She's not interested. Honestly not worth your time or energy . Chicks are really stupid sometimes. This is drama waiting to unfold on the next unlucky dudes life she happens to get interested in. Move along you've already pushed it more than you should. Anymore and you'll have your mancard revoked.
Agree, she's not interested. Trust me. I know from experience.
Seriously? I myself would answer a straight-on question from anyone myself, even if it was the most revolting person in the world, unless I genuinely didn't know who the hell they were (and even if I didn't I'd tell them "sorry I don't know you" or something of the sort) after the shortest time possible, out of basic courtesy. Male or female.Why should one actually open a message that obviously contains a short question without bothering to reply? That, and the fact that I can't even remember even any guy snobbing me like this. Is it a gender-related thing? This is infuriating and causes me anxiety...I'm not looking for a flirtation or anything. It's the kind of question that is genderless in nature...I don't get why you would basically show a bit of disrespect for free. Aren't we civilized people?Still, thanks for the advice. I know I will get replies in this part of the Internet.
This is my problem, I know, but I haven't hesitated to ask some of the wise guys here about it. I know this forum is a particularly sane, reasonable, and helpful one buried among the piles of useless garbage that is the Internet.Well I'll jump to it. There's this girl I find quite attractive, but I don't really have a thing on, with whom I am acquaintances with - we are not close, but we've met several times, on a first-name basis. I have talked to her several times before on Facebook, successfully, but I seriously don't get why I am not being replied to this one time. Well, I recently sent her a very simple question that demands an answer worth a handful of words.Nothing.The next day, I send another message to check.Still, nothing.Note that we're both on vacation, and I decide to spend my vacant time by keeping connected to the people I know. Being quite shy of nature, I am trying to overcome it this way. I feel like jumping to conclusions now because I feel I have the right to do so after that assprick "Seen" has shown its face, indicating that the receiver has actually, really literally, Seen your message. "Seen" basically occurs when you click on the message of the sender, meaning you really intentionally opened it to check its contents.That, and hardly anyone has ever refused a question from me in Facebook before. This lady I speak of is also quite a reasonable one, of what I know of. Had I been more sensitive (I have learnt to grow less over time) I would take this personally and take it as an insult to my character. Luckily, I don't, but it still hurts pretty badly.I have now sent a message asking if she really has indeed read these messages as Facebook notified me so. Let us see where this goes to.***. I cannot play the piano with the thought of being snobbed head-on like this.So I now humbly ask for your advice - what do I do?
She's not interested. Honestly not worth your time or energy . Chicks are really stupid sometimes.
You are saying that not being interested in some guy ...
No. Not what I said. She is being stupid in ignoring the dude and playing dumb games. She knows he knows the message was seen. Acting dumb on two counts - one not being up front ie asking him not to message her. Two, continuing to ignore hoping said op gets the hint. Being not interested is fine dandy it's her deal. Handling it this way is stupid. Just tell guy to leave her alone or she's not interested etc but stop the stupid games.Sorry my initial reply was interpreted incorrectly it's my bad for not bein more clear but saying that playing these types of games isn't sexist, it's just being honest about simple fact ( I say fact w a wink, obviously it's up to everyone but I have tried to consider the other side of that coin, I can not think of a single reason or situation that acting like that benefits anyone or is not being stupid. And note I said stupid, it's not a sex specific trait. Guys do all sorts of stupid all the time too. We are all equally naturally gifted with mad stupid skills).
Dude post on your facebook some ass kicking uber epic piano playing and see how that wimen replies to your message. Also don't talk to her more they smell desperation on the water like sharks smell blood. Good luck
+ 1 I have an extremely embarassing story relating to this
Don't we all.
I'll leave it at this and only this In a 17 hour time span I sent..... Nah decided not to tell...
She's not interested.
If you don't mind my asking. What did you ask?
How did I show any kind of disrespect? You're reading way too much into it.As well, she probably knows you're interested which is why she didn't bother to reply, or that you just weren't worth replying to.
Honestly, you're acting like an insecure pussy who has never seen tits before. Stop acting like an average frustrated chump, and go direct game. Stop playing games with yourself, and give your love interest a call and ask her out on a date. Would you beat around the bush if you were interpreting beethoven? NO, just be completely transparent, no matter what anyone else thinks, nor is it possible to be completely calculated with these things, so just go with the flow of things. The internet is as faceless a form of communication as can be, get with reality mate.
DUDE! Same thing happened to me. This person who seems similar to the person you are writing about, in that he ignores me one day, talks to me the next and all of this after a day in class when he said some stuff that got me thinking, and we do share some of the most awesome laughs, that no-one else will ever experience, neither for him nor I. I am positive of this. HIS LOSS.
Something I heard a long time ago that seems to be true -- Don't try to figure out or understand women. You'll never do it. Even the wisest man will never do it. Do something else with that time.
Take the hint, she wants you to push harder. She wants to know if you really do care. She wants to know if you're not just playing games. Send more messages, check her schedules, bump into her more often, hack her computer, or stalk her house if you have to. Trust me, she just wants you to be more controlling. Girls like that.
I wouldn't jump to conclusions so easily.
She may have a smart phone, with a facebook app on it. She could have accidentally opened it and not seen it (happens all the time on touch phones), even typed a response and never sent it, or sent it and the service timed out. She may have opened her notifications, and only checked specific types of notifications. She may have a filter on her messenger settings. All kinds of communication barriers.
You need to get the hint: she's not interested. If she were, she'd give you her full attention. She's not even doing that because she's not making the effort. Considering that you don't realize this, it's best to learn how women respond is not the same as the way men respond. Men want direct responses because men are dense. Women just ignore since women almost universally understand what this means. She's not interested and simply won't be.
Do women really behave like this, ignoring people at will? I'm starting to feel like a misogynist, but I'd like to think reasonably and therefore give people the benefit of the doubt.
Am I to take this that the woman in question genuinely isn't interested and therefore doesn't bother to respond at all, or that she thinks I'm interested in her but she isn't, so she feels she should answer such a flirtation by not answering at all?Again there were no signs at all that I was interested in a sexual way. Do women really behave like this, ignoring people at will? I'm starting to feel like a misogynist, but I'd like to think reasonably and therefore give people the benefit of the doubt.
I think the first lesson you need to learn is that women and men do not behave in certain sex specific ways. Humans behave in many manners and if you try to classify people's behavior according to their sex, you'll never learn to really understand it.
Where she's to study next.
If you try to understand women independently of their sex altogether, there's even less hope still. You only need to look at statistics on dating websites and a variety of social experiments to know how different the prevailing trends are. The fact that individual cases vary does not mean that men and women are random, without strong statistical trends behind behaviour patterns.
Definitely not a question I would ask in said situation. There are certain tricky aspects involved in an honest answer to such a question, aspects you do not want to share with just anyone over the anonymous Internet. For example, 1) Depending on where you live, one could determine social status, purchasing power, political views, etc. 2) Potential kidnappers, perverts, etc. are very interested in that kind of info, especially if they already have a reliable photo. 3) If she's a bit superstitious (the knock-on-wood type) and she still has to pass entrance exams, she may not want to talk about it in order not to spoil her good luck, etc. etc.Still, we don't have enough info to draw any definite conclusions about anything. She may really not have seen your message. So what? Ask another question. Simply leave her the required space/freedom to react or not react to this or that question/message. Keep in mind, though, that you may have already spoiled something essential by suggestive phrasing in your follow-up message.
I wouldn't jump to conclusions so easily. The only thing we know from the data is that somebody has "seen" (and most likely deleted) cuberdrift's message to the girl in her account, maybe on her computer/phone, but you can never tell for sure it was the person the message was addressed to. There may be a third party at work, trying to spoil the relationship (parental control, potential boyfriend's control, etc.). And in general, you can NEVER trust automated messaging and networking features to tell you the truth about anything. Let's say she allows somebody to use her browser while she goes to the store to buy something to eat or drink. The Facebook account is clearly visible in the bookmarks/favorites and the guest decides to click on it. There's a good chance that the guest will get into the account without having to authenticate, since most people don't care too much about computer security and privacy issues. I wonder how many of the curious youth can refrain from opening new messages that are not addressed to them personally. They're simply up for grabs, right? What harm could that do?...
I'm afraid we're in the realms of conspiranoia here.
@ nyiregyhaziDisclaimer: by the nature of the problem and the way it was presented here, I immediately assumed category "underage"...
@ nyiregyhaziDisclaimer: by the nature of the problem and the way it was presented here, I immediately assumed category "underage". In that case, I'm not so sure your statistics can be used to reliably predict or diagnose behavior. Your judgement of what really must have happened may also appear overly harsh towards the OP if this were the case.You would be surprised to know how many keystroke loggers and other stuff parents and (potential) partners install on computers all over the world to monitor their so-called "beloved ones" without them knowing about it. If we are to believe it, everybody (not only the government) is spying on virtually everybody. I believe the Guardian discussed this problem and the ethical problems around it in detail, albeit only for Great Britain.The rest of what I wrote here were just imaginary scenarios in an attempt to protect the girl/woman from being blamed unjustly and to make the OP think in a different direction.P.S.: I have no affinity whatsoever with Facebook or any other social networking services. I don't find it a very suitable and reliable means for genuine interpersonal contact.
It won't hurt though knowing how older women think.
You won't get women unless you learn to behave very differently.
Yep. Lesson 1 in this respect: Thou shalt not use Facebook for that purpose.
If you want to know how older women think, there are more accurate sources than the 20-30 something males who are so eager to give their opinions on such matters on this forum
Actually, men are usually the best sources.
@ nyiregyhaziI still think that you and many others here assume too much. She may not actually have seen the message. You also seem to underestimate the meaning of such an event happening or not happening for the rest of the bold conclusions. Imagine the following scenario:In her account in the category "New messages" there are 4 new messages, usually marked in bold for convenience in that kind of messengers.Now someone comes along (father, mother, older or younger brother, whoever) and opens one of those messages out of curiosity in an already open browser in her absence. This means that there will only be 3 "New messages" left marked in bold and no reason for the girl to check whether she accidentally missed anything. She said explicitly that she hadn't seen it. From here, I have no reason not to believe her, unless we are to assume that all girls of that age on Facebook are all simply there to play evil games with the boys.P.S.: "Immature behavior" on cubedrift's part if so diagnosed is forgivable considering the age category. He has learned his lesson already for the future.
We've been here before...You are free to keep your views on sex differences based on dating websites and varied "social experiments". The purpose of statistics is to simpilify reality, which in this case is just too complex to be modelled in a reliable way. The design of statistical studies highly determines the results as well. As interesting as they always are, statistics do not reflect reality very well and when it comes to human behavior are usually worthless for predicting outcomes in individual cases.Human behavior has proven to be too complex for any field of science to explain well, because it's an outcome of a very complex interaction between biology, personal history and social factors. Classifications tend to fail unless variables are restricted to few, which in turn causes the results to be poorly applicable to reality. It is very easy to find all kinds of simplistic theories and reseach findings, but their shortcomings become quite clear with critical reading.
@ nyiregyhaziWhile I agree with you on the lesson to be learned for the OP, my main concern is stereotypical thinking of whatever kind with all its underlying and often misguided assumptions. It can lead to sadly missed opportunities.
First: you're question was of a personal nature, not general, because you asked where she's to study next. When you ask personal questions, she's going to think you're interested. Since she didn't respond, she's not interested in revealing personal information. If you understand this...Forget where I was going with that. Here's a simple question: do you know when a girl is interested in you? If so, how do you know?
On the other hand, you'll never learn much about people if you try to tranfer your interaction to social media. People do not behave there the same way they do in real life.
Why is this whole thing even an issue, if you're not interested? Sorry to be blunt, but getting worked up about someone not replying to a Facebook message (to the point of then going to a forum and venting about it) comes across as very needy. You also said you messaged again, directly referencing the lack of reply? That's not appealing to women.
Definitely not a question I would ask in said situation. There are certain tricky aspects involved in an honest answer to such a question, aspects you do not want to share with just anyone over the anonymous Internet. For example, 1) Depending on where you live, one could determine social status, purchasing power, political views, etc. 2) Potential kidnappers, perverts, etc. are very interested in that kind of info, especially if they already have a reliable photo. 3) If she's a bit superstitious (the knock-on-wood type) and she still has to pass entrance exams, she may not want to talk about it in order not to spoil her good luck, etc. etc.
Still, we don't have enough info to draw any definite conclusions about anything. She may really not have seen your message. So what? Ask another question. Simply leave her the required space/freedom to react or not react to this or that question/message. Keep in mind, though, that you may have already spoiled something essential by suggestive phrasing in your follow-up message.
I don't think it's an issue whether she saw it or not. Why is anyone attaching importance to that? Failing to reply to a casual acquaintance by sundown is not a sin. The sole problem is that he is hung up on a single day without a reply and sent a very needy and insecure complaint about not getting a reply.
That's a terrible move to make with a female (whether she read it or not changes nothing at all)- because they experience it so often. The issue is the neediness and implication that she had an obligation to reply to a mere acquaintance within a timescale. That places the guy in the weak crowd amongst most other failing frustrated men, and kills any chance of standing out as a high status male with other options open.
Women hate men who quickly become fixated on them to the exclusion of the rest of the world. Forget romance novels. In the real world these men are viewed not as "romantics" but rather as creepy "stalkers".
The number of guys who would lose interest in someone they were attracted to over such things is tiny. Women are much better at closing off possibilities in response to warning signals than men are. Men notice them too, but rarely walk away as instant response. Instead they end up bearing things for all too long before finally realising that they should walk away from the person they are with as they don't match well. Men don't typically repent on attraction easily but instead wait until such annoyances are overbearing, mid relationship, to act.
It's a simple fact that attractive women get more offers than attractive men. So women naturally evolve to turn people down more readily, whereas men are less inclined to find reasons to turn down an initially attractive prospect merely because of some niggling behaviours (unless truly extreme. We are absolutely not the same on these issues.
All the women spoke of being very selective about how many ticks they gave and mentioned receiving all manner of dirty messages etc. Males will tick anyone who looks fairly appealing, as they quickly discover that women are so selective about ticks- so it's not in your interest to rule out maybes. Each behaviour pattern adds additional fuel to that of the other sex (as women expect ticks to be reciprocated and men expect most ticks to be unreciprocated, hence a need to cast a wider net). And women do not send reams of unsolicited filthy messages, as many men do.
PS. Sorry if this sounds highly derogatory to the original poster, but he really needs to hear it. Women really don't go for the type of behaviour patterns described here. It's not in any way "stupid" to find a person who behaves as described here unattractive. The poster has simply trod all over his own cock. The good thing is that it's perfectly possible to learn to change.
If you're interested, ask her for lunch or coffee or something. If she says no, leave it at that. Don't bug her with a bunch of FB messages and don't add to the sh_t that she and all other women have to put up with from obnoxious men. https://twitter.com/hashtag/YesAllWomen?src=hash
I'm afraid we're in the realms of conspiranoia here. She received a mundane message and couldn't be bothered to reply. That's it. Attractive women get their inboxes flooded with boring messages from men who secretly want to sleep with them, but who instead try to make mundane chitchat. They can't spend all day engaged in chats merely to avoid hurting the feelings of those many males who don't make their intentions clear, but who instead try to bore them to tears with ordinary chat messages that fail to capture their imagination. In fact the worst thing of all may be when they do reply. There's a common breed of women who allows men to hang around secretly in love with them, and takes all kinds of gifts with no intention of offering anything in return, to a guy who will only ever be seen as a "friend" (who can be treated like a servant). Better to be be ignored than for an insecure guy to allow himself to be that kind of chump.
I'm not denying Facebook is keylogging for ads. However, in terms of the situation a simple case of someone reading a message that didn't capture their imagination enough to warrant immediate response. Leaping to spectacularly improbable alternatives will only give false romanticised hope.
I thought just about everyone on Facebook sees a chat message and doesn't bother replying right then every day? Attractive women with many male friends certainly do.
The issue here is his extremely unhealthy attitude and expectations from someone he has no right to expect anything from. It's not even about the girl here, but about how unhealthily he has acted, with regard to his own interests. You won't get women unless you learn to behave very differently.
Actually, men are usually the best sources. Women give truly terrible advice on dating, about what they would LIKE TO THINK would attract them- not about what does.
She said explicitly that she hadn't seen it. From here, I have no reason not to believe her, unless we are to assume that all girls of that age on Facebook are all simply there to play evil games with the boys.
P.S.: "Immature behavior" on cubedrift's part if so diagnosed is forgivable considering the age category. He has learned his lesson already for the future.
Are you serious? I guess you are... Maybe it would be better if you just keep your advice to piano playing where you at least seem to have some expertice... Anyway, maybe some of your observations on women are justified based on your experiences. Maybe the ones you are used to interacting with just aren't the smartest kind. People with little going on between their ears tend to behave in a more stereotypical manner and create a lot of unnecessary drama, no matter which gender.
I have never found it difficult to understand either men or women and quite naturally interact with both genders. As do most of my friends. Normal open communication is the key, not assuming complexity and suspect game playing where there is none.
The poster urgently needs to listen to this:https://pickuppodcast.com/2012/01/16/episode-dr-robert-glover-no-more-mr-nice-guy/
It's not about becoming a nasty person, but rather about learning not to think that being "nice" to a girl makes her in any way obligated to you- which is exactly what we've seen outlined here. Nothing repels women more than these kind of behaviour patterns. She's her own person and doesn't owe some guy she met a few times anything, merely because he hoped she was under an unwritten contract to message him within time limits. Imagine how possessive that becomes if they actually became an item! Guys who can't break the cycle of hoping irrationally for things they never even put on the table only get exploited or ignored.
I find myself doubting so. I had previously asked a question about where she lives with impunity.
Topic: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up 