Hi scottfrock
I am a similar case when I was a child. as early as three years, I played simple pieces by ear so my mom made me take lessons. My teachers were mostly traditional so I was ao forced to learn to read notes and play pieces which never really enchanted me. When my teacher wasn't around, I contnued to play by ear until now.
However, there was a difference when I reached elementary years in school. I brought some pieces I liked and my teacher taught me to play following the notes, particularly modern music. There was a problem, though. I would get bored with the notes so I tended to embellish. When it came to classical music, I had to really force myself to comply.
In my case, I was impatient to learn the hard disciplined way, which may be what is happeningto your pupil. He probably believes he can do a better job if he used his own approach which is not the schooled approach you would like him to imbibe.
Perhaps, i need to tell you something that eventually helped me change a bit. When I was twelve years old, my teacher made me watch concerts and listen to pianists play certain types of music which would catch my attention. Gershwin was one of the composers she exposed me to and because I became so fascinated, I opted to study Rhapsody in Blue, the original solo version, which even to my own surprise, I volunteered to laboriously and diligently study. From then on, I took reading notes more seriously. Now that I am much older, although I still play by ear, I now discipline myself to study my pieces meticulously.
Perhaps, counting may not be the technique that would inspire the kid to read notes and get the right tempo. Chances are, he may have his own tempo in his head and believes that's the innovation in the piece he wants to make. In one of our music schools here,they have two types of teachers - one who encourages kids to learn playing by ear first so that they can play the pieces they like, and the other is the one who teaches kids to read notes. What I observed is that eventually, the kids who initially learned to play pieces by ear eventually became more mature and opted to challenge themselves to read notes so that they could play pieces that were more classical and difficult. The teachers needed to be patient though, since these kids need to just eventually find it in themselves to learn music another way.
I do hope you won't give up on the child ... my teachers didn't give up on me, but I was idiotic enough to give up on them because I felt they didn't understand. Now, looking back, I realize they were right and I am so glad I still remember their exercises and words and wisdom ... and guess what, I'm going back to them now, studying like an obsessed fanatic to catch up for the years I lost. I'm not regretting though ... because now I can proudly say, I can play by ear AND I can sight read well read notes.
I wish you good luck.
"playing by ear"