Shy student

[meli]

Hi everyone, I recently gave a trial lesson to a 6 yr old girl with her mother to observe. This girl is VERY shy. She is my youngest beginner, at first I was hesitant but took it as a challenge. I asked her lots of questions like eg. can you tell me how many colors on the piano, black/white pattern, play her favorite song? But, from her body language, she kept looking at her mum and didn't even dare to face me yet play the piano!  I am also teaching her 2 sisters (grd 1 and 3). Recently her mum suggested to get 1 of her sisters present in the lesson instead of her. Do you think this is a good idea? I know her 2nd sister is very jovial (a bit naughty at times!) but hey, I thought it might help to lighten up the atmosphere and get her shy sister to open up to me. Not sure if this is a good idea. Any advice? I have only been teaching for 2 years, and never had to do this before!

[quantum]

Try to do a lesson without a parent present.  It seems as though she is looking for parental approval before she partakes in any activity in the lesson.  She may feel more free without a parent present. 

Then again she may not want to go anywhere or be with other persons (outside her family) without a parent present.

[go12_3]

In my experience in teaching young students, the lessons should be 15 minutes long in order to keep their attention until they have developed some skills in playing the piano, then they take the half hour lessons.   Most of my students are 8 + years old, with an exceptional 7 year old and he is quiet but not shy though.
Shy students are a challenge to teach, let them play on the keyboard, you play a few notes and then let your student copy you.   Try the 15 minute lessons and see what happens.   

[rsp1]

The constant looking to her parent when asked questions could be an indication that she is afraid of giving a wrong answer.

One thing to try is to get her to play or make-up a duet with you -- no wrong answers -- even if it's chop sticks or heart and soul.  You could show her the last two notes of "Shave and a hair-cut" and you play the beginning and have her finish it.  Laugh if it goes well, Laugh if it goes wrong.

Also, just explore the different sounds on the keyboard -- high, low, loud, soft, pretty sounds, clashing clusters.

You can also do some things away from the piano.  Try some rhythm clapping (even involving her parent)  Clap the rhythms to everyone's name, ask her about her friends and her pets and clap their name rhythms.

Just try to make it as fun and safe as possible.  There is plenty of time later to deal with things with right and wrong answers.

The main thing is to get her comfortable with you whether or not her parent is present.

[shine11]

Hi. I completely agree with your first reply from quantum. I have had a few pupils like this over the years and the difference in personality when the parent isn't present is massive! I have a young girl at the moment who I have been teaching for around four years from the age of eight. Her father used to sit in the waiting room next to where I teach. For the first six months or so she wouldn't even speak unless spoken to. Her father was often mentioning this to me so I said it was probably just because he was in ear shot in the other room. He decided to sit in the car for a while to see if it made any difference. Straight away she started to relax and was quite chatty and has been ever since. But even after all this time if he comes in to sit in the waiting room on the odd occasion she is straight back to that super shy girl again. I find most kids are like that.

[anna_crusis]

The thing to remember about shy kids is that they are not shy inside themselves. The same flurry of thoughts is passing through their heads as with any child, it's just that they are afraid to express themselves. Usually this is because (1) they are afraid of being rebuked or ridiculed or (2) they don't feel anyone is interested in what they have to say.

Either way, you've got to get parents and siblings out of the room. After the first lesson, they have no place being there. Many parents are a right pain when they sit in on a lesson and inhibit and stress the child. There's very little they can contribute.

After that it's mostly down to patience. A lot of smiles, warmth, and genuine interest will convince the shy student that you are someone they can open up to. When this finally happens, it can be very sudden. It's almost like they make up their mind one day that you are 'okay', and then they change. Sometimes too much so... I've had shy kids transform into complete blabber mouths and wished I'd left them as they were.

[tdow]

As a parent of a shy child (and a teacher of several), I know that avoiding asking direct questions and "putting them on the spot" is a good idea.  Shy children also have a fear of appearing silly or wrong - so setting them up for success is paramount in the way you ask the question or present a situation.  Shy children can often be very different away from a parent ... or the removal of this "security blanket" can make it worse!  My shy students take their lessons with the studio door open - but mom not in the room after the first lesson.  I would avoid having the sibling in there as the wonderful thing about piano lessons is the one-on-one attention that young children receive that they really get very little of in other parts of their life.  You'll want to work on building a relationship of trust with this little girl, and that's best accomplished if you can create an environment that is predictable and calm, with routines she can expect to be the same each week and lots of sincere encouragement.

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