How can you suck up to someone?

[Bob]

Without appearing to do so?

It looks financially useful.  And mildly interesting/amusing.  Otherwise pointless, but...  money makes things easier.

[cauliflower1]

This is how it's done.

[Bob]

*Bob studies SpongeBob material intently.*  [Bob notes that autocorrect capitalizes the B in SpongeBob, but it's Bob so... it should be capitalized.]

No... Nope.  That wouldn't create the right/intended effect.

[j_menz]

*Bob studies SpongeBob material intently.*  [Bob notes that autocorrect capitalizes the B in SpongeBob, but it's Bob so... it should be capitalized.]

No... Nope.  That wouldn't create the right/intended effect.

LOL - I just realised that if you did suck up, you would really become SpongeBob. 

[birba]

Hardy-har-har...

[j_menz]

Hardy-har-har...

[ted]

Bob, you surprise me. Why do you want to do that ? I've never done it in my life. You won't be respected for it. Be yourself and be damned what people think.

[birba]

For some reason, I always think Bob is pulling our leg.

[le_poete_mourant]

Bob, you surprise me. Why do you want to do that ? I've never done it in my life. You won't be respected for it. Be yourself and be damned what people think.

With Bob's modifying question: "without appearing to do so?" it will be irrelevant -- people will not notice it, and will continue to respect him. No damage will be done, and there is much to be gained, apparently.

[j_menz]

and there is much to be gained, apparently.

But what price one's self respect?

[Bob]

It's not a fake post. 

Money.  That's why.  Person A(DD) has influence over my income.  That person has been in a bad mood lately and I've been getting the blame. 

I'm finding some ideas.  Person A(DD) isn't the brightest person.  They won't know what's going on.  I already saw someone else changing a bit to suck up to this person.  They get treated better at work because of it.  I figured why not me?

[le_poete_mourant]

But what price one's self respect?

Clearly it depends on the situation, but I don't think playing smart people politics means you have to lose self respect for yourself.  I freelance a lot and one of my "jobs" is playing for this guy who is just a horribly incompetent musician; he thinks he's a great composer, but he's terrible. Terrible. Outrageously so.  But he's got a lot of wealthy patrons who sponsor his "work," and I get paid well for it. So I keep my mouth shut about my true opinions and I try to pay only vague compliments so that he thinks I like him, while in reality I'm not actually praising him or sacrificing anything myself.  As in Bob's situation, sometimes you need to be fake in order to support yourself.  It allows me to have money to do things I enjoy. Like eat. And have a place to live.  Anyway, it is useful in life in general to be able to do this. It's how you make connections and get people to like you.

[birba]

Clearly it depends on the situation, but I don't think playing smart people politics means you have to lose self respect for yourself.  I freelance a lot and one of my "jobs" is playing for this guy who is just a horribly incompetent musician; he thinks he's a great composer, but he's terrible. Terrible. Outrageously so.  But he's got a lot of wealthy patrons who sponsor his "work," and I get paid well for it. So I keep my mouth shut about my true opinions and I try to pay only vague compliments so that he thinks I like him, while in reality I'm not actually praising him or sacrificing anything myself.  As in Bob's situation, sometimes you need to be fake in order to support yourself.  It allows me to have money to do things I enjoy. Like eat. And have a place to live.  Anyway, it is useful in life in general to be able to do this. It's how you make connections and get people to like you.

words of wisdom.

[ted]

Perhaps because I have never done it, I tend to view the process conversely. Far from making connection with me, flattery, either direct or implied, has the opposite effect. Nobody can "make me like" him or her, I don't operate that way. Aside from the odious nature of sycophancy itself,  there are are few more hurtful feelings than the realisation one has been part of someone else's strategy, and in my experience the truth always becomes apparent sooner or later.

[birba]

I know.  I hate it when they suck up to me.  I let them know in my subtle  way that i'm on to them, and they desist immediately.

[ted]

Although I have never consciously been obsequious to a purpose, I have employed strategy, but probably only once or twice in a lifetime. There do exist occasions, hopefully very rare, wherein one would come to serious harm were one not to do so. The other situation is where the hurt to someone else by stating a whole truth is likely to be so great that kindness impels us to stop short of revealing all - the so called white lie, most frequently in the form of a lie by omission.

My own adoptions of these ruses must have been few because I actually remember them. For many people, strategy, game playing, bluff and double bluff are the very fabric of life, especially in the higher regions of business and the workplace. However, the curious, and rather sad consequence of habitually implementing strategy is that over a long period most of your assertions will be considered false. That is a terrible price to pay for transient reward. 

[teran]

Just agree with everything they say, be willing to do stuff for them without being too overt about it, and just be a general yes man.

Oh by the way if I had you under my employment I'd totally fire you for doing such things, but 99% of bosses love it so have fun.

[Bob]

I don't think this person will notice.  I just need things to get on their good side more.

[oxy60]

I don't think this person will notice.  I just need things to get on their good side more.

It's the man in the mirror you need to please. Once you are true to yourself and in harmony with the common good people will naturally gravitate towards you because you will appeal to their better side. Don't chase mood changes in other people. You have no idea what caused the change.

Remember when the man in the mirror is all he could be, he won't need to worry about pleasing others.

[Bob]

The man in the mirror needs to pay bills, and the person down the hall has an influence over pay.

[oxy60]

The man in the mirror needs to pay bills, and the person down the hall has an influence over pay.

Do not ever think that you can change someone else. They are who they are. The only player in this situation over which you have control is yourself.

Of course this situation is tricky. Employer employee relations are never easy. Concentrate on your personal assets and your contributions to the organization. Don't hide them. Make sure the boss knows what you are doing.

Above all show up for work with a positive attitude, just a touch early and with a smile on your face!

[timothy42b]

Part of this is situational awareness.

It's not just for the military in a combat zone.

It is useful in interpersonal relationships as well. It requires you to pay attention to the other person in real time, which is something many of us never do even once in our lifetime.  Most people go around obliviously focused on their own feelings and actions, never really connecting or caring about the others. 

Paying enough attention to connect could be positive, in forming a deep relationship; or it could be a bit self serving and devious, as in Bob's need to manipulate his employer's opinion of him. 

But a good bit of the processes are the same.

I suggest you study the literature here.  There is a group of people who make their living being very, very good at this.  No, I'm not talking about conmen (though I suppose they are close).  I'm talking about psychics, and the art of the cold read.  Do some research on this subject, and you'll have the tools you need, if you choose to use them. 

[Bob]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_reading

This could be useful.

Part of it is this person's impression of me.  It colors their interpretation of the situation.  ie In this case, they messed up, but they're blaming it on me. 

[oxy60]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_reading

This could be useful.

Part of it is this person's impression of me.  It colors their interpretation of the situation.  ie In this case, they messed up, but they're blaming it on me. 

They could also be playing mind games on you, intentionally!

Psychopaths do this a lot but bosses do it to keep everyone on their toes.  I've hired a lot of people and never used that technique. I prefer transparency and being up front with staff. I have just hired a 38 year old guy for the very first job in his life. He is folding in very well considering he has lived with his parents the whole time. 

[Bob]

This is more like a situation where this person screws up and is looking at me like it's my fault.

Someone a little low on brain power.  Higher on ego.  Ego/BS'ing ability is probably the reason they're up where they are.

[timothy42b]

Someone a little low on brain power.  Higher on ego.  Ego/BS'ing ability is probably the reason they're up where they are.

There's a quote from Taleb's Black Swan (highly recommended, by the way) that I like.  It goes something like, paraphrased from memory, "being an executive manager does not require highly developed frontal lobes.  It needs only three things:  charisma, the ability to withstand boredom, and the capacity to do huge amounts of shallow work in a short time." 

If they're low in brain power, and you aren't outthinking them, shame on you.  (but the reason you're not is normally your emotional reaction rather than your choices)