Well yeah, sharing "resonances" via a screen, with twenty-something letters (...)
Yes. I am indeed very grateful still though, for the fact that it's possible because it has made a huge difference in my life, including many individuals I have "met" here and who have remained as friends online, and then the occasion to know in person individuals, as well. More and more, I realize that my comment regarding thinking I could "find people with whom I can relate" is definitely not an isolated comment and comes through all years of my life, actually. I love the idea of sharing the beauty of music with others, in music making and in discussion, as well as anytime I am even slightly given a glimpse into another's musical and lifetime journey in those ways. I feel that in many ways my heart has often been open here and that has always been my choosing, and I think that there have been some very generous individuals here who have shared more with me than perhaps they feel was of value for them, I don't know.
Sometimes I do forget, though, that perhaps as much as I can feel limited by what can or can't be communicated over a forum or even in online chat and even with webcam, as much as I feel I can't quite see in others, that even if I feel as though I am taking risks in showing my more inner self, that it's still not necessarily communicating my actual heart to others in a way they are willing to trust. Most people don't know my tone of voice, most people don't know my facial expressions and body language, and those things can actually account for such a great deal. No matter what, it is still very different to be inside the same room with an individual, peering at music together under those circumstances. Sometimes I think I almost forget in a way, that this can never quite be that, even if this is something unique and potentially great in its own way.
Ultimately, we have each had our seeming histories as being ourselves and we each have things that we thrive on, things that make us happy and sad, philosophies and whatever parts of our being which hurt over those things in our lives that have hurt us. We each have our own things to protect within ourselves and our lives, and often our best intentions can be misunderstood or sometimes even not helpful just because of the fact that we are all different and we each have our own way to go, to some degree. I don't believe though that people should give up on each other.
I do appreciate honest efforts which I do recognize have often been made on my behalf and I appreciate seeing them being made on behalf of others, as well. I appreciate that there is a site like this, dedicated to music and piano and that there are individuals here who truly do love those things. I can tell that much time, thought, and effort has been put into this site and it is something to be appreciated, for sure. The truth is, then there's still the rest of my life to deal with, just as with any of us, and I think I need to be doing a better job of that.