Parental Attendance to Child's Lessons

[dinulip]

Would you allow a parent to attend the lessons of his/her 6-year-old child?

[tillyfloss]

Yes.

Usually I allow the parent to sit in on the lesson for a few weeks. That way they can see how I interact with their child and know that the child is safe, settled and happy. After that, I ask them to withdraw to a waiting area I have. The door is left ajar, and the parent is welcome to pop their head round the door whenever they wish, to check that all is well. I usually find that once everyone feels comfortable, then the parent tends to leave the child and go off shopping or something without me asking.

I do explain at the beginning that they are welcome to sit in for the first few lessons, but to be prepared for me asking them to withdraw. It seems to work.

[sucom]

I always allow a parent to sit in on the first few lessons if they wish.  More often than not, a parent will always stay for at least the first lesson but after this time, I do try to encourage a child to attend their lesson alone.

Most parents are happy to leave their child once they can see the child is fine but just occasionally I do find parents attending lessons on a fairly regular basis but this is usually a parent who has some piano knowledge and is actively helping their child at home.  I don't advocate parents sitting in regularly because it is easier to build a working relationship with a child when there is only the teacher and student present.

[whartley]

I intend to require parents to be present with younger students.  It really helps because the parents are able to keep the children accountable and be involved which may bond the child and parent more.

[Bob]

Sure, as long as they don't bother and butt in.

[the89thkey]

Sure, as long as they don't bother and butt in.

Unfortunately, I find that they do...
I allow parents into the first lesson and almost never after that. Of course, exceptions exist. But they are, well, exceptional.

[mimibird]

As a parent it would make me VERY uncomfortable with the teacher if I was asked to leave my child with an authority figure with the door closed for any period of time.  If you feel the parent is "butting in", you might suggest that they bring a book or a set of earphones so as not to interrupt class time but after an incident here in our small town where young boys were being molested during music lessons by a "respected" teacher, ideas changed about who was safe and who wasn't.  The truth is...nobody is safe with your child unless you know them in all situations.

[love_that_tune]

Have you personally, or any member of your family ever been molested?  Because one teacher did so, it is not healthy to fear everybody.  Nor is it healthy to put fear into a child everywhere they go.  There's a great book, probably not still in print Liberated Parents/Liberated Children.  One of the major points in the book is that you can't always be there.  It talks about the need to teach your child awareness and appropriate behavior for themselves. 

The answer to protect a child is to be on top of their behavior and teach them how to say no. 

My own daughter at about 8 had a staff member at her school who liked to hug the kids.  She didn't like it and found it creepy.  We practiced and I coached her to go to him and tell him that she didn't like it.  He was surprised and complied, and my daughter has never had trouble with anyone doing anything she didn't want.  Now she's 28.

[maitea]

Mimibird, that is horrible!!!!!!!Oh dear! So sorry to hear that!!!!:(
However I don't think the aim of most parents who want to sit on classes is to protect their children in that way. They tend to want to "help" in the learning process, which is a great initiative, but can get in the way of the teacher. Specially if they interrupt in the lesson etc... Or if they want to teach the children after the lesson, but are not prepared to do so. Every situation is different, though. I tend to welcome them to stay during the consultation lesson, maybe one or two weeks, but then, they are invited to stay in the other room too. I always have the door open, so I guess they can hear everything, but I believe it is important for the child to be independent and responsible for himself. And they need some space too!

[maitea]

Bravo love_that_tune!

[matt_walker]

Bravo love_that_tune!

I second that!

I have no problems with parents sitting in, although they don't usually. I can see how it'd be a problem if they were butting in and such, but I've never had that problem. Seems to me teachers (especially men, rightly or wrongly) have to be careful when dealing with children these days. It never usually worries me, although I'd feel uncomfortable if I was left alone in the house with them. You need someone there for your protection as well as the child's.

[gsmile]

Yes, if only for the first little while. They can do whatever they want, and I'll only kick them out if they end up being a disruption. Of course, most parents just end up detaching themselves eventually...

[iansinclair]

Speaking as a parent (although I'm a grandfather now, I have a good memory!) may I suggest that the decision should be a mutual one, between you, the child, and the parent?  I would strongly suggest, though, that you discourage the parent from being in the same music room as the lesson; it's distracting for the child.  On the other hand, I would also strongly suggest that you make some provision for the parent to be at least nearby, if not within earshot.

Why?  Well... it may make some parents more comfortable.  It may be the only real option for the parent, other than going and sitting in their car (my children's piano teacher lived well out in the country; had she not had a comfortable kitchen, I would have been sitting out in the car for the duration of the lesson -- and, bluntly, would have found another teacher who was more accomodating).  It may make some children more comfortable.

One size fits all very rarely works...

[fleetfingers]

My childhood piano teacher had set up cameras in the studio, and then created a separate seating area for parents to watch on a TV screen. You could change the channel to get different views from various cameras throughout the room.

I agree that it depends on the child and the parent. I've found that some parents can be distracting or interfering, and some children are distracted by their parent's presence. On the other hand, I have a couple of parents who sit in the same room, and it doesn't bother me or the student. If there is ever a problem, I just ask them sit in another room.

[neciebugs]

I have a small condo, so unfortunately I have only a few options... "Come back in 30 minutes," "sit on my patio," or "have a seat, but please don't disrupt." I encourage them to bring a laptop and provide a free dedicated wifi login. Most use it.

I have only 4 pupils. One is a neighbor's 10 year old and she comes on her own. Another is a brother sister pair, and the mom sits quietly with the other child either on the patio or in my living room. The other walks over with her son and does homework while he has his lesson. I have had no problems so far... At first, I had the occasional interruptions from one, and I explained why it is best to hold questions until I am done with her child, and she stopped interrupting.

I do wish I had a second room for them to sit, but I live in Southern CA and real estate is at a premium.

For me, it works... :-)


Neciebugs

[dagny_taggart]

I never allow parents to sit in. It makes it difficult to form a relationship with a student when someone is watching -- at least for me, it is. I always give an overview of the lesson afterwards so that parent will know everything taught. But it is highly unprofessional to allow a parent to sit there watching. They cannot attend school with their kids so why must they attend their child's lessons? I find it be unnecessary and paranoid. I lost one student over this; the father was too controlling and virtually wanted control over the lessons. It is one of the pitfalls of traveling to people's homes to teach: they think that they run the lesson and not I.

[keypeg]

But it is highly unprofessional to allow a parent to sit there watching.

Calling teachers who make other choices unprofessional goes too far.  It depends why they allow it, and what they do with it.  The most well known is the Suzuki system, which gives parents a role.  Some other teachers also give guidance to parents on their role once the children are home practising, when they are young and beginners.  These things are quite professional, imho. 

[iansinclair]

They cannot attend school with their kids so why must they attend their child's lessons? I find it be unnecessary and paranoid. 

First off, to term it "paranoid" is going a bit far.  And may I remind you that one of the things a good many parents have against modern schooling is precisely that they are not allowed any input into what goes on at school?  In is not that they want to be controlling -- although there may always be a few -- but that they feel that they have the primary responsibility for the upbringing of their children.

One size and approach does not fit all -- there is no one right way.

[pairra]

I always give the parent and student a choice, because people like choices. And for the most part, parents usually attend the first few lessons then and after that, stay in the waiting area. I always keep the door open, unless the parent closes it to keep out a noisy, younger sibling.  For students that are young or slightly rambunctious, the parent usually stays by their own choice.

When I first started teaching, it did make me uncomfortable to have the parent there because their presence put pressure on me. But that was my own anxiety issues and I just tried my best to ignore them. Now, I'm used to it.