Parents sitting in on lessons

[nick_uk]

Do other teachers encourage or insist that the parent of a student sit in for the lesson?  Is it a distraction or is it a benefit to all involved?
I find that it's generally better to have a parent in the lesson as they can see what the student has to practice etc.  Also for the fact of security and that a kid might leave the lesson and tell his parent that the teacher has been nasty or abusive to them.
The benefit of lessons without the parent are no interfering and a sometimes more relaxed student.

[f0bul0us]

If you're anytype of parent, you'd care enough to hear from the teacher what he/she has assigned and how good/bad the lesson has gone. As for parents sitting in, hell no. While you may think it's beneficial, it's actually very distracting for the student to have both the teacher and parent watching...waiting for a mistake. There's more pressure, and people generally don't like to be watched. Infact, In some conservatories, despite the teachers wishes, parental sit-ins are STRICTLY forbidden and WILL not happen under ANY circumstance.

Good luck!

[bernhard]

It depends (mostly on the age of the student).

Personally I like parents that like to be as much involved as possible (they are the exception). Most parents want to leave their kids at the lesson and use the time to do something else. So although I generally encourage parents (or one parent) to stay during the lesson (in the 4 – 10 year old group), few do.

I agree with  your reasons to do so (they can be informed of how to go about what is expected from the child, and – sadly in our times – for protection). I never had any problems (so far) with interfering parents.

And I also like the student to have an “audience” as training for future performing.

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[nick_uk]

Thanks for the advice. Most of my students parents'  don't sit in on lessons out of personal choice.

[clarinetwife]

I have had many parents who have wanted to sit in on a few lesssons at the beginning, both to find out how the lessons go and what the student is supposed to be doing, and for their own security leaving their li'l darlin' wth a stranger.  I have not had parents who have wanted to do so long term.  I think they realize that my relationship with the child is separate from theirs and should be allowed to develop without them looking over my shoulder.

[MrsMusic]

Personally, I don't like parents sitting in on lessons. It cramps my style and makes it harder for me to get to know their child.

In my studio policy it says staying is "discouraged" and if they want to sit in to inform me ahead of time. If for some reason or other they must stay, they usually just go into the next room. Every so often I'll ask a parent to stay for a particular reason and parents always stay for the first lesson. (to check me out if they don't know me)

Unless it's something like a a preschool group of parents and children, parents don't watch over me like a hawk and are happy to leave them here. I have a hard time getting most of my students to go HOME.

Some parents CAN be interfering and it makes it very confusing for the student(in my humble opinion) if a parent is instructing at the same time I am.

Take Care

[Swan]

I encourage parents to stay, but discourage them to comment.  I have a seating area that's away from the teaching area - so the student is not 'watched' but at the same time the parent can see and hear everything that goes on.

I'm used to parents being there and don't behave any differently.  I've also found the students are used  to it, and they don't seem to behave any differently either.

As others have said, many parents drop their kids off and go do something else - or wait in the car if they're cold.  

Never would I tell a parent they could not stay.  I would tell them not to comment or disciplin, and I have had to tell parents to leave the disciplining to me.  But they are always welcome to stay.  Some read, others knit.  I have a few that do watch (from the distance) and smile and bop along.  

Getting to know parents is important in establishing a link with the family. I believe it's the whole family that helps the one student to progress, and open communication with the family can be very beneficial.

[MrsMusic]

I don't say NO you can't stay, but suggest that they don't stay.  I don't act any differently whether a parent is here or not either. But-I have many sibling groups and one plays while another works on the computer, while another does worksheets or listening lessons and then they switch. It would be pretty crowded  if the parents stayed too .

After 30 years of teaching, I can pretty much figure out what to do if I run across an interfering parent and nip it in the bud.  I know all of my students' parents well and they do spend time here, know how I teach, what their children are assigned and what they need to practice etc. They feel comfortable here, but they don't interfere.

For a new teacher starting out I think this is an important issue to address, because of the few parents out there(and they ARE some out there) who interfere, crticize, make comments . I've seen this happen in competitive sports as well. Parents who become instant experts. I don't think ithis is good for the child.
I don't know why, but the father in the movie SHINE just popped into my mind

[Swan]

I don't know why, but the father in the movie SHINE just popped into my mind

Wasn't that a powerful movie.  I'm not sure if I was supposed to or not, but I kind of felt sorry for that father.... yes abusive violence is never good for anyone and he should never have had kids in the first place, but didn't the actor do well with making him a believable character ....

anyway, sorry, off topic...

[kulahola]

Parents or no parents, this should not change the nature of teaching at all. As for the student, he should be prepared to play under any circumstances, no matter which strangers are in the room.

But: I cant stand parents stupid questions nor them staying and talking when their time is already over.

I havent found a way to avoid that though yet.

[bizgirl]

I invite every parent to sit in on lessons.  I don't require them to, but I definitely encourage it.  Occasionally the parents come in for a few minutes, but I only have one who comes to every lesson.  I have seen amazing progress for this student and I think much of it has to do with the fact that her parents see every week what we work on in her lessons and they can make sure she works on those things at home.  It also protects the teacher.  If the parent thinks their child isn't progressing as fast as they should be they can't blame it on you because the parents will know if you have been telling the to work on things for many weeks and they just haven't done it.  The parents know their kids well.  For some having a parent in the room during a lesson would be distracting, for others it wouldn't make any difference.  I also believe parents see the invitation of sitting in on the lessons as the sign of a confident teacher.  

[MrsMusic]

I personally find it distracting for some STUDENTS  to have a parent always watching. It's not distracting for me and has nothing to do with confidence in my abilities as a teacher. Students I've taught for many years don't want their parents staying and there's really no need for them to stay unless it is for something specfic.  

My early childhood classes involve the students and parents and parents of beginning private students stay more often for reasons some of you have already mentioned. My students are all from personal referrals, younger sisters, brothers cousins, or the parents know me already. (guess that happens more often when you are as old as me)

I have many siblings who study with me, so with 3 kids arriving together plus a parent and me, it could get a bit crowded    My students' parents have plenty of opportunities to discuss their child's progress and observe without it being a weekly or mandatory thing.  

I don't think a general rule can apply to every teaching situation but I can see why in certain situations it would be better for the teacher to have the parent present.

[bizgirl]

When I began teaching I was 15 so the fact that the parents saw that I was confident enough in my teaching abilities to have them present during the lesson was important.  Sorry, I should have been more specific.  It doesn't really matter as much for adult teachers.

[pianoannie]

I'm pretty flexible about parents sitting in on lessons.  I do require a parent to sit in the first 2 or 3 weeks of any new student's lessons.  I think it's good for the parent to see how I teach, to have me explain the  home practice expectations, and to get a general understanding of what goes on during the lesson.  After the first couple of lessons, they know they are welcome to come in any time, but it is no longer required.  I don't think I've ever had a parent sit in after the required beginning lessons.  
Some parents do wait in the adjacent room, rather than sit in their car, and that's fine with me too.  They can hear but not be seen.
I require 4-5 year olds to have a parent attend every lesson, and the parent learns right along with the child.  I love teaching that way.
Starting this fall, I'm considering having one lesson each semester that is "parent's day" on which the parents are specifically requested to sit in on lessons, just to increase their understanding of lessons, to see some of the creative things I do, and maybe do some student/teacher duets for the parent.  I'd make it optional, but hopefully many would want to attend.

[MrsMusic]

I understand what you're saying, biz girl. Ah, if only someone would think I was YOUNG anymore

I like that idea Piano Annie. I've never had a general parents' day, but I think I should try it.  We are having ensemble performance in October. I have had a couple of brave parents perform with their children in past recitals. For example, one of the fathers plays guitar well and even when they were beginners, he'd play a couple of pieces with his sons.  

This week I assigned a couple of parents 4 hand pieces to work on with their children.

I'm trying to find some late elementary through  intermediate viola and piano, violin and  piano and trumpet and piano music for the next thing I have up my sleeve for some of my willing  parents.

[reinvent]

I think it is helpful for a parent to sit in *occasionally* so they understand what transpires.  Once a student has learned a piece well - I choose that time when it's up to me to ask.  This helps build confidence in the student and motivates them for pracitce in the next new peice.
I also encourage them to stay for first lesson if they want to, and listen from another room.
  I have found out that a lot of parents do not really listen to their children play very much.  And since it's a prettly lonely art - it's important that they do at times.
   But I also discourage parents sitting in on a regular basis.  The student then has an added pressure of trying to win the approval of 2 people while they are sometimes struggling with new concepts.
  Also -it makes me nervous too if they are there constantly.  Probably shouldn't, but it does...
  I've actually had a parent click between their teeth when the student made a mistake, and that sure didn't help.  It is easier for us as piano teachers to see the progress than it is for their parents.