I can't practice the piano infront of my own Parents?! Help please....

[ladygrinningsoul]

Hello, I have been playing piano for almost 2 years now and I have problems with practicing in front of my family. I don't feel comfortable in practicing in front of them, I feel I can't practice and sometimes when I'm forced to, I tend to play very quietly and try my best not to press the keys too hard including the fact that I have to close the door of the room they are in including my door to play and it's really effecting my lessons and sometimes I have to repeat a few pieces at home which really bothers me because I know I can be perfect only if I am given freedom and comfort to play. When they are out of the house, I play like a crazy maniac, I play until they come back which is probably more than 5 hours straight.
I really love and cherish this instrument and to tell you the truth I started playing when I was 7 but stopped (when I was about 11)  due to my lack of appreciation and love towards notes because I started playing by ear and I never liked notes but now I really appreciate the fact that I know notes cause without notes, I know deep down any piece I love for Mozart, Chopin, Bach.. etc is something I will never catch by ear and should be guided according to the right notes/chords.
This is a big issue and I know your going to think I'm completely insane but your help is always appreciated and would mean a lot to me Thank you.

[outin]

You are not insane, just normal 

I am even bothered by my neighbours, if I can hear them making noise I know they are also hearing my practicing... This is just something you get used to if you keep doing it.

Maybe make a deal with your parents that they stay out of the house at least 2 hours a day? 

[david456103]

wow, I had the EXACT(no seriously, 100% exact) same problem just 2 years ago. Back then I was even wondering if anyone else had my problem. Yes, I know how much it can hinder your progress. First ask yourself why you don't feel comfortable playing in front of them. My advice is to just try playing in front of them one time. It will feel VERY hard, but after that, you will not be afraid to practice in front of your family since they already know your pieces, your ability to play those pieces, etc. Repeat this process for your next set of pieces. Eventually, it will not become hard. If you can't do this, try to pick pieces your parents like over pieces your parents don't like.

[unholeee]

The problem is the volume of sound? Has your family made an issue with it? I asked my piano tuner once how to make it quieter when I lived in a share house with 8 people. There was only one girl whom did not enjoy the piano so much. - who happened to be situated across from me. He said I could put a thick blanket against its back on the wall. I didnt bother and when I received sms's to turn it down or stop because shes sleeping / studying / whatever, and i would just reply back with what are you wearing. If someone asks you to turn it down you can try saying what i cant hear you. Unless you are just generally nervous about having someone proactively listening  - which maybe headphones and digital would be an alternative, but not as much as working through it.

[hfmadopter]

The way I see it is you are getting five hours in without them being in the house, at the moment anyway. So do your heavy work then, the work you know you need to get at and improve on. Play things you do well when they are home. Instead of holding back, start thinking like you are performing for them, you may start to gain confidence towards performing.

But as mentioned, this is normal otherwise, most of us want other people to hear only our best music not us hacking away learning a new piece, for instance.

My wife's sister has come to live with us, I presume for the summer but who really knows how long. Anyway, different ears, I almost shut down practicing all together at first, in fact I closed up my grand piano and put my music away for a while, while they caught up on old news together in the living room ( that took weeks it seemed like).. Slowly I've worked my way back into it. But really I prefer she isn't in the house when I practice especially new music. You have to understand I've performed out and done recitals and still feel this way about practice sessions ! Consequently I've answered many posts around the forums about digital pianos simply because I've researched them a lot and played several thinking I'm going to need one so as to use the silent mode option in them. If she doesn't leave this will happen eventually ( plus truth be known sometimes I feel like practicing at  3 or 4 AM because I've had some revelation of some sort). Plus we have a tenant, though his apartment is pretty sound proof to our main house. I can play all day to my wife, in fact I play my best to her but even then I like to hack out music alone. I need a willing audience sometimes not unsuspecting one but on my terms.

So don't think you are alone. I'm 62 years old, started music when a child with the accordian, felt the same way then as I do now. When I'm ready to perform, then I want people to hear me not before. You will just have to work around the hours when they aren't home or occupied in a way that they probably aren't listening anyway. But really performing is a good thing for your musical  self esteme in the long run, again on your terms !

Oh, I had to modify this, sorry it's so long.  We now have the windows open as nice air is starting to filter back in after the summers humidity and having ac on in the house. Last night I was practicing for an hour or so and then came in to go on the computer. Someone down the street was really working out on a drum set !! Hurray ! And about two years ago there was a guy living up back here who practiced bag pipes. It was good that he practiced bag pipes because he needed the practice but when he got it together it sounded quite nice. He must have played for funerals or some such thing, always played Amazing Grace, never heard him play anything else.

[49410enrique]

i'm the same way. i can't practice if i know someone is looking'/listening or if i knwo they are arond. at home my place need to be completely empty (except for the dogs, they're cool, mostly they sleep through it all )

i think thousands of hours/years of practicing in 'practice rooms' i.e. all locked up by yourself with nothing but a piano and a mirror as all but 'ruined' me for life in terms of me ever being able to be feel comfortable wtih praticing/learning a piano piece in front of anyone. so i'm with you in spirit.

[iansinclair]

Look -- I'm even older than hfm (70) and been married to the same lady for 47 years -- and I stll can't practice when she (or anyone else for that matter) is known to be around... so you are NOT alone!

[lvschubert]

I completely understand what you're saying. When I learn a new piece I always get nervous when I try to play it to someone and I end up getting it all wrong. When I play at my music school's conservatory, in front of 50 or so people, I get so nervous my fingers stop obeying me and I play everything wrong.

It's terribly embarassing, and, to be honest, I still haven't pulled through it. I am however more relaxed about my parents. Remember they love you and listening to you practice (even if it's those Hanon exercises) will make them proud of your commitment and progress. You should show them what you've been learning, and gradually you'll get more comfortable with them around.

Cheers.

[indianajo]

I'm a very shy person and hate having anybody who knows anything hear me make a bunch of mistakes on something new.  But, my Mother when young, and now my wife, watch television at certain hours.  So when they were engrossed by something on television, I developed confidence they weren't listening to me.  Perhaps your parents have some engrossing device like the telephone or television to keep them busy in another room? 

[jollisg]

I have the same problem. I solved it by moving the piano to the basement (I live in a big house with 3 floors). I also have access to a local church (with a really good grand) and there I can be 100% alone). This may not help you, but if it is possible to move the piano to a "better" place, you can ask if you can do so.

[diatonic]

I used to feel like that whenever someone was around listening to me or watching me play. I always felt like i wouldn't be able to do it (even though I could on my own,playing perfectly!) I've always been a lover of classical pieces that ivoke tranquillity,something I could put all my feeling into (I love playing Ludovico Einuadi's pieces)  I love and play Chopin, Bach, Mozart etc. But find them more 'challenging' infront of anyone as I feel like I need to be in my own mega concerntrating zone! With no extra eyeballs watching lol But since playing Ludovico Einaudi's pieces, I've found that's where my best performance comes out infront of anyone now who wants to watch me. I never thought I would ever be relaxed with people listening/watching. And since being introduced to his music two years ago,it has inspire me to compose my own pieces. Plus I've been very unwell for quiet a few years with hospital appointments etc and being only 25 is rather annoying!! but never the less - piano is my outlet , always makes me smile and if we make mistakes when we play infront of someone - then we're only human  Happy playing  Louise xx

[piano_vs_science]

don't worry, i can't play in front of any intelligent life without my fingers trembling uncontrollably and completely messing up my performance

[perprocrastinate]

The first step to overcoming this fear is confronting it directly.

I know it's embarrassing to make mistakes and struggle on the piano when people can hear you, but just try not to care.

If they complain or assess your skill negatively (and inaccurately), just laugh at them and keep banging (or tickling) away at those keys.

"Ha! So what? Keep complaining, MY ears aren't the ones bleeding!"

[jesc]

It's been a long time since I had the same issue. Like, you don't want people to hear all those mistakes and repetitions necessary to master the piece. Of course we would want the world to only hear the "perfected" performance.

From my experience, I overcame it when I had to practice everyday for a competition. I was under a bit of stress with no time to consider what other people may be thinking about my practice. I would repeat passages over and over again until I got it right. Even when I got it right I would practice it again and again to make sure that I maintained that level of performance until the date of the competition.

To paraphrase it, I got over it because I had to and there was no way around it. After the competition and things went back to normal, I never looked back and was never shy again about practicing.

[lostinidlewonder]

I don't think it has to do with shyness at all. Why are you shy in front of your parents, they use to dress you and wipe your butt when you where a baby!!

No one wants to hear practicing, it is extremely annoying, so keep it quiet when they are home, nothing wrong with that, you are not the only person living in the house.

[jesc]

I'm a very shy person and hate having anybody who knows anything hear me make a bunch of mistakes on something new.  But, my Mother when young, and now my wife, watch television at certain hours.  So when they were engrossed by something on television, I developed confidence they weren't listening to me.  Perhaps your parents have some engrossing device like the telephone or television to keep them busy in another room?  

Was going to say something identical to this. Part of what gave me confidence is that my family acted normally when I was practicing. They went on their business as did I so it felt more comfortable. Of course, I needed to retain sensitivity and adjust (i.e. the phone rings, I immediately stopped playing when someone has to talk over the phone. My piano's quite loud.)

p.s. don't be afraid to listen to your family or neighbor's feedback on your playing. There were family members and neighbors who actually wanted to hear me play. Finding out that the people around you actually appreciate your playing will be a great help.

[jollisg]

By the way, it is really good to "challenge" your fear. A few weeks ago, i was on a master class-course. In one of the practice rooms, it was a Ping pong table. So when i practiced there, it was like 7 other PIANISTS in the room. That was hell for me, but now I'm able to play in front of my brothers.

[zezhyrule]

I used to be like this, but then I finally got comfortable practicing with my parents around. Of course, now that I have, they find it incredibly annoying. Nothing more discouraging than having your parents (who used to make me sit down and practice) find your practice annoying and wish that you would 'get off the piano already' >_<

I suspect it has something to do with the fact that I actually enjoy practicing now.

Parents: "No fun for you!"    

[quantum]

I can relate.  My parents and neighbors like to hear me bang away at the piano.  However, I still feel that I do better work when nobody is around. 

I've played for music conferences away from home.  In such a situation you don't have the luxury of private practice.  I was surrounded by people with DMA's and PhD's in music, and there was a demand to practice on the available instruments.  You practiced when an instrument was available, and you had the free time away from lectures.  You just had to go for it, even if you knew people were listening.  In such situation, I believe these people understood you were practicing and left you alone. 


A couple years ago, I started experimenting by going in the opposite direction: Practice during a family social gathering.  It felt odd at first, but really wasn't so bad.  People just continued on what they were doing.  Some listened, some did not.