I'm too nervous to play!

[flyinfingers]

This is my third lesson back after 40 some years and I am a nervous wreck to play.  I don't know what happened to me.  I used to be able to overcome this stuff and now it seems I am at a mental catastrophe!  I don't know what to do.  I left the lesson in tears as I can play and maybe I was so happy that I could play the piece perfectly and I wanted to impress him, but it just didn't happen.  Plus, the other student came in, sat down, and we were already over time and I didn't get to play and he said, Well, play it real quick, but I couldn't perform the other piece I was assigned.  So I had a double whammie of nervousness with the other student there and being under the gun to perform the piece I was so proud of perfecting -- well, just about, depending on who's watching! 
My husband said, "What's the point of the lessons if you can't play for the teacher?"  I can't remember if I was this nervous as a kid but I am perplexed.  Thanks!
 

[brogers70]

First, kick your husband, hard. Then remember that when you mess up a piece, nobody who heard it cares about it or remembers it or dwells on it. At all. The student after you, who might have heard you flub your last piece, is thinking about what's for dinner, or about whether he'll flub his piece, or some problem from school or work.

I talk at a bunch of scientific meetings for my job. I see lots of really bad talks. But by the time each session is over, and we're in the corridor for coffee, I can't even remember who gave the awful talk; and if he comes up to chat, I think none the worse of him. Most people are sufficiently worried about their own failins that they are unlikely to pay that much attention to yours.


Cut yourself some slack. Of course you were nervous. It will get easier, much easier. One trick I find useful for stopping blunders at my lessons is to practice each piece terrifically slowly at least once every couple of days (in addition to working on it at more normal speeds). That really seems to help. But the main thing is to remember how little anyone else cares if you drop some notes. And kick your husband. He should stick up for you.

[quantum]

Go to lessons with the aim of learning, as opposed to the aim of playing perfectly.  If nerves are an issue for you, discuss it with your teacher - dealing with nerves is a part of learning how to play an instrument. 

[flyinfingers]

Thanks.  I'm not going to quit but I can't kick my husband.  He's buying me a new piano! 

[starstruck5]

It sounds like the last thing you need is a lesson where there is such a strict time limit.  I suggest finding a teacher who will let you warm up with exercises you could play in your sleep - I think it is amazing how many teachers expect students to play perfectly without warming up first!  Even playing scales and arpeggios from cold can be like some kind of test!

When I returned to the piano at the age of about 15, having given up at 7,  I had a great teacher who allowed me to actually warm up on my own while she went and made coffee or fed the birds or something - Also, while I was learning a piece she would insist on hearing the piece played slowly - I never felt under pressure to perform then.  Most amateur pianists are never going to be performers anyway - I think you should define what you want to achieve and find a teacher who will let you dictate the boundaries to some extent. After all it is an experience you need to enjoy to gain anything from.

[kellyc]

Hi: First - double what Brogers said about your husband, except I can think of other things besides kicking him  . The rest of it , the pressure, the nervousness. Its a good thing , i know that sounds strange , but it is. It means you care and you care a lot. The trick is to not let you caring so much overwhelm you. Think of it this way. Your a grown women , you carry drinks all the time and yet I bet you still spill your drink once in awhile. It happens.  Where people and we make mistakes. We can minimize those mistakes, but not eliminate them. As soon as you grasp that, you will make fewer mistakes. Just keep trying.  It gets better. Its worth the effort. If you love music and it sounds like you adore it, then sacrifice for your art.

Best of everything and keep doing what your doing.

Kelly

[flyinfingers]

Aren't they all under a time limit?  You have a choice, half hour or 45 minutes.  Both are too short, in my opinion.  I used to take lessons for an hour.  There are limited teachers here and I already dismissed one after the first lesson.  Yes, I need to warm up first, you're right, even though I warm up at home, it's a different piano.  Plus,  he's pretty forgetful but he's 84.  He wanted me to do four octaves of the C scale accenting every fourth note and when I went there I told him that that was too difficult for me (because I didn't even have the fingering down pat) and he said, Oh, didn't I tell you to do the hands separate?  Maybe I'm forgetful, but I don't recall that.  So as you're talking, it is becoming clearer that I think I used to play the piece slowly too when I took lessons as a child.  He doesn't seem really big on exercises, and to me they're so important.  I think for right now I should just be mastering the scales instead of accenting notes because now I'm screwing up the fingering because of that. 
I used to do scales and techniques for half my practice sessions!  I'm confused. So after three lessons, I've done one scale.  I'm doing more exercises on my own and I played one for him out of the first page of the Hanon book (The Virtuoso Pianist Book 1) and he seemed so disinterested.  Then I brought my other exercise book, Exercises for Independence of the Fingers by I. Phillipp and he never heard of it, but I guess that doesn't mean a whole lot?  Thanx

[flyinfingers]

Thanks, Kelly.  I feel like I'm hogging space and talking too much, but it's just me, my little doggie all day and the gym and grocery store, no family or friends here -- oh, and the mall to buy clothes that I never get to wear unless we're on a vacation somewhere.

[quantum]

I'm wondering, why do you feel exercises are so important?

I've studied numerous instruments under many teachers over the years.  There is almost always a bit of uncertainty in the first few lessons as both student and teacher are still getting to know each other.  I find longer a student and teacher work together, the more they understand each others working habits and learning / teaching philosophies.  Every teacher is different, and it is not uncommon for them to try to undo something that was taught to the student by a previous teacher - this is completely normal.  As a student you need to think of the bigger picture, of why your teacher is leading you in such direction.  Don't discount a theory or method just because it is different.  You don't have to agree with everything your teacher professes, however you do have to think about the material and how it fits into your approach to music.  

[flyinfingers]

I couldn't quote your asking why I thought exercies were so important.  I guess because my previous two teachers, when I was ages 8 -14, used to put a lot of emphasis on exercises.  I just felt that that was a way to get better at playing.  I got through court reporting school doing a lot of finger exercises on my machine and I passed the CSR exam in CA the first time! The pass rate was 26 percent for the test I passed.   So I credited my success to doing a lot of finger drills.   Maybe it's not so important afterall, but I still like doing them; it makes me feel better and that is a tool, in my opinion,  to make me a more accomplished pianist.
And as far as being nervous, when I say, "I'm so nervous," he should give me some encouraging comments or SAY SOMETHING instead of sitting there on the couch behind me silently.  That's all. 
Plus my sister took piano from a different teacher and he, too, stressed finger exercises.

[quantum]

IMO, exercises are like vitamin supplements - you take them if and when you need them.  The body's main mechanism for absorbing nutrients is through real food, not pills.  Your diet naturally revolves around food, as opposed to those supplements you take once in a while.  Similarly, a music diet revolves around real music as opposed to exercises, which you do once in a while when needed. 

Playing piano is a lot more than pecking at the keyboard.  Finger technique is important, but what is of even greater importance is the message you convey with those fingers.  Would you rather have your listener focus on your excellent keyboard technique, or your musical message and evocation of emotion through which technique is only a tool? 

Some people prefer to have constant feedback about their playing, while others are quite turned off if there is a barrage of information thrown at them all the time.  You need to tell your teacher if you wish to have more feedback.  It would be good to note, in order for your teacher to really listen he needs to remain silent in order that his other senses focus on what is important.  Teaching is a lot more than just lecturing a student - the teacher has to know something about the student's playing in order to say something meaningful.  Just because he is silent, doesn't mean he is not working to teach you.