Jokes

[pianochick93]

We may or may not have one of these already, but have another one just for fun.

Two really bad ones to start you off:

Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "It smells fishy around here."

An astronomer looks at the sky through a telescope, searching for something. After a while he stands up, looks to the heavens, and yells, "You cannot be Sirius!"

[jlh]

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO Paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.
     
He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
     
When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
     
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade.
     
"The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.
     
You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
     
After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career."

[csharp_minor]

I love bad jokes they're often the most funny because they're so crap like the ones you get in Christmas crackers. Heres a couple  I made up :

What do you call a burnt ghost?

A toast.


What do zombie music students like to study?

Decomposition 


... crap huh? 

Heres one I didn't make up but remember:

What did Spock find when I went to the toilet?

Captain’s log.

[tds]

What do zombie music students like to study?

Decomposition 

good one

[pianowolfi]

What's the difference between a Jazz pianist and a big pizza?





The pizza can feed a family....

[jlh]

What's the difference between a Jazz pianist and a big pizza?





The pizza can feed a family....

Never heard that one with the Jazz nod before... 

[lau]

what did the shoe say to the sock. socks to be you

what did the snowman say to the other snowman. it smells like carrots

[jlh]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her butchie. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

[arensky]

How do you get a one armed tenor out of a tree?







Wave! 

[arensky]

How many mezzo sopranos does it take to screw in a light bulb?






Two. One to screw in the light bulb and another to say

"Isn't that a little high for you, dear?"   

[csharp_minor]

good one

Glad you liked it .

Heres another rubbish one I made up:

What do giant killer squids like to eat?

Fish & Ships

 

...

[bella_brito]

Wenn ist das Nunstrück git und Slotermeyer?
Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

 

[iroveashe]

Wenn ist das Nunstrück git und Slotermeyer?
Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

 

*Laughs to death*

[njalli]

once there was a tiny man and he was so small he wanted to kill him self, so he jumped off a 10 story building, but right after he jumped he remembered that he forgot to say goodbye to hes mother so he grabbeð the curb (sidewalk) and he survived.


its crap i know

[communist]

Glad you liked it .

Heres another rubbish one I made up:

What do giant killer squids like to eat?

Fish & Ships

 

...

Your humor is duller than the humor of Franz Kafka.

How many mezzo sopranos does it take to screw in a light bulb?






Two. One to screw in the light bulb and another to say

"Isn't that a little high for you, dear?"  

that is funnier than Mark Hambourg's cadenza to Liszt's second Hungarian rhapsody.

[csharp_minor]

Your humor is duller than the humor of Franz Kafka.
 

indeed, thats why my idea of a good joke is the ones found in Christmas crackers...

[punkpianist360]

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.

[iroveashe]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his crotch. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey pirate, why have you got that steering wheel in your crotch?" The pirate says, "Arr, it's drivin' me nuts!"


What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.

[csharp_minor]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his crotch. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey pirate, why have you got that steering wheel in your crotch?" The pirate says, "Arr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

Lol!!!!!!!!! I did really find that one funny! ha ha I can just imagine the pirate in the Simpsons saying that!

[thalbergmad]

Did you hear the joke about the Scottish Kamikaze pilot who crash landed his plane in his brother's scrapyard?

Thal

[pianowolfi]

Wenn ist das Nunstrück git und Slotermeyer?
Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

 

Hablo alemán pero no entiendo nada. Pero nada

Is this something similar:Como se dice bus en alemán?

Suben empujen estrujen bajen

 

[iroveashe]

Hablo alemán pero no entiendo nada. Pero nada

Is this something similar:Como se dice bus en alemán?

Suben empujen estrujen bajen

 

Jaja, hace cuanto que no escucho ese chiste.

But thank god you can't understand Bella's joke, you'd be dead otherwise.

[pianowolfi]

Jaja, hace cuanto que no escucho ese chiste.

But thank god you can't understand Bella's joke, you'd be dead otherwise.

But obviously you seem to have resurrected O miracle




 

[iroveashe]

But obviously you seem to have resurrected O miracle




 

Or maybe I'm a zombie o: *goes back to study decomposition*

[perfect_pitch]

Why did the girl fall off her bike???



Someone threw a fridge at her.   

(It's stupid, I know - but that's why I like it)

[csharp_minor]

Or maybe I'm a zombie o: *goes back to study decomposition*

 

[csharp_minor]

Why did the girl fall off her bike???


Someone threw a fridge at her.   

  its funny because its so blunt.

[camstrings]

Bloke goes into a cocktail bar & asks for a double entendre,
The barmaid gives him one.

...I'll get my coat.

[thalbergmad]

A Man walks into a pub with a crocodile.

Hmm, better not.

This is a family forum.

Thal

[iroveashe]

A priest, a horse and an astronaut walk into a bar, the bartender looks at them and says: "What is this, some kind of joke?"

[healdie]

why do you never get mathematicians on the beach?

because they use Sine and Cosine to get a Tan and don't need the sun

[camstrings]

What did the potato say to the fish in the young lady's stomach?

"What's a plaice like you doing in a girl like this?"

...cheque please

[leslie 326]

lol

[csharp_minor]

...cheque please

lol Goodness Gracious Me!

&index=0&playnext=1

[iroveashe]

lol Goodness Gracious Me!

&index=0&playnext=1

I love British comedy :'D

[rc]

Here's something funny I came across the other day:

[loonbohol]

Fine a short one.....

Sorry If I never stepped piano for a very long time.
But I am on China.

But I am shattering on this Jokes.     

[csharp_minor]

Here's something funny I came across the other day:

That was quite funny, but I liked the animation stlye mostly, thanks for sharing.
If you liked that you may like this werid and funny animation:

www.youtube.com/watchv=tBNrtrntkJ4&feature=PlayList&p=33DA8367BFC24405&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=8

There are other episodes of this too and they are all weird.

[iroveashe]

Here's something funny I came across the other day:

Don Hertzfeldt films are so bizarre, and awesome O=

www.youtube.com/watchv=tBNrtrntkJ4&feature=PlayList&p=33DA8367BFC24405&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=8

404 not found =(

[csharp_minor]

404 not found =(

Oh sorry didn't check it. Works now .

[ Invalid YouTube link ]

[weissenberg2]

whats a priest's favorite meat?


nun

[iroveashe]

Oh, I knew those animations already, haha, some are quite disturbing

[rc]

glad you enjoyed the Hertzfeldt   Apparently he has a movie, I'd like to see that.

yeah, David Firth is another oddball.  When I first came across saladfingers at a friends house, she showed them all to me in a row and I felt a little weird after that much spookyness, heh.

[csharp_minor]

Heres another weird funny cartoon:

&index=0

[aslanov]

i think i've got one....

...pianistissimo....

get it?

im sure thal might have something to add, but its perfect as it is.

[csharp_minor]

...What do you call the worlds smallest piano?

A pinano


What kind of instrument is a piano droped on someones head?

...A concussion instrument

 


ha ha ?

[pianisten1989]

Once there was a horse. All legs were equal lenght, especially the right.


What happens if you drop a grand piano on a military base? A flat major.
What happens if you drop it on a kindergarden? A flat minor

[pianowolfi]

...What do you call the worlds smallest piano?

A pinano


What kind of instrument is a piano droped on someones head?

...A concussion instrument

Hmmm....ha....ahaha.... ahahahahahaha

you are guilty of having resurrected this thread

and finally made me understand (hahahhahhhhhha)

that deadly joke    

&feature=fvst

AHHHAHHHAAAJHHHHHHHHA....HAHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHA.......


*dies laughing*

[redragon]

A science joke:

Two ions walk into a bar. One ion turns to the other and says, "I think i'm about to lose an electron!!!"
The other ion says, "oh my gosh, are you sure?"
The first ion replies, "I'm POSITIVE."