Please HELP ME!!!!

[zhiliang]

I do not mean to rant... I do not want to rant... But please help me....

This happened today.... And today happens to be 7th Sept 2004...

In Singapore, the time is 2200 hrs....

1. I started my practice. This is my usual time... I do not feel ill or stressed, i am not tired from my day's work. And anyway, i have only this time....

2. Started playing Rachmaninoff Prelude Op. 23 No. 6. Learnt this piece quite some time ago. Was pleased with my own playing a few days ago. Listened intently.... Something is not right. The LH sounds really bad.... The pedalling is not helping either... LH seems to be on the same dynamic as RH chords... This sounds bad.... but why are my fingers not working as i want them to?

3. Time is now 2230 hrs, Op. 23 No. 6 sounds even worse... A 5 minute pause... A sip of water.... I must calm down....

4. Went back... Put the prelude aside... Run through some scales and one of the Horowitz's exercise... Went to the Rachmaninoff Prelude Op. 23 No. 2 this time round. I was at the second page. Aim was to study the 3rd page. But... I didnt have to... My 1st and 2nd page was in a mess. But it didnt sound like this yesterday or the day before, what is happening? LH felt heavy and bumpy, couldnt execute a proper arpeggio chord without getting some wrong notes in it... Tried slowing down, but the fingers and hands just wont cooperate... Felt a slight pain now in the shoulders.... Told myself i have to relax... The air around became warmer....

5. Nope.... Maybe i should be doing something else tonight... Is it just not my day? Went to the Volodos's transcripation of Rach's Cello Sonata... RH arpeggios in the last 2 pages.... why do they sound so uneven tonight? Even the first page sounded disjointed... Very disappointed in myself.... the pain in the shoulders got worse... tried hanging my arms loosely beside me and relaxing.... pain didnt go off.... what is happening? Tone sounded really harsh... really forced... Its getting even more frustrating... The air seems to be heated up now... I am perspiring badly...

6. And at this moment... many thoughts came to my mind... Maybe i should not play the piano anymore... Maybe i am just not talented enough... Why does my fingers feel like they havnt touched the piano for years today... With the scores thrown aside, i closed the lid of the piano.... I wanted to smash it.... I wanted not to have anything to do with the piano anymore in my whole life... Maybe i shouldnt even be reading advices from all of you... I am ashamed... of myself, of today, and of not always being consistent, of not been able to look at myself, to pause and to think why that has happened.

It is not the first time.... Only that today has been worse.... The time is now 2330 hrs... Its late... I cant sleep... The weather is still warm... Does it only happen to me?

I wonder....

Zhiliang

[bernhard]

Are you feeling better today? A good night sleep can work wonders...

If not, I would suggest that you drop all this technicallydemanding repertory for a couple of weeks, and instead play (for the fun of it) highly musical, but technically undemanding pieces. (e.g the easier Chopin preludes, Mendelssohn'ssongs without words, Grieg's lyric pieces, etc.) Spend a couple of weeks just making beautiful music that is not too demanding.

Then go back toyour usual repertory  (and tell me what happened).

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[zhiliang]

Thank you Bernhard, actually it just happened an hour plus ago only and right now i still cant fall asleep, kept thinking about it. But you are right, it sounds like a good idea, to go play something that i will probably enjoy more just for a change. Does it happen to everyone? Am i too impatient? Is there a name for such a problem? Are there ways to reduce these kind of "off days"?

Anyway really thanks for that.... I didnt smash my piano yet... I can still play some Mendelssohn tomorrow....

Zhiliang

[super_ardua]

Also,  Periods of intense boredom are good for your ability.

I spent one hour stareing at my watch one day and the piano I have played after that was the best so far

[bernhard]

Yes, you are “burnt out”. It happens to everyone at some time or another with different intensities. It probably happened to Horowitz and Glenn Gould (part of the reason they disappeared form the concert platform – although Horowitz came back).

My guess is that unconsciously (that is you are not consciously aware of it) you are probably fed up with your current repertory. You want to do something else, but at the conscious level all you are aware of is that you love this pieces. So your unconscious decided to sabotage you, by wrecking your playing. You will have to talk and negotiate with your unconscious! He is all powerful, and if he is not willing you will not do it.

Best wishes,
Bernhard.

[Egghead]

Thank you Bernhard, actually it just happened an hour plus ago only and right now i still cant fall asleep, kept thinking about it. But you are right, it sounds like a good idea, to go play something that i will probably enjoy more just for a change. Does it happen to everyone? Am i too impatient? Is there a name for such a problem? Are there ways to reduce these kind of "off days"?

Anyway really thanks for that.... I didnt smash my piano yet... I can still play some Mendelssohn tomorrow....

Zhiliang

Hi Zhiliang,

I thought this kind of thing only happens to idiotic complete beginners (me)... The worst bit was realising I cannot fixate my piano playing in any way. Whatever I do, it is not fully under conscious control. It just went away...  

I had this about a week ago, it built up gradually. When I started looking for a very large hammer, I pulled out the big stop sign. To answer your question, I would have called this problem "going bonkers".

The good news:
I can report that a) a break (only a day in my case) b) concentrating on something simple, really simple and just beautiful worked wonders in my case. I actually went back to the most basic thing I have: listening to the TONE of my piano. I played a two-part invention slowly with my eyes closed, not worrying about anything, just enjoying the feel and sound of it. And wham, miracle done! It is very hard to explain.

I am currently still very careful about the way I practice.

So I second Bernhards suggestions.
Kind regards and keep us posted!
Egghead

[donjuan]

zhiliang, I hope you are getting some sleep right now as I write this.    

Everyone is right- you need to settle down and stop being so anal retentive.  I mean REALLY!! who practices piano at 2200 hrs?  practice in the morning and see how you do.  Actually, a week away from the piano would probably do wonders for you!

donjuan

[liszmaninopin]

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences.  Here are a few suggestions that basically back up what the others have been saying.

If you are practicing, and feel you can't concentrate, or can't do it properly, stop!  You won't get any better by continuing.  This happens to me all the time-after a while I just get tired of practice for the day, so I go read, watch a movie, whatever.  There are limits to how much one can concentrate in a day.  So relax, and don't feel bad about it!

Just a suggestion, but maybe you should work on some non-Rachmaninoff repertoire.  A little diversity can go a long way towards relieving boredom.  Perhaps you should try some wonderful Beethoven or Scarlatti, something light and fun.  It might be quite pleasant after the intensity of Rachmaninoff.

6. And at this moment... many thoughts came to my mind... Maybe i should not play the piano anymore... Maybe i am just not talented enough... Why does my fingers feel like they havnt touched the piano for years today... With the scores thrown aside, i closed the lid of the piano.... I wanted to smash it.... I wanted not to have anything to do with the piano anymore in my whole life... Maybe i shouldnt even be reading advices from all of you... I am ashamed... of myself, of today, and of not always being consistent, of not been able to look at myself, to pause and to think why that has happened.  

It is not the first time.... Only that today has been worse.... The time is now 2330 hrs... Its late... I cant sleep... The weather is still warm... Does it only happen to me?

Don't stop the piano just because of one bad day!  If you feel strongly about not continuing, this has probably been building for quite a while.  If you're willing to work at it, and you love the music, you have the talent to do it.  About your fingers-perhaps they're stiff, perhaps you didn't eat enough food that day to supply your brain with energy.  Perhaps you're just tired.  One day doesn't mean anything.  It sounds rather like you've reached a boiling point of frustration.  Could it be that the repertoire is too difficult for you?  If you've been toiling for months with no progress, then perhaps it is, you should back up and learn easier things for a while until you really feel ready to move on.  Ashamed of yourself?  Why?  A bad practice day is no reason to be ashamed.  Don't allow frustration to build to this level, where a slight setback is perceived as a mountain of failure.  If this happens to you, just back up and rest your mind, eat your favorite food, have fun.  You'll feel better when you wake up in the morning.

You're not the only one-I've had bad days.  There have been times when I didn't feel like playing, and didn't touch the piano for 2 weeks.  There's no shame in it.  It's not just you.  We all have good days and bad days.

[zhiliang]

Dear all,

Thank you for your advices... I have read through everything and it has been really helpful and very comforting.

I am not really ashamed of myself for yesterday's night, but it was more of why i couldnt be playing at a certain level which i have reached on a consistent level. Why does my hands or fingers or even the brain not work when called upon? That was the frustrating part. And you are right, maybe the intensity of playing Rachmaninoff, it has drained me out.

There is also this fear that when i go back to the piece 2 to 3 weeks later, i will have to go over those things i have learnt again. But again, i will gain nothing if i continue too...

Is there any ways to improve on one's consistency? Sometimes, i am starting to think that maybe on the days when i am playing really well, it was all due to the subconscious and when asked how i did it, or how did i manage to play like that, i cannot reproduce it on a conscious effort. Could that be the problem?

Thanks once again...

Regards,

Zhiliang

[zhiliang]

Hi Zhiliang,

I thought this kind of thing only happens to idiotic complete beginners (me)... The worst bit was realising I cannot fixate my piano playing in any way. Whatever I do, it is not fully under conscious control. It just went away...  

I had this about a week ago, it built up gradually. When I started looking for a very large hammer, I pulled out the big stop sign. To answer your question, I would have called this problem "going bonkers".

The good news:
I can report that a) a break (only a day in my case) b) concentrating on something simple, really simple and just beautiful worked wonders in my case. I actually went back to the most basic thing I have: listening to the TONE of my piano. I played a two-part invention slowly with my eyes closed, not worrying about anything, just enjoying the feel and sound of it. And wham, miracle done! It is very hard to explain.

I am currently still very careful about the way I practice.

So I second Bernhards suggestions.
Kind regards and keep us posted!
Egghead

Hi Egghead,

Thanks for the post. Yeah like Bernhard mentioned, it happened even to famous pianists, so i guess as mere mortals, it will still happen.

And i just realise that the more you love the piece, the more it can make you frustrated.

And i also share the same feeling with you of not being able to fixate my piano playing in any way, like i mentioned above. Anyone can explain that?

Regards,

Zhiliang

[nick]

Dear all,




Is there any ways to improve on one's consistency? Sometimes, i am starting to think that maybe on the days when i am playing really well, it was all due to the subconscious and when asked how i did it, or how did i manage to play like that, i cannot reproduce it on a conscious effort. Could that be the problem?

The way I am consistent is with the metronome. Are you sure that when you couldn't play as you had the previous days that the speed was not faster? If not, I have no idea what the problem is short of psychological. Never experienced that. You may need to seek outside help as this may be deeper than the piano.
Non-related. Does anyone know why when I click on members post 'quote' sign, I only get the garbage at the top of this post instead of how others look with the black and yellow colors?

Nick  

[JK]

Firstly you are not alone, this sort of thing happens to everyone from time to time, when you have one of those days when you seem to just loose the ability to play the piano! There are ways to overcome this though, in my experience it is good that every now and then you take a break or even an afternoon or evening off, this will help you to relax. The next thing that I would suggest is that maybe you are thinking so much that you should be able to play these pieces and are getting so frustrated when you for some reason cannot that you are actually loosing focus as a result. It is vital to have good focus when practicing, if you have these problems again I would just get up, have a 15min break and idealy go for a walk. After this come back to the piano and pick a tiny section of the piece, literally a few bars or so say at the end of the piece, work on these bars slowly working all the fingers into the bed of the keys. Whilst doing this try to focus on placing your fingers very precisely this will help focus your mind. Once you have done those few bars then add another couple of bars to them and carry on in the same way, hopefully if you carry on working in this way you can regain your composure.

Lastly if you are playing through a piece and you keep on making mistakes then you have to break it down into smaller bits and actually practice it, even if you played it really well the day before, so as to really make you finger muscles remeber all the little stretches that they have to do.

Also don't worry about it, it happens to everyone at one point or another! I hope this helps a bit.

[zhiliang]

Firstly you are not alone, this sort of thing happens to everyone from time to time, when you have one of those days when you seem to just loose the ability to play the piano! There are ways to overcome this though, in my experience it is good that every now and then you take a break or even an afternoon or evening off, this will help you to relax. The next thing that I would suggest is that maybe you are thinking so much that you should be able to play these pieces and are getting so frustrated when you for some reason cannot that you are actually loosing focus as a result. It is vital to have good focus when practicing, if you have these problems again I would just get up, have a 15min break and idealy go for a walk. After this come back to the piano and pick a tiny section of the piece, literally a few bars or so say at the end of the piece, work on these bars slowly working all the fingers into the bed of the keys. Whilst doing this try to focus on placing your fingers very precisely this will help focus your mind. Once you have done those few bars then add another couple of bars to them and carry on in the same way, hopefully if you carry on working in this way you can regain your composure.

Lastly if you are playing through a piece and you keep on making mistakes then you have to break it down into smaller bits and actually practice it, even if you played it really well the day before, so as to really make you finger muscles remeber all the little stretches that they have to do.

Also don't worry about it, it happens to everyone at one point or another! I hope this helps a bit.

Yes, thanks a lot. This certainly helps a lot. After that day, i just stopped practicing for a few days and only went back to the piano yesterday evening. I was apprehensive as i did not know how the practice will turn out to be. And i remember this famous quote about not practicing for a day and you will know it, 2 days and the critics will know it, and 3 days and the audience will know it. Thats why the reluctance in giving myself a rest here and there. Anyway, back to the practice session, i started by playing some Bach's Preludes and Fugues, then later followed by some Chopin and the second movement of Shostakovich's Piano Concerto No. 2 which wasnt too demanding. All i did was like what you have mentioned, i go deep into the keys, i play slower than usual and tried to focus, my ears both attentive and yet enjoying the music. And i did all these without any expectations on myself on what i want to achieve for the day and everything went really well.

Ok, i am guilty about this but i have to mention that nearing the end of the session, i still went to play a bit of Rachmaninoff. I sightread a bit of the Rach Piano Sonata No. 2. Haha... Really difficult piece....

[zhiliang]

Dear all,




Is there any ways to improve on one's consistency? Sometimes, i am starting to think that maybe on the days when i am playing really well, it was all due to the subconscious and when asked how i did it, or how did i manage to play like that, i cannot reproduce it on a conscious effort. Could that be the problem?

The way I am consistent is with the metronome. Are you sure that when you couldn't play as you had the previous days that the speed was not faster? If not, I have no idea what the problem is short of psychological. Never experienced that. You may need to seek outside help as this may be deeper than the piano.
Non-related. Does anyone know why when I click on members post 'quote' sign, I only get the garbage at the top of this post instead of how others look with the black and yellow colors?

Nick  

Hi, i dont practice with the metonome.... Is it a better idea to always use one? In fact, i dont remember making use of that any time in my entire life of practicing.

Oh for the quote thing, i believe after clicking on "quote" and going to type your message, just start typing on the line after all those things you see above. As in just go to the very bottom and start to type your message... Dont edit the things before that.

Hope this helps