Last post wins!!!!!

[j_tour]

I don't know... depends on who the dog is telling you to destroy.

As long as it ain't me, I'm fine with it.

So, you would say I have a license to kill, like Neil Connery?

[perfect_pitch]

So, you would say I have a license to kill, like Neil Connery?

As I quoted earlier...

As long as it ain't me, I'm fine with it.

Go nuts... You americans have gun shops over there, if you don't kill people, chances are they're already thinking about killing you. Do it before they get the upper hand.

Hell, even the bloody raccoons are probably close to evolving the ability to use firearms and pull triggers. Shoot them as well, the dodgy bastards.

[j_tour]

Hell, even the bloody raccoons

"Bloody raccoons" can ess my dee. 

evolving the ability to use firearms and pull triggers.

At the same time?

Well clearly that's an impressive feat.

[perfect_pitch]

"Bloody raccoons" can ess my dee. 

You'd like that wouldn't you...



And yes, that is 'The Rock', judging you... disgusted at you.

...and watching you.

[j_tour]

And yes, that is 'The Rock', judging you... disgusted at you.

The Rock can lick it.  Nothing but a crack cocaine specialist.  I make two like that in the toilet every morning.

Seņor Wences's disembodied head in a box could take that walnut-brained troglodyte down in a hot minute.

[perfect_pitch]

Hey... that 'walnut-brained troglodyte' might be your next President in 4-8 years time.

And I know you probably think I'm kidding, but Biden is old, and his VP looks like she could easily take the reigns if Biden carks it. Dwayne Johnson seems like the sort of ambitious person that would actually love to rise to Presidency - he seems like he genuinely wants to get involved in the American peoples lives, politically.

As I said, you probably think I'm smoking some of that crack... but I bet sometime this decade, I'll be proven right.

[j_tour]

Hey... that 'walnut-brained troglodyte' might be your next President in 4-8 years time.

And I know you probably think I'm kidding, but Biden is old, and his VP looks like she could easily take the reigns if Biden carks it. Dwayne Johnson seems like the sort of ambitious person that would actually love to rise to Presidency - he seems like he genuinely wants to get involved in the American peoples lives, politically.

That would be great:  he seems like a decent enough fellow, actually.  Not much of an actor, but neither was Ronald Reagan.  At least Dwayne isn't married to a horrible, unconscionable, ultra-conservative knuckledragging goldbricker like Nancy Davis Reagan.

Not that I know of.

Besides, an actual crackhead off the street would be an improvement over some unmentionable deplorable and the band of dull-witted psychopaths who surround such a person.  Should such person or persons exist, about which I am neither in a position to confirm nor deny.

[perfect_pitch]

Besides, an actual crackhead off the street would be an improvement over some unmentionable deplorable and the band of dull-witted psychopaths who surround such a person.  Should such person or persons exist, about which I am neither in a position to confirm nor deny.

I don't know - if said persons did not exist, we would not have anyone to compare to. They are a reminder of how jaded and horrific the human population can be if you have no faith or well-being for the other members of your species.

Said person is also an advocate for fake tans, and toupees and we all know how horrible they are. Anyway, he could be in jail soon, and thus we will all be able to fall asleep knowing that a little justice was doled out.

[j_tour]

Anyway, he could be in jail soon, and thus we will all be able to fall asleep knowing that a little justice was doled out.

Jail's nice. 

Take long showers. 

Lift weights.

Nobody hassles you for wearing short shorts. 

Take long showers.   

Have a good cry.

In the shower.

[perfect_pitch]

Jail's nice. 

Take long showers. 

Lift weights.

Nobody hassles you for wearing short shorts. 

Take long showers.   

Have a good cry.

In the shower.

That's only because he dropped the soap.

[j_tour]

That's only because he dropped the soap.

It's considerate to make sure the dominant male controls the soap.

He's keeping you safe.

No more tears, buddy!

[perfect_pitch]

I never trusted clowns. To me there was something odd about someone who is willing to put facepaint on and dress up.

I blame Leoncavallo.

[j_tour]

I never trusted clowns. To me there was something odd about someone who is willing to put facepaint on and dress up.

Underneath the garments of every clown, there is a hirsute human specimen.

You just have to let them share their special gifts.

Or they'll kill you with a piano wire.

True story!

[perfect_pitch]

Underneath the garments of every clown, there is a hirsute human specimen.

You just have to let them share their special gifts.

That is just so many levels of wrong. I take it there was a clown in your childhood J_Tour who was really 'friendly'? Let you honk his red nose and his...

I was smart enough to stay away from them... and priests.

[j_tour]

That is just so many levels of wrong. I take it there was a clown in your childhood J_Tour who was really 'friendly'? Let you honk his red nose and his...

I was smart enough to stay away from them... and priests.

The power of Christ compels you!

Sit on Santa's lap!

Do it!

He has a big red nose too.  And so does one of his reindeer friends.

Do it!

He doesn't always wear his ermine-trimmed coat, you know.  All about comfort in the polar regions. 



I'll just add:  you've offended the Ghost of Jessica Alba, and now you must be punished.

[perfect_pitch]

Sit on Santa's lap!

He has a big red nose too.  And so does one of his reindeer friends.

He doesn't always wear his ermine-trimmed coat, you know.  All about comfort in the polar regions. 

Yeah, but that red nose is due to alcoholism. I mean, considering the poor bastard is unemployed 364 days of the year. Also, I don't think he's paid for it - unless you get paid in happiness.

And yes, anyone would want to take care of their polar regions; especially in the cold regions of the North Pole.

I'll just add:  you've offended the Ghost of Jessica Alba, and now you must be punished.

Yeah... and how in the HELL do you think that's going to happen. I'm thousands of miles away from you.

[j_tour]

Yeah... and how in the HELL do you think that's going to happen. I'm thousands of miles away from you.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

And I'm a dangerous criminal who has evaded capture for decades.

And I have powerful methods. 

Chuck Norris methods.

1970s hillbilly methods.

No man, woman, child, nor beast has ever escaped my webs of cunning deception and vile recriminations.

[perfect_pitch]

No man, woman, child, nor beast has ever escaped my webs of cunning deception and vile recriminations.

[j_tour]

That's right.

Think of me as Jessica Alba's Ghost's personal bounty hunter.

She communicates with me from beyond the grave, and she won't happy until I return you to prison.

Where every day brings a first time.

The wounds will never heal, like the stigmata on the Ghost of Jessica Alba's palms.

[perfect_pitch]

The wounds will never heal, like the stigmata on the Ghost of Jessica Alba's palms.

Everyone knows stigmatas aren't real... Usually they're just the end result of someone who likes to self-harm and too much vodka.

Stigmata... there's a new low.

[j_tour]

Everyone knows stigmatas aren't real...

I'm just going to leave that there and see if you can work out where you went wrong.

[Bob]

You guys work it out and get back to us.  Or not.

[j_tour]

You guys work it out and get back to us.  Or not.

I need a girl who doesn't just not wear underwear because Oprah told her it would spice things up.

And BTW Gillian Jacobs.  For the win.



/////////////////////

eta and just to let you know I'm not to proud too begf is also that I have a pound and a half of espired red meat and household chemical is needed to kill the feral dogs surrounding the compund, which is surrrounding me but it cannot be strychnine.  need answer fast.

also can i learn advanced piano from a teacher or do i not need a teacher to play advanced piano like Chopin and other romance composerts such as schumann.

OK, I'll stop *** around:  does anyone seriously know a good, easily available consumer product that will taint red meat to assist my struggling nation to deal with various feral dogs.

Must be immediately available and not require licensure.

Above-ground concentrations of strychnine is restricted for purchase and is demonstrably hazardous to human handlers.

So, that's off the table.

Orally-consumed compounds are rather thin on the ground, it seems to me. 

So, do I have to go back to spring steel fragments?

Are you going to make me become the very animal I detest? 

No.  You will rise above.

Help me kill these wild bands of feral dogs and coyotes which surround me and entomb me and whose dispatch I have been deputized to perform.

//////////////////////////

All right, fine.  Don't tell ogpersonday, but I have a pound and half of red meat in the fridge that is even too bacteria-laden for me to eat.  And I want to kill my downstairs neighbor's dog.  Not deliberately, but by creating an attractive nuisance.  OK, I guess that's deliberate.  I love the dog.  I'd rather kill t do anything untoward, because, like Jesus, my favorite author, I love my neighbor.

We all joke when we're frightened, right?  I love to hug my puppy at night.  And I don't have an imaginary kitty-cat which looks like a fuzzy sock/...

All right, fine.....I can take it in the face froim Mike Tys...

all right, that's enough playtime.

[perfect_pitch]

eta and just to let you know I'm not to proud too begf is also that I have a pound and a half of espired red meat and household chemical is needed to kill the feral dogs surrounding the compund, which is surrrounding me but it cannot be strychnine.  need answer fast.

also can i learn advanced piano from a teacher or do i not need a teacher to play advanced piano like Chopin and other romance composerts such as schumann.

Are you having a stroke? Your grammar and spelling indicate that something is seriously wrong.

If you are not, check to see if your sinuses are clogged with cocaine... if so, that may be the problem. Stop huffing drugs, you crackhead and try snorting LIFE!!!

[j_tour]

Are you having a stroke? Your grammar and spelling indicate that something is seriously wrong.

Just tell me what to put in the dog's meat, you fool.

Yeah, I got your stroke right here.  And it's painted on a van by the river.

[perfect_pitch]

I'm just glad you didn't use the 'stroke' as a means to throw in a sexual innuendo. This thread could have gone downhill very fast.

Talking of strokes...

[j_tour]

This thread could have gone downhill very fast.

[perfect_pitch]

I spoke too soon...



[Nothing quite like a dragon giving a user a facepalm, to send a message.]

[j_tour]

I spoke too soon...

Your dragon facepalm looks really pretty.

[perfect_pitch]

Your dragon facepalm looks really pretty.

Christ... you're right, it's more than can be said about your picture...

And I can vouch that it is truly horrifying...





...I've seen the recent 'Cats' movie.

[j_tour]

Christ... you're right, it's more than can be said about your picture...

It's not even possible to explain things to someone who clearly embraces a system whose characteristics include willful ignorance and sexism.  Like, zomg, duh, totally.

Since it is now the Lenten season, I command you to recognize multiple layers of irony.  It is written.  A witch is going to do things to you if you do not submit.

And don't watch *** Cats!  WTH is wrong with you!  L'homme atlantique is a superior movie.  Faces of Death.  Blood Feast.  I Spit on Your Grave.  The Face of Fu Manchu  Anything.   

OK, the music ravishes everyone's soul, like I'm so sure. That can be part of your penance:  you must each day recall and play at the piano keyboard one "song" or interstitial bit of "music" from your favorite musical, which is Cats.  Do it!

[perfect_pitch]

It's not even possible to explain things to someone who clearly embraces a system whose characteristics include willful ignorance and sexism.

HEY... that's unfair. You just assumed I'm sexist because I made a harsh comment about those women.

I'm not sexist... I love women. It just happens to be that they look butt-ugly with that make-up. Horrifying almost.

OK, the music ravishes everyone's soul, like I'm so sure. That can be part of your penance:  you must each day recall and play at the piano keyboard one "song" or interstitial bit of "music" from your favorite musical, which is Cats.  Do it!

Haven't I suffered enough???

[j_tour]

HEY... that's unfair. You just assumed I'm sexist because I made a harsh comment about those women.

I simply cannot explain things to you Brits, with your outdated, imperialist worldview.

Haven't I suffered enough???

No.  It is the traditional liturgical season for suffering, and, since I allow myself to drink alcohol only on Sundays, in addition to regular fasting, your punishment is to be manifold.  While I bathe myself in the blood of the lamb.

Your only salvation is that I found a cool abandoned place nearby I can break into and check out.  Old hobby, but new town.  So I might be in a good mood.  For winning.  Or getting my skull caved in by falling debris.

[perfect_pitch]

So I might be in a good mood.  For winning.  Or getting my skull caved in by falling debris.

Hey, if that happens - my win is guaranteed.

[stringoverstrung]

Kind request to Nilsjohan to terminate this thread now

I think Nilsjohan may be the only person who can truly win at this game - but I'LL BE DAMNED TO LOSE...

[j_tour]

Kind request to Nilsjohan to terminate this thread now

Wrong.  Just like Young Werther, you are absorbed by blades of grass and other pursuits.  Now is not the time.  You may go now.

Hey, if that happens - my win is guaranteed.

You win nothing, beast! 

And you are not allowed to eat or drink until I have finished.  You may smell the glove.

[perfect_pitch]

Kind request to Nilsjohan to terminate this thread now

[j_tour]

Everyone relax. 

Daddy's here.  And he brought supper.



And a treat for on Sunday, the feast days:



From the back of the bottle:  "Hell-Cat Maggie was a well known criminal in Manhattan's Five Points district and a member of the notorious Dead Rabbits gang. She was a fierce street fighter and actually filed her teeth and nails into points to better shred her opponents' skin."

That's right, there's poison in that chalice, and you all gwine feel my malice.

And here's just for the special people.  Because it's Christmas.  Or something.

[perfect_pitch]

1) Possums are stringy, and taste terrible. Plus, no matter how much you try to 'cream' them, you still little grits of their ground up teeth in the can.

2) There's no proof that there's poison in that whisky, so I'm not scared.

3) I can see why I never watched the show 'Community'. It looks really... really, truly bad.

[j_tour]

blah blah blah

I created you, and I can destroy you.

You who "personally, [loves your] Pseuoephedrine with laced with an extra D."

One does not simply defect from Team Alba.  There are consequences, thou squire! 

It's pointless trying to argue with someone like you, because the concept of mathematics being purely objective is unequivocally false, and teaching it is even much less so. Upholding the idea that there are always right and wrong answers perpetuate objectivity as well as fear of open conflict.

Pwned.

And, no, to "cream" in cooking does not mean to add cream.  It's technical. 

Also, Sorabji!  Very much!

[perfect_pitch]

I created you, and I can destroy you.

Really? THAT, I'd love to see.

Also, Sorabji!  Very much!

Okay - thats low... even for you.

[j_tour]

THE DOMINANT MALE CONTROLS THE SOAP!!!!!!!!!!!

Now put it in the basket, for chrissakes.

Don't make me come down there.

And a very good Sorabji to you too.

Don't tempt me:  these ghouls can be summoned!

[perfect_pitch]

Don't make me come down there.
Don't tempt me:  these ghouls can be summoned!

[billym]

hola

[j_tour]

hola

YOU!!!!!

Stop it! 

I'm trying to summon ghouls!

Not to be confused with playing Prokofiev's Precipitato, which I am not.  There are gremlins in the piano.

A golem is becoming enlivened!  Do not wake the golem! 

[perfect_pitch]

hola

And we have a new prag... oh GOODIE!!!   

[j_tour]

And we have a new prag... oh GOODIE!!!   

No.  I have a new test subject. 

You lose the thread.

[Bob]

Meanwhile...

[perfect_pitch]

I'll take care of this:

[j_tour]

No!!!!!

Put the lotion in the basket!

I cannot allow this disorderly mess!

You disordered twine may not have the precious youngling, for it is mine!

hola

Don't worry, honey.  Daddy's here.  Those bad people are just trying to make you scared and such.