Angry Parent

[meli]

Hi guys, I am having problems with this parent. I started teaching his daughter 7 mths ago. She had taken lessons for 1 year before, stopped off and on etc.. She does not practice consistently, and is a slow learner. Her father asked me when can she take her grd 1 theory exam and I told him October 2010, but I wasn't sure of the registration date. He suddenly got angry and told me that I should know and complained that 'other' teachers even register for their students. I told him its definitely not yet registation period yet (I even gave him all dates/times of exams the week before!) but will let him know. Anyway, he then came upfront and said that his girl is taking 'too long' with me, that his neighbour's kid (with another teacher) can already take grade 1 exam after only 1 year! I told him to try not to compare his daughter's progress. That said, I went to the piano to start teaching and couldn't find the books and told his daughter to prepare all the books before lessons so we don't waste time looking for it. Her father suddenly go angry and said 'why are you taking it out on her? If you are not happy teaching, you don't have to be here.'  I was very angry & hurt with that remark (but didn't show it).  Just so that you guys know, last week, I told him that he had to pay my transport fees, as he asked for a reduction. I also sense he is having financial problems. I am fairly new teacher, and this is the first time I came across an angry parent. I even apologized to his poor girl, (she listened for almost half hour to the ranting) for starting lessons late. I am so depressed, telling myself maybe I am a bad teacher. I am preparing her for her grade 1 exam (practical) in July. What would you do in such a situation? 

[samasap]

HI

I think sometimes you get pushy parents...and at the end of the day if her heart isn't really in it, then she is not going to do as well as maybe somebody that is proactive and really wants to learn.

He unfortunately doesn't sound very easy to please, and probably whatever you say or suggest is not going to be correct!
I am also in agreement that every pupil is different and you should never compare. I have learn't that from teaching that all pupils are different and you have to adapt accordingly.

Just try to be enthuisastic with the girl and maybe make notes in the lesson about what you have done and give this to him to show that she is making some progress.
Also do a homework sheet and put on it that she needs to practice everyday...show him this, so he is clear on whats happening.
Also never give him a excuse to moan, so with this pupil always make sure you have everything prepared beforehand, at least this way he won't have anything to complain about!
If that doesn't please him then nothing will!

Good Luck. Hope all works out ok!
Samantha

[lostinidlewonder]

...Her father asked me when can she take her grd 1 theory exam and I told him October 2010, but I wasn't sure of the registration date. He suddenly got angry and told me that I should know and complained that 'other' teachers even register for their students.

I would have said, I don't commit these details to memory as they can change every year and I know you would like to know the exact dates, I can look it up in my manual and get back to you.

Anyway, he then came upfront and said that his girl is taking 'too long' with me, that his neighbour's kid (with another teacher) can already take grade 1 exam after only 1 year!

I would have told him the truth then, probably this student practices very hard. It is a misconception to believe that a teacher makes student better, the student must want to first get better then the advice of the teacher will help them on their way. If the student hopes to get better ONLY with the 30 mins or 1 hour you give them every week, then their progress will be slower than other students. Trust me I have met students who treat a piano teacher this way, as if it is a short cut to learning the instrument.

I told him to try not to compare his daughter's progress.

People hate to be corrected, just don't restrict his opinion and simply agree that they are doing better than his daughter and highlight why they might do better.

That said, I went to the piano to start teaching and couldn't find the books and told his daughter to prepare all the books before lessons so we don't waste time looking for it. Her father suddenly go angry and said 'why are you taking it out on her? If you are not happy teaching, you don't have to be here.'  I was very angry & hurt with that remark (but didn't show it).

The logic behind having everything prepared is because it does waste time to have to get everything together. You should not be worried either way, if they do not find it important enough to get things organized then happily wait for it all to get put out.

I have no problems waiting for students to get their ass into gear I'm getting paid for doing nothing, that is fine with me. I use to get annoyed with it I don't anymore, it's their loss not mine. I will however remind young students the importance of organization and preparation for lessons. I will also remind parents that to get the most out of a lesson they want to have everything set up and ready for the lesson before I come in, it is fine if you can't or don't have the time to do so but this will simply slow down a lesson. I will refuse to get everything out for them or look for their books, its their responsibility, I am not a librarian

Just so that you guys know, last week, I told him that he had to pay my transport fees, as he asked for a reduction. I also sense he is having financial problems. I am fairly new teacher, and this is the first time I came across an angry parent.

I never let people screw me on my fees, if they don't want to pay for it they don't have to and they can find a new teacher. Be confident in the fee that you set, this represents what you believe your time is worth. I increase my fees every 5 years or so because I believe my teaching craft improves and also my student base expands so to keep demand/supply controlled the pricing has to increase. As a young teacher however you need to develop your student base, learn to deal with tough students and people who annoy the heck out of you. When you get more students asking for your services you can pick and choose what you want to suffer.

I even apologized to his poor girl, (she listened for almost half hour to the ranting) for starting lessons late.

The girl lives with her father, she is probably used to how he deals with things, so there is no need to apologize, the talk was in relation to her musical studies so think of it as getting paid for that discussion with her father who might feel lost and insecure about his daughters musical future.

I am so depressed, telling myself maybe I am a bad teacher. I am preparing her for her grade 1 exam (practical) in July. What would you do in such a situation?  

When I first started out teaching I was lucky enough to have wonderful first round of students. After these wonderful students I started to bump into a few who just didn't give a damn about my time or respect for the lesson. I would turn up to their homes and they wouldn't be there, or they would call me 30 minutes before the lesson to cancel.

I even had one student who had their grandparents live with them, and their grandparents didn't speak English, they watched my first lesson how I was teaching the student (and in the first lesson I spent about 15 minutes playing through some pieces to see what the student liked the sound of to determine what we would learn). They complained to the boys mother that I was playing on the piano and not teaching their son so the mother call me and said they want to cancel the lesson (they didn't give the reason why and it was the first lesson!). However this parent then talked to another parent at their childs' school about my teaching in a social chat. Little did they know that I actually had taught this persons family. They bad mouthed me saying that this teacher simply plays the piano and doesn't let the student play. When my student then asked for this teachers name and found out it was me they piped up in my defense. There are certainly pretty frikkin weird people out there.

If a parent wants to use lesson time to arguing with you then don't worry about it, deal with it, it is probably only a one off thing. If they are constantly interrupting the lesson then you can start to consider if you want to dump the student or at least confront the parents to let you teach the student without these long talks. If they want to talk about it they can call you after hours and you can discuss it. If you have time to discuss these things in person then do so (when I was a new teacher I had plenty of extra time for each student).


In the end teaching is a people job. You will meet lots of different people, positive and negative people. People that bring you up and those that drag you down, no matter who you meet they will all have something to teach you. You learn as you teach not to take things personally, you only meet these people because of music, there is no personal reasons as to why you know these people. You will of course predominantly have very nice students who you get along with, but you should also know how to deal with the tough ones. You are just unlucky to draw such a tough card to start with, but if you can deal with this it will make you a stronger teacher in the future.

[prongated]

I even had one student who had their grandparents live with them, and their grandparents didn't speak English, they watched my first lesson how I was teaching the student (and in the first lesson I spent about 15 minutes playing through some pieces to see what the student liked the sound of to determine what we would learn). They complained to the boys mother that I was playing on the piano and not teaching their son so the mother call me and said they want to cancel the lesson (they didn't give the reason why and it was the first lesson!). However this parent then talked to another parent at their childs' school about my teaching in a social chat. Little did they know that I actually had taught this persons family. They bad mouthed me saying that this teacher simply plays the piano and doesn't let the student play. When my student then asked for this teachers name and found out it was me they piped up in my defense. There are certainly pretty frikkin weird people out there.

LOL that's gold are these weird grand/parents Korean by any chance? No offense to the nation or race intended - it's just something I heard from Koreans that Koreans do...

I am so depressed, telling myself maybe I am a bad teacher. I am preparing her for her grade 1 exam (practical) in July. What would you do in such a situation? 

Perhaps just to add a mindset to complement what has been said; you are a professional, so be professional - think and act like one!

[lostinidlewonder]

LOL that's gold are these weird grand/parents Korean by any chance? No offense to the nation or race intended - it's just something I heard from Koreans that Koreans do...

Close, they where Chinese. I don't really think race has much to do with it, my fathers side is Chinese and none of them would act that way. I think we have to expect to meet odd balls now and then, just move on, its really no great loss.

Now that I think back I can remember teaching a South African family, now talk about strange people, these kids never where taught in a school, all home schooled, and never allowed outside (when living in Africa) because its too dangerous apparently. The father stunk of racism, the Apartheid effects still linger on. The dad was also a real controlling freak. I missed out on 2 lessons because of illness and he sent me an angry email cancelling the lesson and saying that I don't take students seriously etc etc. The funniest thing is that his son had piano lessons for 3 years before in S.A and his progress was very bad, I taught him for 6 months and he improved in leaps and bounds. But his father didn't look at that, he just wanted his way. Should we have to talk rationally to these type of people? I don't think they deserve even a response.

If you are teaching in an institution and this happens then you have to explain yourself to your superiors, if you are privately teaching then the only person you have to answer to is yourself, and you have a choice, you can deal with difficult people or you can just move on. Move on, there are plenty of people out there that will enjoy learning with you. At the schools that I teach at if a student doesn't work with a teacher well we give them to another teacher, I have had to do this with some young students (because I don't like to have to make students feel like they have to study, they should want to, some kids however need a "tougher" teacher to scare them into working lol). So really you shouldn't be put in a situation where you cannot teach effectively (even after you and the student tried to rectify the problem), if this happens you should both should simply move on.

[666666]

If any student or parent is making you depressed, or insulting your teaching, then dump them immediately.  If you are really serious about teaching, you have to shed all that dead weight and make room for respectful people who will bring joy to you.

I just had a Trial Lesson with a young girl whose father was already trying to control the lesson and give me a hard time.  When he calls me back to schedule a permanent time, I will tell them I am completely booked, and of course, apologize for their inconvenience.  I will not, however, schedule any more lessons just to be disrespected.  My happiness and livelihood are more important than dealing with some father's personality disorder. 

There are plenty of people who will waste your time, and complain to get something for free, so it is important to recognize these people and focus on the ones who will help you and your business grow in a positive way! 

[go12_3]

If any parent gets angry or upset with me, I will ask the parent what is the problem.  Discuss and then determine what needs to be done.  I cannot and will not teach a student when a parent becomes controlling about their child's progress.  The parent has no place to judge and be angry about how their child progresses, and if they do, then they can change to another teacher.  I will not be a pawn to any parent. 

[prongated]

I just had a Trial Lesson with a young girl whose father was already trying to control the lesson and give me a hard time.  When he calls me back to schedule a permanent time, I will tell them I am completely booked, and of course, apologize for their inconvenience.  I will not, however, schedule any more lessons just to be disrespected.  My happiness and livelihood are more important than dealing with some father's personality disorder.

I wish I could be as cool as you but am probably more desperate for the money

[666666]

Happy parents = Positive Advertising/More referrals/More money
Angry parents = Negative Advertising/Less referrals/Less money

(In my 10 years of teaching)

Currently I charge $50 an hour, and I have 60 happy students.  I'd prefer to keep it that way over inviting some Negative Nancy Sourpuss into my program.

[sharmayelverton]

sh*t man, sounds horrific. Can't say I've ever experienced anything like that. Sounds like simple bad luck to me, to be lumbered with a person like that.

[tdow]

In the end teaching is a people job. You will meet lots of different people, positive and negative people. People that bring you up and those that drag you down, no matter who you meet they will all have something to teach you. You learn as you teach not to take things personally, you only meet these people because of music, there is no personal reasons as to why you know these people. You will of course predominantly have very nice students who you get along with, but you should also know how to deal with the tough ones. You are just unlucky to draw such a tough card to start with, but if you can deal with this it will make you a stronger teacher in the future.

I think this is the best bit of advice.  You have to have a bit of a thick skin and learn not take things personally.  Piano lessons are a ``service industry`` and whenever you deal with the public you get the good with the bad.  It`s always better to head them off at the pass by being one step ahead of parents whom you know can be difficult.  However, if you`re blind-sided as you were - learn to let it go and move on - resisting the urge to proove yourself right.  It`s hard to do - but it gets easier!  Focus on the positive

[mcdiddy1]

I would say to him ( with a smile)I appreciate your concern for your daughters progress in her lessons. She is working really hard. Unfortunatly not everyone has the same background musically ( you can't say their precious daughter is slow because your not qualified to determine that) so its taking her a little bit longer. I want to make sure when she is ready to take the test she is well prepared to be successful.  I love teaching music to your daughter (and you have to show it in your teaching). Some of the things you can do to help her progress faster is help her find a consistent time to practice and learn. If all three of us are on the same page, she will be able to achieve her goal.

You should not feel your bad teacher..you just have to learn the students are not the only ones your have to teach! You have to teach parents how to motivate their kids by being more positively involved in their student's music learning. Make the parent work for you, not against you. At the end of the day, you both have the same goal.