Maybe you should try this book I'm reading. I haven't gotten far enough yet to give a solid recommendation but it does deal with the mind obviously, since mind is in the title ! It works on separating all the "bad for us" thoughts that creep in during practice or performance. Even at the pro level this is a problem, so don't feel alone up there in your north lands outin.. It's not piano specific but easy enough to relate to non the less, even for office work I suppose..
I wonder if there's something there that is actually useful? I already know much about where my problems come from, I just cannot find a way to change the way my brain works. I know quite a lot about brain research and the implications of imbalance between brain areas. I guess chemically altering the brain might work but I am not willing to do that just to learn to play piano. The neurological things alone of course do not explain everything, they have caused psychological issues as well. Nothing I have tried so far has worked out.
To help with my concentration I tried simple meditation, but it did not work at all because trying to force myself to concentrate by will causes my head to blow...or at least makes it hurt. Suggestion does not work either, the vigilant part of my brain is too smart to be able to fool it into believing something it doesn't. I have tried forcing myself into thinking that something is likeable when it really isn't, but I never can. Every time I have to work on something that doesn't really interest me I lose real inner motivation and learning the simplest things takes ages or just doesn't happen... I am struggling right now with the pieces my teacher gave me and basically it's just that if I don't really want the hear the piece played well I just cannot learn to do it. Same with scales, arpeggios and other exercises. I never really learn them because deep down I don't care for the end result, although I do practice and I know that they would be useful in learning something later.
Then there's the problem of not being able to ignore mistakes and imperfections. We discussed this again yesterday, I can tell myself that it doesn't matter but some part of my brain still starts processing the issue, no matter how hard I try to ignore it and of course after a while I cannot keep up with what I am doing. And add to that all the physical things I need to struggle with while playing, they also add to the work load of the brain. With so much going on at the same time it's impossible for me to just mentally relax and play. The best I can do is not thinking at all about what I am doing, but that of course only works for a short moment, some conscious thinking is needed in playing as well.
So basically I am a mess, but not giving up yet
