Last post wins!!!!!

[lostinidlewonder]

It's *** sad that our society leaned into this sad myth for a while...

Myth? It's well known koalas have chlamydia, that's how you get it...... I think.

[perfect_pitch]

I wasn't sure if that was a myth either... but turns out you're right.

Never been a big fan of Koalas though... Quokka's on the other hand...



There is no animal in the world cuter than them. NONE!!!

[j_tour]

Never been a big fan of Koalas though... Quokka's on the other hand...

There is no animal in the world cuter than them. NONE!!!

Pretty good looking animal.

You think they can produce viable offspring with a human?

That's furry entertainment, right there, I'm saying.

[perfect_pitch]

Pretty good looking animal.

You think they can produce viable offspring with a human?

That's furry entertainment, right there, I'm saying.

[lostinidlewonder]

Quokka's on the other hand... There is no animal in the world cuter than them. NONE!!!

Yes... and enjoy infanticide too! Lol

[real_piano._.potato]

The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

[j_tour]

The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over.

I've failed to commit the marital act with a quokka.

Not even one lap and the quokka was like "get your disgusting stubble-faced chin out of there, human!"

So didn't even get close.

Shame.

[perfect_pitch]

Yes... and enjoy infanticide too! Lol

Maybe... but that's Darwinism. Birds eventually chuck their babies out of the nest - those that fly prosper... those that don't... well, gravity is very unforgiving.

[j_tour]

Birds eventually chuck their babies out of the nest - those that fly prosper... those that don't... well, gravity is very unforgiving.

They say that a human's ideal diet might well resemble the bottom of a bird cage.

I say that you find a large raptor's nest, and squeeze one of the smaller birds still dwelling within until it expires.

It would be funny if you didn't have appropriate protective gear on.

Which is how, according to some, I have been present at several human infanticides back in the day.

[perfect_pitch]

They say that a human's ideal diet might well resemble the bottom of a bird cage.

Maybe yours does... mine sure as sh*t doesn't. I'm pretty sure the bottom of a bird cage is usually lined with newspaper, poop and various kernels of various seeds it's eaten through the day.

If that's your idea of a diet... then you really need to visit a butcher.

[j_tour]

If that's your idea of a diet... then you really need to visit a butcher.

I only eat domesticated cat. 

[perfect_pitch]

You could be doing the world a favour and only eating the feral ones...

[j_tour]

You could be doing the world a favour and only eating the feral ones...

They cannot be cleaned properly and I find them to be disagreeable.  They also carry disease. 

Trust me, I is expert.

[perfect_pitch]

So when little Jenny's cat goes missing... we can usually assume it has something to do with you???

[j_tour]

So when little Jenny's cat goes missing... we can usually assume it has something to do with you???

Yes, we'll call it "Jenny's cat." 

It won't go missing.  Really just something to gnaw on.

Something to provoke the salivary glands before the main course.

[perfect_pitch]

It won't go missing.  Really just something to gnaw on.

It depends on how much you gnaw of it... gnaw too much and it's fair to say it will be classified as 'missing'.

[j_tour]

It depends on how much you gnaw of it... gnaw too much and it's fair to say it will be classified as 'missing'.

Never chew on Jenny's cat. 

Merely masticate lightly

Cats have claws. 

It goes back to bible times, you know.

Oh sheet...I promised myself I was going to write out the guitar, piano, and bass for this by the end of the day, UTC-8....no, not going to do it....eh....might make a perfunctory attempt to pencil out Burrell's solo, which isn't difficult to write out....although it still takes me a bit of doing to do so. 

Absolute pitch not necessary....it's in Gm, and one can hear and even predict somewhat the notes, it's just a matter of putting it on paper.

[perfect_pitch]

Oh sheet...I promised myself I was going to write out the guitar, piano, and bass for this by the end of the day, UTC-8....no, not going to do it....eh....might make a perfunctory attempt to pencil out Burrell's solo, which isn't difficult to write out....although it still takes me a bit of doing to do so. 

Absolute pitch not necessary....it's in Gm, and one can hear and even predict somewhat the notes, it's just a matter of putting it on paper.

That's the part where a lot of people fail... the putting it onto paper.

Meanwhile, I'm getting paid by my work to notate a piece of paid music into Sibelius so they can then transpose it into other keys for the keyboard player.

I love my life.

[j_tour]

Meanwhile, I'm getting paid by my work to notate a piece of paid music into Sibelius so they can then transpose it into other keys for the keyboard player.

Corruption of the youth?  Willing participant?  I don't like it!

Well, they probably have an app for that.  OCR but for music. 

And isn't there a transpose button on the digital pianos the kids are using nowadays?  They should use that button.  It's much easier! 

Sight transposition is apparently not a thing one does at the keyboard, anymore.

[perfect_pitch]

And isn't there a transpose button on the digital pianos the kids are using nowadays?  They should use that button.  It's much easier! 

Sight transposition is apparently not a thing one does at the keyboard, anymore.

I actually found something quite curious out... I can't play on a transposing keyboard. If you have a piece of music in C Major and the keyboard is set to -3 semitones... I will, in my head want to correct what I hear.

If I play a C, and it sounds like an A - my brain goes berserk. Found that out a couple years ago.

Plus I'm playing on an actual piano - not a digital keyboard.

Sight transposition is also easier if you've played the piece before - I haven't.

[j_tour]

I actually found something quite curious out... I can't play on a transposing keyboard. If you have a piece of music in C Major and the keyboard is set to -3 semitones... I will, in my head want to correct what I hear.

If I play a C, and it sounds like an A - my brain goes berserk. Found that out a couple years ago.

Plus I'm playing on an actual piano - not a digital keyboard.

Sight transposition is also easier if you've played the piece before - I haven't.

Yes, that is not apparently exclusive to those with absolute pitch.

I don't know how to describe it other than my mind goes like ruotsi berserk tämä vikkinki, just completely nuts if the position of the hands doesn't match what general tonality I'm in.

I suppose when improvising I've never noticed a disconnect, but it is extremely odd when sight-reading new stuff.  First thing maybe almost twenty-five years ago when I bought my first digital piano was like, "Who TF wants a transpose 'button'?  It's not even .... it's just ....!"

No, that's the feature, not a bug, of keyboard instruments:  different tonalities or keys feel different, and that's just how it is.  Even as much as guitarists like to humble-brag that "well, you know, it's all the same I just move my fret hand a bit," that is also false.  Even on a fingerboard there are limitations and advantages to choosing a key or tonality.

To me, it's an advantage:  one can exploit properties on an acoustic instrument, and obviously one gains the elementary skill of playing in whatever key is required.  For example, when accompanying a singer, or whatever.

Minor irritation from a grumpy soon to be firmly entrenched in middle age.

True story....I probably already said this a while back....but this dickweed of a keyboard player at an open blues jam deliberately set his digital piano at maximum volume and had his transpose button set to something odd....like a major third or so off.

Meh...I could deal with maybe up or down a semitone, probably.  In that I'm used to people calling a tune in so-called "Bb" and then they sing or play it in C or A, or something....you know, just adjust to the circumstance, and no transpose or any hard labor needed.  We should have a whole thread about singers who eff up professionalism on the stage, but that's another topic entirely.

No, it took a second for me to look at the bassist's fretboard and figure out how to fix that.

And that is why my next purchase will be a little clavichord, with a hard suitcase for it, and a dedicated tool for tuning it.

And after that, a second clavichord, to set on top of.

Meh, I'm done with live gigs, for now, as a player, and I wouldn't use those for playing out anyway.  Besides, there are these things called microphones and mixers and power amps if one wishes to push the longitudinal sound waves in amplitude.

[perfect_pitch]

Well, remember some dickwad a while back challenged me to play some Mozart Sonata in F Major, in a different key, claiming professional piano players couldn't transpose at will?

I certainly shut him the hell up.

[j_tour]

Well, remember some dickwad a while back challenged me to play some Mozart Sonata in F Major, in a different key, claiming professional piano players couldn't transpose at will?

I certainly shut him the hell up.

Link or it never happened.

Meh, I could see that happening with some Mozart...the bass figuration probably pretty simple, maybe an Alberti bass through much of it, melody likely one already knows or remembers, and the harmony is likely just vanilla, without any jagged edges in the voicings.

At least it *should* be an aspirational goal for any musician....maybe doing the 2-part inventions in a number of keys....would be challenging but worthwhile.  Although I have not done that myself.  It could be done, and probably should be at least attempted by a musician at the keyboard.

Would probably involve me taking a second to pencil in a figured bass notation on the score to be comfortable doing that, however.  But, then again, in that example those are very well known by ear, so, maybe could just do it cold....should try that this evening, but I probably won't.

You should film yourself taking a dump on a McDonald's "restaurant" table next to a coati, a quokka, and Paul Hogan.

The Internet would pay you much more than that music thing, and it would amuse untold several of people.

[perfect_pitch]

This happened a few years ago. I'm not scrolling through years of messages just to prove my point.

It doesn't matter whether it's simple Alberti Bass or massive chunky chords. I can transpose almost anything once I've got the notes in my head. I hear the piece in the new key and from there, I can disseminate what the new notes are and how it will alter my fingering.

Not that hard.

You should film yourself taking a dump on a McDonald's "restaurant" table next to a coati, a quokka, and Paul Hogan.

The Internet would pay you much more than that music thing, and it would amuse untold several of people.

Honestly? I think the internet would pay me much more to sh*t all over Paul Hogan.

[j_tour]

once I've got the notes in my head. I hear the piece in the new key and from there, I can disseminate what the new notes are and how it will alter my fingering.

So, pretty much the way anybody can do that. 

I'll grant that absolute pitch would be an aid, perhaps, but that's not out of the range of mere mortals.  The part of absolute pitch that would be an aid is likely an enhanced ear-knowledge of intervals and probably a better than average memory of various tunes and dense clusters of harmonies "expanded" into their constituent pitches.

I don't know if that's true of people with absolute pitch, but it doesn't seem unreasonable to make that assumption.

Just takes a good working memory of a given piece and a bit of abstraction to "disseminate" (nice word choice, speak 'n' say! ).

I'd wager most people either don't have the discipline or any reason to do such a thing....but it's certainly not impossible even for mere mortals with a decent ear and memory.

But for any kind of pop tune/standard, that's utterly common to do for each and every tune one knows, without any rehearsal or practice needed....jazz/pop people sometimes tend to do that as a more-or-less technical drill, but the expectation and needs when performing require more flexibility....you just have to be able to do it on the spot.  Or make it so the PITA soloist stating the melody suddenly is indisposed and needs to rest off stage....in a gunny sack in the boot of someone's car.

For a more complicated arrangement, such as a Beethoven sonata movement....more grey cells required, but same principle.

And it seems evident to me that the more theory one knows, the easier the task becomes.  But that would be a separate discussion from this topic, where I'm making fun of you!  Which is far more entertaining to me.   

I'd be interested as an experiment to see how many pianists could play (either from memory or off the page if they don't remember the tune that well....or perhaps never played or heard that one ever), say, the C major two-part invention of Bach in all major keys.

That's a reasonable tune to select....I am curious somewhat, for some reason, to see what passes for general skills among the keyboard aficionados.

I can transpose almost anything once I've got the notes in my head.

My hero.

We should all pay tribute to you at each moment.

A good fisting seems appropriate for a pianist.

It did occur to me just now that you would not be feeling so proud and good if you were tasked with putting a piece of Berg or even a shorter piece of Webern into a random key.  Say, a piece you were not already familiar with.

Nobody's that good, not even a Rain Man type savant.

It could be done by looking at the intervals on the staves, and just slotting that into a new area at the keyboard....but you might only just beat me in the time required to do so by a few seconds or even minutes.

[perfect_pitch]

So, pretty much the way anybody can do that. 

I'd love to see a whole bunch of people do this... because if you think anybody can transpose on the spot - that would be interesting to see.

[j_tour]

I'd love to see a whole bunch of people do this... because if you think anybody can transpose on the spot - that would be interesting to see.

Well, like I said, it would be interesting to take something like the C major invention of Bach and see how any number of people fare at that. 

My guess would be most people could put it into Db major or D pretty well, perhaps with some hesitation or minor mistakes.

It would be an interesting experiment.

[perfect_pitch]

I don't think it's as easy as you think - you have to re-calculate the fingering in real time.

D flat might sound easy because it's just a semitone, but you have to completely abandon the original fingering and think of the correct fingering on the fly.

Give it a try and see what you think...

[j_tour]

I don't think it's as easy as you think - you have to re-calculate the fingering in real time.

D flat might sound easy because it's just a semitone, but you have to completely abandon the original fingering and think of the correct fingering on the fly.

Give it a try and see what you think...

I will, but I already know what the fingering is going to be like in any given key.  And, just going off faint memory, that whole invention is just consecutive scalar runs.  So put 2 on the Db, if that's the transposed key.  And depending how fast one plays it, finger 1 lands on the F, either thumb under or over.  Still in Db, let's suppose. Common sense, really.

It's a combination of common sense and having run all kinds of scales or linear patterns in all keys.

Anyway, that was maybe one of the motivations of Bach in his WTC books and even his Inventions and Sinfonie. 

Since it's been a number of years since I've played any of those, I'd much rather play that A major sinfonia in Ab or Bb rather than that stupid sharp key!

However, I suspect Bach père was introducing a challenge to his many pupils in those exercises....and it shows his hand a bit as an improviser with unusual facility with varying "grips" as I think they were called in his late baroque time.  ("Griffe"?  Something like that).

I don't see you putting Berg's piano sonata in some random key, anyway!  But it could be done by looking at the intervals with a little bit of analysis-on-the-fly....that's the only way I could do it by sight....but I think that would be a challenge for a blindfolded ear player.

But I'm not the one making the claim....yeah, I can and do play the Berg sonata, but I have to rely on a printed score and even then it's not up to performance standard.

Or, to compare apples to oranges, I can disassemble my 1911-style pistol blindfolded, with not much difficulty, but it would take me a while to put it back together without sight.

I think we agree that maybe the C major invention is perhaps too easy.

How about the Ars Fuga IX? 

I dare you!    

And none of that sissy slow-playing....at a brisk tempo, please!

[perfect_pitch]

I'm sure I'll get to it sometime... meanwhile - I teach 45 hours a week, so you're going to be waiting a while.

[lostinidlewonder]

Well I can transpose anything and play it but I won't claim I can play the whole song flawlessly or easily unlees it is an easy piece. If you want that you go digital piano and press transpose +1 -1. Much easier. We all like easy. You easy hussy.

[perfect_pitch]

If you want that you go digital piano and press transpose +1 -1. Much easier. We all like easy. You easy hussy.

I can't believe I can't do that... that sh*t messes up my brain worse than ACTUAL drugs.

(actually, to be fair - I've never really had any drugs, but I suspect the end result is the same. Shame, dizziness and mental fatigue).

[j_tour]

I can't believe I can't do that... that sh*t messes up my brain worse than ACTUAL drugs.

(actually, to be fair - I've never really had any drugs, but I suspect the end result is the same. Shame, dizziness and mental fatigue).

Oh snap!

And you got pwnd by the originator of this thread, no less!

Hide in shame!

I can't believe I can't do that...

Sure.  And nobody doesn't not like Sara Lee. 

What does this mean?  I am offended!

Don't make me bring out the Wesley Willis again!

 

Hey where'd the kids go anyway?  You oldsters scared them off, most likely.  I could have used them for the sight-transposing experiment.

Probably I might have promised not to use the ball gag on them while they performed the task, and I might even offer a gift card to....what do kids like?  I dunno, a video game or a Star Wars or something.

[perfect_pitch]

Don't make me bring out the Wesley Willis again!

Is that what you call your... That sounds like a metaphor for your... erm, never mind. Let's not go down that rabbit hole.

Also, pretty sure I'm younger than you are... so if any oldsters chased people away - it would have been you who did it.

I might even offer a gift card to....what do kids like?  I dunno, a video game or a Star Wars or something.

Roblox... but then again that also has links to paedophilia as creeps and weirdos apparently use the program to groom kids. *** creepy...

I'm surprised Roblox hasn't gone down the toilet yet.

[j_tour]

Is that what you call your... That sounds like a metaphor for your... erm, never mind.

Yes.

And what was Wesley Willis like?  Big, fat, hardened, and rambunctious.  A very apt comparison to be made.

Also, pretty sure I'm younger than you are... so if any oldsters chased people away - it would have been you who did it.

Maybe by a few years at most.  Where do you get such ideas? 

I guarantee I look younger than you!  It gets me female dogs, yo!

Roblox... but then again that also has links to paedophilia as creeps and weirdos apparently use the program to groom kids. *** creepy...

Oh...yeah, that was me. 

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Now I'm too busy cleaning and lubing my firearms for such nonsense.

[gasplamey]

Hey where'd the kids go anyway?[/font]

winning the thread iun 2000 more alternast universes.

*400

[j_tour]

Dammit.

Here...go play with some broken glass.

It's good for hand strength.

"Parallel universe" indeed.  Sounds like an abominable notion.

[moonlight88]

You think they can produce viable offspring with a human?

That's furry entertainment, right there, I'm saying.[/font]

no, that's beastiality and everyone agrees its disgusting

I'm surprised Roblox hasn't gone down the toilet yet.

me too

[perfect_pitch]

*400

Maybe, but again - I'm 2 billion years ahead of everyone. I've won in the 4th dimension.

I guarantee I look younger than you!  It gets me female dogs, yo!

You can keep the dogs... I prefer the ladies.

[j_tour]

You can keep the dogs... I prefer the ladies.

You need to find a "lady" who can dress up in a dog suit.

Broaden your provincial attitude!

[perfect_pitch]

You need to find a "lady" who can dress up in a dog suit.

Broaden your provincial attitude!

We've already discussed the perversion of furries and staying away from them with a 40-foot pole.

[j_tour]

We've already discussed the perversion of furries and staying away from them with a 40-foot pole.

Fine, make it a cat costume, if you prefer.  Just cut its head off when you're done with it.  Keep it in the refrigerator for later.

Just some advice, from one who should know.

And nice use of the imperial units of measure there.  I knew you were always loyal to the Royals and their abominable ways!

[perfect_pitch]

And nice use of the imperial units of measure there.  I knew you were always loyal to the Royals and their abominable ways!

Sorry to say it, but I only used the unit 'foot' because it's one syllable, and saying 'forty foot pole' is a lot less mouthy and syllabic than 'twelve-and a half metre pole'.

[j_tour]

Sorry to say it, but I only used the unit 'foot' because it's one syllable, and saying 'forty foot pole' is a lot less mouthy and syllabic than 'twelve-and a half metre pole'.

Ten meter cattle prod.

[perfect_pitch]

Ten meter cattle prod.

Still too mouthy...

What in the gods name is wrong with people... this sh*t needs to be uninvented.

[j_tour]

Still too mouthy...

Well, I submit that your pitch may be less than perfect when it comes to letters.

What in the gods name is wrong with people... this sh*t needs to be uninvented.

I don't know, but it's somehow noteworthy that Australia is the test market for this ghastly confecture disguised as a dentifrice.

[perfect_pitch]

I don't know, but it's somehow noteworthy that Australia is the test market for this ghastly confecture disguised as a dentifrice.

Since when did Australia become the dumping/testing ground for America's idiotic ideas???

We managed to destroy most of the Starbucks in our State... let's see if we can destroy this stock.

I suggest a good old fashioned burning... take all the American bullshit and product shilling we can find and place it on the cleansing flames.

[j_tour]

Since when did Australia become the dumping/testing ground for America's idiotic ideas???

We managed to destroy most of the Starbucks in our State... let's see if we can destroy this stock.

I suggest a good old fashioned burning... take all the American bullshit and product shilling we can find and place it on the cleansing flames.

I don't effing know!

You gave the world Paul Hogan, so you can all take it back!

That's right!

Be angry at the furries instead....that's what's really eating inside at you, like little gerbils.

Actually I have a good reason to be pissed off....I just tried to play through the Inventions and Sinfonie...not so bad....couldn't remember any of them, but I found some Alfred spiral-bound score on one of my shelves and it started to come back to me

...but then I put on a recording of Gould playing them....normally not so much into hero worship, but damn, that kind of bravura really paid off for him, whatever year he made those for Columbia Records.  Alternately fascinating but sometimes annoying takes on those familiar tunes, but it certainly put me in my place.

Actually, that's kind of comforting to know that in a world where Nestlé destroys, some hillbillies from Lancaster PA, USA have so much sway.

Odd, but I did not know that.  I should have held that it were only the Belgians, the Swiss, the Dutch, the Swedes, and the Germans who controlled much of the confectionary product.  But I would have been wrong.

And I have actually been through Lancaster PA, USA many times....I had no idea that it was of such power. 

Kind of odd, really, in the age of multi-national congolmerates and all that.  No, I'd no idea.  I figured it was some kind of publicity stunt from some EU-based "business."

https://brandsownedby.com/who-owns-reeses/

If it makes you feel any better, I've heard that Kiwis really don't like the idea of chocolate and peanut butter together.  As in it's a somehow an offensive idea.  That's just what I heard.

Doesn't let you Scott Morrison loving strine-speaking Paul Hogan strokin' fancy opera house having blokes off it now does it now?

I nae not!

[perfect_pitch]

I personally am all for Chocolate and Peanuts... but in a bloody toothpaste???

They can get right royally ______ed.

[j_tour]

I personally am all for Chocolate and Peanuts... but in a bloody toothpaste???

They can get right royally ______ed.

But it looks so good.

I always like to brush my teeth with a mixture of shite and some kind of a cream confectionary. 

Hey. 

You all brought it on yourselves! 

Choosing to live in that place down under where even the sheep are sheep.

No one has yet consoled me that my last girlfriend betrayed me by her having been fat and a total beast.

I thought I had fiends here.

What?  I mean.

Where are the kids.  They deserve a beating.  Or at least a round scolding.  Drop trou! 

Oh, the did nae fancy that much.

Well the did on the front of King's palace they did!