Help with second student/parents

[vsrinivasa]

So here's how it is.

My first student's family apparently recommended me to another family who is looking for a new piano teacher. I met the family yesterday and their daughter is 12, very sweet and nice. She has taken exams up to grade 6 Trinity and plays quite well, from my impression of her performance. She doesn't care, but her parents are intent on me signing her up for as many exams/competitions/performances as possible. They have given me a long list of competitions she has done in the past and want me to sign her up for all of them again. I feel like this is too much, as does the student. We were wondering how to convince the parents that this is unnecessary.

Thank you for your help,
V

[teran]

We were wondering how to convince the parents that this is unnecessary.

Hahahahahaha goooood luck.

Sorry for not being any help.

[vsrinivasa]

Hahahahahaha goooood luck.

Sorry for not being any help.

The parents just called me to tell me that their daughter had talked to them about it and that they are willing to think about reconsidering.

[p2u_]

She doesn't care, but her parents are intent on me signing her up for as many exams/competitions/performances as possible. They have given me a long list of competitions she has done in the past and want me to sign her up for all of them again. I feel like this is too much, as does the student. We were wondering how to convince the parents that this is unnecessary.

I'm afraid those parents have their own identity problem, which they are trying to compensate for through their child's success. Explaining them that they shouldn't push their own goals on their child is hardly going to work. Personally, I would reject the child (think of a reason that does not offend anyone). If you still want to try and talk to them about this without attacking them personally, then here are some arguments in random order of significance:

1) There are several ways of working toward certain goals and setting standards for ourselves. It is not true that this can only take place if we compete against others.

2) The success of your child depends mostly on her competitors' failure, because by definition, not everybody can win. Therefore, losing in competitions is inevitable. It is not very wise to let a child go through all this before she's ready, because it can lead to a low self-esteem in the child if continued for too long.

3) Superior performance in piano playing actually requires the ABSENCE of competition. Constant competitions distract the child from becoming a true artist. Find some lists of competitions where first-prize winners have never been heard of again.

Hope this helps.

Paul

[vsrinivasa]

I'm afraid those parents have their own identity problem, which they are trying to compensate for through their child's success. Explaining them that they shouldn't push their own goals on their child is hardly going to work. Personally, I would reject the child (think of a reason that does not offend anyone). If you still want to try and talk to them about this without attacking them personally, then here are some arguments in random order of significance:

1) There are several ways of working toward certain goals and setting standards for ourselves. It is not true that this can only take place if we compete against others.

2) The success of your child depends mostly on her competitors' failure, because by definition, not everybody can win. Therefore, losing in competitions is inevitable. It is not very wise to let a child go through all this before she's ready, because it can lead to a low self-esteem in the child if continued for too long.

3) Superior performance in piano playing actually requires the ABSENCE of competition. Constant competitions distract the child from becoming a true artist. Find some lists of competitions where first-prize winners have never been heard of again.

Hope this helps.

Paul

That's very helpful. Thanks so much! A lot of great pianists never won any sort of competition. I found a few competitions where sixth-place finishers, etc. became world famous and first-place finishers are unheard of, and will show this to the parents. I have already covered the other two mostly, but will try again.

[pairra]

The parents just called me to tell me that their daughter had talked to them about it and that they are willing to think about reconsidering.

This is the answer to your problem. Your student has to stand up to her parents, whether it's making a compromise or completely getting out of competitions\festivals\ect. You don't really have a say in the matter.

And the parent's aren't necessarily bad. I have one family that want their kids to do all the festivals\exams I offer to my students. (No competitions though.) But they're not having an identity crises or pushing their kids. They just want the students involved in musical activities and they want them to stay motivated to practice. They're not pushing for top scores, just participating to the best of the student's capabilities. Maybe the parents of your student are the same? A bit of wishful thinking...

But it's still your student's problem to solve. Not yours. You can perhaps provide some advice or tips, but imo that should be it.