Stages of Grief Interrupted

[furtwaengler]

February 11, 2010

It was a bitter cold, snowy winter day not unlike today, and sunk down in my heaviest winter coat, my head resting on the fall of the Yamaha grand in the classroom, 210, my fingers began the cry, the lament for the news I had received through a forwarded email just five minutes earlier - that Gerald Moore, one of my old teachers and a gentle giant of a man had collapsed digging his car out of snow, and was dead.  It could only be met with shock and silence. Here is what I played when I knew not what to say.

While I was quite lost in the moment then, listening now reveals a progression of thought, not completed because the flute teacher needed a pencil...but a progression that looks as if I was quickly working through the stages of grief on the piano. This is one of those big what if's, because a lot of improvisation is about the moment, and if it were a different moment it would be a different result. What if the flute teacher had not entered this meditation? How long would it have gone on? And in such a moment what worlds would be visited, and what would the final result have been? But the other what if, is what if this is how it must be, and if the interruption was just what was needed to preserve the most fitting result? It is what it is, then...the stages of grief interrupted, life proceeding to move forward at a seemingly most inappropriate time.

This is the original file converted directly to mp3 using foobar, with no editing save adding the name.

[pankrpec]

It is a very personal improvisation, I guess all improvisations are, but some have more meaning to us than others. Anger, sadness, loneliness. All those emotions following each other and then co-existing together in the same space. This improvisation really speaks to me, and I got lost in listening to it. Maybe it ended prematurely, but in a way it reflects life, as it too often ends with things left unsaid.

Thank you for sharing this improvisation.

[furtwaengler]

Thanks a lot, pankrpec. Your comments open new doors.

[emill]

dear Dave,

It is obvious from the way you sounded that you were in grief and sorrow at the death of a teacher and friend and the beginning of the piece reflected this sorrow "properly".  BUT loud notes began to punctuate the piece, progressively becoming more intense and complex as the piece progressed. I felt these as reflections of anger ... frustration rather than grief??  May i just also say that the sound distortion and clipping added to the impression of more anger .... just me.

How musical pieces affect one is very personal as correctly observed by  pankrpec.  I remember a very touching comment on of all pieces - Fur Elise - posted by my son, Enzo at YT which went this way:

It's funny that you should post this particular video today of all days. I have always been fond of this song, it's probably my favorite Classical piece. I find it extremely comforting, and peaceful. Allows for rest from one's thoughts.

My mother died yesterday morning of Cancer. She was 57, and diagnosed just before Christmas.
Most artists find the greatest satisfaction in knowing they touched others in a moment of need. Thank you for comforting me this morning.

[rachfan]

Hi Dave,

This improvisation of an elegy in the moment is very powerful indeed.  Not all of the stages of grief were fulfilled because of the untimely interruption.  But maybe they did not have to be, as those could be worked out away from the piano, although even with the time that has since passed, I'm sure this loss remains a profound one.  But in another way it also means that Dr. Gerald Moore will always be with you.  A number of years ago, my first teacher of 10 years passed on in her 90s, and she had still been teaching piano!  She was not only my first teacher, but a lifelong friend as well.  So I can relate.  I'll always miss her.  But they would ask nothing more than for us to continue with our explorations of music. 

I hope you'll be rejoining Piano Street soon, Dave, as your absence has been felt here.  We miss your wonderful banter and insights into the world of music and the piano.

David