Last post wins!!!!!

[j_tour]

You do realise that almost no Australians live natively in 'the Bush'... we live under the roof of our house... in cities.

They are more civilised than you think (although you wouldn't think that with the way they drive).

I didn't say "stay in the bush," I said you might be "going bush."

You know, for a winter expedition, and also to fight crocodiles while they're most dormant.

Yes, I know.  Believe it or not I've spent some time with temporary emigrants from Oz, including a classmate/colleague from Perth.  That boy couldn't hold his beer, but he did end up with one of the more striking gals from the poetics department, about which he had not much good to say, at least for a short time. 

Collect dingo scrotums from the local specimens and preserve them for export trade! 

And never forget:  high fusel oil content is the mark of a quality beverage.

Seek it, crave it, become the flame.

[perfect_pitch]

Believe it or not I've spent some time with temporary emigrants from Oz, including a classmate/colleague from Perth.  That boy couldn't hold his beer

Are you sure he was Australian??? Holding beer is the only thing they excel at... in levels higher than the Germans do.

Also, I have more pressing things to do than send you Dingo scrotums. You want one? You can come to Australia and do it yourself. Although, Steve Irwins ghost may haunt you for doing so.

[j_tour]

Are you sure he was Australian??? Holding beer is the only thing they excel at... in levels higher than the Germans do.

Also, I have more pressing things to do than send you Dingo scrotums. You want one? You can come to Australia and do it yourself. Although, Steve Irwins ghost may haunt you for doing so.

Yeah, he was an sw-ozzer, and while he certainly knew how to pull a cork at the bar or private party, he was a literature guy, so, you know.  A little bit lightweight.

I've don't really want a dingo scrote, not for years.  I was just thinking of ways you could occupy yourself, alone, unsheltered, in the bush, drinking tainted liquor, burning some for heat.

A good bull crocodile hide, though, that would be a good find.  I'd pay you an 'alf a Wes'mins'er crown for tha' all lot!

ETA Oh, I forgot.  No, Scotch don't burn alcohol for flame, they grab the fire and say "Gimme it back, ye!"

[perfect_pitch]

I've don't really want a dingo scrote, not for years.  I was just thinking of ways you could occupy yourself, alone, unsheltered, in the bush, drinking tainted liquor, burning some for heat.

Yeah... and we all ride Kangaroos to work like taxis...

 

[j_tour]

Yeah... and we all ride Kangaroos to work like taxis...

 

No, mister man, I'm pretty sure you fight kangaroos and ride ostriches in order to get to the crocodiles, which you hunt.

No, no.  That's the facts.  They even made movies about it, but they got the wrong continent. 

[perfect_pitch]

No, mister man, I'm pretty sure you fight kangaroos and ride ostriches in order to get to the crocodiles, which you hunt.

Yes, and our country is really upside down, where gravity pins us to the ceiling and we can't get down.

[lostinidlewonder]

No, mister man, I'm pretty sure you fight kangaroos and ride ostriches in order to get to the crocodiles, which you hunt.

Not ostriches, we ride emus and it's not to hunt the crocs, it's to get away from them.

[Bob]

*Bob only processes Bush and .... something else he already forgot while typing in third person.* 


I forgot.... Oh, yes.  Why don't they just get rid of thos uber dangerous creatures in Australia, like the drop bear?  (Except we all know Autalalia-Land doesn't exist.  I've never seen it.)

[perfect_pitch]

I forgot.... Oh, yes.  Why don't they just get rid of thos uber dangerous creatures in Australia, like the drop bear? 

You do realise drop-bears don't exist??? They only were created to help horny young blokes pick up blonde naive tourists as a cheesy pick up line, while some weirdo lives out his fantasy of wearing a fursuit.

We have documented proof, as you can see from this instructional video:

(Except we all know Autalalia-Land doesn't exist.  I've never seen it.)

I'm sure it's proven that most Americans don't know that other countries exist outside of America.

Edit: Apparently most of them don't even know where they are located on the map...)

[outin]

Edit: Apparently most of them don't even know where they are located on the map...)

Isn't that irrelevant information? It's enough to know where you are located in relation to the closest bar of pizza place:)

[perfect_pitch]

I like to try and go through my life without having to google absolutely everything... and rely on my brain.

I mean, how else are you meant to win at Trivial Pursuit?

[outin]

I like to try and go through my life without having to google absolutely everything... and rely on my brain.

I mean, how else are you meant to win at Trivial Pursuit?

Cheating?

[j_tour]

I thought they stick an impossibly large knife point-first into the wooden table on which the game is played, take a long sip of beer, and say, "I hear you have a winning personality, mate.  Care to demonstrate?"

[perfect_pitch]

I thought they stick an impossibly large knife point-first into the wooden table on which the game is played, take a long sip of beer, and say, "I hear you have a winning personality, mate.  Care to demonstrate?"

To which I reply...

[j_tour]

To which I reply...

h ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xnww12a6W8o

I thought it was more something like this:

[perfect_pitch]

I'm not some stuck up British tosh??? How DARE YOU!!!

[j_tour]

I'm not some stuck up British tosh??? How DARE YOU!!!

Note the distinct lack of crocodile-skin garments and accessories in the above picture.

Sir Ethan Steed Pantytosh has never ridden an emu to tangle with the crocodiles, I'd wager.

Coincidence? 

[Bob]

I'm not some stuck up British tosh??? How DARE YOU!!!

You're a criminal.  That's what I heard.  England sent all the criminals to Australia and then.... maybe something happened, maybe they revolted or were freed.... and now all the Australians are descendants of criminals. 

[j_tour]

You're a criminal.  That's what I heard.  England sent all the criminals to Australia and then.... maybe something happened, maybe they revolted or were freed.... and now all the Australians are descendants of criminals. 

Yeah, but that's old history.

I, as a US citizen, proudly claim myself to be far more criminal than those fancy lads over in that other place!

They're all like "oh, no, I musn't disrupt afternoon tea while her majesty is to be broadcast over the radio," and meanwhile, lacking dingos, I have to capture and subdue the neighborhood domesticated dogs and do their sacks off with sewing scissors.

It's a very upside-down world, indeed!

Consider it, won't you?

Fancy.

[perfect_pitch]

You're a criminal.  That's what I heard.  England sent all the criminals to Australia and then.... maybe something happened, maybe they revolted or were freed.... and now all the Australians are descendants of criminals. 

No... those who redeemed themselves became ordinary citizens. The really evil bastards...

...went into politics!!!

They're all like "oh, no, I musn't disrupt afternoon tea while her majesty is to be broadcast over the radio

Oh please, we couldn't give a *** what dear ol' Lizzie is blabbering on about.

[j_tour]

Oh please, we couldn't give a *** what dear ol' Lizzie is blabbering on about.

Dear Lizzie of the fancy hats, yet! 

Fancy lad like you, you know you LURRRRV her! 

[perfect_pitch]

Dear Lizzie of the fancy hats, yet! 

Fancy lad like you, you know you LURRRRV her!

She's old enough to be my Grandmother... in fact, she IS the same age as my grandmother.

I love my Granny... but I don't love the Queen.

[j_tour]

I love my Granny... but I don't love the Queen.

I believe that's all true.  I've seen the photographs.

So when did you abandon your plot to dismantle Windsor Castle stone by stone through finely tuned acoustic bombarbment?

It was a clever plan, and I was sorry to hear that the publication of its details in your manifesto led to exile.

[perfect_pitch]

So when did you abandon your plot to dismantle Windsor Castle stone by stone through finely tuned acoustic bombarbment?

When I ran out of Scotch. It was a sad, dark, rainy day.

[j_tour]

When I ran out of Scotch. It was a sad, dark, rainy day.

Yeah, that's true. 

A day without libation to the norse gods can be a very bad day indeed.

It'd go something like this:

[perfect_pitch]

You do realise that the blues are dead???

Nowadays, music is all dub-step, metallic noises, jiggling and twerking fuckwits who are CAKED in makeup, but can't sing for sh*t, but dance for the camera like the little monkey they are because some arsewipe in a corporate office wrote their song for them.

[j_tour]

You do realise that the blues are dead???

Nowadays, music is all dub-step, metallic noises, jiggling and twerking fuckwits who are CAKED in makeup, but can't sing for sh*t, but dance for the camera like the little monkey they are because some arsewipe in a corporate office wrote their song for them.

Blues isn't dead.  It just smells funny.

You sure know an awful lot about little kid music, though.  They can all go to hell, though, I think everyone agrees.

[perfect_pitch]

You sure know an awful lot about little kid music, though.  They can all go to hell, though, I think everyone agrees.

Hell... even I agree with you. Dubstep should die a painful death.

[j_tour]

Hell... even I agree with you. Dubstep should die a painful death.

Repeated downward, stabbing, and thrusting motions.

You must always trust me, I a the expert, you know this! 

Why I so play football so much.

[perfect_pitch]

Repeated downward, stabbing, and thrusting motions.

You must always trust me, I a the expert, you know this! 

Why I so play football so much.

I thought American football was a rough sport, but sh*t... no wonder the game is losing it's appeal. J_Tour is stabbing all the players.

If your goal is to somehow get us to incidentally and accidentally watch 'The room' by slicing up 2 minute segments and posting them here... I can tell you I won't fall for it.

[j_tour]

If your goal is to somehow get us to incidentally and accidentally watch 'The room' by slicing up 2 minute segments and posting them here... I can tell you I won't fall for it.

Tommy Wiseau been here whole time, he see everything!

Sure, you expert on everything now, but you betray me!

[perfect_pitch]

Tommy Wiseau been here whole time, he see everything!

Sure, you expert on everything now, but you betray me!

Where's a grammar Nazi when you need one?





[On a side note, I am actually astonished that there is a stock picture of a baby wearing a Nazi uniform... I guess you really can get everything on the internet.]

[outin]

[On a side note, I am actually astonished that there is a stock picture of a baby wearing a Nazi uniform... I guess you really can get everything on the internet.]

How things are going these days that baby is going to lose a future job over a past misconduct...

[j_tour]

How things are going these days that baby is going to lose a future job over a past misconduct...

Right.  The toddler can't even grow a proper moustache. 

I'd give a hard 'no' if such a person applied for a job with significant experience required.

[perfect_pitch]

Seems ironic though - the way Hitler used to yell in all the historical footage, seems like he was a bit of an infantile moron (despite the mass-murders etc...)

But seriously - what parent would dress their child like that?!?

[j_tour]

Seems ironic though - the way Hitler used to yell in all the historical footage, seems like he was a bit of an infantile moron (despite the mass-murders etc...)

But seriously - what parent would dress their child like that?!?

Depends on the kid, doesn't it?  I mean, if you're going to feed it into the garbage disposal anyway, or "accidentally" throw its ball in front of fast moving traffic, might as well have a few laughs first.

No, I've had good luck taking care of dogs and children using some tips from this instructional video.  Good to refresh one's skills at the soldering pencil.

[Bob]

*Bob responds from an a older comment.*

I, as a US citizen, proudly claim myself to be far more criminal than those fancy lads

Lads?


Yeah, you're a US citizen all right. 

[perfect_pitch]

Lads?

It's another synonym for guys, people, mates, residents; any collective group of individuals.

Don't you DARE slander J_Tour for trying to expand his vocabulary.

YOU MONSTER!!!

[j_tour]

Don't you DARE slander J_Tour for trying to expand his vocabulary.

See?  Respect for one's elders shows character.

Vitamount For Women is designed specifically to meet the diverse needs of women of all ages.

I gotta butch this place up a bit:  you're welcome! 

[perfect_pitch]

See?  Respect for one's elders shows character.

I wasn't backing you up because you were elder - I was hoping that comment about you being from the U.S. was true... only because you're all bloody crazy and we don't want you spreading your crazy to the rest of the world.

 

[j_tour]

I wasn't backing you up because you were elder - I was hoping that comment about you being from the U.S. was true... only because you're all bloody crazy and we don't want you spreading your crazy to the rest of the world.

 

Get back in the cage, you fool!

Silence!

And fetch me some dingo scrotes on the way, for I desire nourishment!

[perfect_pitch]

And fetch me some dingo scrotes on the way, for I desire nourishment!

I ain't touching that with a 20-foot pole.

[j_tour]

I ain't touching that with a 20-foot pole.

Touch it!

Touch the scrotum!

You know you want to!

[perfect_pitch]

Touch it!

Touch the scrotum!

[j_tour]

[im g width=466 height=600]https://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/2/nope-funny-definition-iii-funny-dictionary-meaning-minimal-modern-typography-print-studio-grafiikka.jpg[/ img]

I want you to turn that opportunity "yes"!

[perfect_pitch]

Oh wait - that sign was meant to be used at a Future Trump rally. My fault.

That answer is still no.

[j_tour]

[im g]https://www.idealmakers.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/No-No-No-Signs.jpg[/img]

Oh wait - that sign was meant to be used at a Future Trump rally. My fault.

That answer is still no.

A man's attitude goes a long way to determining the way his life will be.

Would you agree with that?

Some of the best people are at Future Trump rallies, after he returns from the future as a cyborg with lady hands and a killer bod.

Credo in unum patrem omnipotentem, factorem Randy Newmani et errorum.

You just put that red ballcap back on, mister man, and fix your attitude, and you can ride along with me.

[perfect_pitch]

Obviously - I hit a nerve. So I'll keep poking at it...

Trump is an idiot...

His supporters are morons...

America is doomed.   

[j_tour]

Obviously - I hit a nerve. So I'll keep poking at it...

Trump is an idiot...

His supporters are morons...

America is doomed.   

How many drivers does a buggy have?

Now, are you just answering that because that's what you think I want to hear, or is that what you truly think?

[perfect_pitch]

is that what you truly think?

Yes... America is doomed. You're all nuts. I mean, you have flat-earthers, Scientologists, and people believing in being probed by aliens.

No where else advertises that sh*t!