process to be performer.

I know when I am tensed and nervous, there is no way the emotion and feeling of music will come out. Once I let go, and enter the other world, I don't care what is happening around me. The music just like the heaven has opened up. To have the abilities to play in front of people, require courage, and lots of opportunities to be failure in the people, losing face, flattered on the ground before becoming the winner.

Now I looked back that few months, I just felt that I was very silly why I was so nervous, what to be afraid of. I felt that I had used all my energy and brain power to worry about what people project me rather focus on the music itself. I know many pianists have to gone this sort torture both mentally and physiologically. Honestly one one cares, as long as I do my best and I am always telling myself that I am artist I can do anything. Through performing and learning new repertoires and share music with other people, the gain is enormous.     

[dora96]

Even though for my low grade students and myself practice and well prepare before the performance take it slow, especially, when different piano, and carry with bag of tricks with me, bottle of water, hand cream,  power, lavender oil, Mars bar, some sweet etc... when I go to perform. Take a little break between different music, prepare body and mind ready to change moody, emotion into the music.

I know sometimes it is very frustrated because I can have wonderful performance, but sometimes in different place or time can affect my performance. However, I need to know that I can do it not just lucky for that day. Try lot of time, because failure is not option.

[cmg]

Nerves, one famous stage actress once said, are the "respect we pay our audience."

Re-framed that way, they don't seem so bad, yes?

[mrba1979]

"To have the abilities to play in front of people, require courage, and lots of opportunities to be failure in the people, losing face, flattered on the ground before becoming the winner."-dora96

Thank you.  I am rarely moved by simple statements, but I have found this to be an absolute truth in my own personal experiences.  I have often lacked the courage, and I have failed.  There are many times when I have asked myself I am really competent enough to even play the piano.  What do I have to offer?!

In these moments when I feel I should give up I often think of the story from Byron Janis's life.  He suffered so severely from arthritis that he literally could not bend two of his fingers.  However for thirty years no one knew of his condition until announcing it after playing for President Regan at the white house.  In one of his interviews he stated that when he practiced he just learned techniques to play around what his hands would let him accomplish.

In reflection to this I do not have arthritis and should not give up regardless of what my limitations as a pianist are.  I practice for myself, and I play for myself.  What I have to offer is not for others but a medium for me to struggle and persevere through.  To play for an audience is an opportunity to face my fears. 

When I failed to perform well because of nerves I moved on and paid greater attention to areas I struggled with.  However the day came when playing the "Great Gate" in an informal atmosphere the room was in silent amazement when I had finished. The performance had been far from perfect in my eyes, but what had changed was I simply  had offered the enjoyment and emotions of playing and not practicing to myself.  In retrospect it was absurd and selfish to think my playing had something of substance to offer others.  It is simply none of my business to know what the audience thinks.  To end a long story it has been easier to play for the public because of this experience.  I may still become nervous, but at least I am playing the piano once a month at a small art gallery and the crowd is a little larger every time.

[ptyrrell]

All of this sounds quite familiar.  I used to be bothered about mistakes in my playing...no matter how much technical practice I would do (cycling...all the rest) I still made bloopers in performance.  Then my teacher told me to listen to Schnabel recording of the hammerklavier where the opening is chock full of mistakes.  However it does not detract from the amazing performance of this peice. 

One thing that helps me is to 'characterize' the music.  In other words think up a story to go with the music.  I know this may sound silly but I imagine a butterfly in debussy arabesque no 1.  I just create scenes in my mind.  This seems to detract from me thinking about technique as I play, I just try to let it go.

Cheers
 

[birba]

Definitely!  Trying to depict that picture or character gets your mind OFF the nerves and fear of flubbing.  It really gets you to the core of what you're there for in the first place!  And I can tell you, practically ever time I thought I gave a poor performance, it was received with great praise.  And times when I played note-perfect (not very often) the reception was standard.  You just have to get out of that note-perfect playing and get to the gist of it:  The picture or feeling or whatever you want to call it.