The only thing I am good for is figuring out calculations for my chemistry class because nobody else understands them. Musically, I am useless (see the first and last posts of "Bad Performance Anxiety Experiences" in Performance for a full account). I don't think I'll ever be able to look my piano teacher in the eye again. Even my orchestra conductor has lost all respect for me. I feel like giving up on everything, because even though it will never be my career, without music life seems pointless... And now I'm annoyed with myself for being so ridiculously melodramatic. Yes, it was just two performances. But it's also more than that. It's the hours that went into preparing those two performances, and the realization that sometimes time and effort just aren't enough...
And now I'm ranting mindlessly. I guess I shouldn't bother total strangers, but nobody I actually know would understand. So it's either this or eat more chocolate, and I've already eaten my weight in chocolate, so...