musical burn out

[db05]

I'm really sick of studying music right now. Even listening to music in my head, I'm sick of it. I don't know why I'm doing this. Technically it's because I have no other choice; some things are just impossible for me and other things bore me just the same.

A year ago, I was totally in love with piano and I thought that this is it, true love. Now it's just a chore that I have to do, simply because I have no choice. Loooooooong story. The thing is, I might stick with it and end up doing something for years without enjoying it at all. That's really scary. But it happens. That's how I spent almost my entire life, going to school, giving it so much effort, only to find out how much I hate it. For all those years I thought I wanted to be a scientist or engineer. (Which is a lot of BS. Just because other people want it, doesn't mean I want it.)

I decided by myself to take music (I'm an adult now, so this time should be different from childhood experience, right?), but I couldn't stay motivated for it. Or even just come up with consistent practice without being crazy about it. I don't know if this is a temporary phase thing and that I'll be back in love with music again soon... or should I start looking now for another course of study, and give my piano books to charity?

[quirky]

I nearly gave up on the piano recently for much the same reasons. I found that it had become chorelike to practice.

To get over this, I stopped playing for a couple of weeks and when I did come back to it I started by playing old and simple pieces just for the enjoyment of it. Soon I got back into practice because I wanted to move back to the more difficult and interesting pieces of the repertoire. Now I'm doing a diploma in  performance, so...

[db05]

I nearly gave up on the piano recently for much the same reasons. I found that it had become chorelike to practice.

To get over this, I stopped playing for a couple of weeks and when I did come back to it I started by playing old and simple pieces just for the enjoyment of it. Soon I got back into practice because I wanted to move back to the more difficult and interesting pieces of the repertoire. Now I'm doing a diploma in  performance, so...

I forgot to mention that I had taken a 2 week break this Christmas vacation. If that matters.

I could like a piece and for that reason, not touch it and just let the better pianists play it. I would love to listen to CDs when I'm in the mood. IF I'm feeling okay. Most of the time I don't enjoy it, that's what bothers me.

[pianoperformer]

Well, I think it really depends. I felt like that over the summer, because I was given a really difficult piece, and felt like I could never get it. I was going crazy with practicing, thinking I had to do over 6 hours per day if I wanted to have a chance at being successful. With all of that, dragging myself to the piano became more a chore than something I wanted to do.

I dropped it totally for about 5 months. I even changed my major. It was totally irrational.

Then I finally started to miss it. I came back to it, and could have kicked myself for forgetting so much. The piano has been a part of my life since I was five years old, and it was just stupid to abandon it like I did. Anyway I switched back to being a music major, and have a lot more motivation now that I have a fresh perspective.

My point is, it depends on what else is going on. Are you frustrated with it? Are you requiring too much of yourself? I remember a while back you said you were really frustrated because you were progressing so much more slowly than other people.

But what happened; I thought you had aspirations of being a great piano teacher? That wasn't that long ago, I don't think.

Do you think you'll regret abandoning it 6 months from now? If so, then I'd just take it a bit easier for a while. Try to make practice more enjoyable, learn something you really love, somehow increase your motivation again.

If you've honestly felt like this for a while and it's not because of being overwhelmed or overstressed, then maybe you should abandon it. I don't think anyone here can answer that for you, though.

Did you miss the piano at all after that two weeks away from it?

[end]

Hi,

in general, I keep motivated to do things by not setting goals that are too difficult to achieve. I dream small. It works, because I'm the happiest person one's likely to meet. I'm never dissatisfied, but always happy with what I have.

I don't know if you've done such a thing, but perhaps you've been trying to play pieces that are beyond your current skills. There is beautiful music for all levels. Why don't you find something incredibly touching and easy (for you)?

I play pieces on the guitar that are beyond my present skills, but then I'm not exigent. I don't play them right, but I see it as a work in progress. I'll come back to them later, when my technique's better.

You could always try another instrument. I'm currently studying three and I look forward to the time I spend with my guitar (not that I've ever got tired of it), now that there's the piano "on the way" (the third instrument's the violin).

Of course, one should aim for happiness. If playing makes you unhappy now, perhaps you should give it more time. A short practice of only fifteen minutes a day till you know what you want to do, for instance. You can always go back, you know?

Good luck!

[db05]

Well, I think it really depends. I felt like that over the summer, because I was given a really difficult piece, and felt like I could never get it. I was going crazy with practicing, thinking I had to do over 6 hours per day if I wanted to have a chance at being successful. With all of that, dragging myself to the piano became more a chore than something I wanted to do.

My guitar teachers have the tendency to give me difficult pieces for recital. I had to cancel recital twice, change the piece at the last minute once, and once I played only half of The Entertainer and it was a total mess. Didn't help that my hands were very sweaty lol.

Piano teachers so far had been less demanding, and no pressure with recital pieces. Plus we don't have grade exams.

My point is, it depends on what else is going on. Are you frustrated with it? Are you requiring too much of yourself? I remember a while back you said you were really frustrated because you were progressing so much more slowly than other people. But what happened; I thought you had aspirations of being a great piano teacher? That wasn't that long ago, I don't think.

I have a very flexible schedule and would normally practice only up to 2 hours on the piano. Nonetheless, I am very tired of it. So much that I don't even listen to music lately.

Yes I've wanted to be a teacher most all of my life, but right now I don't think I'll do or be anything.

[db05]

Do you think you'll regret abandoning it 6 months from now? If so, then I'd just take it a bit easier for a while. Try to make practice more enjoyable, learn something you really love, somehow increase your motivation again. If you've honestly felt like this for a while and it's not because of being overwhelmed or overstressed, then maybe you should abandon it. I don't think anyone here can answer that for you, though.

I don't "really love" anything now. Not so much that I want to learn it and enjoy the process. Not that I enjoy ANYTHING right now. I'm bored out of my head, and still I don't enjoy anything I come up with. I think I'd regret it either way, either I do music or I do nothing.

Did you miss the piano at all after that two weeks away from it?

Yes I did.

I don't know if you've done such a thing, but perhaps you've been trying to play pieces that are beyond your current skills. There is beautiful music for all levels. Why don't you find something incredibly touching and easy (for you)?

You could always try another instrument. I'm currently studying three and I look forward to the time I spend with my guitar (not that I've ever got tired of it), now that there's the piano "on the way" (the third instrument's the violin).

Of course, one should aim for happiness...

Good luck!

Thanks, end.

I'm at the lowest end of the spectrum. The only thing that's easy for me is the easiest method book. I play guitar, that's my first instrument. Not happy with that either. It feels empty, you know?

[end]

db05:

I think your problem goes well beyond the piano. I think you're depressed. It may be the winter, lack of light, seasonal, I mean. Perhaps all these news about financial crises, the wars, the general misery of the world, put you down.

If the situation persists, look for help.

In the meantime, if anything at all makes you smile, makes you happy, do it. See friends, go hiking, cinema...

I've had my share of depression (even clinical) and one thing I've learned: don't put yourself under pressure. You need to get better before you can handle pressure.

Mind you, I'm not a physician and I'm just writing out of own experience. Forgive me if I've gotten it all wrong. It's just that, sometimes, acknowledging we have a problem is the path to the solution.

Take care and remember: you're not alone.

[db05]

db05:

I think your problem goes well beyond the piano. I think you're depressed. It may be the winter, lack of light, seasonal, I mean. Perhaps all these news about financial crises, the wars, the general misery of the world, put you down.

If the situation persists, look for help.

Thanks. I know I got a problem, but there isn't much I can do. I've been to doctors before and that made things worse, if anything.

btw, there's no winter here. Just relatively colder and dry weather.

I couldn't care less about the world. I just wish there was something in it for me. That's kinda mean, but, I've tried to be good all my life and I'm just tired, so tired. Normally the right music would soothe me (I have a huge collection) but not right now.

[pianoperformer]

end took the words right out of my mouth.

I think I can relate to that apathetic feeling, where you don't care about anything, nothing elicits an emotional response. I think I just was like that because I no longer had any idea what I wanted to do with my life.

If you missed the piano even a little bit, don’t abandon it. Just take it easy for a while. Don’t drag yourself to it when you really don’t want to, or it’ll get worse.

If you can find music that penetrates that apathy, then listen to that; perhaps it’ll motivate you.

If you practice, don’t focus so much on being perfect, focus on making music.

If no music does anything for you at all, then just focus on something else for a while.

I don’t know what kind of doctors you’ve seen, but a psychologist, just to talk to about everything, might help. Not anyone who’s going to prescribe any medication or anything, but just someone impartial that you can talk to. I find it immensely helpful.

[end]

db05:

I've just checked and if your data is right, you're from the Philippines. I've been to your beautiful country a few times and have made lots of pictures there. If you care to look:

https://www.geocities.com/dimagens


all the very best to you.

[db05]

BUMP. Sorry to resurrect this thread, but I'm a little depressed right now. Sorry for the long post. But I have to get it out or I'll feel worse keeping it in.

Fast forward to May 2009. Exams are over, and the grades are in. I got surprisingly high marks in piano and history. My minor instrument (guitar) is lower, but by no means bad.

Hang on, let's go back a few weeks before.

Final exams were tougher than ever because I was stressed at the time, going in and out of therapy and doctors - blahblahblah. When I went to the dean to take my guitar exam (he's our class teacher and judges all the practical tests except piano major), he asked me if this was my major. I said, are you kidding, I shifted to piano since the start of the year. Piano exam was later that day, with another examiner.

Getting the grades a week later was a relief. I expected much lower marks. In fact I was very happy for a while. I came back to school the next week and met the new students. When I heard that the dean is having some upperclassmen perform for the freshies, I was psyched. My new friends also wanted to hear me play. So I messaged the dean saying I want to play. He said okay, guitar 20 mins. I felt stung. I asked, why not piano, and he said he has more than enough piano, he needs guitar. I tried to keep it cool in front of my friends, I didn't tell them what the dean just said, and went on home.

Actually I was really insulted and hurt. First of all, why doesn't he inform me of these things, and I have to hear it from the students? Secondly, I am a PIANO student now, and furthermore in my next year we don't have minor instrument so I officially quit guitar to concentrate on piano. So I asked the dean why he's ignoring me. He said he reserves the right to invite people to play. Fine. I tell him, what more would it take for you to recognize me? I learned a piece that's beyond my level for you, and I got good grades despite being depressed and all. I asked what kind of music do you want? He said he didn't ask me to do any of those. And that he'd show me the kind of sound he wants sometime.

He knows my troubles better than anyone, but there was not even a word of congratulations when he gave the cards. I said, it hurts to be asked what my major is, and be excluded as a piano student. He replied that he still isn't sure of my major. I said the grades are telling. He said the examiner told him my scales were not good. True, but my scales in guitar aren't good either. Does he have to rub it in? Did the examiner give me a high grade despite my bad technique, or was it all just BS? Like, "Wow, she can play pieces but her scales suck. Awww that's too bad."

I was feeling good about my piano, and now the dean has ruined everything. But he is not entirely wrong, I cannot get into a conservatory without being fluent in scales and arpeggios, simply being able to play pieces well is not enough. I feel that all my effort is being wasted on something that's impossible after all. Being able to play musically is my only saving grace after all. I have bad hearing, can't sight read, can't play technical exercises, can't learn pieces on demand. So I can neither pursue further study at a conservatory, nor get a job performing. Am stuck at my school (Yamaha), and would be very lucky if they let me teach there.

No matter how much I love piano music, I can't help feeling depressed because I can't play any of the pieces I love, maybe never, and nobody recognizes me as a musician. No one that matters, that is. They're either newbies or non-musicians, who don't realize just how hard it is to get to this point.

Thanks for having read this far... I don't know how this can be helped. The underlying problem is my poor coordination, I've had it since I was young and made my life unbearable. For music is not the only feat of coordination. I have difficulty socializing and learning things that most people take for granted. Thus I can't even hope for a career outside music and art. I just can't keep up with normal people. For every talent I have, they find something wrong with me.

That's it, I'm crying now.

[practice]

Cheer up, db~! You don't have to be one of the best to be a success. As long as you're happy with what you do, that's all that matters. With enough practice and dedication, I'm sure you will be able to play the pieces you love. I also think that you are probably a better pianist than you believe you are, but that you are making yourself out to be incompetent due to being insecure and maybe even depressed. After all, your grades were good, weren't they? Don't let insecurity destroy your love for music.

You can do it, db! Just believe in yourself.

[boygab90]

There is nothing wrong with you, your attitude is making you worse off, not your technique skills etc...And also you don't HAVE to major in piano and be a professional to enjoy the piano. I chose not to go to a conservatory and I am happy playing the piano at home and to people I know.

[db05]

Cheer up, db~! You don't have to be one of the best to be a success. As long as you're happy with what you do, that's all that matters. With enough practice and dedication, I'm sure you will be able to play the pieces you love. I also think that you are probably a better pianist than you believe you are, but that you are making yourself out to be incompetent due to being insecure and maybe even depressed. After all, your grades were good, weren't they? Don't let insecurity destroy your love for music.

You can do it, db! Just believe in yourself.

There is nothing wrong with you, your attitude is making you worse off, not your technique skills etc...And also you don't HAVE to major in piano and be a professional to enjoy the piano. I chose not to go to a conservatory and I am happy playing the piano at home and to people I know.

I don't know how to react to this. Sounds like, take the consolation prize, it's good enough. I know I did well this time, but I'm NOT happy, that's the problem. I KNOW dwelling on it is making things worse, that's why I decided to spill it in writing once and for all. Still... I DON'T enjoy piano, not right now, not the pieces I can play.

Before anyone thinks otherwise... the dean is a nice man, you know, and I've confided in him for over a year now. I love him (no not that way). He knows me better than anyone. Therefore his opinion is first and foremost for me. He's the person I've always wanted to play piano for.

[weissenberg2]

there is two possible reasons for this. One could be you have no motivation, and the other could be you are just do for a break.

Motivation can not just be givin to you, you have to find it yourself.

Take a break for a couple weeks and do not listen to music at all and find something else to occupy you (just don't take so long of a break that you technique deminishes!)

[db05]

I'm not motivated to do anything at all. My technique already has diminished since the exams, and I forgot bits of the exam pieces. I don't have much else to do, just routine stuff...

[m19834]

I think that burn out only happens when we have essentially outgrown a concept and approach to our lives, but we don't know how to think/live differently.  Sometimes a break is a good way to gain a new perspective, but it's also very easy to enter a cycle where those breaks actually aid in a feeling of burnout.

Music is a rich art form which can be looked at from every angle known to and yet-to-be-discovered in our individual lives.  The key though is to continue finding something new, to continue connecting dots, and to allow oneself to approach something anew.  Sometimes that means applying more ideas from our other musical studies, like theory, aural skills, history ... or going to a museum, or a hike, or being loving and kind to others.

While I recognize a responsibility within myself to keep appreciating what I can, to look for and find fresh insights to life and to my music, I also feel very blessed and grateful to have a mentor, as well, whom helps to foster this kind of growth.

[db05]

  Wow, it's Karli. I didn't expect that, thanks.

Uhm, so basically, you're saying it's a rut, and I have to break the cycle?

A new approach, gratitude... I am a problem student, and I appreciate anyone who dares to help. I am pressured to make up for it though. But I just can't do things on my own yet. Or maybe I am just thinking they expect all that. or maybe I'm just being hard on myself. Yes I underappreciate myself. Right now it is so ingrained that I cannot think of piano without feeling terrible about myself. And the music, the one in my mind and heart is nothing like what I'm playing.

[db05]

Take a break for a couple weeks and do not listen to music at all and find something else to occupy you (just don't take so long of a break that you technique deminishes!)

I was just jamming with friends (I play the bass)... Oops.

Music is a rich art form which can be looked at from every angle known to and yet-to-be-discovered in our individual lives.  The key though is to continue finding something new, to continue connecting dots, and to allow oneself to approach something anew.  Sometimes that means applying more ideas from our other musical studies, like theory, aural skills, history ... or going to a museum, or a hike, or being loving and kind to others.

I just sat down and listened to my compositions. The tragedy is that I have written things that I can't play. Like I said above, the music in my mind and heart is nothing like what I'm playing. My music is estranged from reality, detached from my own playing capability, and other people's expectations. It makes me wonder why this music even exists, why these dreams exist, why I exist.

It's all a fantasy... A few days ago I was in the bliss of a relationship, and all of a sudden it was denied me. After that, the night has been longer and darker than ever. I tried to hold on to my sanity, but was that really sanity or a hallucination?

For as long as i can remember, I have been rejected by people I like the most. Yet I was pleased at being told to f*** off for I knew someone was treating me with honesty. I have failed so many times, so terribly that I've learned to expect the worst.

I got surprisingly good grades, and I am in love with someone who loves me... What did I do to deserve a taste of happiness, and lose that all too suddenly? The dream has turned into a nightmare, and the "I" has lost itself.

[go12_3]

I recall having a musical burnout when I hardly played piano for a few years.  I didn't learn any new pieces.  I got rid off all the books too.  I didn't practice at all.  Life was busy at the time, or I just didn't feel the necessity to pursue any piano pieces.  The desire just left me for health reasons.  Anyhow, after learning to play violin for a few years, I then decided to play piano.  I began with the more easy pieces and as time went by, I progressed and grew more comfortable in playing the more difficult pieces.

  I am aware that depression has an impact upon how I learned my pieces and whether that desire will be implanted within me for the rest of my life.  I have grown to love and enjoy playing the piano, and when I don't have the pressure to learn particular pieces, then I am content with my progress.  I think also, musical burn out can be a result of doing too much practicing whereas, the notes and passages all seem to sound the same day after day.  The thoughts come into my mind,* I don't want to deal with this today*....  It happens a lot to me.  So I take a break from my music because it has to come from our creativity and feeling better about myself. 

best wishes,

go12_3

[practice]

Seriously though, try to brighten up. You're going to be fine.

[go12_3]

db05

I read your posts,  and indeed empathize with your feelings.....I deleted my post and modified it because in my mind I am not in a happy state,     

so why did practice posted a "Put On a Happy Face" ?   To cheer you or me up.....

go12_3

[db05]

go12_3,

I think you've skipped a few of my posts. I would appreciate your input on this.

db05

[db05]

BUMP.

Help...

It used to be that, I would work as hard as I can in piano, and study different approaches, plans, etc. All because I loved the dean and wanted him to recognize me. I wanted to be the best teacher in Yamaha school, and the next dean. Now I don't feel like doing anything, I can't care less about the dean, and playing piano is just a faraway dream. I'm not talented enough to learn my current pieces. I don't see the point. I'm a total failure, no matter what I try. I've been through hell in high school, hell in university, hell in college, and hell in music school. Now I've just given up on myself. Sometimes I want to do something, but my body fails me and I can't get out of bed...

[go12_3]

db, There are days I don't want to do anything but take each moment at a time. Okay?  It's okay to do *nothing* and feel that way.  Allow yourself to take time to breathe and relax from the tension of your studies.  It's a cycle you are going through,  the don't care about anything and doing nothing, and feeling you are a failure.  Yes, you are beating yourself up about your situation with your studies.  And you will continue to beat yourself up until you realize that you do have the potential to keep going.

When I was a piano performance major, I worked hard everyday for several hours, and I got discouraged too.  I felt this burn out like you are experiencing.  One day, I had to play for the student recital hour, a piece I had polished and memorized.  Guess what happened......I skipped out!  I went home instead.  I couldn't perform in front of my classmates at all!  But, I went back to school and told my teacher what I felt.  I didn't quit studying piano because I skipped my performing a piece.....no, I continued on and completed my studies.

I wasn't the best piano student either.  I had to struggle each day to learn the scales and chromatic scales and all that stuff.  Sure, it was hard on me.  During the first year, I got so stressed out at times, I wanted to go into Art and be an Art major instead!  But, my piano teacher encouraged me to continue piano and so I did through the second year. Sometimes, we may have to give up something in order to achieve what we desire in our lives.  I know I made choices to study music but was it the correct choice for me afterall?  Looking back, I am glad I stuck it out with the hours of practicing so that I can teach my students what I have learned.

 db, life is a journey and it will never be easy.  It seems that you have had your share of hardships.  Now, how about trying to ease up from those hardships and think about you, and what you want to do with your life and what you enjoy. 

best wishes,

go12_3

[l. ron hubbard]

I'm really sick of studying music right now. Even listening to music in my head, I'm sick of it. I don't know why I'm doing this. Technically it's because I have no other choice; some things are just impossible for me and other things bore me just the same.

A year ago, I was totally in love with piano and I thought that this is it, true love. Now it's just a chore that I have to do, simply because I have no choice. Loooooooong story. The thing is, I might stick with it and end up doing something for years without enjoying it at all. That's really scary. But it happens. That's how I spent almost my entire life, going to school, giving it so much effort, only to find out how much I hate it. For all those years I thought I wanted to be a scientist or engineer. (Which is a lot of BS. Just because other people want it, doesn't mean I want it.)

I decided by myself to take music (I'm an adult now, so this time should be different from childhood experience, right?), but I couldn't stay motivated for it. Or even just come up with consistent practice without being crazy about it. I don't know if this is a temporary phase thing and that I'll be back in love with music again soon... or should I start looking now for another course of study, and give my piano books to charity?

Classic case of thetan impediment. Your soul is tired. The culprit for this is hidden inside your psyche and may not be apparent at first. Perhaps you somehow detested the thought of commiting yourself to practice daily, but your love for the art concealed it. Such pressure eventually ruptures the hold and your boredom with the subject is exposed. Contact an auditor near you. With the right help, you should feel a cease of ennui and a revival of soul.

[xnapoleonx]

Perhaps you need to search a different style. There are so many styles within piano that might heat things up a bit again for you. There are even some awesome versions of metal songs transcribed to piano, as an example.

[db05]

Thanks for the suggestions, but I don't think it's the music itself (I like piano music in general) but what is currently going on in my life, and with me and my teachers. We aren't doing very well, I can't keep up with the lessons and the ideas. Or rather, my mind is occupied with more things than I can handle.