Right then, the following post is quite extensive, and may appear to ramble and deviate from the point, however I feel it is imperative that I explain everything in order for anyone trying to help me to fully understand my position.
I am 19 years old, and have been playing piano for a few years, since primary school in fact. I originally began by 'learning' the keyboard, however the keyboard did all the work, all you had to do was press a single note and it would change what it was playing. There was no skill involved. My parents believed that I was probably better than this, so got in touch with a proper piano teacher who sometimes played at our school.
Thus I began to have lessons (which my parents have kindly paid for all these years). I was told, along with my brother, that we were supposedly talented. I advanced at roughly a grade a year (I do not know if this is a 'good' rate or not, but that is irrelevant).
Anyway, music tended to be a mere side-interest for me for some reason. Computers took a more important role in my life (in particular playing computer games). My piano did not fall by the wayside, it merely felt like a chore. It was not that I did not want to play. My parents said that if I did not want to play, I should give up my lessons. Some part of me did not want to, so I stayed. However it still felt like a chore in some way. Sometimes I would lie that I had practised in order to stop my parents asking me (a terrible thing to do, I know, I regret this).
Still, I took Music at GCSE, but I did not fully put the effort in that I should have done I suppose. Distracted in class by talking to others. It did not seem to matter so much as I felt I would get a job 'in something with computers'. Music was a mere small hobby, nothing more. So I got a C at GCSE, which I was probably lucky on.
Before the GCSE, I had been learning music theory, of which I got up to Grade 5, which I achieved in 2005. I needed to in order to advance in my piano grades. I was lucky my parents helped organise me or I might not have got through them, I don't know.
Anyway, I passed my Grade 7 piano in the Summer of last year. Since then, I have shall we say, stagnated, drifted. To begin with, it did not matter. I was 'sure' my future was something in computers (notice how vague my aim was, I was so blind). I have since become aware of how foolish I was. I have been unemployed since taking my A-Levels, having failed to get a job in anything. I began looking to other horizons, as in different job fields. You may be wondering why I did not go to University. There are a few simple reasons for this. First, I was put off by the debt. Second, I was not sure how well I would do in University education, and thirdly, my aim was to learn whilst in employment (an apprenticeship or something of a similar nature).
So the job hunt went on. During these past couple of months, I came into contact with the brother of a friend I know. It turned out they could play piano, I heard them play over the internet. Self-taught, obviously musically talented, and also having an ability known as 'absolute or perfect pitch'. Since learning of him and his skills, what he can do, I have experienced feelings that I can barely describe. Strong sorrow, and a strong yearning to be as good, with his skills, what he can do. Maybe this is envy, but I do not hate him in any way whatsoever. I just see him as what I could have been, I feel I have wasted the most important years of my life...
As you may gather, I have had serious confidence issues in myself. The one thing I have not done however is given up all hope completely. For one, I am not suicidal (the thought had crossed my mind), I simply wish to make myself better. I realise this is a piano forum and not one for thoughts such as these, but please, I must speak my mind, you have to understand.
I have been forced to admit to myself, that I have been lazy, and I am lazy. If it was not for my parents helping to organise my revision for my exams (including piano) I would not have done as well as I did. But, part of me feels I still could have done better if I myself had put the effort in.
Anyway, basically there are several key points right now. First of all, is motivation. Wanting and feeling the need to do things, and actually motivating yourself into actually them are two entirely different things.
I have decided I want to recover myself on piano. I am still having lessons, but I do not feel I am progressing. I feel I have become sloppy, there are areas which I myself notice that I want to improve, but I do not know how.
For example, I tend to look at my hands whilst playing. My sight reading is far too slow. Whilst playing something, I tend to 'go automatic', this includes sight-reading sometimes, and I will make foolish mistakes. I am not fully certain on posture. I also have very few pieces under my belt (I can only play a mere two from memory, that being Fur Elise, and one of my Grade 7 pieces called Giga), but I do not fully know quite what I want to play. I feel I need to genuinely like something in order to play it, or I will take ages. When I try to learn a piece given to me, it does not take a week, or two, it takes months, and still I do not have them fully grasped (maybe because I have not practised as much, I don't know).
I have been told I need to play for at least an hour a day by my piano teacher. I do not do this, but I probably should. I find it difficult to sit and play for long periods. And I hate the structure that I am supposed to follow for a practice (scales first, then pieces). I do not exactly play for recreation.
I also, since learning of perfect pitch, feel an incredibly strong urge to learn it. I put hours of effort into searching on how to. I believe there are far too many examples on the internet of people having learned it for it to be unachievable. However, I know there are many scams out there, so I 'acquired' a course that seemed to have the most repute, 'David Lucas Burge's Ear Training Super Course'. Needless to say, I had little luck with it, so I deleted it. I do not care whether relative pitch is of more use, or that perfect pitch has disadvantages with being annoyed when music is in a different key, or whatever. I simply want to have it, being able to know what notes are just by hearing them (and not thinking of other tones in your head to work it out).
More recently I came across this rather interesting website:
https://www.pianofundamentals.com/This website appears to have quite a bit of information about piano (and also says that perfect pitch can be learned, and it also talked about something called 'mental play'). However the book is complicated for me, maybe I am just slow or missing the obvious, who knows.
To conclude, I realise that was quite a lot of text to read. Hopefully some of you will have taken the time to read it. I am in need of answers, I am not fully sure quite what specific answers I am looking for, but I want to improve my musical ability and my piano playing. I fear my lack of effort and drifting may have lost me something. As it is I can remember little of the music theory I learned, and I have the problems explained above.
Please help, anyone. I do not want to give up piano, but I need to do something, more than just 'sitting down and relentlessly playing', as I can't. I might have passed Grade 7, but I certainly do not feel at that level.
Topic: Greatly requesting assistance.