Students who think they can treat you badly.

[outin]

In a way I am a servant to my students but I don't think I have to put up with double standards even though with this student they have no idea that I thought their response to me was unfair.

I'm afraid i just can't see a double standard here. They cancelled last minute, you could have told them tough luck, no rescheduling. But you didn't, you made them a promise but could not keep it. Are you saying that they broke a promise when they cancelled last minute? I can't see it that way, because I think it is expected that people sometimes are not able to attend a lesson and only find out last minute.

I think it would have been double standard if you had told them that you are ill and they still would have said they are disappointed in you. But you practically told them that you "favored" another student over them. It would be more equivalent to them cancelling the lesson last minute because they found a better teacher. From this point of view maybe their behavior makes a bit more sense.

[lostinidlewonder]

Those of you who have the opinion that I am wrong, you can harvest that it doesn't bother me, but debating that point goes nowhere. You are not contributing to my thread in a manner that tells me anything constructive. None of you have relayed your own experiences of being treated badly by students so you are missing one main point of this thread. You think you can gang up on me with your comments that I was wrong etc? Who gives a damn, only yourself. Why not relate your own teaching experiences and how you dealt with it, trying to comment on my situation as if you knew it better than I did is just foolishness.

[nyiregyhazi]

Those of you who have the opinion that I am wrong, you can harvest that it doesn't bother me, but debating that point goes nowhere. You are not contributing to my thread in a manner that tells me anything constructive. None of you have relayed your own experiences of being treated badly by students so you are missing one main point of this thread. You think you can gang up on me with your comments that I was wrong etc? Who gives a damn, only yourself. Why not relate your own teaching experiences and how you dealt with it, trying to comment on my situation as if you knew it better than I did is just foolishness.

Gang up on you? No, we all recognise the lack of professionalism in offering a time and then casually reneging on it for the personal convenience of taking on something else (in a manner that favoured a short notice request for a lesson over an already promised arrangement). You can slag off everyone else along with myself, but this is just getting more embarrassing with every additional response. If you're so comfortable in your behaviour, stop defending it so aggressively and go about being comfortable with yourself instead- and above all stop being so damned rude to everyone who sees that you made an error that caused this situation.

[p2u_]

Those of you who have the opinion that I am wrong, you can harvest that it doesn't bother me, but debating that point goes nowhere. You are not contributing to my thread in a manner that tells me anything constructive. None of you have relayed your own experiences of being treated badly by students so you are missing one main point of this thread. You think you can gang up on me with your comments that I was wrong etc? Who gives a damn, only yourself. Why not relate your own teaching experiences and how you dealt with it, trying to comment on my situation as if you knew it better than I did is just foolishness.

What a pity you limit this topic in this way, LiiW!

1) People may not have this experience
2) People may have had similar experiences that were so painful that they'd rather not share it with anyone online.

It is just so much easier and safer to comment on what they would have done, and this can still be for the benefit of all. Please do not take the reactions as a personal accusation, because if you do, nobody will react anymore and this topic will be clinically dead.

Paul

[keypeg]

I suppose that teachers can relate incidences when they were actually treated badly by a student, and that would make for a good contrast with the present incident.

[lostinidlewonder]

I suppose that teachers can relate incidences when they were actually treated badly by a student, and that would make for a good contrast with the present incident.

That is exactly what I asked for, all the responses disagreeing with me are relating ZERO personal experience with this, thus everything they say is just in their heads. I want professional teachers experiences with this, anyone can give their opinion on someone else but I have already pointed out I know my situation I want to hear other peoples. It seems some members have troubles answer the point of the thread created by the OP and want to make up their own ideas. lol funny

Please continue your empty comments about me, it makes you look more and more stupid as you can't answer the main question posted in the OP.

[p2u_]

I suppose that teachers can relate incidences when they were actually treated badly by a student, and that would make for a good contrast with the present incident.

I can (as a matter of fact, I already did that in another topic), but repeating the details will hardly be interesting for anyone. I was accused by a student's envious relatives of being a pedophile for being too good, and in the end, even the student herself started believing the rumors. Isn't that painful enough to NOT give the details? I already reflected what I learned from that experience: if you try to be kind at the cost of your own principles [and dignity], you'll suffer because there is no defense once they start their thing...

Paul

[lostinidlewonder]

If it is too painful then simply don't respond to this thread. It's not that difficult. If you have no personal experience then also don't respond. Comments on my situation and GUESSES at how I dealt with it and whether your OPINION agrees or disagrees with my situation is totally irrelevant to me. Yes it is a public forum but when you try to debate MY situation you are making it personal no matter how you try to avoid that. Of every single member on pianostreet and the ENTIRE internet I know my situation better than any of you. It is highly amusing that some responders think they know my situation better and THEY WHERE NOT EVEN THERE LOLOLOOOOOLOOOLOLLOLOLL. Delusional much?

So yes please present your own experiences that was the point of this thread, no responses as of yet have relayed their own experience.

[j_menz]

GUESSES at how I dealt with it

Since you did describe how you dealt with it (in your original post), I don't see anyone having to guess much.

It is highly amusing that some responders think they know my situation better and THEY WHERE NOT EVEN THERE LOLOLOOOOOLOOOLOLLOLOLL. Delusional much?

Likewise. You appear to have little faith in your ability to capture the situation so others can understand.

I actually wonder whether the purpose of the original post was to share experiences or plead for sympathy.

[chopin2015]

Those of you who have the opinion that I am wrong, you can harvest that it doesn't bother me, but debating that point goes nowhere. You are not contributing to my thread in a manner that tells me anything constructive. None of you have relayed your own experiences of being treated badly by students so you are missing one main point of this thread. You think you can gang up on me with your comments that I was wrong etc? Who gives a damn, only yourself. Why not relate your own teaching experiences and how you dealt with it, trying to comment on my situation as if you knew it better than I did is just foolishness.

you are not wrong...but you can fix this really easily. Communicate more with the student and/or family. You are the mature person here.

[lostinidlewonder]

I agree communication is very important and I make it a rule not to argue with clients. I was very apologetic at this situation and the student has no sense of my disagreement with how they treated me. How I am discussing it here I would never discuss with a student, on a forum where we are anon it is a good place to talk about things you otherwise would not talk about. I thought there would be teachers who shared experiences similar to mine and could say how they dealt with it.

[lostinidlewonder]

Since you did describe how you dealt with it (in your original post), I don't see anyone having to guess much.

Likewise. You appear to have little faith in your ability to capture the situation so others can understand.

I actually wonder whether the purpose of the original post was to share experiences or plead for sympathy.

Meh boring.

[p2u_]

So yes please present your own experiences that was the point of this thread, no responses as of yet have relayed their own experience.

OK.

I had this student once, a girl you would call a standard "loser". She wanted to please her father, but she couldn't. The father was also quite a despot, who had threatened more than once to destroy the piano with an axe (!) if she didn't do better.

In a fit of heroism, I decided to "save" the girl from herself and from her father. This was my first mistake. I did that for free because her father was disabled and piano is virtually something for people with money if the student has no special abilities herself. This was my second mistake.

She went from being a loser to someone who really attracted attention to such an extent that a relative, whose supposedly "talented" daughter I had previously rejected started spreading rumors. This can't be possible. If someone does this for free with such quality, he must be a pedophile.

I continued the lessons, although I should have known better. This was my third mistake. In the end, when even the girl herself started questioning my sincere intentions, I was forced to leave. This almost lead to a successful suicide attempt on my part because my eyes had been opened to how naive I had been all the time.

Lessons learned:
1) You can't "save" people if they don't want to be saved themselves.
2) As soon as you feel that the student-teacher relationship is affected by ANYTHING you cannot change yourself, get out of the game.
3) NEVER give away power over the situation.

Paul

[lostinidlewonder]

I appreciate you sharing your experience p2u this is exactly what I was looking for, thank you very much! The mention of an Axe would have been enough for me to run for the hills lol. My dad actually knew an engineer who went into an office and use a chainsaw to cut the table in half because of his frustrations, so I'm very wary of this lol.

[keypeg]

I would like to understand what the purpose of this is, and what benefits it brings.  I am truly puzzled.  Being addressed as a professional was not satisfying, but getting tales of actual true bad bad things is.  To what end?

[outin]

Those of you who have the opinion that I am wrong, you can harvest that it doesn't bother me, but debating that point goes nowhere. You are not contributing to my thread in a manner that tells me anything constructive. None of you have relayed your own experiences of being treated badly by students so you are missing one main point of this thread.

My apologies for replying to your thread in a wrong way. I will try to behave better in the future 

[lostinidlewonder]

One point of sharing bad experiences is to let other teachers know that these things can happen, so if something bad happens to them they know that others have also experienced it. It is normal to come across bad mannered clients, it is just a matter of time that you eventually will come across one. It is reassuring to know that others also experience it, it is also of interest to know what the situation was. Some may realize that others had it A LOT WORSE than they ever had and this can make them feel somewhat more comfortable dealing with their lesser problems.

[keypeg]

That makes sense now.  Thank you.