underserved praises are frustrating

[etcetra]

I started playing in front of people again and I  am noticing things in my recent performances.. I live in a country where people really dont know much about jazz, and the audience here is not keen on music compared to other cities.   I know that I am not playing well, mainly because I am recovering from my injury and my chops are not there to execute what i want to play.. I feel so 'out of shape' so to speak.

But every time i play, i get praises from a lot of people.. even the local musicians I play with.. I guess its something to be happy about but it's frustrating, because there were times I felt like I can play BS and they will still think its great...know I am playing way below the standard I set myself,  and any good musicians will probably notice that too.

I know my expectation may be high.. I used to live in America and, I know I am nowhere near the level of the pros where I lived..I think the teacher and other people saw my potential but i am far from developing them.. I know the people i knew were some of the best musicians around so its not a fair comparison, but I just can't help but think about them. its almost like i am in a different universe with different rules.

Has something similar happen to people here, where you feel like your impression of your performance is so dramatically different what others around you feel?  It is really awkward when you know you made a HUGE mistake that is embarassing and yet the audience seems to be compleltey oblivious to it.

[timothy42b]

I know my expectation may be high.. I used to live in America and, I know I am nowhere near the level of the pros where I lived..

Has something similar happen to people here, where you feel like your impression of your performance is so dramatically different what others around you feel? 

There's another way to look at it.  That is, that you don't really know your audience.  In quality management circles we call this Voice of the Customer. 

You are assuming that you are correct about what to give them, and if they don't properly assess it that is due to their lack of sophistication. 

And that may be so.  But it's equally likely your theory about what they deserve to hear is wrong.  Remember you're not making high art in an ivory tower any more, you've moved over to customer service, and they are right.  Your job is to predict what they want, and give it to them. 

Joshua Bell is a classic example.  Remember the recent subway experiment?  Here's one of the world's top classical solo artists playing for free, and nobody appreciated him?  Well, they were right.  He wasn't in a symphony setting, he was busking.  And he didn't have a clue how to do it, was too arrogant to learn, and the crowd was unimpressed.  Yeah, he had chops to spare, but he hadn't thought about what the situation and the crowd needed, so he didn't provide it. 

Is Kenny G an artist?  Yup.  He isn't technically that skilled at improvisatory jazz, but he is superb at predicting what people want to hear and providing it.  That's why he outearns all other jazz musicians combined.  Two different skills. 

What I'm trying to say is you're probably doing something right.  Hang onto that as your chops come back. 

[Petter]

The greatest musical moment in my life was when I was drunk on the verge on not being able to walk straight and played accordion on a bus. I played a finnish traditional song and a woman in the bus started crying. Then she looked me in the eyes and said "thank you" with tears straming down her cheeks and she gave me 100 swedish crowns. I can´t play accordion very well. Less so if I´m drunk. I don´t think I played it in time and missed an awful lot of notes. It still made an enormous inpact on this woman.

[etcetra]

timothy42b ,

you have a good point here.. i am probably doing things more 'right' than what the audience is used to hearing.  There are very few competent players in my area.  Still, it's awkward when people praise you, knowing you made tons of mistake that in your mind is punishable by death.. 

I had chance to play with better players in the area an they immediately noticed that I was struggling, so i am pretty sure about my assessment of my own problems. 

I guess I am used to hearing and aspiring to people who play way beyond my level.. I knew people who were working on stuff like playing in 7/8, 15/8, and other things that were just musically very complicated.. and i find it rewarding to master them.. but at the same time its important to know that those things can easily alienate audience to, because not everyone likes that kind of 'nerd jazz'.

Petter,

thats interesting, its funny because I've talked to many musicians who had similar experiences where they were moved by performances that was not special at all for the performer.  It's strange how that is, but i guess thats how music is.  It must be nice though, to be able to move someone like that, at that point it really doesnt matter how well you play or not.

[faulty_damper]

I couldn't agree more with timothy42b.

[nick]

although well deserved praises are best, I'd be happy with any!

Nick

[mingkei]

In response to your post, I just want to repeat a post in this forum (I don't know where) that I find funny and is relevant to your situation.

  A pianist was about to give a recital.  He was warming up with some Hanon exercises on the piano on stage right before the program starts. Already some people got in to the auditorium early and could hear his practice with Hanon. They were so impressed with the Hanon! After he finished one little tedious exercise, the audience all stood up and gave him a standing ovation! 

[etcetra]

mingkei

now thats true talent, to impress the audience with hanon exercise

[lostinidlewonder]

Musicians are perfectionists when it comes to their craft. For us to be satisfied with out music can leave us open to get hurt. If we believe what we do is "great" then when someone says it is not we can get hurt. So we tend to accept "sacrificing our musical babies", accept that how we play now is not our necessarily where we want to remain for the rest of our life.

However do not consider peoples praise to you as a reflection of your ability on a personal level. Within your personal musical relationship you may cringe at praise, you may bask in critique, usually it is the other way around! But when your music is shared in public your relationship with your music changes. You merely should be enjoying that you are sharing music with the community. Not everyone in this world has the ability to create music, and this is the fact you should meditate upon, how well you really play is irrelevant (unless you are doing a paid concert).

Generally people are very pleasant and will give you praise no matter what level you play at. So long people are entertained and enjoy what you have presented, that is what it is all about for them. Most people do not know the difference between a professional or a lesser mortals performance of a piece, so long the notes are hit at all. Shocking for us musicians but very true outside musical circles.

I treat praise from people as them validating to me that they where entertained. It does not mean that I good or bad, but the truth is that this person enjoyed it and we cannot disagree with it nor should look deeply into it. Their exact motive behind giving us praise or critique is unimportant, how we deal with it on a personal level is. If we use people opinions on us a driving force behind our work with our art then our efforts can become insincere. We play music afterall because it is our great friend What other people think of our friends should be unimportant ^_^ Music just needs to be listened to, what happens after that is extra stuff.

[lenora]

wow i think it's great that your audience loves you. it takes a lot of courage to go on stage and perform and little things like this helps make it easier.

[etcetra]

Lenora & Lost in Wonder

Yea, i guess its hard for me to accept compliments.. sometimes people are just drunk.. lol.. but its true, compliments should not be a reason for me to get upset.. its something i should be glad of.  But good compliments are still uncomfortable.. i guess I am used to people not paying attention to me when i am playing 

I know I am very critical about what i do, but I do notice how i am reaching for things.. that are beyond me technically, and not doing them so well.. I think a lot of audience like what they are hearing.. but for me, its painfully obvious that I am not quite doing it right.. I noticed that when I am playing with better musicians, they appreciate me for what I am "trying" to do, despite its short coming. 

Like i said, most of the problem i am having is due to the injury and lack of good training on the instrument, and i am sure it will get better to the point where the difficulty will no longer become an obstacle in time... at least what i am trying to do is coming out more or less, in a raw form.