When to give up

[jenilyn]

I have a student who absolutely despises the piano.  He only plays because his mom wants him to.  I have tried everything from letting him choose pieces he thought sounded cool to playing games, duets, etc.  He comes to the lesson completely unwilling to participate in the lesson.  He will not do ANYTHING I tell him.  I am not teaching piano to make money and when people call me to take from me, I am very clear that I only teach those who are willing to work hard.  He is not meeting my expectations and it is very obvious in the lessons that he has no intentions to.  I am just trying to figure out how to tell the mom that he is not meeting the expectations of my studio.  I am actually just wanting to kick him out all together because he is so disrespectful.  At my recital, he pushed his sister onto the bench during their duet!  AHh!  He is just not a student I want to have!  I just don't know what to do!

[m19834]

How did it happen that you actually accepted him in the first place, especially given your criteria which you apparently made clear to begin with ?  Didn't you have a preliminary meeting ?

[andreahumphreys]

You really just have to be absolutely straight with both the parents and the student.  As the teacher you have the right to suspend or expel a student for many reasons, including bad behaviour, poor attitude, lack of practice etc.  If you want to be diplomatic you can say to the parents that their child would be happier pursuing other activities that they enjoy and have natural talent for.  I find that if a student gets several reports in a row that are "bad" the parents usually make this decision for themselves, and it can be less confrontational putting your concerns on paper than speaking directly to the parents.  I usually issue detailed reports (just like school reports) mid-year and at the end of the year.  If all else fails, you can simply say that your books are full, you need to cut back and don't have a place available for this student in the coming term  Good luck.

[go12_3]

Jenilyn, I had to stop teaching a student because of her bad attitude during her lessons; when I told the mom that I wanted to quit teaching her daughter, the mom got defensive over the phone and yelled at me. So I just took a breath and a did a sigh and glad to be done with her and the mom.

It's up to you, as a  teacher to determine which student you would like to teach and to
continue to teach.  Make it clear in your policy about what you expect from parents and
your students.  All students should treat you with respect.  I'd cease teaching during a
lesson and then tell the parent that lessons are over,  and leave no more room for
discussion.  Period.  I will not tolerate any kind of bad attitude nor behavior in my studio.

best wishes,

go12_3

[lostinidlewonder]

I know how you feel. I have always thought of young students not knowing exactly what they really want. They may hate it now, but when they are older they will be happy they did it. I have taught many students who are 50 years + who decided that it was now time to go back to the piano after giving up on it when they where a child. ALL of them tell me how they regreted not playing the piano.

I have had students who are not interested in learning the piano and as much as my natural emotion tell me to dump them and tell them to get lost, I never have done this. I always teach them with excitement because I personally enjoy the piano. If they don't it doesn't matter because I am having fun trying to teach them. They may not listen, but then simply keep repeating the same command until they do listen to you or make attempts to.

Many of them stuggle to maintain concentration but this is all good, even if their piano output is poor, the fact that you can challenge them to focus for 30 mins or 1 hour that you teach them gives them useful Life tools. In school they have to learn to study when they don't want to, when they work in the workforce they have to realize that not everyone you meet will agree with you and not everything you do with be something you really want to do. You learn to deal with it and make progress with it.

Sure as music teachers we wish to teach music, but sometimes the students we get need life lessons and lessons in discipline much more than the piano lesson itself. Like kids who join martial arts classes. The teachers don't expect them to be grand masters or do things perfectly, the lessons about respect disipline etc, these things are more valuable, the school is just a medium to teach these life skills.

[mcdiddy1]

I have a student who absolutely despises the piano.  He only plays because his mom wants him to.  I have tried everything from letting him choose pieces he thought sounded cool to playing games, duets, etc.  He comes to the lesson completely unwilling to participate in the lesson.  He will not do ANYTHING I tell him.  I am not teaching piano to make money and when people call me to take from me, I am very clear that I only teach those who are willing to work hard.  He is not meeting my expectations and it is very obvious in the lessons that he has no intentions to.  I am just trying to figure out how to tell the mom that he is not meeting the expectations of my studio.  I am actually just wanting to kick him out all together because he is so disrespectful.  At my recital, he pushed his sister onto the bench during their duet!  AHh!  He is just not a student I want to have!  I just don't know what to do!

Children want and desire to be respected and treated as adults even though they don't have the mental capacity to think like them. One approach you can do is sit him down and talk to them with respect. Explain "hey I know you do not want to play piano and your parents are making you." While we are in same room why don't we make the most of our time  and learn something new. You will be able to impress alot of people if you work hard and I know you have the potential to do this."

This approach could show you respect the student's time, future, and potential.