Spinoff: Parental Attendance to Child's Lessons

[hsalix]

I have a similar problem to Dinulip who posted the thread titled "Parental Attendance to Child's Lessons."  In my case, a mother has been attending her two children's lessons with me for the past year.  I was okay with that until recently, when I realized that her presence and comments (unfortunately often critical, although I'm sure she doesn't mean it that way) could hinder her children's progress, and at the very least, annoy me.  Her children are 7 & 9 and will be taking 45-min lessons, so I think that they are more than mature enough to be able to be able to attend their lessons alone.

But the dilemma is: how do I tactfully break it to her that she needs to drop them off?    I shouldn't have let this go on for so long, but as I said, this has only started to become a problem recently.  I've definitely learned my lesson and in the future, parents will be allowed in only for a couple of weeks.

Thanks for any input!

[the89thkey]

Hmmm...difficult situation. What I would do is be honest. Call up the mother (do not text, call instead) and tell her that her child's progress is being hindered by her presence and it would be better if she could stay out during lessons. She will want her money's worth, I don't see the situation being very awkward if handled correctly. Hope I helped...

[tillyfloss]

Tricky...after letting it go on for so long. However, this is a good time of year to bring in new ways of doing things. I was in a similar situation once. Instead of having properly thought out Terms and Cons from the start, mine 'evolved' over time. I did, however 'take the bull by the horns' one day and sent out a letter to all students and parents saying (politely), that for everyone's convenience, from date x I would be making alterations to the way I conducted my studio, & stipulated how. i.e. a list of terms and cons. I gave them a time period leading up to the actual changeover date so that they could voice any issues.

I think you have to be prepared to lose a couple of people when you do things like this though. (Usually  the ones who cause the most aggravation anyway).

I've found that having a small waiting area does help, (if you can arrange one), as you simply direct Mrs. Whosoever to a seat outside the lesson room with a breezy...'Do make yourself comfortable . We won't be long'.

Or...if you get on particularly well with this parent, I think I'd just  face the situation head on and say that as it's a new year/new semester you now need the children to have their lessons without a parental presence just like all the other children as it's important in many ways (feel free to list). In fact I did just this at the last lesson before Christmas with a parent who has stayed sitting in for longer than I would like. In fact I was rather blunt about it, and her response was simply  'Oh O.K'.

Hope you find a way to sort this out.The Mother may just be a little insecure about leaving the youngest one, of course.

[mcdiddy1]

I think it depends on the parent's behavior and understanding of role on whether it is helpful in the lesson. Often parents in the lesson can give insight on difficulties student's may have at home and learn what the expectation in the lessons are and how they can help their child learn at home. Occasionally some parents can be unintentionally become a problem. The last time I had a problem with this, in which I felt the parent was putting some undue pressure on the student I simply said to the student, "I know you are feeling very pressured by having so many people tell you what to do, but I feel you are doing so well." I think it sends a powerful message of showing that you care for their child and still addressing the problem. After that the parent did not sit in during the other lessons. That I think is the easiest way. I think if you the parent continue to persist just have an honest conversation about how you feel their child in particular does his/her best learning with one teacher. If you put the child's best interest above your or the parent's comfort or ego the parent will agree with you if they feel you are telling them this from a good place.

[timbo178]

I think students generally do better if their parents actively participate in the lessons so at home, the parent can remind the student what the teacher told them to do during the lesson, and encourage them to practice regularly.

So perhaps it would be a good idea to communicate this first to the mother and thank her for her interest in her children's lessons, and that they are progressing well because of it.

Then perhaps suggest that her comments are perceived by you as overly critical, and may also come across to the children as such, and that they would respond better to encouragement rather than any negative comments.

Then perhaps ask the mother if you can do a little experiment; say you want to see if it makes a difference to the way the children interact with you if the mother attends but pretends to be disinterested by reading a magazine.

Asking the mother not to attend the lesson is a bit of a drastic action, it seems to me. But if you want to do it, then instead of asking the mother to sit in and pretend to be disinterested, the experiment is you'd like to see how the children interact with you when she is not there but sitting outside. You just want to see if they are freer in their response, less afraid to make mistakes, and more creative in their ideas.

[hsalix]

Thanks everyone!  The problem was solved, I just asked her if she could drop them off and pick them up, since that's what the other parents do, and pointed out that it allows the kids to relax more and also take greater responsibility (and pride) regarding their learning.  So they were dropped off and picked up with no problems, and she seemed kind of relieved that she didn't have to sit through the full 1.5 hours of teaching.  Since she doesn't actively participate in the practicing, it's not like it makes much of a difference whether she's there or not, but at least now her daughter doesn't need to deal with her comments on her performance.  She's a sweet lady, but just doesn't understand how she comes across while making these comments.