The Passive- Agressive Accompanist

[doreen]

Hello all,

I work as an accompanist at church, school, and for other various concert performances.
I must say that I never have any problems with instrumentalists, but vocalists are another
story. So to ease the stress I have come up with some funny ways to get back at them. Just
joking of course, but I would welcome additions to the list;

1) Raise the keys of all peices by a minor third.
2) Take various tempos throughout the song.
3) Change the intro.
4) If more than one person is singing use a few sub chords to through them off.

Please I am just joking but feel free to add something funny or a funny story. 

[birba]

Oh, could i tell you some funny stories.  I've worked with singers now for umpteen years, and they're a strange sort.   There's a world  of difference between working with an instrumentalist and a singer.  You tend to always have the upper hand with singers and they  listen to what you have to say.  Unless they're a diva (and that goes for men as well as women)  in which case you have to work around that aspect.  Yes, i've done that transposing trick lots of times.  But not a third!  Even the most tone-deaf singer will notice that.  A semi-tone up is enough.  They always have a good laugh and are thrilled they could do it.  
I feel more comfortable working with singers.  Give advice to a diva violinist and they just ignore you.  Give advice to a singer and they write you a check!

[perfect_pitch]

I actually accidentally played a piece a semitone higher than normal without realising. It was only when the choir came in, singing quite oddly that I realised that I'd misread the key signature. It was in E flat, not E.   OOOOPS   

Also, just for fun, over periods of time, I like to just speed up the piece by like a beat or two a minute each time they sing. Lots of fun.

Taking my right hand off from playing the melody to adjust my glasses or something really annoys them.

[pianoman53]

I use to resolve things differently, when it's a bad singer, who I'm bored with. Like seeing a bflat as an a sharp, and then do it differently the second time, but claim that I do exactly the same. Then I act like I'm offended, and then play it the correct way...

[doreen]

I actually try to be easy to work with and get along with everyone. I sometimes get discouraged though, I really am treated like a second class citizen. Last minute changes without notice, getting criticized for things I really dont feel are my fault. I dont think alot of people realize just how much work and training goes into learning how to play well. But I keep going because i love to play.

[birba]

Hats off to you!

[johnnybarkshop]

The poor piano accompanist has to transpose, not something I am particularly adept at.  The famous accompanist, Gerald Moore, had the right answer to a diva who first wanted the music higher and then lower: "Do you want me to play on the cracks?"