Dear Jay,
OK. Where I am at is that I have to narrow my search a bit, narrow my perspective, and bring it to just what is currently my very own objectives. I obviously can't even begin to speak about what conservatories are doing and why. I can't even begin to speak about syllabus, tracks, and an actual meat and potato of what are considered traditional lessons. I don't know if I ever will be able to, no matter what I study or where I would possibly study, at this point, because already my perspective it seems is so entirely different and there is only very little I can do about the fact that I raised my own pianist self for so many years. You mentioned in relation to my mentioning that I wasn't raised on a track, that you felt you were similar since you never wished to get on one no matter who tried to put you there. While perhaps there could be some shared empathy, in my case it is not as though anybody ever tried to put me on one and that I denied, it's that life itself seemed to keep me off one almost no matter what I do.
Now, that aside, I want to know what it is, but for my very own reasons, even if never formally I go on it in the same ways other people have. And anyway, how could I even possibly do it? Already I am not a child, and although I am still developing and could learn from particular influences, no matter what, I will always, always,
always, know what it has felt like, know the road for what it's been (which has not been at all a breeze), to NOT be on that track. To feel absolutely and completely on my own. I understand there are the certain problems which come with a track, but in many ways, I don't imagine that having ZERO sense of direction is the leading one. Perhaps I am wrong. And, I don't know how to say which is better or worse, and I find it difficult to fathom that anybody who was raised on a track (not necessarily meaning you) could knowledgeably tell to somebody like me that my way of no track was better simply because it didn't necessarily lead to the same pitfalls the track might.
As a side, I have to add that sometimes through the years, I have felt such a strangeness about all of it. I can't tell whether people want me on a track or want to keep me off. Sometimes I suspect that a person wants me on and thinks I don't want to be on, and so they think to use reverse psychology to put me on. Or, sometimes they think that I must need freedom and so they try to keep me off as though all I've ever done was be on. Please, don't make these guesses! In any way, I certainly do not even come close (and how could I?) to having a dream to be exactly on the track and the best at it. How is it possible that I could ever think that, at this point? But, there is something much more to me that from my perspective looks like is part of the traditional world, and if anything I'd like to learn from it what I can. But, I also believe there are other ways ... at least through some crazy bushes and up hills and over oceans and mountain tops ... and, well, let's let time tell, I guess

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Anyway, every part of all of that aside ... I am finding it difficult to address the subject one-dimensionally. To me there are layers. There is the very fundamental layer of why a person plays at all, and then there are all of the other layers that this essence goes through, out to whatever is the very surface. Fundamentally, I don't play a piece because it is popular nor do I play it because it's unpopular. Also fundamentally, I don't believe that's what *my* belief is when I consider what I think is the traditional way (but, I accept that perhaps I have no idea what is actually traditional).
Underneath everything, let's say, I think that those good ol' guys who are these days considered great and traditional, that there was some kind of goldeny, intangible beauty that I want to somehow get to know about. Fundamentally, I am not closed to any particular composer, even the lesser known dudes. Also fundamentally, though, I seek a kind of grounding force in my life, and a foundation to stand on, and a perspective to look from. That to me is ONE purpose in studying the works of whatever are considered traditional and currently part of a syllabus, whoever those guys happen to be (though they happen to be who they are). So, yes, it could perhaps be somebody else, but the point, to me, is that it is SOMEBODY(s), and a selected (for awhile) somebody's, and not EVERYBODY(s), all at once. In that respect, yes, Bach is better known in many ways these days and in many cultures these days, than some other contrapuntal writers, but then again he is a good example of contrapuntal writing and can serve a higher purpose very well. So, why not? Sure, it's possible that perspectives of other individual's stop at some point before finding a bigger view, but I don't think that's all that "traditional" ways have to offer. I think that's rather the shortcoming of an individual or a school of thought, rather than a musical Movement in humanity.
Secondly, what I think I am getting out of my current studies, which I think is at least crossing paths with something traditional if not actually on the exact path forever, is a standard in sound. And coupled with that, a standard in technique for the purpose of achieving those sounds. And along with those, a standard in listening. And, even still, all those ways can be deepened and sharpened for hopefully the rest of my life, even if I become deaf. What I think eventually matters MOST in these is not necessarily THEE particular standard of sound that it is, or THEE precise form of technique, or THEE precise focus of listening, but rather that I AM doing these at all. If there is no goal, and if those goals are not precise, then the mechanism is not actually being used and these muscles, mental, aural, and otherwise, are not actually being exercised and used and developed. Hopefully, anyway, that to have a standard (and sure, let's make it specific and, sure, let's make it "great") is actually to push one to grow beyond themselves, not impersonally actually, but even more towards the person. I don't believe the standards exist to make everybody be the same, actually, but rather to push them even more to be themselves by exercising the very faculties which make them so.
In any way, it is not freeing to me mostly, at this point nor for years now, to think "do whatever I want." That doesn't mean that just because I don't experience freedom in that, that I want to be caged in the opposite of "do what I tell you to do and nothing else" ... it just means that somehow knowing there is *some* standard gives me greater freedom, whether I walk that path or not (for whatever reason). And, it's not because I want to rebel, and lacking the desire to rebel doesn't mean I wish to follow the crowd, either ... "you" see?
hmmm ... I have to collect and form more thoughts and come back.