Any regrets?

[theholygideons]

Considering that this forum consists of a substantial amount of old people, I'm curious as to whether, in retrospect, there was anything that you either regrettably failed to try or fulfill, or were stupid enough to do? care to share to us younger lads a didactic or cautionary word of advice?   
 

[johnmar78]

yes, no offense, there were lots LOTS times people on this forum-either young or old, I suppose young more likely based on their responses and my personal experiences dealing with  people. They thinks they know what they are doing while you are trying to help them..sometimes I am very disappointed you dnt get any appreciation instead of other way around. . if not saying this think about "provisional drivers-P plater its just as bad as so called "typical teenagers" with "p" platers  on the road. They are dangerous and HELPLESS.. ;)When you there you know what I am talking about.
A typical arrogant arrgro... I suppose...

[ted]

In music yes, but I am afraid stating it might mislead the majority. I wish I had taken far less notice of teachers, musicians and experts, and had followed the music within me and it alone. In other words, I ought to have had much more confidence in my musical and pianistic self, and would have done better, with the exception of the two highly creative and individual teachers of my youth, to ignore orthodox notions about music altogether.

This is obviously not advice for the majority, but in my case it is certainly true. If you are really different, if you feel music differently, and I don't mean merely for the sake of iconoclasm or comparison, then you must completely embrace that difference and treasure it, because it might be the best part of your music. I did not fully realise this until around fifty-five but then again, I suppose I should be grateful I became aware of it at all.

In life generally, I am lucky enough to call most regrets minor; things like playing obsessive and ferocious hardcourt tennis for three decades, wearing out bits of my body; like wasting far too much of my twenties on drink and romantic love; like paying insufficient regard at the time to those who cared about me and to whom I owed moral debt. The list goes on, but with age one acquires a certain kindness toward youthful folly, particularly one's own. I could certainly have done worse things, after all.

[theholygideons]

In music yes, but I am afraid stating it might mislead the majority. I wish I had taken far less notice of teachers, musicians and experts, and had followed the music within me and it alone. In other words, I ought to have had much more confidence in my musical and pianistic self, and would have done better, with the exception of the two highly creative and individual teachers of my youth, to ignore orthodox notions about music altogether.

I totes agree with your perspective on music. After quitting lessons and being self-taught for around 3 years now, I believe my self-understanding as to why I do certain things and individuality has rapidly grown as a result of not just blindly following a teacher. Fuarrkk.. last teacher i had was some aggro russian woman, worst experience of my life. Lol 

In life generally, I am lucky enough to call most regrets minor; things like playing obsessive and ferocious hardcourt tennis for three decades, wearing out bits of my body

Loool... considering that the average tennis player's career-span is only around 10 years, that sounds savage.

[the_fervid_pig]

This is obviously not advice for the majority, but in my case it is certainly true. If you are really different, if you feel music differently

In what way differently? And how do you know it's different? Just interested.

like wasting far too much of my twenties on drink and romantic love;

Doesn't sound like a waste to me

[senanserat]

I think I got more than its normal on someone my age but I am trying to let it go.Easier said than do as well.

[hfmadopter]

I'm 63 and there isn't a lot of sense in going back in time to discuss what might have been "if", if I did this or that. First, that isn't how it went down and sometimes I really believe there is a certain element of destiny involved in life. Even so,  back then and for some of you now, most of you now who are young yet, there was/is a whole different hormone flow going on from when you get older. Some things that were SOOOOO important then seem a bit trifle now. I suspect I would go back there and probably do something very similar to what I already have done in my life. I could say that I would maybe not do a certain thing but the fact of the matter is you haven't lived enough yet to do it differently. And so we evolve into what we are later in life, taking life's lessons with us, be they good or bad experiences. That all forms what you will be when you get my age and from my age on to even older yet. Hind sight is 20/20 !

Pray, hope if you must ( some don't believe in prayer), that you learn your lessons well and as life moves on, live on knowing the difference. Conduct your life accordingly with the adjustments in place as you age.

All in all, I'm in a pretty good place compared to how some end up. I don't think I should be complaining about much. I do feel I could have had a little better regard for some individuals in my lifetime. Once they pass on it's a bit late to address that. That being the case, I think it's a good thing to try and get right up front. Respect those around you as you would want to be respected. You don't know how deep the wrong words can sometimes penetrate another persons feelings, even their will power. A sharp tongue delivered to the wrong personality can really cut deep. Is it really so necessary that you say those words at all ? Same thing for certain actions. I have done some things the wrong way in my time and also had it done to me, I know about what I speak on this matter. I have vowed for some time now to not repeat that and hope others do the same in return. This is far more important than you may realize yet !

[j_menz]

care to share to us younger lads a didactic or cautionary word of advice?   

Be careful who you call old. It will help you one day be eligible to be on the receiving end of such rudeness. 

[ted]

In what way differently? And how do you know it's different? Just interested.

Without going into detail, the specific musical properties which move or interest me most deeply are not really those which are found in traditional genres, classical or jazz. I am like Poe's poem, "I cannot bring my passions from a common spring". It does not imply I am ignorant of common practice music, cannot play it or never listen to it. Indeed, in earlier years I spent a great deal of effort on listening to it, studying it, playing it and writing compositions in more or less common practice idioms. Some of these I have posted on this forum, and I am certainly not embarrassed by them. However, with advancing age I began to consider it a pity not to devote most of my remaining time to creating music I enjoy in ways I enjoy, in my case mostly improvisation, rather than to some external dictum or standard.

I know I am different because of interaction with other people and musicians, and more recently from what members of music forums say, much of which I find completely foreign to how I feel about music. It is certainly not a matter of being either better or worse, and iconoclasm is remote from both position and intention. I do have to enjoy my music though, and if that implies a perceived shallow hedonism, then I am quite happy with it.

[iansinclair]

I could either say "no, not really" or "good heavens yes".  At my age -- 71 -- though, hopefully you have learned that some things went amiss, but that there's nothing you can do to change them and all you can do is earnestly promise to try harder the next time -- if there is one...

Are there things I would have done differently, looking back?  Indeed there are, some minor, some pretty major.  Did the sum total of all those things get me where I am now?  They did.  And I am reasonably satisfied with that.  Some of the dreams I had didn't come true.  Some changed... some things I never expected which which were wonderful did happen.

Suggestions for the young 'uns?  Again, not really.  Perhaps the only really serious one I would make would be to seek to understand and work with (I would say love, but that could be misinterpreted!) each person you meet as themselves, and never as you wish them to be.  And that includes yourself, by the way...

[outin]

Be careful who you call old. It will help you one day be eligible to be on the receiving end of such rudeness. 

Why would it be rude? What's wrong with being old? 

I have no regrets because whatever I have done or not done served a purpose at that time. If I sometimes "wish I had done something", I do understand that it was really not a viable option at that time, so it's more speculation than regret. I firmly believe that whatever I choose to do is always the best option, so no need to look back 

[j_menz]

What's wrong with being old? 

How should I know?   

 

[hfmadopter]

Why would it be rude? What's wrong with being old? 

Old is in the eyes of the beholder but also in ones own mind. Sometimes mentally an older person can feel quite young.

A few years ago before my father in law passed on and he was living here in our apartment that we now rent out since his passing, I had a very contrasting experience. He was 91 when he passed, had dementia, incontinence and required nearly 24 hour care. So I was down at the local canal fishing one day. This man walks up next to me and starts casting like a 40 year old, spry man I took to be in his late 60s. I thought wow, for pushing 70 he is really in great shape. He proceeded to introduce himself and tell me about he and his wifes life and how he had no regrets and has done everything he wants to do in life. He said if he died tomorrow, he had O regrets, loved his wife and just had a great life. He said at 90 years old one never knows !!!!!! Never seen the man since nor before that day, sometimes you just wonder about these so called chance meetings. I instantly thought of the wreck we were caring for at home or trying to at least. A man living day by day, pretty well shot and no real desire to carry on.

What's my point, old isn't always old perhaps ?

[lifelies]

I regret started smoking (I quit 6 days ago).
I DON'T REGRET having quit piano when I was 8, because I had a crappy teacher. I started again when I was 13 :3
Oh and I'm not old at all.
Hugs,
Z.

[outin]

What's my point, old isn't always old perhaps ?

I'd rather say it's not relevant if you're old or not, but what shape you are in (mentally and physically). You can be quite young and still a complete wreck...

[outin]

I regret started smoking (I quit 6 days ago).

Good luck to you!
I quit smoking in 1996. But I don't really regret starting...may have been stupid but was quite enjoyable anyway...

[oxy60]

I could either say "no, not really" or "good heavens yes".  At my age -- 71 -- though, hopefully you have learned that some things went amiss, but that there's nothing you can do to change them and all you can do is earnestly promise to try harder the next time -- if there is one...

Are there things I would have done differently, looking back?  Indeed there are, some minor, some pretty major.  Did the sum total of all those things get me where I am now?  They did.  And I am reasonably satisfied with that.  Some of the dreams I had didn't come true.  Some changed... some things I never expected which which were wonderful did happen.

Suggestions for the young 'uns?  Again, not really.  Perhaps the only really serious one I would make would be to seek to understand and work with (I would say love, but that could be misinterpreted!) each person you meet as themselves, and never as you wish them to be.  And that includes yourself, by the way...

Well said! The only thing I would add as advice to young people is to put 100% into whatever comes your way. Doing that will ensure that you will have no regrets because you did everything you could at the time. Regrets come because we look back and wish we had done more.

[the_fervid_pig]

I regret going into town today because twenty quid fell unnoticed out of my pocket. I'm hoping I lost it in the charity shop, then it would be like a donation, and not on the street where some opportunistic dishonest little scrote pocketed it.

[perprocrastinate]

I know this thread probably isn't for me, but I wish I could have acted more wisely in my childhood, soon coming to a close. I never learned how to truly appreciate this valuable period in my life.

Live and learn, I guess.

[j_menz]

I know this thread probably isn't for me, but I wish I could have acted more wisely in my childhood, soon coming to a close. I never learned how to truly appreciate this valuable period in my life.

Live and learn, I guess.

Surely not having to act more wisely is one of the chief joys of childhood.

Youth truly is wasted on the young.

[ethure]

dont starve yourself for just being polite when visiting and having short stay in other people's home  T.T

[oxy60]

I know this thread probably isn't for me, but I wish I could have acted more wisely in my childhood, soon coming to a close. I never learned how to truly appreciate this valuable period in my life.

Live and learn, I guess.

In ten or twenty years from now you'll appreciate this period.

[thorn]

"Regrets" are often throwaway comments that people don't say with the intent the word implies. To have a true, heart felt regret is to dismiss everything that has happened since that time to the present.

I have only had one genuine such thing in my life and that was that I chose to study music at a university, throwing away an unconditional offer at a conservatoire. Because of that regret, I was utterly miserable at university, resented every second I was there and for a long time after graduation felt that I had completely wasted those years of my life.

The feeling of wasting my life stemmed directly from holding on to the past and it prevented me from appreciating anything in the present. This period was 2008-2011 if anyone wants an idea of the general age bracket I'm in- I would not count myself "old", but at the time the weight of the regret made me feel very old, and very wasted.

To end on a positive, I am in the process of learning to move past this. I can look back on my time at university and say that the time was not wasted at all. From a musical standpoint, I had a lot of accompaniment opportunities and a lot of teaching opportunities. I fell in love with composition and even ended up writing music as my dissertation. One of the compulsory modules had a heavy weighting towards ability to improvise which I had never done before in my life. The history of music modules began at 1900 and ran to present day which was a breath of fresh air compared to what most undergraduate history of music syllabuses contain. From a life standpoint, I met a lot of people who are now among my closest friends and regardless of which institution you study at the majority of us still live away from home and learn all the life skills that forces us to get to grips with.

This turned into a longer post than I intended. We have a lot of choices in life and don't always make the wisest ones- life is far from perfect and more often than not we have to make the best of a bad situation. From my example, even if we did waste time wallowing in regret there will still be positives in retrospect.

[indianajo]

I'm 63 and wish I could have been involved in raising a child related to me.  i wish Texas had some sort of compulsory treatment for manic depressives with bouts of paranoia, which is what my bright pixie of a first wife turned into. I certainly couldn't talk her into seeing anyone that would diagnose (except when she was depressed) or cure her, and then I lost her to a cowboy type at a dance hall.  I wish I hadn't been invisible to women of similar culture and skills in the crucial years of finding a mate of the right age.  I wish I could have produced a better line of conversation in social situations.    I wish the Army hadn't taken advantage of my draft number and pulled me away from the only job I ever had that I was really good at and I really enjoyed in 1980.  (Digital design, aerospace contractor).
On the other hand, I enjoy quiet evenings of musical practice.  I enjoy good health.  I'm glad I was taught to treat people the way I want to be treated, and wasn't bad enough at it to deserve notice as a problem.  I'm glad I had a few years of undeserved good salary to salt away some for the recent bad times.  I'm glad I've found a niche of quiet and space I can stay in a crowded, competitive world.  

[ted]

I'm glad I've found a niche of quiet and space I can stay in a crowded, competitive world.  

Yes, that is very important. I sometimes think the human world will accelerate until it flies up its own backside and explodes; a surfeit of positive feedback loops and a dearth of negative ones. Koyaanisqatsi.

[oxy60]

I'm 63 and wish I could have been involved in raising a child related to me.  i wish Texas had some sort of compulsory treatment for manic depressives with bouts of paranoia, which is what my bright pixie of a first wife turned into. I certainly couldn't talk her into seeing anyone that would diagnose (except when she was depressed) or cure her, and then I lost her to a cowboy type at a dance hall.  I wish I hadn't been invisible to women of similar culture and skills in the crucial years of finding a mate of the right age.  I wish I could have produced a better line of conversation in social situations.    I wish the Army hadn't taken advantage of my draft number and pulled me away from the only job I ever had that I was really good at and I really enjoyed in 1980.  (Digital design, aerospace contractor).
On the other hand, I enjoy quiet evenings of musical practice.  I enjoy good health.  I'm glad I was taught to treat people the way I want to be treated, and wasn't bad enough at it to deserve notice as a problem.  I'm glad I had a few years of undeserved good salary to salt away some for the recent bad times.  I'm glad I've found a niche of quiet and space I can stay in a crowded, competitive world.  

Don't beat yourself up! You did what you COULD at the time with the resources available. You've found happiness now and that is all that counts.