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I will explain my attempted suicide day, and post if you ever have tried. (Read 1498 times)

Offline slyfox2625

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I will explain mine i am 21 years old,

I woke up, watched some boring Beatles documentary, went to work and came home.

It may sound like a joke, but i kept listening to "to zanarkand" Beautiful piano piece
on my iPod from a video game final fantasy 10
i played in my teenage years.

I got on the bus and rode it around the city feeling majorly depressed
until my iPod died on repeat from the same song.
I walked from this street i got dropped off from on the bus
all the way to the memorial bridge in my city connecting to South Carolina, (savannah ga)
and walked to the bridge where cars were passing by extremely fast.

I walked to the main part above water which is a very very
very long drop and just looked over the railing.
somehow some random man walked beside me while
i was staring over and asked if i was ok.
I didn't respond for a minute, and he just kept talking to me.
He never stopped talking.
he talked about the bridge and his life
and family and work.. and didn't stop for like 10 minutes.
He asked me where i lived and he put his hand on my back
and coerced me to walk off the bridge and to his car which was a 2012 Mercedes.
he drove to my house and walked me to the porch and left.
He wrote me a 3000$ check

Some rich stranger apparently saved my life and he never knows it, ...
haven't seen him or spoken to him sense.. then...

Offline cabbynum

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I'm glad that rich man was there. I've been there, I don't feel comfortable going into details here publicly but I'll on you if you really wanna know.
Suicide is never the answer, I know that's cliche as hell. But it's true, things get hard. Days become harder to make it through. Hours seem to take years and nothing good seems to come of it. You lose motivation to try to help yourself. It sucks. I hate it. I got to the point where I couldn't go a full day at school without doing something stupid.

I know there are times where it feels like you can't do anything but that's not true. Being depressed is not an overnight cure and is not a thing that will get better in a straight line , you'll have dips and relapses. What you need to do is find atleast 3 things that are good in every day. When you first start this it will be very hard to find good things. You need to write them down, even if it seems frivolous like "the clouds made a pretty shape today" "a person smiled at me on the street" "I got really comfortable on the couch" those aren't major things that happen but they are positive things in your day. Write them down. It will help.

Write out or type everything that's bothering you. Get it all out. You will be amazed at how much this helps.

Do not hurt yourself, this is a temporary distraction. It does nothing good. I hid some of the stuff I did to myself from my parents and one of them I probably should have gone to the hospital for. I now have a huge nasty scar. It's a constant reminder.

Instead take an ice cold shower. This is a temporary fix but it helps in a quick situation.

Play the piano, if you are having trouble with a piece that day and it starts causing more stress just toss it aside for now. Start a new one. Playing piano or an instrument really helps. It is a good outlet.

Exercise, I can't stress this one enough. Get some sort of sustained cardio for a half hour every time you feel big time down. Every day would be ideal. But at a minimum do it when you're upset.

If it is a specific thing that is bothering you do the following:
Figure out what it is
Find out why you are allowing it to take control and then dispute it. Usually it's irrational and something like "I shouldn't be screwing this up..." Did you sign a contract saying you wouldn't screw this up? I didn't think so. So take should out of your vocabulary in this area.

Start a new activity, find something you have even a slight interest in and do it. Mine honestly was piano and now it's a driving passion in my life. I can honestly say piano has saved my life.

I don't know how introverted you are, but getting out and just meeting new people can help. I'm not saying go make your new best friend. But get out there talk to some people.

Sleep plenty, make sure you get atleast 8 hours.

I know how tough things can get, but there is always a way to get back to a better state of mind. There is tons I'm leaving out, not on purpose but I am hastily writing this and am exhausted. It's 1:36 am here.

Don't make your goal to be happy, being happy all the time is a dangerous area. It makes it difficult to find happiness. It's hard to explain in typing I'd have to talk out loud.
Go for content, it's wonderful. Because in content land you can have happiness and sadness but as long as your middle ground is content then you are safe.


So key things to do:

Write down 3 happy things a day

Write down what's bothering you. (It's also fun to destroy the paper you wrote it on, it feels good)

Exercise!!! (I hate running so I'll bring a soccer ball with me on runs or a basketball and dribble that or I go biking)

Cold showers in bad situations (then go exercise, the combo works great)

Get out of the house

Sleep

Meet new people



I am sorry that was rambling. If you need anything ever, or anyone else on piano street who just wants someone to talk to you can feel free to message me.

Oh also, I don't suggest getting into a serious relationship until you feel much better mentally. I broke up with a girl because I wasn't ready yet and they were horribly mean to me about it. That's not exactly what I needed right then.

Also as hard as it is, don't let people cause you too much pain. What gives them the right to control your emotions? So be in control. You can do this.
 


Currently Working on
Bach Partita 6
Liszt Sonata B minor
Dante Sonata
Liszt/Handel Sarabande
Vallee d'Obermann
Liszt/Schubert Ave Maria
Norma Fantasy

Offline roseamelia

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Quote
somehow some random man walked beside me

Angel. :) God saved you! He sent an angel. My dad had a random man come out of nowhere when he needed help. (Not trying to commit suicide.) They look just like ordinary people.
But Jesus looked at them and said "With man this is impossible, but with God ALL things are possible!"<br /><br />~Jesus Matthew 19:26

Offline rlpslp

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"It's a Wonderful Life"....if you haven't seen the movie, you might enjoy it.

When I am down, I say to my self, "What a difference a day makes". Today may be really bad, but, who knows what tomorrow may bring!

Remember, "Life's a journey, not a destination" and, with regard to suicide, "How high can you fly with broken wings??"

Glad you met someone at the exact right time to calm you.  Keep the Faith.

Offline swagmaster420x

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don't waste the kind stranger's actions. be positive.

Offline faulty_damper

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OP, did you cash the $3000 check?  What did you do with the money?

(Reason why most people kill themselves: no friends/relationships with other people, according to decades of research.)

Offline chopin2015

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OP, did you cash the $3000 check?  What did you do with the money?

(Reason why most people kill themselves: no friends/relationships with other people, according to decades of research.)

that's not a good reason to kill one self.

i know depression can be overwhelming. but there are basic facts about suicide, even if you are not religious. if you commit suicide, you can't go to heaven. based on that premise, i believe humans have free will. it is not because we have a right to happiness...which everyone does, if it is generally good. it is so we can make decisions and define good and bad ones, if suicide is bad, then doing so and so is bad...and you want to do good.

barely related, but depression and suicide affects everyone around you. even if you have noone, think about all the people that have no choice and die, but would want nothing more but the gift YOU were given.

opt to make use of your life, suicide is an awful decision, but!!!!

thinking about suicide happens. some people think about it every day but they know better not to take it as an option, but as a trick. maybe evil, if you believe, or just a mind trick. whatever.

there are many general things people say about suicide, whatever! if you don't commit it, you will keep getting chances and opportunities. dying ends that, and no one knows what is out there. here, at least you can keep trying to do good, to stand up for something big and real...

there are huge things you could consider. suicide is a distraction. no one knows why we have to overcome social and internal obstacles, but you do it! if it takes feeling less that sh*t worthy for 10 years, you do it! if it means being alone and not telling a soul about some selfless act you must do, you do it! and not because of a reward, you do it because even if you don't have a soulmate, you still believe in love and that you are capable of love, even if you don't deserve it. and if you don't deserve it yet you get it, be grateful and don't take it for granted!

stay strong, soldier!

maybe, volunteer at an animal shelter?


 
"Beethoven wrote in three flats a lot. That's because he moved twice."

Offline faulty_damper

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I should clarify what I meant earlier:
a. Not having social connections leads to
b. depression, which leads to
c. suicidal ideation, which may ultimately lead to
d. an actual suicide attempt.

You people talk about suicide like it is a choice.  IT IS NOT A CHOICE OF THE INDIVIDUAL.  Suicide is a far more complex matter than most people understand and insist on blaming the individual for his/her actions.

So let me ask those who attempted suicide: you didn't have real friends or other social connections (e.g. family, church, organizations, etc.) at the time of the attempt. (?)



Offline outin

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I should clarify what I meant earlier:
a. Not having social connections leads to
b. depression, which leads to
c. suicidal ideation, which may ultimately lead to
d. an actual suicide attempt.

Clearly this is a simplified example and only one possible chain of events. Despite your frequent claims, no research backs up this kind of simple universal model. Those people who commit suicide or get depression without 1. seem to be unimportant and completely ignored by you? I know you are not a therapist, but wouldn't hurt to be a bit more open minded when writing on such delicate and difficult matters.



You people talk about suicide like it is a choice.  IT IS NOT A CHOICE OF THE INDIVIDUAL. 

Even of there are a few exceptions to this rule, you are very right. But it is as hard to understand for most people as it is to understand how deep depression feels if you've never had one.

Offline faulty_damper

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Those people who commit suicide or get depression without 1. seem to be unimportant and completely ignored by you?

In cultures where suicide is an acceptable and encouraged behavior (such as Japan, and others) this may not apply.  This is why the largest demographic of suicides in Japan are middle aged men.  In the US, it's teenagers followed closely by the elderly.

Offline outin

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Re: I will explain my attempted suicide day, and post if you ever have tried.
«Reply #10 on: December 28, 2013, 08:54:05 AM »
In cultures where suicide is an acceptable and encouraged behavior (such as Japan, and others) this may not apply. 
But it doesn't always apply in my country either and suicide is not an acceptable or encouraged behavior here (just like it probably really isn't in modern day Japan as it used to be). Many people end up depressed and suicidal because of their social situation, but also many for other reasons.

So what you write is only applicable for those teenage suicides in the US that have a connection with nodern day social isolation? That's ok, but you should remember to mention that before making your claims. That is a basic requirement for scientific discourse.

Offline faulty_damper

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Re: I will explain my attempted suicide day, and post if you ever have tried.
«Reply #11 on: December 28, 2013, 09:37:25 AM »
It's not only applicable to teenagers or the elderly but for a wide range of issues.  For example, a man, in a culture where men are prized as bread winners, loses his job, his identity is lost.  His social status is gone, and thus, his social connections with others is lost. 

Suicide is still accepted in Japan, btw.  Just look at their statistics.  Just because some people publicly shame such behaviors doesn't mean they don't endorse it.  E.g. racism is shamed yet the very same people who shame it have negative racial attitudes and thus perpetuate it.  The same goes for a variety of social issues.  Current hot topic: bullying; the very same people who shame this behavior are the same ones who endorse and commit it.

Offline theholygideons

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Re: I will explain my attempted suicide day, and post if you ever have tried.
«Reply #12 on: December 28, 2013, 09:41:10 AM »
I will explain mine i am 21 years old,

I woke up, watched some boring Beatles documentary, went to work and came home.

It may sound like a joke, but i kept listening to "to zanarkand" Beautiful piano piece
on my iPod from a video game final fantasy 10
i played in my teenage years.

I got on the bus and rode it around the city feeling majorly depressed
until my iPod died on repeat from the same song.
I walked from this street i got dropped off from on the bus
all the way to the memorial bridge in my city connecting to South Carolina, (savannah ga)
and walked to the bridge where cars were passing by extremely fast.

I walked to the main part above water which is a very very
very long drop and just looked over the railing.
somehow some random man walked beside me while
i was staring over and asked if i was ok.
I didn't respond for a minute, and he just kept talking to me.
He never stopped talking.
he talked about the bridge and his life
and family and work.. and didn't stop for like 10 minutes.
He asked me where i lived and he put his hand on my back
and coerced me to walk off the bridge and to his car which was a 2012 Mercedes.
he drove to my house and walked me to the porch and left.
He wrote me a 3000$ check

Some rich stranger apparently saved my life and he never knows it, ...
haven't seen him or spoken to him sense.. then...
 


WHAT.. only 21 years old and wants to suicide!?!?  what the flying ***???
you have at least 60 more years ahead, think of all the things you could achieve !!! (like scarbo and rach 3!!)
If you're not afraid of death, then why not try make a difference to the world. Stop being so passive and waiting for people to step in for you. If you've lost your sense of purpose than start from first principles and work your way up, from what you believe is right and who you perceive yourself to be, and not by anology and what other people expect you to be. Far too many people try to duplicate the success and traits of other people and this is where most of the frustration comes from. Also, read books, a lot of books, as the more you learn, the better you become as a person.


on a side note, why don't schools teach spirtuality and self-empowerment instead of holding scripture classes... religion seems like a sell out and the bible itself is subject to too much misinterpretation.

Offline thalbergmad

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Re: I will explain my attempted suicide day, and post if you ever have tried.
«Reply #13 on: December 28, 2013, 11:31:11 AM »
on a side note, why don't schools teach spirtuality and self-empowerment instead of holding scripture classes... religion seems like a sell out and the bible itself is subject to too much misinterpretation.

Many schools are infested with tambo bangers, but their influence is in decline.

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Concerto Preservation Society

Offline outin

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Re: I will explain my attempted suicide day, and post if you ever have tried.
«Reply #14 on: December 28, 2013, 12:45:36 PM »
It's not only applicable to teenagers or the elderly but for a wide range of issues.  For example, a man, in a culture where men are prized as bread winners, loses his job, his identity is lost.  His social status is gone, and thus, his social connections with others is lost. 


I give up...you obviously do not care for understanding reality better or critical analysis, but rather like to pick random examples that seem to be in favor for your own beliefs.

Offline faulty_damper

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Re: I will explain my attempted suicide day, and post if you ever have tried.
«Reply #15 on: December 29, 2013, 12:06:43 AM »
I give up...you obviously do not care for understanding reality better or critical analysis, but rather like to pick random examples that seem to be in favor for your own beliefs.

Did you provide examples to elucidate your opinion?  No, you didn't.  I can only work with information that I am aware of.  So until you provide the additional information you alluded to, I won't be able to consider it.

Offline faulty_damper

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Re: I will explain my attempted suicide day, and post if you ever have tried.
«Reply #16 on: December 29, 2013, 12:10:21 AM »
 


WHAT.. only 21 years old and wants to suicide!?!?  what the flying ***???
you have at least 60 more years ahead, think of all the things you could achieve !!! (like scarbo and rach 3!!)
If you're not afraid of death, then why not try make a difference to the world. Stop being so passive and waiting for people to step in for you. If you've lost your sense of purpose than start from first principles and work your way up, from what you believe is right and who you perceive yourself to be, and not by anology and what other people expect you to be. Far too many people try to duplicate the success and traits of other people and this is where most of the frustration comes from. Also, read books, a lot of books, as the more you learn, the better you become as a person.

This is a great example of the prior point I made earlier that those on the outside blame the victim.  It's incredibly judgmental and lacks any kind of empathy.  It can even be considered selfish since no attempt was made to understand the other person and the situation.  Again, suicide is not the choice of the individual.

Offline cabbynum

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Re: I will explain my attempted suicide day, and post if you ever have tried.
«Reply #17 on: December 29, 2013, 12:20:31 AM »
I agree with some of you and disagree with the others, but either way I do not think this is a thread to have an argument on. It is rude and insensitive to argue the nature of suicide on a post about someone who has recently attempted.
I attempted it about 2 years ago and it still really upsets me when the subject is brought up. I watched a movie that was just awful and I hated it but there was a suicide scene and I cried like a baby. No emotional connection to the film, simply the memories that were brought back. I've come a long way since then but I am no where near a rock solid level.

Make a new thread for this, go ahead and argue, but do not put this sh*t onto this thread. Be supportive for effs sake. Help the guy out, be nice. Is that too much to ask for?

I agree it is not so much a choice. It seems to be the only answer. The fact that you think that being dead is a better option than waking up every morning and being in piercing agony is horrible. It is the worst feeling I have ever had. So please be respectful.
Currently Working on
Bach Partita 6
Liszt Sonata B minor
Dante Sonata
Liszt/Handel Sarabande
Vallee d'Obermann
Liszt/Schubert Ave Maria
Norma Fantasy

Offline swagmaster420x

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Re: I will explain my attempted suicide day, and post if you ever have tried.
«Reply #18 on: December 29, 2013, 12:27:36 AM »
I agree with some of you and disagree with the others, but either way I do not think this is a thread to have an argument on. It is rude and insensitive to argue the nature of suicide on a post about someone who has recently attempted.
I attempted it about 2 years ago and it still really upsets me when the subject is brought up. I watched a movie that was just awful and I hated it but there was a suicide scene and I cried like a baby. No emotional connection to the film, simply the memories that were brought back. I've come a long way since then but I am no where near a rock solid level.

Make a new thread for this, go ahead and argue, but do not put this sh*t onto this thread. Be supportive for effs sake. Help the guy out, be nice. Is that too much to ask for?

I agree it is not so much a choice. It seems to be the only answer. The fact that you think that being dead is a better option than waking up every morning and being in piercing agony is horrible. It is the worst feeling I have ever had. So please be respectful.
were you able to channel your intense emotions into music?

Offline cabbynum

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Re: I will explain my attempted suicide day, and post if you ever have tried.
«Reply #19 on: December 29, 2013, 02:53:15 AM »
were you able to channel your intense emotions into music?

I started piano right after I got out of a mental hospital and focused all my energy into it. I havnt had any problems interpretating music and that's what I am praised in most from the people I have been taught by and who I've performed for. Mostly darker pieces.

So short answer, yes. It's a great release. I also improvise a lot when I'm upset.
Currently Working on
Bach Partita 6
Liszt Sonata B minor
Dante Sonata
Liszt/Handel Sarabande
Vallee d'Obermann
Liszt/Schubert Ave Maria
Norma Fantasy

Offline cabbynum

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Re: I will explain my attempted suicide day, and post if you ever have tried.
«Reply #20 on: December 29, 2013, 02:57:00 AM »
I think my success with piano can be greatly attributed to it actually. I probably wouldn't have sat down for hours and hours on end if I didn't go through that. Atleast not in the begining
Currently Working on
Bach Partita 6
Liszt Sonata B minor
Dante Sonata
Liszt/Handel Sarabande
Vallee d'Obermann
Liszt/Schubert Ave Maria
Norma Fantasy