Stage fright

[april]

I'm a fairly new member, and I'm sure this topic has been brought up before, but since I just had this absolutely horrible experence yesterday - I thought I'd see what everyone else has to say and if there's hope for me.

I started playing when I was 3, but stopped at 17 (turning down a full ride to Eastman - yeah stupid, but I was 17!) Anyway, I came back to music at 45 and got my basic BA. The reason I didn't go for performance was because I bombed my audition. So now I teach and want to perform in amateur competitions and keep my skills up.

Well to make a long story short I have read book after book and even been to a hypnotherapist (which helped a little) but I still have this absolute overwhelming fear when I get up to play. So, yesterday was just a "performance class" and not a recital (my teacher was doing this partly for some new students and partly for some of us who are trying to get ready for a competition). I stumbled a little through my Bach prelude, but when I tried to play my Beethoven sonata (which I've been playing for memory for over a year and a half) I couldn't even play it WITH the music. After starting over several times and just not being able to do it - I just apologized, got up and actually left the building and came home. I felt humiliated.

I'm so frustrated by this - I'm relatively talented (although older now) and I would really like to play for people and share my gift.  I've tried the "tricks" and suggestions from the books, from teachers, and from friends who play, but I feel like I'm doomed to do this alone forever. I even have anxiety during my lessons!
The funny thing about this, is that I taught high school science for 5 years and never had any trouble "performing " and being in front of those kids all day long.

Any help and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanx,
April

[super_ardua]

Pick random people and play your pieces from memory in front of them.

Ask them how many mistakes they noticed - a few.  Ask them whether they mattered - no.

The solution is to play your pieces in front of anybody.

You'll soon notice in a more deep way that perfection is only heard in recordings.

It is normal.

You actually play with less "mistakes" in front of people,  but you notice more.

However the more you ignore people, the better you can concentrate.  Playing well with people listening is no different than playing well in your front room.

[tocca]

I'm new here, i've been lurking for some time...reading up on all the great info that are hidden in this forum.

But Aprils experiences are so simular to mine that i must post!
I too started early (well, not at the age of three, but early) i "quitted" at the age of 20 when i realised i didn't have what it took to be a pro.
I put quitted between "" because i haven't really quitted, i've always played Piano, but i went from 4-6hours/day to maybe a couple of hours per week of practise.

In my teens i played publically lots of times, and although i was nervous it wasn't that bad. I could handle it.

Today (i'm 41 now) it's another story! If i try to play publically, or even just for some friends, i get so nervous that i can't finish the piece!
I tried to play the first movement of Mozarts F-Major Sonate (a piece i've played on and off for twentyfive years, and i know it like the back of my hand) at my kids school last year.
It was just a couple of teachers, and some of the kids parents listening...

It was a disaster! Halfway through or so, i couldn't pedal anymore. My right foot was so shaky that i couldn't press down the pedal!
I excused myself and said i needed some more practise. Not the best moment in my life, i can say.

Not much help for you April, more than maybe the comfort of knowing there are other in your situation.

I'd also be happy for any suggestions, i've always believed that if i know a piece sufficiently well it'll solve the problem. That the main problem was that i was nervous because of the risk of missing some notes.

That is NOT the problem. It doesn't matter how well i know the piece, i also have the same problem if i play extremely easy stuff.

[rph108]

There are two reasons that I can think of that may be the problem.

1. Your older, so you think" I should be really good at this, much better than when I was younger and much better than alot of younger pianists who don't have as much experience." So when you realise that you can still mess up horribly and lose concentration, even though you have played a very long time, than you allow it to get to you.

2. The other reason is that you just haven't played in front of people for a long time, or maybe not that much ever. The nervousness never goes away, even after many years of playing in front of people. After your first times playing in front of people, its just natural to get that nervous. I remember my first time I was about to pee in my pants(not really, but I was shaking and very scared).

So, both of these may be part of your problem. The solution is to practice in front of people whenever possible, and let go of the feeling that you need to play perfectly in front of people because of your experience.

[tocca]

Maybe i'm thinking like you say "i should be better because i'm older" unconciously, but i doubth it. I don't think that this is the problem.

I haven't played in public for a long time, that's true. That's surely part of why i'm nervous. But at my first "concert" ever at the age of twelve i was no where near as nervous as i am nowadays.
My Pianoteacher belonged to a teacher association with maybe twenty or thirty teachers.
Twice a year we (all students for all theese teachers) gave a concert. There were usually 300-400 people listening including teachers and students.

This was of course a very valuable thing and i learned a lot from it. I think i was a little less nervous after five years of this.
But on a scale from 1-10 (10 being a nervous wreck) , i might have been at 4 the first concert and at 3 five years later.
Today, i'm at 11!!  

I actually believe it's a physical thing! There are many things that have changed since i was twenty.
I was for example totally unaffected by heights back then, today i'm scared of heights. Not extremely so, it's not a phobia, but i'm scared.
The same thing goes for flying. I fly, but i don't really like it.
I had none of theese feelings twenty years ago.

I'm positive i could lessen my nervousness by performing in public a lot as you say, but i would need to start of easy.
Playing for a lot of people right away will only make things worse! Having to quit because you can't handle the pressure isn't exactly building confidence for the next performance.

[rph108]

What I was suggesting was that having more experience could be part of the problem, and it wouldnt be an unconcious thing. I think that if the person were thinking that, they would be aware of the thought. Everyone has different ways of thinking and this may not apply to you, but it might to someone else.

I dont think that your fears are physical. A fear of flying has nothing to do with being physically out of shape. My belief is that your fears have developed over time by some sort of distrust, or maybe your just less outgoing.

I do agree, playing in front of alot of people your first time ever or your first time after many years would probably be a bad thing. Its better to try it out for someone you know.

[tocca]

Maybe you're right.
I just find it strange that i changed so monumentally, the difference between how i was in my mid to late twenties and my mid thirties is so big.
Nothing special has happened, and i didn't change my habits in any greater way during this time...

Well, what has happened that is special is that i became a father at 31. A fathers fear of not being able to be there for his son...? It sounds a bit banal, i don't know.


Thanks for your inputs rph 108, i appriciate them. And i'm sorry if i'm "hijacking" your thread April!  

[jeff]

see if this approach helps: constantly make an effort to find positive things about performing in front of people. Find things to like about it (intstead of thinking about the negative things).

Personally, i've started trying to change my view of public performance - to almost become indifferent to how i perform in front of others - and to focus on seeing (hearing) what i want to happen (musically) being achieved.
..i'm not sure how much of an effect this has been having so far - probably too early to tell - but i am feeling much more optimistic about performance and about piano-playing/music-making in general.

i tend to think that generally, people worry too much about themselves.


anyway, good luck

[super_ardua]

I find that I don't get nervous when I play as part of an orchestra - because when I was youger I used to make horrible mistakes,  and no-one noticed.

Meanwhile,  I have barely performed with piano

[Sketchee]

I found that I got the same kind of nervous when I'd record myself playing.  The more I practiced while recording I feel a bit more comfortable playing in front of people.  hth

[tocca]

Lots of good advices, thanks!
Unfortunately, i've tried every single one of them many times... and lots of other things.
The idea of recording was something i really believed in for a while. I got a bit nervous while recording (very little compared to playing publically, but still) so i kept recording myself hoping it would help.

After a while i got to a point where i could perform perfectly ok while recording, but the first time i played in public after this i found it hadn't helped one bit.

I've tried to really picture myself playing in public while practising, trying to get the right feeling. And i've done the opposite, really trying to convince myself i was alone while playing in public.
I've tried different Yoga/relaxation technices, certain breathing technices, postitive thinking.

And, i've tried to just sit down and play without thinking at all. "Emptying" my head and just start.

Not one of the above has helped me a single bit, it has rather gotten worse!

Despite all this i still believe that i can get rid of most of my problems by just playing in public. But it would probably require LOTS of performances, and frequent ones too.


If you haven't experienced this i don't think you can really understand how awful it is!
For example, most of you have probably been in a situation where you was in a really dangerous situation.
Maybe you have almost crashed in a car, or something where you get that sudden adrenaline rush.
The heart is pumping, the hands get sweaty and you get shaky. Maybe you can't even continue driving the car, because your hands are shaking.

That's how i feel EVERY time i try to play in public, no matter what i try to do to lessen the problem.

For a while I actually believed that i had some physical malfunction, where my organs where producing too much adrenaline or whatever causes this.  
Put it like this, if everyone had it like this there would be zero concert pianists in the world that's for sure.  

[bernhard]

Do you know the saying:

"one must learn from one's failures?"

This is of corse very good as far as it goes, but sometimes we tend to obsess and focus only on the failures when trying to learn from experiences.

But what about learning from successes? After all it is the successes that you want to replicate.

Have you ever had the experience of a succesful public performance? (or perhaps your most successful performance). If so, what made it successful? And what can you take from this experience to inform your next performance?

I have experienced what you talk about (I had a terrible problem with shaking once upon a time), but I overcome it bit by bit simply by performing a lot and not caring.

I also tackled this problem by starting with situations where nothing was at stake, like sititng at the piano after a meal with my family and just playing quietly while they talked (I have a large extended family). Because they were not paying that much attention, it was easy. However, all that was needed to throw me off was for someone to come close to the piano and start paying attention.

One way I got over that was the moment someone come closer I would lecture them and exemplify with my playing. Somehow, illustrating an explanation was ok - perhaps because I could stop after a few bars. bit by bit I extended the illustration to cover a whole piece.

From there I went to non-knowledgeable audiences, and finally to extremely knowledgeable audiences. But as you have surmised, at the end of the day, it was through performing a lot that eventually I became comfortable with it.

Three philosophies helped me in retrospect:

1. When I play for others, my aim is to share a piece of music, not to show off.

2. Consciousness is limited, you can only have so many items in consciousness at any given point. So, I make sure that my consciousness is completley filled by the music. This way there is no space for the audience/audience reactions. The alternative is to become aware of the audience, in which case the music will not be there.

3. I only play completely mastered pieces.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[bernhard]

By the way, I am not a professional performer, and this also helps.

[tocca]

Thanks a lot Bernhard! That's exactly what i needed to hear  

Starting off by playing for friends, in an informal way and then slowly stepping up does sound like a good way to go. To hear that someone else has done just this, sucessfully, really helps.

I do play for friends from time to time, but i need to do it much more often.

[april]

Bernhard -
I found your reply the most insightful. Now that I've had a couple days to really think about what happened and to look at the other performances I've had - you're right about wanting to "duplicate" a good experience. When I was still working on my degree, of course we had performance class every week. By the fall of 2002 I was playing almost every week - of course it was pretty much the same 4 pieces I was working on for the semester, but it was good to be in front of people. My jury that December was phenomenal! I had never played like that before (and unfortunately not since). I had already decided to audition for the performance degree and had a lot of support (and nudging) from the piano dept head. Well, I absolutely bombed that audition and was pretty devistated. My teacher is a fantastic man though, and we worked through most of my disappointment and distress (or so I thought). Both he and the dept head talked me into doing 2 major public performances - a master class with Angela Chang and a student recital for the National Accrediting people.
So, I played both times - scared spitless- but got through it - partially with the help from a hypnotherapist (as I think I mentioned). Yeah there were a few mistakes but I felt like I had kinda overcome the worst part of my fear.
Then I ended up hurt - the pieces I had been playing kinda did me in - I now have a bad rotator cuff, and my tendonitis is bothersome. So I worked through that - although I had to basically quit playing for a full semester. My last semester was just focused on graduating - even though the dept head was still trying to get me to audition again. But I didn't play at all that last semester except for a public chamber recital - which was fine (2 other people suffering up there with me).
Then a private recital in Feb.
So I knew I would be nervous on Sunday - but just completely losing this piece I've had memorized and been playing for over a year and a half dumfounds me! I tried to play it yesterday and it's like I've never learned this piece at all. So maybe it wasn't completely stage fright but I don't know how else to explain it. I just know how I felt after it happened and that's been hard to shake.  And I have a competition in a little over a month.  I'm actually taking a little break for a week or 2 and try to regain my sanity and some balance. I know I need to quit being so hard on myself.
Well I've probably rambled a bit too much, but other than my teacher - I don't have many friends who truly understand what it is to be a musician, so maybe this has been a little therapeutic.
thanx, april

[Spatula]

Oh my GOID! I'm afraid to perform now!

because everytime I'll think of Bernhard as my mentor going "Spatula, use my teachings!"

And I'll cry out "I'm sooo scared! SAVE ME O BRAVE MAN"

Yeah I eventually got over the whole heart pumping finger numbing senstation when I figured that hell with what others think, I just went for whatever I wanted to do.

[arturobc]

Dear April,

what I have done in the past has worked for me.  

Well, first of all, I have found excellent and helpful the many replies to this same mail, here.  I share all their opinions.  

I would like to add that for yourself, you try to play a 100%.  But when you play in a recital, try to have the works prepared into a 130% or more!, yeah, that means that if you feel it's enough, don't stress over it, but try to depure the works even more.  Try to play not in a very automatic way, that means, sometimes when we are alone, we just "assume the notes" because we know them a lot.  But then we go into public performance and realize that the playing was so automatic, that we now forgot the notes! So try to "digest" every note when you are playing.  Memorize the most difficult passages first, and also the easiest ones then.  Sometimes we just forget to check the easiest ones, because we think they are easy.  Also, try to memorize the works as early as possible, and why not, try some therapy (even medication, why not), for the anxiety, all of us have anxiety in a certain way.  

Also, when you play in public, just believe that "you are the one who knows more at that moment" and you are going to bring the people a joyfull time.

Hope this helps.

Warm regards.

[Sark1]

First of all, Like Rachmaninov said Later in his career, "With age, you lose that fearlessness you had as a youth," and im only 18 but im sure this is true and this is partly what you are experiencing.  But i think you can solve your problem.  You think too much, and as you said have read all the books on stage frieight and what not.  Dont worry about what the audience tinks.  First of all do not play for them.  Dont think of it as sharing your gift.  Play for yourself when you go onstage.  Just focus on the music, thats it. Dont think about anything else.  You should be fine.  

[johnjwong]

I'm 17, and throughout my experience of playing the piano, sports, computer games, I've find something interesting.  I find that human have 2 modes when doing anything.

One is when the human's left brain is controlling.  In this mode, the human seems to be very logical and very judged in terms of the detail.  This mode is the mode that one should never use for performance, only for practising.  In performance, one should forget about mistakes and stuff, mistakes should be fixed before performance anyways.  The more you think of mistakes, the more distraction you have in your brain thus causes you to make more mistakes.

The other mode, is when human's right brain is controlling.  In this mode, you feel it is between you and the piano, nothing more.  No audience, no mistakes, no ability limits, just you and the piano.  Using this mode to play piano will bring in lots of emotions and increase human ability as well.  On the other hand, it will decreases the number of mistakes.  Your right brain is creative, and look at a big picture, it sees the entire piece instead of a particular detail your playing.  With this mode, you will be more succesful in anything in terms of performaning.  Such as sports, piano, and even computer games.  But keep in mind that when practising and training and even learning in school, stick with the left brain mode.

Now, you ask me how do you change from left brain to right brain... Basicially, your brain change from left brain to right brain automatically when your brain has a lack of input.  This explain why you have dreams when you sleep.  It is when no input is given to your brain thus, your right brain takes control of yourself and all the creativity characteristics of your right brain comes to play.  Therefore, doing somthing with lack of input helps such as watching a movie, or something that deals with imaginations and creativity such as listening to classical music recording.  Listening to music that makes you reflect to your pass will help more, such pieces would be beethoven's pathetique 2nd movement and fantasia impromptu for me.

Once you got into this mode, try to forget about anything such as ability, audience, mistakes etc... And your right brain will guide you through.

Good Luck ^^.

[Brian Healey]

I mentioned this in another thread about technique, but try Kenny Werner's book "Effortless Mastery". Not only is it about physical relaxation, but mental relaxtion as well. The book guides you toward effortlessness in all aspects of playing. This book has personally helped me a ton. Performance anxiety can relieved by letting go of all your attachments to the outcome. Easier said then done, but give this book a try, it couldn't hurt.

[janice]

Here is an INCREDIBLE idea
Record yourself and give the tape to someone.  Yup!  You will get sooooo nervous making a recording of yourself!  You will be very much aware of every mistake.  By doing this, you are able to "practice getting nervous".  I made 2 different tapes to give to 2 different friends for a gift (one was for a guy I was after--lol--so imagine my nervousness!!).  I do not get nervous AT ALL playing in front of 200 people, but I am a wreck when trying to make a recording--LOL,  Here's why--making a recording is very similar to a public performance IN THE SENSE THAT  you only have ONE chance to do it right.  When you play in public, you can't stop and start over.  Same way with making a recording (you CAN, but you know what I mean).

[Egghead]

... I'm sure this topic has been brought up before, ...

So, yesterday was just a "performance class" and not a recital (my teacher was doing this partly for some new students and partly for some of us who are trying to get ready for a competition).

... I feel like I'm doomed to do this alone forever.

I even have anxiety during my lessons!

Any help and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanx,
April

Hi April,

ouch, that sounds unpleasant.

Ok, you want to try an experiment? Mentally cut down the performance class so only the most knowledgable person remains in the room. This SHOULD be your teacher. If you play well to him/her, the others will be impressed anyway. Agreed?

(Side-track: If you play well to the jury, what do you care about everyone else listening. Eventually: if you play well to YOURSELF, what do you care about everyone else.)

Just with your teacher, you now have a one-on-one performance LESSON.

I use EVERY lesson (I am a student) partially as a performance lesson.
If you are like me, you may have to remind yourself that lessons are not something where you get shot at the end, but an opportunity to learn.

I hope you find something in the thread below helpful: it is about how to get through lessons without running away. Two test persons tried it. One ran off before getting the advice. The other managed very well (and lives to tell the tale). Round of applause to squiggly_girl, please.

https://www.pianoforum.net/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=stud;action=display;num=1092702560

Finally, for your next performance class, remind yourself:
a) the others are probably also nervous, so they are likely to behave themselves as an audience.
b) the others are probably also nervous, so you can OBSERVE how they cope.

Good luck,
Egghead

[steveolongfingers]

okay. I preforme in front of small audiences often, classical and new stuff, but one thing that helps you calm down is to get over the fear of sounding bad, playing wrong notes, or holding beats to long ect. kind of in a way, give up being scared, its a hard thing to do, but here a few tips.

Unless your really good dont try and work out trouble sections in the last day.  The last 24 hours are for mental preperation.  Or at least 12. If you stress out over them too much, your going to screw up, chances are.  Dont stress your self out over parts you dont know too well, chances are youll do fine, and even if you do make a mistake, most people dont know.  this rule does not aply when playing in audiences breaking the 500 mark, if you didnt practice enough before, your really screwed and 500 hundred people will KNOW!

Eat good,  go running, go pump some iron, loose that belly, get a nice 6 pack.  Honestly being in good physical condition makes it easier for you to focus.  And the opposite sex, who aready thought you were hot when you were playing the piano, will now drool over you because yous is a sexy person.  But you might have to changes something else.

YOU LOOSE YOUR COCKY ADDITUDE.  Theres nothing worse than pumping yourself up and then making the fall even that much harder.  Be consertative, when people say your great, dont get too full of yourself.  Its the person who thinks hes going to make no mistakes who makes the most.  No one is perfect, and if you think you arnt going to screw up, then you just plain dumb.  People who say they are not going to make mistakes are just filling themselves with false hope, but the modest will survive.  

But in real life these things might help, but the only real way to get over nervousness is to just play in front of people a lot.  Go to the old floks home and practise, i did that for a few years, they really appreciate it and you gain lots of knowledge of many things in that place.  Some of the people that you might come across, in there day could play that chopin polonaise better than you, and give you some hints.  Its a cool place to be. And you get good References for jobs.  YAY!

   

[CC]

April and Tocca:  How do you prepare for a performance on the day before,  and on the day of performance?  What are your performance preparation routines?  Suppose that the performance is Sat., 3PM.  What do you do on Fri and Sat until 3PM if you had complete freedom to choose your preparation routine?

[dinosaurtales]

Boy! I am in the exact same boat as April and Tocca!  I had a 20-year "break" from playing much.  Now that I am back into playing, it's still quite introverted - I play in my living room when I practice, and I play for my teacher.  I also used to perform ( and love it) as a teen, but now I am SOOOOOOOOO self conscious it's awful!

I dug up a small group of adult piano students that get together once a month at each others' houses and play for each other.  I really have to battle to make myself play something each time - I always want to bail - but I am getting better at playing for people, also better at playing on pianos other than my own!  I also play for friends when I have a piece memorized to a point, just to see how it goes.  A lot of my friends don't know anything about music, but it doesn't matter.  Just having someone sitting next to you is enough to cause the Great Disturbance.  

Also I practice the heck out of everything.  I have found that when I perform, I tend to be a tad conservative in my playing - dynamics not quite as extreme, etc.  So I have found that the more "automatic" certain things are in a piece, the more likely I will be to play like that in front of folks.  

[chopinsetude]

I have it too.  BAD

Here is what you do:  

Go to a large piano showroom on a Saturday and wander around and play the different pianos by yourself.  On a Saturday there will be a larger amount of people shopping at the piano store and you will have persons around who aren't necessarily interested in your playing.  There will be background noise and others playing pianos as well.  If there are too many people for your psyche, come back during lunch on a weekday.  

Good luck.  

[Clare]

Guys, yeah - I can relate.
I'm doing piano at university and I'm a little bit older than the other first-years. I'm playing at my first concert on Thursday. Yikes!
Let it be known that I play publically a lot. At least twice a month. I never have any fear if I'm playing with other people. Never any at all. But I just don't seem to be able to handle playing by myself, and here's my story about solo performaces.

At the beginning of this year, I couldn't even play things I knew perfectly well in front of my Mum, who could probably even hear me play it nicely when she was in another room. But as soon as she was officially an audience for me, I freaked out and messed up terribly all the time.
However, after countless times of playing for her, and other single people at a time, I'm now usually OK with it.
Small groups of people can still be scary for me, but I'm getting better at that too.
My next challenge was to be able to play well in workshop class in front of the other students. Even though it was just a class, I would be so shaky and I was not even able to eat properly on that day or the day before as I felt physically ill. Even though it was fine to make mistakes because it was only a class, and I never minded if somebody else messed up, I was still petrified. And my playing sounded like I was petrified. I made up my mind to play regularly in that class until I felt OK.
Last Friday, a miracle happened and for the first time ever, I played nicely in front of a reasonably large audience. I have no idea why I felt different to any other time I had played in class. I just felt like I could play everything exactly the way I wanted it to be. Everybody said what a difference it was to my usual playing and afterwards I got the kind of buzz I got when I would come off stage after playing in my rock band. It was fantastic. By Monday, I tried to play another piece in a different class, and the shakiness and the sickness came back again. I was back to thinking, "Oh, man. Everyone is going to think I sound completely awful." This was even though the girl who played before me played a piece that obviously wasn't quite mastered yet but it didn't bother her too much.
AND.............. for some reason, I decided to play in the piano students' concert on Thursday! We all got a chance to play our pieces in front of all the music students yesterday, and I played just awfully. I went up to the piano with negative vibes, and completely destroyed my whole piece. The teacher said, "What happened? You played so nicely last Friday!" I still blush when I think about how awful it sounded to me.

OK, well, now I will come to a point (I promise!). Maybe two points.

First of all, April and Tocca, you guys are trying to overcome your fear. That is important. You are actually putting yourselves out there and trying to get to some sort of peace with playing publically. There are many students in my class who try and get out of playing in class as much as they can, but I guess they aren't noticed as much as the people who are also petrified but still get up and play anyway. You are already 50 billion times more courageous than the people who won't get up and play.

Number two, as you read in my story, I actually played once last week without any fear. I had never experienced that before in my life. I wish I could have been miraculously cured after that, but I obviously wasn't. I feel like I might make a bit of a fool out of myself at the concert on Thursday, but now I know that since there was that one time I played my piece beautifully in front of all the piano students and also all my friends individually, they actually know what my true potential is. No-one else in the audience is actually going to care that much if I mess up anyway. They are there for their own children/friends who are playing. Also, I will try and be proud because I am only one of two first-years who will be playing. You must remember what you have achieved already and be proud of it.

Number three, almost everyone has the same problem. It's just that there are different degrees to it. But if you have the problem, and you want to fix it, then you will work towards fixing it. And then the times when you will play well in front of others will become more common.

I'm actually very glad to hear similar stories to mine. It's quite relieving.

Good luck, and wish me luck on Thursday!  

[tocca]

All the luck on Thursday Clare, and thanks for your input it was a great read!

I'm a bit on the opposite side though, having played a lot for an audience as a kid/teenager. Back then, especially in my late teens, i was quite ok with playing for a public. Nervous, yes, but i could handle it and it didn't affect my playing.

But i'm positive that the cure is to just get out and do it, maybe starting in a small scale. It's not as easy now though, when i don't have a teacher and will have to arrange a performance by myself somehow.

Chopinsetude's suggestion, to go to a piano showroom and just sit down and play sounds like a good suggestion. I think i will try that... thanks!

[janice]

 Go to the old floks home and practise, i did that for a few years, they really appreciate it     

That is an EXCELLENT idea!!  I will definitely look into doing that!!

[janice]

Hey clare, I have a theory/insight/whatever- it-is-called!!  Do you think that maybe the reason why you felt so calm in front of the reasonably large audience last Friday is because, since it was a large audience, they were probably sitting FURTHER AWAY from the keyboard/piano?  I say this because I am completely calm in front of a large audience (I generally play at church, so it would be the congregation).  HOWEVER, there is a family that sits in the first pew, and whenever I have to play a solo, I tell them to please DO NOT look at me when I play!  I know it's hilarious, but I can handle a million people in the congregation.  That doesn't rattle me.  What causes me to get shaky is knowing that family is looking at me!!  I'm not self-conscious at all.  I have good self-esteem and I'm very outgoing, but I even make my teacher sit across the room!  (Not at every lesson--lol. Just on the final run-thru before my performance.)

[janice]

Hey clare, I have a theory/insight/whatever- it-is-called!!  Do you think that maybe the reason why you felt so calm in front of the reasonably large audience last Friday is because, since it was a large audience, they were probably sitting FURTHER AWAY from the keyboard/piano?  I say this because I am completely calm in front of a large audience (I generally play at church, so it would be the congregation).  HOWEVER, there is a family that sits in the first pew, and whenever I have to play a solo, I tell them to please DO NOT look at me when I play!  I know it's hilarious, but I can handle a million people in the congregation.  That doesn't rattle me.  What causes me to get shaky is knowing that family is looking at me!!  I'm not self-conscious at all.  I have good self-esteem and I'm very outgoing, but I even make my teacher sit across the room!  (Not at every lesson--lol. Just on the final run-thru before my performance.)  

Anyhow, do you think that that MIGHT be the solution?

[Ed Thomas]

April,
My piano-playing status is probably very similar to yours, and the stage-fright is paralyzing sometimes.  One thing that helped me a lot is playing for a church.  By accompanying a choir, I am too busy focusing on supporting the singers that I usually don't get as nervous... plus they block the view of the congregation.

Every Sunday I try to work up a new small classical meditative piece for Offertory.  Not only does this force me to keep at the piano no matter what is going on in the rest of my life, but it makes me a regular performer with an audience listening attentively.  When I started doing this about 8 years ago, I could barely move my fingers from anxiety.  But over time I got even more nervous.  Ha.   (Just seeing if you were really reading this.)

I tried everything I could think of, but some things that finally started working for me are:

1) Making it a a real musical offering from all of us there, not just me... so I am sharing WITH everyone not playing FOR them to judge me.
2)  Making darn sure I could play it and if I had too many rough spots, just postpone that piece and grab a standby.
3)  Think of the least possible critical person I know and imagine I'm playing for only her... in most cases, that is my sister.
4)  Think of someone who needs soothing or uplifting and imagine that what I am playing is my therapy for them.

I think the trick is to feel like we're all in this together to make joyful music through your hands, and to avoid the sensation of being all alone in front of people about to witness an abject failure.

[shasta]

Join an ensemble!  I can't recommend chamber music enough!!!  

Chamber music groups and choirs are a great way to build your confidence.  From the auditioning process, to rehearsing in front of and with others, to mastering the final product with others, you will have plenty of opportunities to listen to and observe other musicians (in both casual and formal settings) and how they handle themselves throughout the practice and performance process.

[teresa_b]

Hi April,

I'm new to this site, but I've had some very similar experiences as you.  I'm 50, but stopped the formal study of piano after college.  But I never stopped playing, and now I have the good fortune of getting to play now and then with a local chamber orchestra.  I had terrible stage fright in the past, and I still have some.

People have made some great suggestions already, but I haven't noticed anyone mentioning one of my methods of avoiding terror:  LOGIC!  

I simply think about what I'm doing--sharing beautiful music with others.  WHY am I doing this?  Because I love the music, and want to share it, and because I really love playing!  When I'm suffering from crazy anxiety, I am by definition NOT enjoying myself or loving it--so I then realize  how silly it is defeat my own reason for performing, and I refuse to do that!  Anxiety fades.  (I won't say it works perfectly--I still feel jittery, but not terrified. I am doing Mozart K449 in the spring. )

All the best, and good luck!
Teresa

[Rach3]

What do we pianists have to be stage-frightened about? We're not actors.

[Spatula]

Even actors in hollywood get to screw up as many times as they want to on set, but still get paid big bucks

$$$5 mil....

and the poor-sad-pianist...oh the tragedy!

Now that I don't understand.
Movie actors aren't worth what they're paid.

[dinosaurtales]

Well, actors might not be *worth* it, but they need that much money to pay for those weird surgeries they have all the time!

[Spatula]

cough cough...michael..jackson...cough (didn't he do a movie rescuing little boys to his neverland ranch?)

I thought there was a pop-movie starring him...

[dinosaurtales]

Michael Jackson just might be THE best example of the *weird* surgeries I was referring to!  Think of it as surgery as hobby...........

[Spatula]

I seriously thought MJ was a chick when I was like 6 years old.  

Now he/she/it has a beard coming out of a womans face...or a shemans face...or a ...face

Don't you think his face is just as colour coordinated as the keys of a piano? Black and White...

[mosis]

If Bernhard is still reading this topic, I wonder, how often do you make notational errors whilst performing?

[april]

:)So, I have to say that I took everybody's advice and kinda just chilled about the whole situation. I enlisted my coworkers to listen to me and I was still pretty nervous last week - but it went really well. I played for different groups a couple times and it did get better each time. I think too that I'm more comfortable with the pieces now, and I also just decided that it is what it is - in other words I'll just do the best I can. So now all I have left is the competition this weekend - and I am thinking only about the experience and not the outcome. My teacher says I sound great - so I'm trusting his wisdom as well.
Thanx for all the tidbits - and I actually am thinking about trying some of them - I do like the nursing home thing, and there is a piano store in town that I actually have practiced  in on Saturdays - so might do that some more.
April