How do you answer stupid parents questions ?

[kulahola]

Hello!
Since I take only highly motivated students, the problem is that their parents are sometimes "too" committed... i mean in a wrong way. Very often, they dont know anything about piano playing, still, want to talk for hours about their child after the lesson and have always stupid questions to ask.

For instance:
- i tell my daughter to practise all the pieces 5 times, is it enough ? (grrrrr....)
- my wife concentrates on the rhythm when she practises with our daughter but I see you spend a lot of time talking about hand position. What s right ?

I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE!!

how can parents be so stupid ?

I just need the parents for one thing: to check that their kids DO practise and to punish them if they didnt. Otherwise, they are really a nightmare.

Advice please!

[monk]

I just need the parents for one thing: to check that their kids DO practise and to punish them if they didnt.

Well, that's equally stupid by you. Sorry.

Equally undifferentiated and simplistic.

Even if you explained it to the parents (did you? ? ? Really? ? ?), you can't demand that they - as laymen - understand and remember it the first time. Or did YOU always understand & remember everything  the first time? ? ?

I hope that you don't scold your students also when they ask a question that you regard as "stupid"...

Best Wishes,
Monk

[kulahola]

Well, that's equally stupid by you. Sorry.

Equally undifferentiated and simplistic.

Even if you explained it to the parents (did you? ? ? Really? ? ?), you can't demand that they - as laymen - understand and remember it the first time. Or did YOU always understand & remember everything  the first time? ? ?

I hope that you don't scold your students also when they ask a question that you regard as "stupid"...

Best Wishes,
Monk

My students never ask questions. I dont want them to talk during my lessons. I am the one talking and they just do what i ask them to do.

[monk]

Haha, the next time you are faking here, invent something more credible!

Bye!

(And in the very improbable case you are not faking, I say also "Bye!" to you because you are simply not a serious teacher.)

[kulahola]

Haha, the next time you are faking here, invent something more credible!

Bye!

(And in the very improbable case you are not faking, I say also "Bye!" to you because you are simply not a serious teacher.)

I am a very serious teacher and my students do not ask questions and do not either need to do so since I make everything crystal clear to them. By the way I never asked any question to any of my teachers either.

[monk]

There'll be nobody here who takes your bullshit seriously.

But perhaps you are Russian (or so) and really teaching that way? Stalinistic teaching, I would say...

[kulahola]

I dont understand why you dont take me seriously. I dont authorize the kids to interrupt the lessons with any comments nor questions. It s a question of time. I would need 3 hours a week with each of them  to do a true pianistic work so there is absolutely no time for small talk during lessons.

[monk]

I just can't imagine that in our time there still exists such a dictatoric, narrow-minded, arrogant, inhumane taskmaster like you.

But as I said, it's possible that a number of people like you exist in countries who are (or were until a few years ago) undemocratic.

Best Wishes,
Monk

[goalevan]

oh man I feel bad for your students

[falling4ever3]

I am a very serious teacher and my students do not ask questions and do not either need to do so since I make everything crystal clear to them. By the way I never asked any question to any of my teachers either.

How can your student's learn without asking questions? Don't deny them that privilege just because you didn't take advantage of it with your teachers! And how would you know if everything is crystal clear to them if they never have a chance to say anything?!

- falling4ever3

[kulahola]

I know it s crystal clear since they actually do what i am asking for and make progress, the only thing which matters to me.

[monk]

If you are not even able to explain crystal-clear to the parents what they should do and not do, I bet that you aren't able to explain things crystal-clear to the students.

But you have arranged it cleverly: Because the students are not allowed to speak, you won't find out that they haven't understood something or that they have problems. Just like a real dictator!

You are only interested to drill your students like human computers.

Best Wishes,
Monk

[Saturn]

Well, you could always beat the parents like you do with your students!

With enough beatings, there's no limit to the musicianship and artistry we can accomplish.

- Saturn

[bizgirl]

I know it s crystal clear since they actually do what i am asking for and make progress, the only thing which matters to me.

You say the only thing which matters to you is that your students progress, but in another post you said you teach to pass on your love for music.  There is a major difference between loving music and progressing in your playing.  It is very possible to progress and still despise what you are doing.

i asked her 4 times whether she did practise and she dared to answer yes

I am confused.  By the sounds of this post from another thread ( https://www.pianoforum.net/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=teac;action=display;num=1087520877 ) you asked a student a question multiple times during a lesson to which, I assume, you expected a response. However, here you say you "don't want [your students] to talk during [your] lessons."  Why did you ask it the first time?  And why did you feel the need to waste so much time asking three more times if you had already gotten the answer?  Maybe she was telling the truth and only played wrongly because her fear of you made her nervous.

[bizgirl]

Oh, I forgot to answer the original question.  Hmm... a question.  That's interesting...

I am a firm believer that "No question is a dumb question."

[robert_henry]

I am not sticking up for kulahola, but there is some merit in the idea that the less the student is talking the better.  We've all been in class where a student's question will lead the class off course for a good hour.  An unnecessary question or comment stops progress and stops the flow of ideas.  And we've all been mesmorized and inspired by someone's story in church or a moving performance at a concert only to have some kid whisper to us, "What's for dinner?"  A lesson should be more than a lesson; it should be an experience.  It is like we are giving a lesson in the form of putting on a show, and we should hypnotize them with info/discovering the hidden beauties of the music/foundations of technique and harmony/imagination/etc.  

Some teachers call it "lesson planning."    (At least I hope people are still doing that.)

I welcome all questions during lessons/class, of course, and at times even the best teacher is unclear, but I believe the best teaching is teaching that is so clear, no clarification or questions are necessary.  There should be a steady flow of info from the teacher's mouth or hands with a steady flow of piano playing from them.  They play, I respond.  I lead, they play.  I will lead them while they are playing.  I will pontificate and inspire, then they play or as they play.  I review all points many times and ask them questions to ensure that they understand what is going on.  I make sure they hear what they are doing, not just going on autopilot.  Ideas are freely bounced around, but the goal for the teacher should be to be as clear and lucid so as to not run the risk of a question.  It is like a good closing argument in a trial.  When a good lawyer is through, there should be no doubt or question in his statements or ideas because he was so convincing.

I've even given lessons where there is no talking from either of us, only playing.  They play, I conduct differently or play the passage differently and they play back.  It is a fun experiment.  Talking is really unnecessary.

We do have a free dialogue about sports or video games or whatever at various times, but I keep this to a minimum.

I remember the best class I ever had: it was graduate level Schenkerian Theory.  It was two and a half hours, one class per week, and I think that only about 5 questions were asked during the entire semester.  That's five raised hands in four months.  This is because he was so clear and organized.  And just when you got lost and were tempted to raise your hand, he would review what he said in even clearer terms without anyone even having to ask.  Not because he didn't allow questions, but because there was no need to ever ask one.  It was two and a half hours of non-stop information.  His method taught me a great deal, and I try to use him as a model in my private and classroom teaching.

Kulahola's 'method' is far from my way of doing things and far from teaching in a positive way, but I thought it would be interesting to share my distantly similar beliefs.

Robert Henry

[kulahola]

I am not sticking up for kulahola, but there is some merit in the idea that the less the student is talking the better.  We've all been in class where a student's question will lead the class off course for a good hour.  An unnecessary question or comment stops progress and stops the flow of ideas.  And we've all been mesmorized and inspired by someone's story in church or a moving performance at a concert only to have some kid whisper to us, "What's for dinner?"  A lesson should be more than a lesson; it should be an experience.  It is like we are giving a lesson in the form of putting on a show, and we should hypnotize them with info/discovering the hidden beauties of the music/foundations of technique and harmony/imagination/etc.  

Some teachers call it "lesson planning."    (At least I hope people are still doing that.)

I welcome all questions during lessons/class, of course, and at times even the best teacher is unclear, but I believe the best teaching is teaching that is so clear, no clarification or questions are necessary.  There should be a steady flow of info from the teacher's mouth or hands with a steady flow of piano playing from them.  They play, I respond.  I lead, they play.  I will lead them while they are playing.  I will pontificate and inspire, then they play or as they play.  I review all points many times and ask them questions to ensure that they understand what is going on.  I make sure they hear what they are doing, not just going on autopilot.  Ideas are freely bounced around, but the goal for the teacher should be to be as clear and lucid so as to not run the risk of a question.  It is like a good closing argument in a trial.  When a good lawyer is through, there should be no doubt or question in his statements or ideas because he was so convincing.

I've even given lessons where there is no talking from either of us, only playing.  They play, I conduct differently or play the passage differently and they play back.  It is a fun experiment.  Talking is really unnecessary.

We do have a free dialogue about sports or video games or whatever at various times, but I keep this to a minimum.

I remember the best class I ever had: it was graduate level Schenkerian Theory.  It was two and a half hours, and I think that only about 5 questions were asked during the entire semester.  That's five raised hands in four months.  This is because he was so clear and organized.  And just when you got lost and were tempted to raise your hand, he would review what he said in even clearer terms without anyone even having to ask.  Not because he didn't allow questions, but because there was no need to ever ask one.  It was two and a half hours of non-stop information.  His method taught me a great deal, and I try to use him as a model in my private and classroom teaching.

Kulahola's 'method' is far from my way of doing things and far from teaching in a positive way, but I thought it would be interesting to share my distantly similar beliefs.

Robert Henry

Thanks Robert. I believe you actually teach in a similar way to mine, even if you express it slightly differently. Except that I teach in a positive way, believe it or not.
By the way, I enjoyed your recordings a lot.

[Saturn]

I am not sticking up for kulahola, but there is some merit in the idea that the less the student is talking the better.

You probably haven't been following all of the threads here lately.  So let me save you some time.  There's no need to stick up for kulahola, because she is a troll and nothing more.  In one thread, she said she "severely beat" one eight-year-old student, and then later admitted she was exaggerating (and had never hit the student at all).  She has also "exaggerated" about being a harsh and cruel teacher, and about taking only the most talented students.  I wouldn't be surprised if she "exaggerated" having students at all.

- Saturn

[kulahola]

You probably haven't been following all of the threads here lately.  So let me save you some time.  There's no need to stick up for kulahola, because she is a troll and nothing more.  In one thread, she said she "severely beat" one eight-year-old student, and then later admitted she was exaggerating (and had never hit the student at all).  She has also "exaggerated" about being a harsh and cruel teacher, and about taking only the most talented students.  I wouldn't be surprised if she "exaggerated" having students at all.

- Saturn

I never said I was a harsh and cruel teacher. These conclusions belong to you only. I am very strict indeed and there are no exaggerations about that. I take very talented students in comparison to the standard of your average students, obviously, but not in comparison to the standard I wish to achieve with them. Everything about talent is highly relative.

[robert_henry]

I do appreciate your comment about my playing.  

There are great differences in our methods despite the distant similarities.  

The first difference lies within your premise.  I don't believe parents ask "stupid" questions.  It is not their job to know what is or what isn't a good question - it is YOUR job to provide the answer.  Besides, if they are asking questions in the first place, that means you aren't informing them of what they need to know, which goes to the point of my original post: if one is clear, there never a need for questions.  If a parent or student is asking questions, I view that as a deficiency on MY part in that I must not have been clear about something; I don't turn the tables and blame them.  Plus, if their questions are as elementary as you claim, then you are only admitting here on this forum that you haven't addressed elementary basics in the first place.  (I deserve a cyberspace high-five for pointing out that contradiction.)  Why would a parent ask, "I tell my daughter to practice all the pieces 5 times, is it enough?"  (to use your example)?  If you had explained the procedure for practicing, they wouldn't be asking the question.  And this logic follows for any question that might arise.  

You are talking about punishing a child who doesn't practice; I simply wouldn't teach them.  It is a waste of everyone's time.  Let them do something they enjoy, or let another teacher deal with them.  If they don't enjoy music and the playing of it, I don't want them as a student.  Why torture them?

Your not wanting a child to talk has a tone of censorship rather than your wanting to keep to a lesson plan.  Your description of your method appears to be very condescending to both the students and the parents, and I fear its genesis is one of apprehension and self-doubt rather than of an encouraging conviction or quality time-management skills.  Dare I say arrogance…?

I have the highest standards for my students as well, but there are positive roads which lead to success.  Encouragement and inquisitiveness are positive traits for the teacher and the child, respectively.  Do you also insist they play exactly like you, or is that part of their individuality and inventiveness off limits as well?

While our goal might be the same (less talking, more playing), our motivations are quite different.

Robert Henry

[Spatula]

I never said I was a harsh and cruel teacher. These conclusions belong to you only. I am very strict indeed and there are no exaggerations about that. I take very talented students in comparison to the standard of your average students, obviously, but not in comparison to the standard I wish to achieve with them. Everything about talent is highly relative.

So they don't say a word then?  Very interesting...very cruel but very interesting... I'll get back to you

[Spatula]

Yeah can we get Bernhard in here? SOS BERNHARD!!!!