"inner pianist" now a teenager - need help

[ajspiano]

Well, yes, I do understand that a lot of people feel that way.  But you were responding to (quoting) the OP who seemed to be enjoying that aspect.  That is why I was confused by your earlier response.  I guess you were talking about most people in general.

I think I was half involved with having also read this one..

Well, I've been here before with other issues e.g. with my career, and that teenage frustration and identity crisis is a very strong memory. So maybe my feelings of frustration are just plugging into these memories making me feel like a moody teenager.

..long thread.. went off in all directions to some fairly interesting, but perhaps not so relevant areas.. its hard to keep track with what people really mean. Especially since we've only heard from the OP a few times, while mayla, J_menz and I went off on our argumentative tangent and I'm probably considering all that in relation to the OP's comment - not just the part I quoted.

[keypeg]

I completely missed that part.  Probably I identified too much with what the OP was saying - including what he didn't say - and projected my own thoughts on it all.  I actually didn't see the second quote.

I guess that my own situation was rather unique.  I'm not even sure I can describe it.  It's the experimental, playful things that attract me and I find them rather deep.  I self taught various instruments when I was younger, so playing a bunch of repertoire on a new instrument isn't terribly interesting.  Learning to PLAY, however, I mean really learning, and exploring everything to do with the instrument and music, that is fascinating.

[loops]

Thanks everyone for the discussion, I've learned a great deal.

To ajspiano: I didn't mean to not say a great deal. I think I must be in a different time zone to everyone else. On the day I posted, when I went to sleep there was one reply and when I woke up there were 36, so I missed the whole discussion, and then there was much to read.

to key peg:

Learning to PLAY, however, I mean really learning, and exploring everything to do with the instrument and music, that is fascinating.

I absolutely agree with this.   I've come to the realisation that I have to take responsibility for my musical path and that means listening, studying, expressing what is within regardless of my beginning level of compositional expertise and still awkward playing style, and just diving into it. When I actually was a teenager it wasn't music but painting and drawing that obsessed me, further I had acres of time in which to be obsessed.  And then you can go to university/college and really devote yourself to something for several years!! which seems a real privilege now from my current perspective (even if it did not at the time) .

Incidentally, a few nights ago, I heard John Cage's Aria performed live, the vocalist was performing gymnastics!! And there were some other wonderful pieces by Ton de Leeuw, Georges Aperghis. Meanwhile I'm reading a book about counterpoint. And my own (miniature) pieces are modal, that's what comes out. So I've begun my exploration.

[thesuineg]

Lol thats so silly
You can become a mature pianist in 2 years for all i care, and trust me I've seen it before.
Reading and playing at the same time? That worries me if thats harder than memorizing itself. Maybe you need to practice sight-reading. Also what type of music do you compose. you should post it sometime

[m1469]

The struggles I experienced learning music are an integral but of who I am today..  especially as a teacher...  because having experienced certain difficulties and not received help..  that makes me more aware of ensuring my own students difficulties don't go unnoticed, and that I attend to them and figure them out.. and explain them properly. It's what made me become a teacher that "guides" and helps a student explore rather than who uses a "this is how its done, no questions" approach.

I think that there can be a large portion of what we experience as a struggle more because of who we are, and how we react to that is because of who we are, rather than them forming us into something we are not and have never been.  That doesn't mean we don't experience growth and change, but what is a struggle for one person isn't necessarily for another and of course people respond very differently to the struggles they have had.  You have used it to become a conscientious teacher because that's your nature, while somebody else may just be bitter, and unwilling to truly put effort into their own students after the same experiences you describe.  And it was a struggle for you to not receive the help you felt you needed because of who you are and because of whatever music/piano meant and means to you, while somebody else may have just skated along and not truly have cared or even noticed.

[moose61]

You are doing fine, you express the love of music quite clearly- there is nothing to do but  continue to learn and be yourself. There is no goal, no race, there is only the music, the gift, the privilege of performing and communicating.