parents and interruptions

[george]

while teaching a piano student her mom rudely interrupted the lesson three times...i very politiely suggested that she find a new teacher and asked her to leave with her child. there has also been behavior problems with the child.has anybody else experienced this...i've been teaching for twenty years and never have seen anything like this...thanks  

[MzrtMusic]

George,

Wlecome to the Forum!

About your student... What kind of interruptions were they? I've had parents sitting there during their child's lesson, and then tell me things after it was over, but never during the lesson... That's really strange... The comments I sometimes get from parents are about the assignments I'm giving. If it was that kind of thing, maybe this mother didn't want to forget... I don't know.

Love,

Sarah

[george]

she actually had comments about the format of my lesson....i like to get creative with my kids and when we get gong they respond well...for example   i started the lesson with something new instead of listening to her assignment she was supposed to practice...the student ended up reading well..the parent freaked out because it was something new...i'm glad i asked her to leave because at this point she obviously didn't trust my judgement and confidence i had in her daughter...i have alot of students and a good rep.i just was wondering   if this ever happened to anyone else. it's a waste of time if you  have to deal with parents like this...sometimes it's better to let it go...george

[dinosaurtales]

That's really weird to me that the parents are hanging around at all!  That would have bugged me when I was a kid!  I haven't taught, but have been thinking about it - is is common to have the parents around for the lesson?  Yuck!  

[MzrtMusic]

In my experiences, it's not too common to have the parents hanging around. I have almost 20 students, and out of all of them, I think that only two mothers stay for the lesson. That's only because they have other little kids that they don't want to keep in the car. So, I wouldn't let that keep you from teaching!

Love,

Sarah

[george]

hi guys thanks for replying...when a child is 5 they need guidance on practicing...it works well when some parents stay for extra reinforcement...and yes this child was definitely bugged bt her mom staying there..once they get used to the lesson and what is expected the parents then leave and any conferences we have are done by phone...i have to say the success of younger kids {and sometimes older}  playing does have to involve the parent...stuff like this rarely happens so definitely don't let it stop you from teaching...iv'e been doing this for 20 years and still can't get enough  of it. ps for recitals a fun thing to do is go into a local coffee house and have your kids play there...they get so excited..the parents love it and there is no mess to clean up afterwards..george

[emywu]

Hi George and everyone!

I have been teaching for 7 years, and one thing I learnt from my experience is that DON'T LET THE PARENTS STAY. I don't know what you can do with the problem you already had, but I have a little suggestion, see if it works for you in the future:

I print out some guidelines and rules, then go through and explain them to the parents at the very first lesson. One of my rules goes, "It is HIGHLY recomended to let your children attend the lesson alone, to avoid any distraction or interruption."
When you explain to the parents, make sure to point out that this rule is good of their children's sake. They usually accept it coz all parents want the best for their children.

George, I agree that young students need guidance when practising at home, but I have two 4-year-old students and one 5-year-old, and they all have lessons with me alone. Their parents know nothing about music, but surprisingly, the kids are doing very well. The mother of the 4-year-old even told me that her son is so eager to show her what I taught him, and he teaches her everything he has learnt in lesson. Yes, sometimes he comes back with mistakes or some wrong notes, but correcting a mistake is part of learning too, don't you think?

So in my humble opinion, young kids are very smart, and we, as teachers and parents, should give them more credit. I think the parents' role is to support their kids, you know, sit with them when they practise, buy them music cds, bring them to concerts... and leave the teaching and correction job to you, the piano teacher.

Emy

[george]

hi emy..i totally agree...this parent did not have the confidence in her child...so unfortunately for the child it was a lose...lose situation.. when parents are negative children can't be taught  ..that's one of my rules..they need positive support...thanks for replying  george

[Mandy]

I strongly disagree with the comments of not letting the parents stay.  While I agree that yes some of the parents should not stay, it has been my experience that they are very beneficial.  In the program that I teach in, all parents are pretty much required to attend their childs lesson.  If you think about it, we only see them for 40  minutes a week, their parents are there practicing with them the rest of the week.

A young 5 year old child, or even the older ones will benefit greatly if mom or dad know what needs to be practiced and how it needs to be practiced.  We have fairly strict expectations from the parents, they are told at the beginning that we are the teacher, and are there to guide and instruct their children.  Any disruptions, inappropriate comments, useless chitchat is not acceptable. I have many of my parents fill out the notebook throughout the lesson, that way I don't waste time doing it, and they will fully understand what is going on.  I have only ever had one parent who needed to be removed from the lessons.  All of my other students work so much better when their parents are there, they are a great asset-use them!!!

Kicking the child out of your studio may have been a bit drastic-if the parents are a bother, ask them to stay out of the lessons.  Or at least talk to them away from the child-simply explain to them that piano lessons do not need to be routine and you can mix things up a bit without getting bent all out of shape.  

We usually start to wean the parents out of the room starting in the 5th year of study, but many of them stay.  It is a great experience shared between the parent and student.  

[nadia]

Hi everyone

I have 83 students...I've been teaching 16 years and I have a few parents who stay, but they're ignored and if they say too much I call them and discuss the "problem".  So far every parent has been receptive, I invite them to sit in the "other room" where they can hear everything going on, but the child is not distracted.  What I tell parents, is sometimes I become animated and like to say and sing silly things that the children enjoy but I say I'm not about to make a fool of myself in front of you...they laugh and then sit in the car or go to the coffee shop 2 minutes away.

If they are rude enough to interrupt you and your lesson,.,,,it's their problem not your's and good they left....too bad the child has to put up with it though.

Happy Holidays!
Nadia

[dolores]

I am a pianomom and I agree with Mandy. I am not surprised that Mandy is the only one who support moms staying during the lessons. Before I decided on a teacher, I did some research by reading (Suzuki: nurturing by love), talking to other parents, going to recitals of pianoteachers and winners recitals. I found that there were only a few teachers who have mothers staying during the lessons. I also found  that the best pianostudents had dedicated mothers who stayed during the lessons and practiced with the kids every day for at least one hour (esp. when the kids are very young). These students also had teachers that were not only very dedicated, but also taught with alot of enthousiasm.
It is not hard to understand why having moms during the lessons would help the student and the teacher.
Practicing an instrument is very boring and lonely to do. Little kids (even for adults sometimes) can not do that for more than 30 minutes alone. Mine cannot even do it for more than 5 minutes. Even if they can practice alone, they would not be able to practice the right way all the time. An adult who had watch the lesson would be able to help in this case. I would say that it wouldn't hurt to have a parent as a coach.

[dinosaurtales]

Having the parents active in helping the kids at home is great, but I think the point some of these people are trying to make is that parents try to *butt in* to the lesson itself.  If the parent can sit and listen, without having the kid get distracted by the parent being there, then great.  But if the kid is always doing a *mommy see this* thing, or mom has *ideas* then I say KEEP OUT!

[dolores]

I was responding to the people who said that it was a bad idea in general to have the moms sit in during the lessons.  In our system,  kids learn not to be distracted by the mom. They learn discipline. I do not agree with teachers who support the idea to have the kids choose whatever they want to do. Kids don't get to do that in a normal school or they would learn nothing. The reality had showed that. As a mother I would think that these teachers are having a playday with my kids and are wasting my time and money. People say that music teach kids discipline. I think discipline (like practicing piano every day) help kids to learn more. For this, you need parents. It is no surprise that almost all of the best piano students get this kind of support from their parents (at least when they were little). Some parents even go so far as homeschooling them (to have more time for music).
I have to add that this kind of parental support (that is  spending time to sit in the lesson and to practice for more than an hour with the kid every day) is not popular with most parents. Isn't it more fun to socialize or to go to the mall instead?

[dolores]

In my last comment, I excluded moms or students with behavioral or psychological problems. There is no point to discuss about this.

[TEACH]

TO NADIA,  AND EVERYONE ELSE, { I USED TO BE GEORGE {MY GOLDEN RETREIVER'S NAME}

HI ! THANKS FOR REPLYING..I HAVEN'T BEEN ON THE FORUM FOR A WHILE BUT YOUR RESPONSE GOT ME CURIOUS..HOW DO YOU MANAGE 83 STUDENTS? DO YOU HAVE OTHER TEACHERS WORKING FOR YOU...I'M THINKING ABOUT EXPANDING MY BUSINESS BUT  BEING A MOM OF TWO IT'S HARD TO MANAGE THE 25 THAT I HAVE...THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT ON THE PARENTS AND INTERRUPTION REPLY...WAY TO GO WITH 83 STUDENTS THAT IS  fABULOUS !!  TEACH (PAULA)  

[willcowskitz]

MARVELLOUS FANTASTIC EXTRAORDINARY SUPERB  

[clef]

I used to have a piano teacher where the parents were very involved with the entire thing, well my mums very talkative and curious, and she basically went to every lesson and learnt everything when I did, but she never played, so she's still musically challanged and I'm still brilliant, it doesnt matter how much theory you read or hear, you need to have a piano in front of you, and that proves it eh

[ahinton]

For what it may be worth (probably very little), I have only ever had one experience remotely resembling the above, although this is somewhat unsurprising, since I have hardly ever taught at all.

Years ago, I was approached by the mother of a very musically talented 11-year-old with a request to teach her. My initial instinct was to decline politely and, on the face of it, this is what I should have done at the time, since although I am a composer I was expected to teach this girl the piano! I reluctantly took her on nevertheless and she made some good and rapid progress for a while, whereupon her mother began to question me very insistently about when she would be taking which exam. At this point I felt obliged to remind her mother that her brief had been that I teach her the piano rather than specifically to pass exams and that, unless there was a specific academic requirement for her to have passed a particular exam in order to entitle her to enrol for a particular course, I should be the one to decide when she should take exams. This did not go down well, but it was grudgingly accpted. Not long after this, the student herself asked if she could go in for an exam and I agreed that she prepare certain pieces on its syllabus if she wanted to take it; this then prompted her mother to want to know why she couldn't take it sooner than I had suggested. I replied that her daughter clearly had no idea about giving performances and that, since a piano exam would be just that - a performance to an audience of one, but a performance nevertheless, she was not mentally prepared to take one; I added that the reason for her ignorance here was that she'd never attended any live music performance herself. I took her to a piano recital soon after that. It did the trick; she soon went to plenty of other concerts and then passed her exam with flying colours. She was also a gifted cellist. When it came to decisions as to specialising in particular school subjects at the age of 13, however, she decided against music becase (a) she would always want to continue playing both instruments in any case and (b) she did not want to consider a career in music because there were so many talented players out there that she didn't think she'd make a success of it and that failure would almost certainly mean that she'd have to end up doing what I was doing! I could have burst out laughing (especially as she was the only person for whom I was "doing" it at that time) but managed to control myself. Many years and four university degrees later, she became a well respected metallurgist and the extent to which she still performs may best be illustrated by the fact that, having formed a piano trio (in which she was the cellist) and arranged a début concert for it, the pianist suffered a serious accident a few days before the performance and she found another cellist to take her own place and rapidly learnt and played the piano parts which, considering that the main work was Mendelssohn's D minor trio, was no mean feat - well, not for a professional metallurgist, anyway.

In short (and I apologise for the digression), never take any parental interference of the kind to which attention is drawn in this thread - but do first of all ensure that the line separating such interference from genuine and constructive parental interest is clearly understood by both parties beforehand.

Best,

Alistair