****** Im *****ing procrasting on this *****ing essay right now tahs ****kcing due tomororw for ****ing 25 **** per**8cent of my mother****ing grade *** my life kms kIL MY SELF

I think what you meant to say was...
Oh deary, dear... I'm dreadfully procrastinating on this blooming essay right now that's due tomorrow, and sadly enough it's worth a weighty 25% of my entire grade. My, oh my. I don't need consent to take a sharp object, and to stab myself with it.
Best of luck with it... Put on some classical music, unplug the Ethernet cable and carry on with your essay.
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On the plus side, it's good to know that I have a great deal of influence over you j_menz...

This will be handy to know if I ever get into trouble with the law.
