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Is Santa Claus real? (Read 9746 times)

Offline senanserat

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Is Santa Claus real?
« on: August 06, 2013, 06:06:39 AM »
First let me clarify that I am not jesting, I'm only 18 so people who I speak with have different opinion so far I still have some hopes he exist because there is so much mystery surrounding Yule and Xmas.



Lets go over some facts,  Santa - "St. Nick" Clause is a nonfictional being who lives in the North Pole of "Earth".

Now, in the above sentence, you, being the ignorant Communist fool you are, are probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Simple, "Santa Clause", as he's called by people like you, is real, more real than you — in-fact, some people even told me he's Satan.

Who is behind this conspiracy? The C.I.A., the K.G.B.or perhaps Mr. Macy? Was is an attempt by the Freemasons to boost their power with lies? I am not sure but lets again get to some hard, cool facts that may change your perspective for ever.

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.


2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

 

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept),we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours.

 

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 850 km per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 77.4 km per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 33 kms per hour.

 

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.

On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than like 400 kg. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

 
5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

In short,they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

So my question is, does this means regarding my calculations that we have been seeing Santa wrong this years? Obviously he must be an alien right? I think we're onto something here.

Comment and discuss.

"The thousand years of raindrops summoned by my song are my tears, the thunder that strikes the earth is my anger!"

Offline davidjosepha

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #1 on: August 06, 2013, 08:27:15 PM »
Wowzas, well, I really am at a loss for words, which, of course, is why I'm using the non-word "wowzas".

Offline senanserat

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #2 on: August 06, 2013, 08:37:24 PM »
Wowzas, well, I really am at a loss for words, which, of course, is why I'm using the non-word "wowzas".

Understandably the very foundation of your belief have been shaken to the core.
"The thousand years of raindrops summoned by my song are my tears, the thunder that strikes the earth is my anger!"

Offline Bob

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #3 on: August 06, 2013, 11:23:53 PM »
I bet Santa is somehow connected with PRISM.  That's an awful lot of information he'd have to sort through, and they're all supposed to be making toys.  Strange how they still get name brand stuff though, isn't it?

You'd think parents would be more concerned too.  "Hey!  There's a fat old white guy who's been spying on your kid.  He knows *everything* about them, even what they're thinking.  Now he wants to give them some toys.  And they can sit on his lap while you take pictures." 


There could be some angle on Santa in that he uses alternate dimensions rather than actually *is* an alien.  Or maybe there are several Santas.


How about the labor laws?  Is that legal, what he's doing with all the workers?  Are they all male elves?  What happened to the female elves?  Is Mrs. Claus the only female figure in that universe?  And what does she really do? 
Favorite new teacher quote -- "You found the only possible wrong answer."

Offline senanserat

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #4 on: September 28, 2014, 08:30:57 AM »
Looking back I resent that no one gave this hard thought essay more merits.
"The thousand years of raindrops summoned by my song are my tears, the thunder that strikes the earth is my anger!"

Offline Bob

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #5 on: September 28, 2014, 03:04:11 PM »
I was just thinking it was interesting but I wouldn't respond.


Wouldn't a lot of people be concerned that someone is just getting into their house?  Well-meaning.. Yeah, sure.  Right.   Probably not really invited.  Someone gets in and then leaves some gifts.  I would think the big point would be that despite any security precautions, someone's getting into their private space.  What if they have some elaborate security system?  Santa defeats that?  Then there must be some flaw in the system. 

And if he's giving away manufactured, brand name items... Where's he getting those?  (Not stolen?  How do we really know?)  How can he possibly just buy all that stuff and give it away?  Is he subsidized by the government?  If he's making the stuff on his own, it's just a copy.  Probably not a great copy.  And then it would really be violating some copyright laws.  Businesses would be very concerned about that.  Actually, I'm sure a lot of businesses would be concerned about this -- If someone's giving away products, there's no way they can compete at all.  Maybe just giving away something similar, or giving away the actual item or a knockoff copy.  That's hurting those businesses.  Santa's hurting the economy.  Yet no business is complaining... So there must be something funky going on there. 

One thing Santa's not doing is innovating.  He's just giving away products on the level of other products out there.  It's not like he's giving people futuristic products that we haven't seen before.  It's always the same level of gift as things already out there.

Tends to be material items too.  Santa thinks he's going to solve the world's problems and make everyone happy just by giving them stuff?  And he's generally focusing on the First World here, isn't he?  So to Santa, the priority is to deliver a tech item to someone who already has stuff, just to make them feel good.... But there are literally people starving to death in other areas of the world and he's not doing much for them?  Wouldn't there be some thought like, "Hey, you don't believe in me, but here's a big bag of wheat anyway so you can just survive."  And wouldn't a lot of the world be pretty much ok with Santa ending poverty instead of delivering gifts to them?  In that case, why just once a year?  Why couldn't he do a few trips a year?  Or hand that humanitarian aid part off to someone else?  He's obviously got some elaborate production/distribution system going on.  Wouldn't there be better uses for that than just handing out gifts?
Favorite new teacher quote -- "You found the only possible wrong answer."

Offline flashyfingers

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #6 on: September 29, 2014, 04:47:04 AM »
I'm pretty sure the mind can exist in any dimension, because the mind can create and play any event before it even happens (based off things that already have happened). I am pretty sure Santa could exist…in an alternate dimension. Can you calculate which one? The 6th one on Jupiter? (Dumbest response ever? Perhaps.)
I'm hungry

Offline Bob

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #7 on: September 29, 2014, 05:03:39 AM »
And we though the NSA was bad... How long has this guy been spying on us?  Who is he to determine what's "good" or what's "bad?"  He's already excluded a huge portion of the world just because he doesn't like their religion.  Doesn't sound very open-minded.  And what's he want?  People who are giving something away tend to want something in return.  And if he doesn't.... Is he just getting kicks off giving?  I've heard that idea before.  People who give gifts are getting the pleasure of giving gifts.  This guy would top them all.  Or is this some kind of giant guilt trip he's trying to make up for?  In which case, what did he do that's that horrible that he feels compelled to give gifts to the whole world each year?  And in that amount of detail?  The easy way would be to just give money.  But he's taking the time to weight whether each person was good or bad and exactly what gift preferences they have... That's quite an investment. 

And what's his cut off age?  I don't think I've ever heard that.  16?  18?  Is it a surprise one year for that person?  "Oh, sorry.  No gifts for you.  You've aged out."  No you're treated to nothing which could be more or less than what the 'bad' kids get.  Even the 'bad' kids are getting a lump of coal 'given' to them.  If you age out, you get nothing (cue Wonka).  And really now, a lump of coal?  That's fuel.  Energy.  That's not a bad thing.  Even back in the 1800s -- I'm thinking that's when it was "bad" -- wouldn't receiving a lump of coal be a good thing?   You burn it and keep warm?


Whatever he's got going on, we know he leaves that sleigh for a bit while delivering presents.  Plus he's parking on people's roofs (rooves?) There's probably some technology there that might be useful, esp. if it's travelling in different dimensions like flashyfingers suggests.  Might be a look.  It could be cited for improper parking and impounded for a bit.  Then we could investigate it a little more.
Favorite new teacher quote -- "You found the only possible wrong answer."

Offline j_menz

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #8 on: September 29, 2014, 05:10:05 AM »
[Santa] could be cited for improper parking and impounded for a bit.  Then we could investigate it a little more.

Done!

"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility. There are so few of us left" -- Oscar Levant

Offline Bob

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #9 on: September 29, 2014, 05:13:16 AM »
Hm.  Good question.....  What are the rest doing?   I wonder if Santa rents that thing out...

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20130820190032AAaVvEY

Favorite new teacher quote -- "You found the only possible wrong answer."

Offline outin

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #10 on: September 30, 2014, 03:33:53 AM »
You don't really believe all those tails of Santa flying around with reindeers? If you do you probably haven't seen the film based on real events that showed us what they really are:



Offline j_menz

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #11 on: September 30, 2014, 05:57:29 AM »
"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility. There are so few of us left" -- Oscar Levant

Offline Bob

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #12 on: September 30, 2014, 11:38:13 AM »
Not really setting a good example for eating habits for kids either.... That's a heart attack and diabetes waiting to happen, if it hasn't already.


If he's gone undetected this whole time.... He's probably got some stealth technology the military would be interested in.  Or, the military's in on it.  Some kind of giant conspiracy.  Maybe it's a all a big cover to get rid of surplus products -- Ever get a gift you don't really want or need?  Or something that wasn't quite what you really wanted but it was close?  Maybe it's some form of economic stimulus -- Give away stuff to encourage materialism and spending. 
Favorite new teacher quote -- "You found the only possible wrong answer."

Offline swagmaster420x

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #13 on: September 30, 2014, 04:08:02 PM »
Santa Claus is a popular alias for chile mowlesturs

Offline Bob

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #14 on: October 15, 2014, 04:16:44 AM »
http://www.ted.com/talks/glenn_greenwald_why_privacy_matters

So... Santa's a tyrant?  Stifling free thought?

Who's monitoring Santa?  Just one person determining whether an action is right or wrong... for everyone?  Who is this guy?
Favorite new teacher quote -- "You found the only possible wrong answer."

Offline senanserat

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #15 on: October 15, 2014, 11:09:31 PM »
http://www.ted.com/talks/glenn_greenwald_why_privacy_matters

So... Santa's a tyrant?  Stifling free thought?

Who's monitoring Santa?  Just one person determining whether an action is right or wrong... for everyone?  Who is this guy?

"The thousand years of raindrops summoned by my song are my tears, the thunder that strikes the earth is my anger!"

Offline dcstudio

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #16 on: October 30, 2014, 05:13:18 PM »


..."sniff"    :'(

Offline Bob

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #17 on: October 30, 2014, 10:59:30 PM »
No problem.

Just switch to the Russian Дед Мороз. 

(Not quite sure what I'm linking to here...)
http://www.xpomo.com/ruskolan/liter/ded.htm
Favorite new teacher quote -- "You found the only possible wrong answer."

Offline senanserat

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #18 on: November 20, 2014, 06:09:24 PM »
No problem.

Just switch to the Russian Дед Мороз. 

(Not quite sure what I'm linking to here...)
http://www.xpomo.com/ruskolan/liter/ded.htm


How we came from santa to homoerotic BDSM?
"The thousand years of raindrops summoned by my song are my tears, the thunder that strikes the earth is my anger!"

Offline Bob

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #19 on: November 20, 2014, 11:54:12 PM »
That site's just comparing the US/Western vs. Russian versions of Santa Claus I think.

The level up looks like a collection of articles.  Amateur-style website.  Looks like articles with a slightly philosophical bent.


Russian site for sure I think.
http://xpomo.com.whohost.me/
http://skip.w3bin.com/domain/xpomo.com


I don't see anything homoerotic/BSDM-related, except misreading poMo as poRNo, pomo vs. porno.
Favorite new teacher quote -- "You found the only possible wrong answer."

Offline Bob

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #20 on: November 23, 2014, 12:53:17 AM »
Yes, it advertising.  I'm probably doing exactly what they want.  But it's funny.   



Looks like Santa's a little lactose intolerant.
Favorite new teacher quote -- "You found the only possible wrong answer."

Offline senanserat

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #21 on: November 23, 2014, 03:57:52 AM »
Yes, it advertising.  I'm probably doing exactly what they want.  But it's funny.   



Looks like Santa's a little lactose intolerant.

This amuse us
"The thousand years of raindrops summoned by my song are my tears, the thunder that strikes the earth is my anger!"

Offline visitor

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Re: Is Santa Claus real?
«Reply #22 on: February 05, 2015, 02:07:32 PM »
stop it santa!