Pushy parents

[meli]

I am having a problem with this parent. I have been teaching 2 girls, aged 7 and 10 (post beginner and grade 1 level). They actually did not have lessons for a few months before I took them.

When I first started with them, their playing was not up to standard, forgetful, and they also did not practice consistently Its been 6 months already, and now the mother told me they are spending 'too long' on their grade and insisted that her 7yr old take grade 2 and 10-yr old take grade 3 next year (they are post beginner & grade 1)! We had a chat about it, she is a nice lady but she was rather insistent on this. I tried explaining to her that I actually spent those 6 months on note review, sight-reading, working with slightly easy repertiore first but their level is no way up at grade 2 and 3 now! I told her that her kids don't practice consistently, but she kept insisting that they are hardworking, especially the 10-yr old. I didn't want to start the 'practice argument', so I told her I will just do my best. Now I think she is questioning my ability to teach well.

In my country Singapore and I think most Asian countries, the culture is all about exams i.e. collection of certificates I am worried because the next exam is in 6 months! What should I do? I am a new teacher and feel kind of bad as she will just look for a more 'efficient teacher' for her kids

[quantum]

What you have going for you is that you care about your student's learning and progress over obtaining grades and certificates.  In the end this is good for the student.  A teacher who pushes exams may look like their student's are big achievers, but one must ask if students have gaps in knowledge.  

I suggest you be more authoritative when dealing with the parents.  After all, they have hired you for your expertise.  Don't doubt your training, stand up for it.  Even if you are new to teaching, you have to possess the character of a teacher.  No person knows everything, including the best teachers.  

Hardworking does not necessarily mean the student has grown in knowledge.  Emphasize to the parents that the quality of time spent at the piano is more important than how hard the child seems to be working.  There is hardworking and there is smartworking.  

Invite the parent in for a lesson or two - maybe two consecutive lessons.  In the first lesson present material to be learned but more importantly how to practice and work at home.  Ask the parent to observe the points carefully on practice routine.  Emphasize the techniques of practice rather than how much time is needed to practice.  On the returning lesson check the progress of the student.  If some elements of play have not progressed, seek to determine why.  Did the student practice?  Did the student just spend time at the piano (possibly perceived as hardworking), or did they apply good practice techniques?  Make sure the parents understand why elements of playing did not progress during the week. 

[rebecca_piano_teacher]

I've recently had to deal with a pushy parent like this.  The girl had been learning for many years before she came to me, but had no rhythm, reading or performance skills.  Basically she played only just better then a beginner even though she had been playing for 4 or 5 years.
Her mother insisted that she do a first grade exam instead of a preliminary one and we just scraped through.  Basically we just learnt 3 songs for many months and they still had many rhythm problems etc.
THe mother was insistant that her daughter continue onto 2nd grade the next year but her practice deteriorated and she could not even play Burgmuller Arabesque after 10 weeks (listed as first grade on my syllabus).  So I took the parents aside and explained that the girls progress was very poor at the moment and showed exactly what she needed to be able to do to satisfy the requirements for 2nd grade and where she was at the moment.  After this discussion I think they had a much better understanding of what was actually required and were much more understanding about my perspective.  Her practice also improved significantly after this little encounter.
I also made it quite clear that I want to create well rounded musicians and that exams are a tool to help that development, not the way it happens.

[nanabush]

Pushy parents are terrible.  Skipping levels in piano for a student who is not ready is like skipping a C or B student a grade at school.  It's not in the student's interest, but rather in the prestige in the eyes of the parents.  Some of the parents of my students say "why is so and so not doing their grade 1 exam yet", and I reply "because they are not ready; they are not mature enough to understand the reason behind PRACTICE, they forget their books, cannot locate middle C every odd week, etc".  These parents are lazy at home, but like to push the students during the lesson, or in front of the teacher.

It's really good to stand your ground - usually (in the sense that the parent has no musical background) you will be right, and will actually have to explain why the pushy parent is NOT right.  I do have trouble doing this, especially when it's the husband and wife who are both there standing THEIR own ground, in front of several other parents.  Just make sure you know that what you are saying makes sense, and reason with the parents. 

[go12_3]

When there are more serious issues to deal with, then I talk to the parent, but most parents don't have a clue on the practicing daily.  I have students that don't practice but then during the lesson they have to review the same piece. 
For my younger students, I ask the parent to sit and watch the student practice.  When a parent does get pushy, then give them an assignment on what they can do to assist their child to practice.  It all takes communication on what you as a teacher would expect from the parents.
When you feel a parent does question about your teaching ability, you shouldn't let that happen at all.  It takes years to feel competent to teach piano.