Stay tuned for my first piano sonata! It's almost done.
I personally believe that if you do not compose and/or improvise, you are nothing more than a sophisticated human jukebox. To be a real musician you need to have your own style.
You can work with the fact that your mind craves variation. Music should never be the same way twice. Every time you play something, you are just playing a variation on something. You can never play the something itself. It only ever comes out as a variation of sorts You just need to be comfortable with all the different possible variations so that you can make one amazing variation that is as close as possible to the 'truth'
At concerts, I usually position myself near the exit to be able to run away as fast as I can, because I get physical cramps if what the performer does is entirely beside the point. Two, three notes is enough for me to decide: stay or go away. I will never sit a concert to the end out of politeness. If it's a waste of time, it's a waste of time, whatever the name of the artist.
You must feel so proud of yourself. Well done.
Now, if you are honestly enduring physical pain, and/or distress to such a point that you experience stress; then I have understanding for what your reasoning is behind leaving during a performance that you chose to listen to.
Real physical stress, sometimes hyperventilation.