Thinking about giving up teaching

[anakha13]

Hi all,

This is my first post.

I've been teaching piano since I was 16 (I'm 28 now). I've just become so disillusioned by teaching to the point that I am considering whether it is worth my sanity to stay teaching any longer.

I've heard it said that the best pianists don't make the best teachers. I think some of the problem lies in the fact that I love music so much, and I regard piano to be such a joy, but to have ungrateful students who leave over a petty thing to do with billing or rescheduling has really upset me. Most the times I find myself not concentrating on the music but just how to deal with the student. It really upsets me when parents and students don't give me respect. I really try hard to ensure their child's learning experience is as healthy and educational as possible. I organise concerts and feel I am always the person chasing up on everything. And then there is nothing I can do when a parent or child loses interest or considers them not to be good enough and quits lessons.

I find this deeply upsetting because when both me and brother learnt piano as kids, there wasn't any such thing as giving up. We had to go to piano and that was it. If the teacher said we weren't practising, then we weren't practising and we had to practise. I find that nowadays, if I say anything bad at all about a student's practise habits or behaviour during the lesson, the parents will take their kids' side. I don't see how this is of benefit. 'Oh, so and so was probably tired'. 'Oh, of course they don't have time to practise. They have soccer practise and swimming and dancing'. Excuse me, but this isn't my problem. You want your kid to learn piano, they gotta practise! I've had a parent pull their kid out of lessons after I said he wasn't practising (he was 14 and a beginner and did jack for 4 weeks of lessons) and I've had a parent blame me for their students' failure in an exam because they did not practise 6 weeks before the exam. I told them not to go for it because there was a chance they'd fail, but of course my advice is only fit to be ignored!

I own a small piano studio which has now been running for one and a half years. In that time and before, I've dealt with so much crap you would not believe. People running out in the middle of the month without having paid their lesson fees for the month, constant absenteeism, and people
trying to dictate the terms of their own lessons! Not to mention students coming and going like crazy- 'Oh he/she isn't interested in piano anymore'. In the first year I tried all sorts of tricks to keep students' attention and make their learning interesting- fortnightly classes for students to play music games and learn note reading in a fun way, challenge projects where they would earn points and lollies, concerts, and a website/facebook page where I share links for parents and students on music files, videos, and articles. All this effort I've put in out of my own time and find it's repaid with ingratitude and indifference.

I don't know if any piano teachers out there have any similar experiences and whether you have any advice to share with me. I have just about had enough!

[eric0773]

Hello,

I see two solutions: (1) stop teaching or (2) make it very explicit during the first class that you need commitment (half an hour a day, for instance). With the latter, you may end up with more interested/interesting students. Also, prior to the first lesson, for children, you can also ask how many other activities they have (sports, etc.), and decide whether there is room for piano on top of all that.

For payment, you could establish strict procedures. My teacher requires me to pay for my lessons for the entire month on the first lesson of the month, which limits the potential issues.

If you can somehow improve the quality of your "portfolio" of students, I am sure you will enjoy teaching much more, although I guess it is easier said than done.

Best of luck!

[dima_76557]

ungrateful students

Maybe you need other TYPE of students? Best students are other teacher's students who are not really beginners but stopped or struggle because of "lack of talent", "lack of progress", etc. even with hard work. If you can do it, they are very grateful category and you will feel like king.
P.S.: I was such student myself.

[hardy_practice]

I could early retire with a smaller pension - and don't I think about it every day!  There are as few good students as there as good teachers.  Besides, what's the point of saying the same thing year after year and seeing the same results year after year?  The kids love their lessons but I don't see any Paderewskis - they're too busy on social networks (either real or virtual).  And maybe they're right.

[anakha13]

Thanks for your responses. I feel better having read them. I also feel better reading about other teachers' problems!!! It really helps knowing I'm not the only one having them. Being a piano teacher can more often than not be a really lonely profession and I am glad for getting some support!

[hardy_practice]

People don't realize even classroom teaching can be quite lonely.  You can easily spend all day hardly meeting, let alone talking to an adult!  It's a strange artificial world.

[keypeg]

I have a thought for addressing part of the problems, leaving aside that your feelings are justified.  This is in view of getting the parents a bit more on your side.  If you tell a parent that their child is not practicing, the parent can see it as a criticism of their child - you don't like the child, or you are judging the child negatively.  Of course this is stupid, but let's deal with what might be there, stupid or not.  You are the authority figure, and you don't like what their child did, so you get this defensiveness.  So how about some psychology?

You can present things in a way that makes it look like you are considering the well-being of their child. Well, in fact, you are, but the parents aren't getting it.  Tell them something like; you want your child to reach his full potential in playing.  You want him to progress, and progressing can only happen if he practices.  Speak of the enjoyment he will get when he practices and starts being able to play well - the pleasure we all get through that.  Tell them that practice is effective when regular - say at least 5 days/week - and it has little effect if infrequent.  Make all of it your concern for their child's satisfaction in playing, and none of it a criticism of their child as a bad student.

You can also ask if there are problems preventing practice, questions that haven't been asked, in an atmosphere of helping and collaboration.

I am a trained teacher but I run a business in another area, and am constantly dealing with customers.  I discovered that I get more cooperation when I turn everything into "How this is beneficial for you." regardless of what I'm thinking, or how unfair some situations are.  I don't know how things were in the past when we were the kids and our parents made the decisions.  They were probably less likely to make excuses.  If times have changed, we have to deal with what's out there, I guess.

That said, I was a parent with a child taking lessons, and there are things I wish I had known or asked back then.

[bernadette60614]

It is timely that you posted. I'm not a teacher, but a student of a teacher with whom I very recently almost "broke up". 

At my last lesson, she told me that she teaches 50 students and only 3 to 4 really care. 

From the student's perspective, I think that it would be helpful if teachers did the following:

1)  Understood that most students do not come to lessons knowing how to learn music, how to practice, how to push through challenges and problems.  We're taught to read, to do math, to past tests...but I would contend that learning the connection between brain and body at a keyboard is unique.

2)  Create a "deal" with every child and their parent that the child will practice x amount of time per day.  You could even give each child a calendar so they can check off or note how much time they did each day and what they played ...kind of a musical diary. (I'm an adult and I do this.)

3)  Give each student an assignment book with that week's assignment:  learn these measures, hone this, etc.

4)  I think if you structure what happens BEFORE the lessons, get some "pre-commitments" and have a method for tracking practice, you'll find that students are more engaged in the process.

You may not have the next Kissin coming to you, but I think there are ways to make learning music, piano in particular, more accessible for your students and more fulfilling for you professionally.

Finally, speaking personally, you never know how today's currently indifferent student can turn into tomorrow's passion amateur....
 

[m1469]

It's a strange line in teaching, between the effort you're putting in and what you are getting out.  If you are bending over backwards and not feeling like you're getting enough in return, you can burn out.  But, you can burn out just as easily by not putting enough effort in, too.  I think you're in the first category and can probably dial it back to where it's not frustrating you the same way.

For me, I've been teaching since 2001 and definitely went down some crazy routes trying to spark the love for my students.  And I know what it's like to resent it, too.  It might be interesting to investigate a bit about why you feel strongly about putting in some of the efforts you are putting in - is it based on your students' needs or is it based on something you need?

[ted]

I cannot comment on the actual music teaching as I have taught only two or three people improvisation, and they were enthusiastic adults. The business about the parents always siding with the pupil, however, is frequent to the point of being a serious issue in schools, at least in this country. I know this from talking to friends who are teachers. My wife was a primary teacher and she was verbally attacked by the parents of some little perisher she disciplined who disrupted the classroom. She ended up before a board of trustees and the incident was a factor in her deciding to retire. I don't doubt the very rare occasion for complaint exists, but my parents let my teachers get on with the job and backed them up against me if necessary. I did the same with my son.

This is a serious issue throughout education these days and I sympathise but can proffer no easy answer.

[keyofc]

Anaka,

I have often felt like you described - and then, I end up receiving a student that loves music so much that I forget about the craziness of my own feelings before then.

There have been some students I've so bent over backwards for to find their 'learning style' (Since it didn't seem to fit in any of the ones - that I'd studied) that I felt like I was just about exhausting all avenues.

The strange part to me - is why do some of us care so much and some care not at all??
I think as frustrating as it is at times - I'm glad I'm in the first category - as you obviously are too

I think parents make excuses for the kids because they are really the responsible ones for motivating the kids to practice.  So they are really excusing themselves - they are getting blamed all the time for not having perfect kids.   So they get defensive - I think keypeg's idea is great - how can we package it to turn it into sounding "This is beneficial for you"

I don't doubt you've already tried most of the suggestions, though.

I had a child recently start about a month ago - and shows up crying at my door because she hates to practice.  I can't believe it - her parents were both with her.   I'm all about piano - so why come here then?

But in the midst of all the challenges, every once-in-a-while - a student shows up wanting to do their best and actually starts writing notes and you see the light come on in their head as they play passages they couldn't play.

I would rather play the piano for a living than teach - because when I play - I am always experiencing joy!  When I teach - the joy is sporadic. 
And sometimes - just traumatic!

I have been considering changing my advertisements to 'looking for students that
enjoy challenges or something like that...

Good luck - I hear you - and I know what you mean!
I'm sure you have made a big difference in many people's lives!s
Your students are lucky to have you!

[kchi]

If you are a private piano teacher in the U.S. and would like more dedicated students (and cooperative parents,) I recommend that you try to find a job at a pre-college or similar institution. The students must audition to get into the school, and there are exams and evaluations at the end of the year. The students must perform in school recitals and masterclasses, study theory and ear training, and play chamber music. Some pre-colleges even require music theory courses. Basically, you'll be teaching some well rounded young musicians.

[kchi]

Some pre-colleges even require music theory courses.

I meant to say music HISTORY. Whoops.

[kyle556]

Hey There!

Firstly, sorry to hear you're going through some frustration, we've all been there.  To elaborate on a previous reply to the original post, there is always the option to stray away from the parent/child combo.  Almost all of my students are in the 16-25 age bracket, having been taught music in some form in the past, whether piano, theory, or both. A lot of these students come to me, no parents involved, making the whole experience of teaching much much more genuine for everyone.   I've been teaching for about 5 years now, starting with youngsters, with similar problems as you!   This is why I decided to seek out a different level of teaching.  Most of my students are intermediates, and many of them are music theory students as well.   If this isn't what you are looking for as a teacher, I understand; one day I hope too that a wonderfully dedicated beginner appears out of the thin air to bring me fulfillment in my work.

Good luck, friend!

[pianist1976]

I also get frustrated with a few (lot of) pupils who are real slackers who only play in my class, not even a note at home. But I don't give up teaching because of four main reasons:

1) I love teaching
2) As a pianist I'm benefited by teaching. I learn a lot from my pupils and they push me to think a lot
3) I need it in order to get the money for paying house, food... and maintaining the instruments (tuning is not free... nor cheap)
4) The few pupils I have that really work makes it worth regardless the slacker ones.

[keyofc]

Great reasons - summed up nicely!

[thaicheow]

Hi,

I can feel totally empathize with the one who post this tread.

I myself also thinking of giving up teaching. Maybe a short sabbatical back in my hometown. I also constantly feel not being respected, and students parents seems always give me tonne of craps.

But meanwhile I suppose we teachers have to take it easy, or lightly upon these matters. This is, in my opinion, part and puzzle of teachers' life, especially is you are teaching music. As our society don't seem to care much about music education, it is getting harder.

Sometimes, even during my lessons, I can't help but keep thinking why am I here with these lousy, uncommitted students? Wouldn't it better if I spend my time tending my own business, or even better still if I can spend my time doing my own practice?

But to think that maybe somewhat selfish? Well, once awhile, may be one in few ten students, you will find one who are truly interested, and wanting to know more about music from you. And also, while teaching works of some great composers, I think I have to be "honest" and humble to all these greats, by not doing a lousy teaching job.

Hope other teachers won't give up. We maybe constantly frustrated by reality, but maybe we should ask ourselves what is the first reason that we stick to music?

Good luck.   

[1piano4joe]

Hi anakha13,

I gave up teaching.  I don't miss it one bit. Nope. Nada. Not one iota.

No more crap, stress, or aggravation. However, if you squint your eyes while looking at my forehead you will still faintly see the words "welcome". Yes, I was a welcome mat for many.

Not home, missed appointments, cancellations, reschedules, make-ups. I need this?

One parent was laughing how she completely forgot about the lesson for her son. I drove to their house for nothing and they thought this was somehow, someway funny.

Bad Checks. Non payment. Rudeness. Selfishness. Attack cats who sharpen their claws on your jacket. Dogs where the best case scenario is being licked to death but more frequently scare you to death. Yes, I've been bitten and had clothes muddied.

Pitbulls, snakes, ferrets and squawking birds. Mom making a racket in the kitchen. Remodeling, new window installions, lawnmowers, painting fumes. Teaching in peoples homes is no picnic.

Finding notes on the door when they should have called and saved me a trip.

Doorbells that don't work. No house numbers on their house. Crabby neighbors who complain about where your parked. I'm only in front of your house for an hour but of course they own the street right?

Fortunes lost on advertising and marketing not to mention time and effort wasted trying to drum up business.

One went to the movies. Why would they do this when they have an appointment with me?

Strangely the ones who come often and regularly pay you full price. No questions asked. The ones who want a break in the price turn out to be the flakes.

Some are just miserable people. It's not about me at all. Do technique and they complain about repertoire.  Do repertoire and they complain about technique. Do both and they complain about why they are still on the same piece when obviously they haven't practiced.

The ratio of bad experiences to good is very high.

Every year I would have a day full of 10 lessons scheduled and not one was taught. I rationalized that "the big picture" was that at the end of the year I was making $50,000.00 +. So, I learned to accept this.

I can't drop everyone of my students that I'd like to, now can I? I have to make intelligent decisions based on each and every unique situation.

If the kid is a joy, a pleasure to teach and the mom or dad a nuisance then what do you do? Well, I take other things into consideration such as how far I have to travel and whether they fit conveniently into my schedule.

How long is my waiting list? Are they flexible with the time of their lesson. This can be very important when doing lessons in their home as I try to schedule lessons in the same geographical area, neighborhood or town back to back so I'm not driving all over creation in my car. This often requires changing someones time by an hour which many have a problem with.

I used to drive 35 minutes in my car to the same town on three different days of the week because they wouldn't let me book the appointments all on the same day. This can be very taxing as well as frustrating. I don't get paid for driving around in my car.

I will do the math for you. $60 for a one hour lesson. Okay, $20 of each lesson goes to so called "cost effective" advertising. Which means I net $40 per hour, right? Wrong! Not even close. A gallon of gas is $4 and then their is the wear and tear on my car. So $36 per hour, right? Well, your getting warmer.
If I travel 30 minutes to you and another 30 minutes back or to my next lesson then from the teacher's perspective, we have worked not one but two hours. So $36 divided by two is now $18 an hour.

Now with all the paperwork and phone calls which are time intensive and the people who refuse to pay for missed lessons which is lost time maybe I should divide $36 per hour by three and not two. What am I really making? I really, really don't want an answer to this question. It might be less than the legal minimum wage and violate all I kind of labor laws.

I don't like being on call 24/7 neither. They call 7 am. They call at midnight. I don't like working (notice I didn't say teaching) 7 days a week all hours of the day.

When are they available? Why after school of course or on weekends. Weekends were so busy I invented TGIM. Yes, Thank God It's Monday! After working mostly 1-11 weekdays (yes that's 10 hour days) I get to work 8-11 on weekends. No overtime of course. I actually only teach 6 students a day but it requires hours of 1-11 since I might drive an hour away to get to the first student. And more travel time from student to student. And then run back home for a lesson there and then back out in the car again.

I am getting ill just writing this out!

There are no benefits, overtime, holiday pay. Yeah right.

The worst is when you get sick. On the rare occasion when I have cancelled, parents have been very nasty like when my brother died. I had been crying all morning. I don't know how I remained professional enough to even phone them and let them know I wouldn't be coming rather than just not showing up. And if you go to their home with a cold, blowing your nose and coughing then they complain about that. If you don't do the lesson, then you don't get paid and since experience has taught me they may complain anyway I often go to the house sick, period. I bring cough drops and try not to talk too much on these days.

Parents drop their kid(s) off supposedly for piano lessons but in turns into babysitting when they don't comeback on time. This is still better than the overly involved, pain-in-the-ass, helicopter parents.

I have had students who cried when I praised them. I was surprised to find out how critical their parents were of their playing. I have to be a psychologist too, evidently.

I could go on and on and...

Thinking about giving up teaching? I'm not surpised.

I sincerely hope I have helped other teachers by sharing some of my experiences, Joe.

P.S. On bad days I have found it very useful to think to myself that the lessons are "FREE" and I am being paid mainly to put up with the insanity.

[anakha13]

Hi everyone,

Thank you for your empathy and kind responses. I've been reading alot of articles from piano teachers lately and getting that support is really helpful. For me now, I've been trying to separate my teaching/admin/preparation/worrying time from my normal life time. I've begun to see that I've made this my life but it doesn't have to be. It's just my job. I've also realised that students or parents aren't friends!! I've tried to spend time and talk to people who really matter and care for me.