performance difficulties

[kevink]

I played a masterclass yesterday with a visiting artist and basically blew it.  I've never played well in any masterclass.  I just can't get into the music.  I don't know whether it is a confidence issue or what; I never have stage fright when I am performing a piece that I love for an audience (on the contrary, I've had some really great performing experiences with pieces I know well), but whenever I know I will be critiqued, or if I feel like I don't have a good grasp of the piece, then I basically melt down; not classic stage fright--I can feel calm, but the music doesn't come naturally, and I don't feel connected.  Sometimes memory slips, more often than not technical errors that don't occur in the practice room, and apparently can't be fixed by hours of drilling in clever and resourceful ways.
So, I realize this post is probably more of a whine than a request for help, since I doubt there are any answers out there besides "suck it up and deal with it"; but has anyone else experienced this phenomenon?  Being unable to invest mentally or emotionally in the music if you don't feel like you "own" it or if you are in a masterclass situation?  It is quite frustrating when I get a piece to such a high level in the practice room and then don't bring anything across to the audience.  Maybe there is a connection between not feeling the music in performance and not playing accurately (or musically... duh)?  Perhaps when the heart is "on" so is the mind, and consequently the fingers--but when the heart fears rather than embraces, so does everything else. 
I post this as a new thread aside from the previous ones on stage fright or performance anxiety because it is a phenomenon for me limited to certain situations, and has more to do with being unable to feel connected to the music than feeling "shaky."  Anyone else experienced this?  Thanks very much for reading/contributing.  Best wishes,
Kevin

[shasta]

Kevink, what kind of feedback did you receive on your playing from the visiting artist and others at your masterclass?

[Motrax]

I have very similar problems. It's especially difficult for me when I play at a lesson for my teacher. It feels too casual, so I relax too much, and I really feel dull inside. Something I've found to help is to look down the strings of the piano before I play... it's a little bit mesmorising, and somehow it gives me a certain sense of unreality which helps me ignore my surroundings and raelly produce music. It's nowhere near a foolproof method, of course, but it's something you could try - just find some sort of interesting visual in the room which seems out of place, something you can concentrate on, if only to distract your mind from an academic or routine setting.

Another thing I do is try to get extremely nervous beforehand. It seems to help my concentration when I actually go sit at the piano.

Jus' my two cents. 

[kevink]

Shasta:  pretty much what you';d expect given how I played--many comments on how to invest more musically in each phrase, to make more of the music and draw more excitement out of it.

[mosis]

 

What are master classes, exactly?

 

[jazzyprof]

Perhaps when the heart is "on" so is the mind, and consequently the fingers--but when the heart fears rather than embraces, so does everything else. 

I think you've put your finger on the problem.  We are motivated either by fear or by love.  In the masterclass you're operating on the fear of being judged.  You are afraid of making mistakes, of not playing well.  But it is the very thing we fear that manifests itself.  How can you operate from a space of love...love for the music, love for the instrument, love for the artist holding the master class, love for humanity, and love for yourself.  Think of yourself as merely a conduit for this gift of music that you are offering to this artist.  Take your ego out of the equation.  You're the bearer of a gift.  You've spent weeks preparing this gift and you've wrapped it up beautifully and you're now offering it with love.  How they receive it is out of your hands...   

jazzyprof