Teaching family members

[porcupine]

I don't really do any piano teaching now (I used to do a lot up till about 10 years ago when I changed jobs and found I no longer had the time to do any teaching). I should also say that I am not a virtuoso pianist, but averagely competent - I suppose I would place my ability at approximately the level of one of the first diplomas such as ATCL or ALCM.  Anyway, here's the situation: My 24 year-old daughter has recently returned home to live with us after 5 years away at university (simply for economic reasons - she's only been able to secure a menial job on minimum wage despite having a first class honours degree from a top university in Scotland - but that's another story!) She has asked me to teach her the piano, and I'm wondering whether to agree or not. She learnt piano from a different teacher when she was young and got up to Grade 4 ABRSM and now she wants to pick up where she left off. She's bought herself the Grade 5 music and because she's got very little money wants me to teach her.
Has anyone else had experience of teaching family members? Is it ever a good idea, or is it the worst thing you can do? I get on very well with my daughter, but I'm worried about adopting the role of teacher. If it can be made to work,  are there any especial strategies which would help? Any comments or advice, or even anecdotes from your own experience (with the caveat that it's understood that everyone's unique and different) would be most welcome! Thanks!

[pianoplayjl]

I've only taught an extended family member for half an hour but I had  a few thoughts and experiences. On teaching a family member, I noticed after teaching that I had a soft spot and didn't have a tough stance on students as my teacher has on me. As a result, this obviously affected my teaching and I noticed the student didn't learn much from my teaching.
I'm not saying it is a good idea but given your daughter's financial situation I think it is best you teach her for nown because most likely other piano teachers will have very expensive fees. So if you teach your daughter don't be afraid to take a tougher stance but not too tough as she only relearnt the piano. Hope this helps.

JL

[evanhenry]

I've only taught an extended family member for half an hour but I had  a few thoughts and experiences. On teaching a family member, I noticed after teaching that I had a soft spot and didn't have a tough stance on students as my teacher has on me. As a result, this obviously affected my teaching and I noticed the student didn't learn much from my teaching.
I'm not saying it is a good idea but given your daughter's financial situation I think it is best you teach her for nown because most likely other piano teachers will have very expensive fees. So if you teach your daughter don't be afraid to take a tougher stance but not too tough as she only relearnt the piano. Hope this helps.

JL

I agree with you. Teaching a family member is a tedious job, as we always have a soft corner for them. Being strict to them is not possible to some extent.

[ted]

Well if it's a bad idea a hell of a lot of musical families would have been in a bad way, including the Bach clan. No, I disagree most strongly with the trend of replies. Forget grades, forget formalities, forget all that trivial nonsense, she's your daughter for heaven's sake, if she loves music, never mind formalities, help her! Transmit to her the real underlying joy and spirit of music and bugger what people think. This is too ridiculous for words. If we cannot teach what is most precious to those closest to us it is a pretty pathetic state of affairs.

Give it a go ! She can always get a "proper" teacher, they're a hundred to the penny.

[pianoplayjl]

Well if it's a bad idea a hell of a lot of musical families would have been in a bad way, including the Bach clan. No, I disagree most strongly with the trend of replies. Forget grades, forget formalities, forget all that trivial nonsense, she's your daughter for heaven's sake, if she loves music, never mind formalities, help her! Transmit to her the real underlying joy and spirit of music and bugger what people think. This is too ridiculous for words. If we cannot teach what is most precious to those closest to us it is a pretty pathetic state of affairs.

Give it a go ! She can always get a "proper" teacher, they're a hundred to the penny.

Indeed family teaching has a history in music as with Bach and Mozart, but probably not without tears and tantrums during their course of education though history doesn't mention it.  I still disagree with you even with the history of child prodigies being relentlessly coached by mummies and daddies. If you were to teach you daughter that would have to be when she was around 5-8 years old. Now that she is 24 years old and yoru relationship is really developed I think most likely when your daughter makes mistakes you would berate her in some sort at least once. But by all means teach her if there is no decent teacher around rather than deny her the pleasure of music.

JL

[miriamko]

Don't do it!! Even if you get on fantastically and she's a model student , it is far too easy to cancel/shorten/delay/ etc. lessons and nothing gets done. Maybe try a compromise. She could take a lesson with another teacher once or twice a month and you could practice with her, answer questions and generally get her ready for her next lesson.

[porcupine]

Thanks to everyone for the very thoughtful replies - much appreciated! I rather like the compromise suggestion where I get her re-started on her musical journey, and then follow this up by encouraging her to see a "proper" teacher once a month or so. (I might actually give her these lessons with an external teacher as a gift!) She's a bright girl and loves music, so I think this may be the best option, at least for now.

[nyiregyhazi]

I've only taught an extended family member for half an hour but I had  a few thoughts and experiences. On teaching a family member, I noticed after teaching that I had a soft spot and didn't have a tough stance on students as my teacher has on me. As a result, this obviously affected my teaching and I noticed the student didn't learn much from my teaching.
I'm not saying it is a good idea but given your daughter's financial situation I think it is best you teach her for nown because most likely other piano teachers will have very expensive fees. So if you teach your daughter don't be afraid to take a tougher stance but not too tough as she only relearnt the piano. Hope this helps.

JL

This is simply a false dichotomy. You don't have to be "strict" to be clear about what will work and what will not. You simply need to pass on the information. Younger children may need strictness, rather than simply access to the right information. However, it's perfectly possible to teach a grown adult in a way that explains problems in what they are doing and what they need to do- without being "strict".

[pianoplayjl]

This is simply a false dichotomy. You don't have to be "strict" to be clear about what will work and what will not. You simply need to pass on the information. Younger children may need strictness, rather than simply access to the right information. However, it's perfectly possible to teach a grown adult in a way that explains problems in what they are doing and what they need to do- without being "strict".

Yeah I agree. I was teaching a small child and she got distracted every now and then but I had no experience teaching adults so I don't how an adult is like when being taught you know. I was just telling Porcupine what I thought about teaching family members, not giving advice. An adult has full autonomy and fully developed pyschology enough to abosrb what the teacher's saying and apply it to playing.

JL

[costicina]

As worth as my experience can be: I'm not a pro teacher, nor an accomplished pianist, but since now I've been my daughter's (12 yrs) piano teacher.
There are so many pro and cons in this issue: as a parent you don't have the authority, the "awe" that an external person automatically has. On the other hand you are always there, you can  detect bad pratcicing habits, you can give useful hints about weak points interpretation, etc.
I've to admit that I'm havig great troubles with Costanza, and I'm looking desperately for a good, external teacher for her.
Anyway, your  daughter is grown enough to appreciate and get a great benefit from your double role of teacher/parent....So: give it a try!!!
Good luck
Margherita

[porcupine]

I had the first serious teaching session with my daughter and it went really well. I started her off on some scales to refresh her memory (she hasn't really played properly for about 6 years) and I was impressed how quickly she picked these up. We did C major, C minor, D flat major, C sharp minor, D major and D minor, then the arpeggios in those keys. The arpeggios are VERY rusty, but she is determined to get them right and I can hear her practising them now even as I type this.
Then we had a look at one of the Grade 5 pieces, a movement from a Bach Partita. This is tricky as she always did find contrapuntal playing very difficult, but I'm getting her to initially play hands separately at a very slow tempo. We've pencilled in the fingering for every note - is this a good idea?
We spent about 50 minutes on the lesson, and all the time she was focussed and keen to learn. I told her I was happy to finish after 30 mins, but she insisted she wanted to carry on.
I suppose time will tell whether I'm taking the correct approach, but at least there haven't been any cross words exchanged between us ...... yet!

[pianoplayjl]

Just start off with 30 minute lessons but progress to 1 hour as she gets better. I'm glad you started off with scales then pieces. You should assign her with some scales and let her practice them. At the beginning of each lesson let her play the scales and observe.

JL