strange feelings that does not help you even if you have max.love 4 music

[elenka]

Hello!

This week I have a pseudo-admission in a music accademy, it's not really an accadem, but a school where there are many courses of music. the one I'm trying to get in is a two year high education for advanced pianist. Mainly are individual lessons with a profienced teacher. I still don't know whether I'd like to get the specialization in music teaching or concert performer,beacause the opportunities for me to play in front of a audience are very rare, I mean I'm totally unused to play in front people, I get so freaking scared. During piano lessons I play well 1/4 comparing when I play home alone. It's so freaking frustrating.
Last saturday I had piano lesson and I didn't play well, it seemed like I forgot the notes and I've never played the music, then I thought that if the same thing would happen on thursday with the theacher who never listen to me playing I'll be shot. Yesterday night after dinner I sat at the piano and I played the same pieces I played at lesson. They weren't perfect but freaking mich better than tha day before! I don't really understand what happen to me, why am I so freaking scared, what am I afraid of when I play in front other people, maybe their opinion their critics, comment? And then I also think "but who cares!I'm not one of those famous pianist that they may compromise they carreer if they don't play well". Dunno what to say, the  "audition" is coming up and I don't trust enough in me...

[forte88]

Just practise more in front of people and on different pianos. I have the same kind of thing practising in front of people coz I'm used to playing on a digital piano with headphones on. Then as soon as I'm on a real piano it's like my handmemory disapppears and it's as if I'm playing for the first time.

[bernadette60614]

I am not where near your level of proficiency but I have similar experiences (always playing better alone then at a lesson, e.g.)

What helps me:

Recording myself.

I have a Roland electronic which allows me to record my performance and for me it simulates the "playing in front of others" state of tension and excitement.

Just a thought!