The expression conundrum

[virtuoso80]

What is playing piano? Are we machines, shaped and brainwashed through years of rigorous training, to play rote moods and emotions on cue? Or is it about really expressing something honest? What's the value of shaping a performer to perform so similar to another? What the value of putting our intuitions into atrophy, and learning to express something in a language not readily understood by the majority of people?

These questions came to me today, as I emerged from doing something I realized I rarely do anymore: Playing piano the way I wanted to  play it. Not the way someone else wants me to play it, not the way I was taught, but the way that, at the time, I NEEDED to play. Needed - my emotions demanded it, and the aesthetics of it were simply not up for debate. How sad is it that it takes that for me to play music the way I want to play music? What has all this 'training' done to me? Was it even worth it?

[j_menz]

All the training should be about giving you the tools to express something honest.

When you are learning, the various technical skills, and the various interpretational tools should be part of what you learn. That may involve having to go beyond your as yet uninformed and underdeveloped understanding of a piece. A bit of "no, do it like this". 

The goal, however, is to equip you to have a fully informed and developed understanding of what you are playing and the tools to give voice to that. In the end, when you have those tools, you should always play as you believe it should be played. Indeed, doing so is the only thing that would make you worth listening to.