Confidence in my Playing

[decoyboy]

 Hey

Im just another guy who has the joy of chasing the mysteries of music but lacks the confidence of the skills he has.

I was reading the other posts and I just felt like posting something about my own insecurities of my piano playing.

Ever since I realized my interest and love for music (especially behind the piano) what I've also come to realize was that even though I may have been the better among the players in my area, I've never been the best and looking towards the people that have taken the same amount of time in their journey towards music as I have and how much farther they've gotten than I have really depresses me. No matter how much I practice( which is around 3 to 4 hours a day) I always feel I never reach those people ahead of me. What am I supposed to feel like during these moments, how can I change these feelings of depression that make me want to give up on my dream?
 
Sorry, this is just a random rant but if you feel like you have anything that can help me or comfort my distress feel free to comment
 

[keyboardclass]

No matter how much I practice( which is around 3 to 4 hours a day) I always feel I never reach those people ahead of me.

Is that what it's about?  Wearing someone else's trousers?

[danhuyle]

What pieces are you playing or wanting to learn? Just to get an idea of where you're at.

Anyway back to the topic. And here I am in tears with Liszt Transcendental Etude no10. When it comes to virtuoso repertoire the feeling of inferiority kicks in. I play slower than every other pianist and I don't play as fast as they do.

When you learn virtuoso pieces, you have to tell yourself that you deserve to play it and you know you have what it takes to play the piece.

What insecurities do you have? Is it
learning pieces
Performing in front of people
Virtuoso pieces
You play slower than recording (I do)
Playing from memory (really)

Why don't you play your favorite pieces, then post it here in the audition room? People will understand.
Send me a message and I'll help you gain more confidence in yourself.

[decoyboy]

hey danhuyle,

Thanks for trying to relate to me and ya I think my main insecurities are my inability to play virtuoso pieces as well as my inability to memorize pieces as well. But I think my main insecurity is intimidation from other pianists when I go to perform.

Well, I just finished my conservatory repertoire of Chopin Etude op.10 no.1, Prelude and Fugue in D major, Plainte Calme by Messiaen, and Mozart K282 Piano sonata, so if that gives you a glimpse of what I'm capable of right now. I just my new repertoire of the Sunken Cathedral, Bercuese op.57 by Chopin, the 1st and 3rd movements of the Pathetique sonata, and for my own personal pleasure, the Pastorale Etude by Kapustin.

[asiantraveller101]

Yes, if can be disconcerting if you keep comparing yourself to others. One of life's many lessons is to grow in yourself, excelling and being the best that you can be. You have chosen piano as your vocation. So your calling now is to be the best pianist in your own capacity. You don't have to be a virtuosic pianist to be a successful pianist. Yes, being a virtuoso is more dazzling and seemingly is the norm of the day. But what about being the Brendel, Kempff, or even Perlemuter? They are not considered "the virtuosos", but they each has a niche and they all communicated through their music. Find and explore your niche, and be the best in that niche.
We will never be satisfied if we constantly look at others for comparison. There is always going to be someone that will play faster or more dazzling; just like there is always someone richer than you, no matter how much you have or own. Continue to challenge yourself and grow in your own capacity.
Don't keep practicing all day endlessly. Take breaks and time off for yourself, and spend some quality time with friends and family. Being a pianist we can get awfully lonely. We are solitary creatures and we spend hours alone refining our technique and skills. At times, we get bogged down with insecurities and anxiety, with no immediate rewards at hand; and start "beating" ourselves up. 
So, enjoy life and work hard. Best wishes!

[danhuyle]

I know that a lot of the great pianists spend years performing their repertoire before they recorded it. Lang Lang's Memory CD, Ashkenazy recording the complete Chopin, Yundi Li's Deutsche Grammophone recordings etc.

Intimidation from other pianists when you perform - that's a common one. I still get that every now and again.

If it's your first time performing a piece, you're gonna get constructive comments. Maybe it's to work on rhythm, tempo, phrases, dynamics and so forth. That's part of the growth.

What I do is I record myself on a camera, then upload the video on YouTube, then I put it on my facebook wall as my status update.

I find that doing this, it gives me greater confidence in myself. Then if I play the piece better the second time, you show people the "before and after", it's your growth. I wish I had my La Campanella one. You should've seen what it was like for me when I played that. I felt massive growth with that piece. It was like a breakthrough for me at the time.

I remember Yundi Li saying that he grew up a lot with Liszt Sonata, I read on the site about his Liszt CD. 

[decoyboy]

haha i see ive taken a look at ur channel and u play realli well! You've played the Scriabin Etude, one of my favourite composer and pieces and something I've always wanted to do! Looking at your passion and enthusiasm of music you've really encouraged me to consider recording some of the pieces I'm working on. May you tell me how you do your recording and what programs I should have for it?

[brogers70]

Whatever field you work in, there will be people above you in power, skill, looks, or whatever else you choose to compare. Senators compare themselves to other senators and maybe wish they could be president. Heads of state, compare themselves to the heads of states of more powerful countries. Second violinists compare themselves to first violinists who compare themselves to concertmasters who compare themselves to concertmasters of more famous orchestras who compare themselves to soloists who compare themselves to more famous soloists.....

I think this is especially hard for younger people. You may have been the best musician or the best student in your high school, and you may have worked very hard to get into that position. Then you get out into the world and find that, no matter how hard you work, there's always somebody higher up the ladder. And that can be demotivating. You have to find a reward for all the hours of practice that is not "being better than everyone you've ever met." Being able to come to grips with the repertoire you are playing sounds like a fantastic reward to me; only a tiny minority of people in the world have the necessary skill to know great music as intimately and first hand as you do, and that is really wonderful.

[fleetfingers]

Being able to come to grips with the repertoire you are playing sounds like a fantastic reward to me; only a tiny minority of people in the world have the necessary skill to know great music as intimately and first hand as you do, and that is really wonderful.

I love that...so true. Something we should all remember and be grateful for.

[danhuyle]

haha i see ive taken a look at ur channel and u play realli well! You've played the Scriabin Etude, one of my favourite composer and pieces and something I've always wanted to do! Looking at your passion and enthusiasm of music you've really encouraged me to consider recording some of the pieces I'm working on. May you tell me how you do your recording and what programs I should have for it?

I used a Canon IXUS 105 Camera and a tripod (optional) to record it. That's it. Then I copy the video to my laptop, then upload to YouTube.
The famous Scriabin Etude Op8/12 is very easy to memorize. Why don't you start recording yourself playing the repertoire you already know how to play?

[scott13]

Simply put, don't compare yourself to other players around you.

Also, just because one person plays a particular piece faster than you, doesn't make it the better interpretation.

[soitainly]

 It can be healthy and normal to compare yourself to other musicians, especially if that is your profession. You see someone who plays something you like and you try and analyse what it is you like about their playing, and maybe what your playing lacks. It can motivate and inspire you to become a better musician.

 It becomes unhealthy when you can't be happy just because someone is better than you. If you have something to offer as a musician and can move an audience, who cares if someone can play louder, faster, more complicated pieces. Music isn't a sport, there are no champions. Even a competion winner is only the "best" in the eyes of those particular judges in that particular performance.

 None of what I am saying says you can just be lazy and shouldn't devote yourself to being better,  but I also don't think that everyone who isn't the "best" should just quit music. You have to be realistic if you are going to try to be a professional musician however, if you really aren't as good as at least some of the people that you will be competing for work with, then you may have to rethink how you will make your love for music turn into something you can make a living at.

 Most  successful musicians aren't the best technical ones, there is the "X" factor, how do you entertain or move and audience. If you are comparing yourself to pianists that are in that small niche of music that only think in terms of technical genius, then of course your options are limited, only in that world are the best musicians considered successes. In the overall music world, they aren't even considered as worthy of note, most people just ignore that whole scene.