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Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up (Read 3589 times)

Offline cuberdrift

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Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
« on: May 23, 2014, 12:47:17 AM »
This is my problem, I know, but I haven't hesitated to ask some of the wise guys here about it. I know this forum is a particularly sane, reasonable, and helpful one buried among the piles of useless garbage that is the Internet.

Well I'll jump to it. There's this girl I find quite attractive, but I don't really have a thing on, with whom I am acquaintances with - we are not close, but we've met several times, on a first-name basis. I have talked to her several times before on Facebook, successfully, but I seriously don't get why I am not being replied to this one time. Well, I recently sent her a very simple question that demands an answer worth a handful of words.

Nothing.

The next day, I send another message to check.

Still, nothing.

Note that we're both on vacation, and I decide to spend my vacant time by keeping connected to the people I know. Being quite shy of nature, I am trying to overcome it this way. I feel like jumping to conclusions now because I feel I have the right to do so after that assprick "Seen" has shown its face, indicating that the receiver has actually, really literally, Seen your message. "Seen" basically occurs when you click on the message of the sender, meaning you really intentionally opened it to check its contents.

That, and hardly anyone has ever refused a question from me in Facebook before. This lady I speak of is also quite a reasonable one, of what I know of. Had I been more sensitive (I have learnt to grow less over time) I would take this personally and take it as an insult to my character. Luckily, I don't, but it still hurts pretty badly.

I have now sent a message asking if she really has indeed read these messages as Facebook notified me so. Let us see where this goes to.

***.  >:( :-\ I cannot play the piano with the thought of being snobbed head-on like this.

So I now humbly ask for your advice - what do I do?  ::)

Offline visitor

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #1 on: May 23, 2014, 12:59:03 AM »
She's not interested. Honestly not worth your time or energy . Chicks are really stupid sometimes. This is drama waiting to unfold on the next unlucky dudes life she happens to get interested in.  Move along you've already pushed it more than you should. Anymore and you'll have your mancard revoked.

Offline faulty_damper

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #2 on: May 23, 2014, 01:04:20 AM »
Agree, she's not interested.  Trust me.  I know from experience. :P

Offline cuberdrift

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #3 on: May 23, 2014, 01:06:31 AM »
She's not interested. Honestly not worth your time or energy . Chicks are really stupid sometimes. This is drama waiting to unfold on the next unlucky dudes life she happens to get interested in.  Move along you've already pushed it more than you should. Anymore and you'll have your mancard revoked.

Seriously? I myself would answer a straight-on question from anyone myself, even if it was the most revolting person in the world, unless I genuinely didn't know who the hell they were (and even if I didn't I'd tell them "sorry I don't know you" or something of the sort) after the shortest time possible, out of basic courtesy. Male or female.

Why should one actually open a message that obviously contains a short question without bothering to reply?  >:(

That, and the fact that I can't even remember even any guy snobbing me like this. Is it a gender-related thing? This is infuriating and causes me anxiety...

Agree, she's not interested.  Trust me.  I know from experience. :P

I'm not looking for a flirtation or anything. It's the kind of question that is genderless in nature...I don't get why you would basically show a bit of disrespect for free. Aren't we civilized people?

Still, thanks for the advice. I know I will get replies in this part of the Internet.  ::)

Offline cabbynum

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #4 on: May 23, 2014, 01:26:26 AM »
If you don't mind my asking. What did you ask?
Currently Working on
Bach Prelude and fugue no.4 Book 1
Beethoven Tempest
Chopin Barcarolle op.60
Alkan Le Festin D'Esope
Hamelin Paganini Variations
Schubert D.960

Offline faulty_damper

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #5 on: May 23, 2014, 01:32:51 AM »
Seriously? I myself would answer a straight-on question from anyone myself, even if it was the most revolting person in the world, unless I genuinely didn't know who the hell they were (and even if I didn't I'd tell them "sorry I don't know you" or something of the sort) after the shortest time possible, out of basic courtesy. Male or female.

Why should one actually open a message that obviously contains a short question without bothering to reply?  >:(

That, and the fact that I can't even remember even any guy snobbing me like this. Is it a gender-related thing? This is infuriating and causes me anxiety...

I'm not looking for a flirtation or anything. It's the kind of question that is genderless in nature...I don't get why you would basically show a bit of disrespect for free. Aren't we civilized people?

Still, thanks for the advice. I know I will get replies in this part of the Internet.  ::)

How did I show any kind of disrespect?  You're reading way too much into it.

As well, she probably knows you're interested which is why she didn't bother to reply, or that you just weren't worth replying to.

Offline theholygideons

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #6 on: May 23, 2014, 01:59:59 AM »
This is my problem, I know, but I haven't hesitated to ask some of the wise guys here about it. I know this forum is a particularly sane, reasonable, and helpful one buried among the piles of useless garbage that is the Internet.

Well I'll jump to it. There's this girl I find quite attractive, but I don't really have a thing on, with whom I am acquaintances with - we are not close, but we've met several times, on a first-name basis. I have talked to her several times before on Facebook, successfully, but I seriously don't get why I am not being replied to this one time. Well, I recently sent her a very simple question that demands an answer worth a handful of words.

Nothing.

The next day, I send another message to check.

Still, nothing.

Note that we're both on vacation, and I decide to spend my vacant time by keeping connected to the people I know. Being quite shy of nature, I am trying to overcome it this way. I feel like jumping to conclusions now because I feel I have the right to do so after that assprick "Seen" has shown its face, indicating that the receiver has actually, really literally, Seen your message. "Seen" basically occurs when you click on the message of the sender, meaning you really intentionally opened it to check its contents.

That, and hardly anyone has ever refused a question from me in Facebook before. This lady I speak of is also quite a reasonable one, of what I know of. Had I been more sensitive (I have learnt to grow less over time) I would take this personally and take it as an insult to my character. Luckily, I don't, but it still hurts pretty badly.

I have now sent a message asking if she really has indeed read these messages as Facebook notified me so. Let us see where this goes to.

***.  >:( :-\ I cannot play the piano with the thought of being snobbed head-on like this.

So I now humbly ask for your advice - what do I do?  ::)

Honestly, you're acting like an insecure pussy who has never seen tits before. Stop acting like an average frustrated chump, and go direct game. Stop playing games with yourself, and give your love interest a call and ask her out on a date. Would you beat around the bush if you were interpreting beethoven? NO, just be completely transparent, no matter what anyone else thinks, nor is it possible to be completely calculated with these things, so just go with the flow of things. The internet is as faceless a form of communication as can be, get with reality mate.

Offline flashyfingers

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #7 on: May 23, 2014, 02:05:16 AM »
z
I'm hungry

Offline outin

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #8 on: May 23, 2014, 03:38:56 AM »
She's not interested. Honestly not worth your time or energy . Chicks are really stupid sometimes.

??? You are saying that not being interested in some guy makes her stupid??

Seriously, females as well as males are cabaple of being interested in interacting with other people, even the opposite sex, without any deeper feelings. It's called being friendly. Unfortunately sometimes this may lead into a one-sided affection. Then you have two choices, tell the other one to back off and possibly hurt their feelings and cause friction in further interaction or try to take some distance and hope they will get the hint themselves. Unfortunately some delusional males sometimes see this as flirting.

Not saying this is the case here, since we really do not know anything about the person in question. Just addressing Visitor's sexist and immature remark.

Offline Bob

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #9 on: May 23, 2014, 05:56:24 AM »
It's like pulling a bandaid off.  Just get it over with. You're wasting a lot of time, time spent looking for being with someone else if this is the wrong one.

Tell what you think/feel.  Let her decide.  Keep doing whatever you do.  Ball's in her court.  If she wants to respond, fine.  If not, fine.  Don't analyze it too much, esp. with technology involved.  If she really wants to respond, you'll know.  If not, keep working whatever you're doing and forget about her. 

Something I heard a long time ago that seems to be true -- Don't try to figure out or understand women.  You'll never do it.  Even the wisest man will never do it. Do something else with that time. 
Favorite new teacher quote -- "You found the only possible wrong answer."

Offline visitor

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #10 on: May 23, 2014, 10:42:22 AM »
??? You are saying that not being interested in some guy ...
No.  Not what I said.  

She is being stupid in ignoring the dude and playing dumb games. She knows he knows the message was seen.  Acting dumb on two counts - one not being up front  ie asking him not to message her.  Two, continuing to ignore hoping said op gets the hint.  Being not interested is fine dandy it's her deal. Handling it this way is stupid. Just tell guy to leave her alone or she's not interested etc but stop the stupid games.


Sorry my initial reply was interpreted incorrectly it's my bad for not bein more clear  but saying that playing these types of games isn't sexist, it's just being honest about simple fact ( I say fact w a wink, obviously it's up to everyone but I have tried to consider the other side of that coin, I can not think of a single reason or situation that acting like that benefits anyone or is not being stupid. And note I said stupid, it's not a sex specific trait. Guys do all sorts of stupid all the time too. We are all equally naturally gifted with mad stupid skills).


Offline outin

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #11 on: May 23, 2014, 12:28:28 PM »
No.  Not what I said.  

She is being stupid in ignoring the dude and playing dumb games. She knows he knows the message was seen.  Acting dumb on two counts - one not being up front  ie asking him not to message her.  Two, continuing to ignore hoping said op gets the hint.  Being not interested is fine dandy it's her deal. Handling it this way is stupid. Just tell guy to leave her alone or she's not interested etc but stop the stupid games.


Sorry my initial reply was interpreted incorrectly it's my bad for not bein more clear  but saying that playing these types of games isn't sexist, it's just being honest about simple fact ( I say fact w a wink, obviously it's up to everyone but I have tried to consider the other side of that coin, I can not think of a single reason or situation that acting like that benefits anyone or is not being stupid. And note I said stupid, it's not a sex specific trait. Guys do all sorts of stupid all the time too. We are all equally naturally gifted with mad stupid skills).

OK, sorry.  And I guess I'm from the wrong generation. I never thought that leaving something unanswered in Facebook from a casual acquintance  is seriously continuing to ignore that person. We do not even know what the question was or if it is of any importance :)

BTW. People do all kinds of things because they feel they need to or do not know any other way, that doesn't mean they are "playing games". Being stupid on the other hand seems to be part of being young, at least in most cases. And not everyone grows out of it with age either  ;D

Offline senanserat

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #12 on: May 23, 2014, 09:22:29 PM »
Dude post on your facebook some ass kicking uber epic piano playing and see how that wimen replies to your message. Also don't talk to her more they smell desperation on the water like sharks smell blood.

Good luck
"The thousand years of raindrops summoned by my song are my tears, the thunder that strikes the earth is my anger!"

Offline cabbynum

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #13 on: May 23, 2014, 10:37:47 PM »
Dude post on your facebook some ass kicking uber epic piano playing and see how that wimen replies to your message. Also don't talk to her more they smell desperation on the water like sharks smell blood.

Good luck


+ 1
I have an extremely embarassing story relating to this
Currently Working on
Bach Prelude and fugue no.4 Book 1
Beethoven Tempest
Chopin Barcarolle op.60
Alkan Le Festin D'Esope
Hamelin Paganini Variations
Schubert D.960

Offline faulty_damper

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #14 on: May 24, 2014, 03:07:52 AM »

+ 1
I have an extremely embarassing story relating to this

Don't we all.  ;D

Offline mjames

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #15 on: May 24, 2014, 04:02:55 AM »
Take the hint, she wants you to push harder. She wants to know if you really do care. She wants to know if you're not just playing games. Send more messages, check her schedules, bump into her more often, hack her computer, or stalk her house if you have to. Trust me, she just wants you to be more controlling. Girls like that.

Offline cabbynum

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #16 on: May 24, 2014, 04:26:24 AM »
Don't we all.  ;D


I'll leave it at this and only this
In a 17 hour time span I sent..... Nah decided not to tell...
Currently Working on
Bach Prelude and fugue no.4 Book 1
Beethoven Tempest
Chopin Barcarolle op.60
Alkan Le Festin D'Esope
Hamelin Paganini Variations
Schubert D.960

Offline senanserat

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #17 on: May 24, 2014, 05:53:17 AM »

I'll leave it at this and only this
In a 17 hour time span I sent..... Nah decided not to tell...

Come on Cabbage D; we got you.
"The thousand years of raindrops summoned by my song are my tears, the thunder that strikes the earth is my anger!"

Offline dima_ogorodnikov

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #18 on: May 24, 2014, 06:37:48 AM »
-
No amount of how-to information is going to work if you have the wrong mindset, the wrong guiding philosophies. Avoid losers like the plague, and gather with and learn from winners only.

Offline flashyfingers

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #19 on: May 24, 2014, 06:22:47 PM »
She may have a smart phone, with a facebook app on it. She could have accidentally opened it and not seen it (happens all the time on touch phones), even typed a response and never sent it, or sent it and the service timed out. She may have opened her notifications, and only checked specific types of notifications. She may have a filter on her messenger settings. All kinds of communication barriers.
I'm hungry

Offline cuberdrift

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #20 on: May 28, 2014, 07:43:58 AM »
If you don't mind my asking. What did you ask?

Where she's to study next.

How did I show any kind of disrespect?  You're reading way too much into it.

As well, she probably knows you're interested which is why she didn't bother to reply, or that you just weren't worth replying to.

Oops...you had mistook my answer. I wasn't referring to you, I was referring to the girl in question. If I were her I'd reply to anyone as long as the question isn't entirely tactless or unrelated (if I saw it), which she didn't.

Also, how should knowing I am interested be reason for the other party to refuse to respond?

Honestly, you're acting like an insecure pussy who has never seen tits before. Stop acting like an average frustrated chump, and go direct game. Stop playing games with yourself, and give your love interest a call and ask her out on a date. Would you beat around the bush if you were interpreting beethoven? NO, just be completely transparent, no matter what anyone else thinks, nor is it possible to be completely calculated with these things, so just go with the flow of things. The internet is as faceless a form of communication as can be, get with reality mate.

I get your drift, and I know I'm being more insecure than needed. I also agree with the faceless nature of Internet communication, but unfortunately it's the only way I can connect with certain people.

By your logic it's okay to pester her until I actually get a reply? If I were a mindless jerkass I would...

DUDE! Same thing happened to me. This person who seems similar to the person you are writing about, in that he ignores me one day, talks to me the next and all of this after a day in class when he said some stuff that got me thinking, and we do share some of the most awesome laughs, that no-one else will ever experience, neither for him nor I. I am positive of this. HIS LOSS.

Well, let's just say you're lucky enough to have had the pleasure of meeting him the next day and actually sharing worthwhile conversations in person. I am on the other hand am stuck with this godawful medium of communication, which I'm afraid is partially my fault that I started it in the first place.

Something I heard a long time ago that seems to be true -- Don't try to figure out or understand women.  You'll never do it.  Even the wisest man will never do it. Do something else with that time.  

Worthwhile. Saving this one.

Dude post on your facebook some ass kicking uber epic piano playing and see how that wimen replies to your message. Also don't talk to her more they smell desperation on the water like sharks smell blood.

Good luck

She has heard me play, has even complimented me about it, but that was months back. I've had similar problems with another person before, and that one also heard me play several times...could piano be the reason for all this?  :o

Take the hint, she wants you to push harder. She wants to know if you really do care. She wants to know if you're not just playing games. Send more messages, check her schedules, bump into her more often, hack her computer, or stalk her house if you have to. Trust me, she just wants you to be more controlling. Girls like that.

This is getting confusing. Am I to follow your assertive advice, or am I to back off and let her decide lest I "revoke my mancard"?  ???

I wouldn't jump to conclusions so easily.

Quite right, I wouldn't myself, which actually saves a lot of stress.

She may have a smart phone, with a facebook app on it. She could have accidentally opened it and not seen it (happens all the time on touch phones), even typed a response and never sent it, or sent it and the service timed out. She may have opened her notifications, and only checked specific types of notifications. She may have a filter on her messenger settings. All kinds of communication barriers.

I do think she usually uses the phone, but I'm not entirely sure.

Pissed off, I sent a reply along the lines of "Haven't you read these messages"? And it was answered, not seen-ed. I don't know if you'll agree, but it looks to me that this is pretty hard evidence against any suggestion that she "accidentally" "saw" but didn't REALLY see the message, since it didn't happen to that particular message in question (why answer the "pissed off" message and ignore the ones before it? I guess it was too obvious that I expected an answer so she had really no choice but to respond lest she appear completely tactless and oblivious to the interrogative party)!

She did answer that one, and claims she hasn't read them, and answered the question briefly. Deciding to continue the conversation, I ask a follow-up question which she replied with an incomplete statement. Then back to the "seen" f*ckery once more. I haven't touched it since.


Offline faulty_damper

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #21 on: May 28, 2014, 08:31:44 AM »
You need to get the hint: she's not interested.  If she were, she'd give you her full attention.  She's not even doing that because she's not making the effort.  Considering that you don't realize this, it's best to learn how women respond is not the same as the way men respond.  Men want direct responses because men are dense.  Women just ignore since women almost universally understand what this means.  She's not interested and simply won't be.

Offline cuberdrift

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #22 on: May 28, 2014, 08:48:53 AM »
You need to get the hint: she's not interested.  If she were, she'd give you her full attention.  She's not even doing that because she's not making the effort.  Considering that you don't realize this, it's best to learn how women respond is not the same as the way men respond.  Men want direct responses because men are dense.  Women just ignore since women almost universally understand what this means.  She's not interested and simply won't be.

Am I to take this that the woman in question genuinely isn't interested and therefore doesn't bother to respond at all, or that she thinks I'm interested in her but she isn't, so she feels she should answer such a flirtation by not answering at all?

Again there were no signs at all that I was interested in a sexual way. Do women really behave like this, ignoring people at will? I'm starting to feel like a misogynist, but I'd like to think reasonably and therefore give people the benefit of the doubt.

Offline faulty_damper

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #23 on: May 28, 2014, 09:24:10 AM »
Try not to think rationally about this.  What you're doing is trying to justify your feelings with rational thought and it's not going to help you.  Don't let the rational mind tyrannize the whole mind.

First: you're question was of a personal nature, not general, because you asked where she's to study next. When you ask personal questions, she's going to think you're interested.  Since she didn't respond, she's not interested in revealing personal information.  If you understand this...

Forget where I was going with that.  Here's a simple question: do you know when a girl is interested in you?  If so, how do you know?

Offline outin

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #24 on: May 28, 2014, 09:36:25 AM »
Do women really behave like this, ignoring people at will? I'm starting to feel like a misogynist, but I'd like to think reasonably and therefore give people the benefit of the doubt.
I think the first lesson you need to learn is that women and men do not behave in certain sex specific ways. Humans behave in many manners and if you try to classify people's behavior according to their sex, you'll never learn to really understand it.

On the other hand, you'll never learn much about people if you try to tranfer your interaction to social media. People do not behave there the same way they do in real life.

BTW. Did you even consider that the study thing might have been a touchy subject for her at the moment? It might have nothing to do with who's interested in whom, maybe she simply does not want to discuss the with you. She might even be annoyed that you asked.

Offline nyiregyhazi

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #25 on: May 28, 2014, 11:03:48 AM »
Am I to take this that the woman in question genuinely isn't interested and therefore doesn't bother to respond at all, or that she thinks I'm interested in her but she isn't, so she feels she should answer such a flirtation by not answering at all?

Again there were no signs at all that I was interested in a sexual way. Do women really behave like this, ignoring people at will? I'm starting to feel like a misogynist, but I'd like to think reasonably and therefore give people the benefit of the doubt.


Why is this whole thing even an issue, if you're not interested? Sorry to be blunt, but getting worked up about someone not replying to a Facebook message (to the point of then going to a forum and venting about it) comes across as very needy. You also said you messaged again, directly referencing the lack of reply? That's not appealing to women. Unless in a very close friendship already, it's a very off putting quality- even more so if you had been seen as a potential date. Women get harassed by more than enough parties they aren't interested in not to enjoy being harangued. people often don't get a chance to reply to messages at once. But the moment you follow up by complaining about it, you look like yet another demanding person who is trying to her feel obligated to you (while probably also appearing too weak to have been open about your feelings- nb if you really don't fancy her it may still be perceived this way).

Whether you were looking for dating or simply friendship, you should Google for pickup podcast's episode about nice guy syndrome. Guys who try to make people feel obligated to them over something that is quite so trivial  (due to a nonexistent contract that exists merely in their own heqd) are not attractive. Even though nobody you know has read this thread, the fact you are so worked up about such a tiny thing will almost certainly have manifested itself in other ways. If she continues ignoring you, that will likely be the reason why. Even if she just didn't have time to reply to message one, now went back again just a day later, you've already turned your image into a needy harasser. People who are attractive as friends or partners don't behave in such a needy and insecure way as to feel affronted by a single message going unanswered. You need to learn to be more secure in yourself. Get pictured with various attractive women on Facebook, like someone who has a full active life outside of worrying about trifles, ignore her for a week and then message again as normal without making demands of her time.

Offline nyiregyhazi

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #26 on: May 28, 2014, 11:16:07 AM »
I think the first lesson you need to learn is that women and men do not behave in certain sex specific ways. Humans behave in many manners and if you try to classify people's behavior according to their sex, you'll never learn to really understand it.

If you try to understand women independently of their sex altogether, there's even less hope still. You only need to look at statistics on dating websites and a variety of social experiments to know how different the prevailing trends are. The fact that individual cases vary does not mean that men and women are random, without strong statistical trends behind behaviour patterns.

Offline dima_ogorodnikov

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #27 on: May 28, 2014, 11:37:20 AM »
-
No amount of how-to information is going to work if you have the wrong mindset, the wrong guiding philosophies. Avoid losers like the plague, and gather with and learn from winners only.

Offline outin

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #28 on: May 28, 2014, 01:34:31 PM »
If you try to understand women independently of their sex altogether, there's even less hope still. You only need to look at statistics on dating websites and a variety of social experiments to know how different the prevailing trends are. The fact that individual cases vary does not mean that men and women are random, without strong statistical trends behind behaviour patterns.

We've been here before...You are free to keep your views on sex differences based on dating websites and varied "social experiments".

The purpose of statistics is to simpilify reality, which in this case is just too complex to be modelled in a reliable way. The design of statistical studies highly determines the results as well. As interesting as they always are, statistics do not reflect reality very well and when it comes to human behavior are usually worthless for predicting outcomes in individual cases.

Human behavior has proven to be too complex for any field of science to explain well, because it's an outcome of a very complex interaction between biology, personal history and social factors. Classifications tend to fail unless variables are restricted to few, which in turn causes the results to be poorly applicable to reality. It is very easy to find all kinds of simplistic theories and reseach findings, but their shortcomings become quite clear with critical reading.

Offline nyiregyhazi

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #29 on: May 28, 2014, 02:25:17 PM »
Definitely not a question I would ask in said situation. There are certain tricky aspects involved in an honest answer to such a question, aspects you do not want to share with just anyone over the anonymous Internet. For example, 1) Depending on where you live, one could determine social status, purchasing power, political views, etc. 2) Potential kidnappers, perverts, etc. are very interested in that kind of info, especially if they already have a reliable photo. 3) If she's a bit superstitious (the knock-on-wood type) and she still has to pass entrance exams, she may not want to talk about it in order not to spoil her good luck, etc. etc.

Still, we don't have enough info to draw any definite conclusions about anything. She may really not have seen your message. So what? Ask another question. Simply leave her the required space/freedom to react or not react to this or that question/message. Keep in mind, though, that you may have already spoiled something essential by suggestive phrasing in your follow-up message.

I don't think it's an issue whether she saw it or not. Why is anyone attaching importance to that? Failing to reply to a casual acquaintance by sundown is not a sin. The sole problem is that he is hung up on a single day without a reply and sent a very needy and insecure complaint about not getting a reply. That's a terrible move to make with a female (whether she read it or not changes nothing at all)- because they experience it so often. The issue is the neediness and implication that she had an obligation to reply to a mere acquaintance within a timescale. That places the guy in the weak crowd amongst most other failing frustrated men, and kills any chance of standing out as a high status male with other options open. These are the attractive males. Women hate men who quickly become fixated on them to the exclusion of the rest of the world. Forget romance novels. In the real world these men are viewed not as "romantics" but rather as creepy "stalkers". Anyone who invests quite so much in a mere Facebook reply from someone they know just a little portrays themself as someone who doesn't have other options- which is a very weak and offputting role in Darwinian terms. The number of guys who would lose interest in someone they were attracted to over such things is tiny. Women are much better at closing off possibilities in response to warning signals than men are. Men notice them too, but rarely walk away as instant response. Instead they end up bearing things for all too long before finally realising that they should walk away from the person they are with as they don't match well. Men don't typically repent on attraction easily but instead wait until such annoyances are overbearing, mid relationship, to act. It's a simple fact that attractive women get more offers than attractive men. So women naturally evolve to turn people down more readily, whereas men are less inclined to find reasons to turn down an initially attractive prospect merely because of some niggling behaviours (unless truly extreme. We are absolutely not the same on these issues.

Even if we presume that all statistics are nonsense, as would be convenient to the modern urban myth that men and women are identical, what about the animal Kingdom? Do we typically see identical behaviour patterns between males and females in other animals? Why would any assumption default to sameness in human animals? It's not grounded in logic to start on such an assumption and neither is it supported by evidence. I don't care whether reasons are biological or societal. That behavioural trends exist is the issue. Recently I've been on various dates from Tinder. All the women spoke of being very selective about how many ticks they gave and mentioned receiving all manner of dirty messages etc. Males will tick anyone who looks fairly appealing, as they quickly discover that women are so selective about ticks- so it's not in your interest to rule out maybes. Each behaviour pattern adds additional fuel to that of the other sex (as women expect ticks to be reciprocated and men expect most ticks to be unreciprocated, hence a need to cast a wider net). And women do not send reams of unsolicited filthy messages, as many men do. To sincerely pretend that such widely observed trends don't exist is not to live in the real world and to refuse to acknowledge bucket loads of evidence. Above all, giving this guy advice that men and women are no different is the last thing that will help him. He needs to start by understanding the mechanisms of attraction in women, before he starts looking at everyone purely as individual. Just because even strong trends have exceptions, it doesn't mean that we shouldn't learn about them.

PS. Sorry if this sounds highly derogatory to the original poster, but he really needs to hear it. Women really don't go for the type of behaviour patterns described here. It's not in any way "stupid" to find a person who behaves as described here unattractive. The poster has simply trod all over his own cock. The good thing is that it's perfectly possible to learn to change.


Offline brogers70

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #30 on: May 28, 2014, 04:30:46 PM »
If you're interested, ask her for lunch or coffee or something. If she says no, leave it at that. Don't bug her with a bunch of FB messages and don't add to the sh_t that she and all other women have to put up with from obnoxious men.

https://twitter.com/hashtag/YesAllWomen?src=hash

Offline nyiregyhazi

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #31 on: May 28, 2014, 05:10:08 PM »
I wouldn't jump to conclusions so easily. The only thing we know from the data is that somebody has "seen" (and most likely deleted) cuberdrift's message to the girl in her account, maybe on her computer/phone, but you can never tell for sure it was the person the message was addressed to. There may be a third party at work, trying to spoil the relationship (parental control, potential boyfriend's control, etc.).

And in general, you can NEVER trust automated messaging and networking features to tell you the truth about anything. Let's say she allows somebody to use her browser while she goes to the store to buy something to eat or drink. The Facebook account is clearly visible in the bookmarks/favorites and the guest decides to click on it. There's a good chance that the guest will get into the account without having to authenticate, since most people don't care too much about computer security and privacy issues. I wonder how many of the curious youth can refrain from opening new messages that are not addressed to them personally. They're simply up for grabs, right? What harm could that do?... :)

I'm afraid we're in the realms of conspiranoia here. She received a mundane message and couldn't be bothered to reply. That's it. Attractive women get their inboxes flooded with boring messages from men who secretly want to sleep with them, but who instead try to make mundane chitchat. They can't spend all day engaged in chats merely to avoid hurting the feelings of those many males who don't make their intentions clear, but who instead try to bore them to tears with ordinary chat messages that fail to capture their imagination. In fact the worst thing of all may be when they do reply. There's a common breed of women who allows men to hang around secretly in love with them, and takes all kinds of gifts with no intention of offering anything in return, to a guy who will only ever be seen as a "friend" (who can be treated like a servant). Better to be be ignored than for an insecure guy to allow himself to be that kind of chump.

Offline dima_ogorodnikov

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #32 on: May 28, 2014, 06:02:43 PM »
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No amount of how-to information is going to work if you have the wrong mindset, the wrong guiding philosophies. Avoid losers like the plague, and gather with and learn from winners only.

Offline cuberdrift

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #33 on: May 28, 2014, 06:04:22 PM »
Whoa.  :o

Anyway I'm currently too tired to reply to your messages as of now, but rest assured I am highly appreciative of the concern and interest going on here. Nyiregyhazi, it appears I have overlooked what actually is a massively complex topic regarding behavioural patterns common to women. Excuse my inexperience at such things...although I do feel a bit bothered about it, I'll try to take it objectively.

I still earnestly feel less than comfortable with your theory based on why she did not respond, and why what I did was a fatal error, because I find it surprising as to how many implications may have had swooped down on that girl revealing me as an unattractive needy waste of a male while all I was concerned about was getting a simple question answered casually. I'm not in disagreement with your advice; I am in fact highly grateful for it; it's just that it's quite sad how one's genuine nature could put him into such a bad light.  :-\

Also, nyiregyhazi, I hope you aren't somehow being critical of my overemphasis of this trivial issue, are you? I myself have actually gotten over it already (mostly), but I remain enthusiastic about discussing it. I am in my late teens and I take much interest in these things, especially when such things directly concern me...

Thanks for all the advice.  :) More on this later...

Offline cuberdrift

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #34 on: May 28, 2014, 06:08:30 PM »
@ nyiregyhazi

Disclaimer: by the nature of the problem and the way it was presented here, I immediately assumed category "underage"...

Indeed. It won't hurt though knowing how older women think.

Again more on this later...

Offline nyiregyhazi

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #35 on: May 28, 2014, 06:14:24 PM »
@ nyiregyhazi

Disclaimer: by the nature of the problem and the way it was presented here, I immediately assumed category "underage". In that case, I'm not so sure your statistics can be used to reliably predict or diagnose behavior. Your judgement of what really must have happened may also appear overly harsh towards the OP if this were the case.

You would be surprised to know how many keystroke loggers and other stuff parents and (potential) partners install on computers all over the world to monitor their so-called "beloved ones" without them knowing about it. If we are to believe it, everybody (not only the government) is spying on virtually everybody. I believe the Guardian discussed this problem and the ethical problems around it in detail, albeit only for Great Britain.

The rest of what I wrote here were just imaginary scenarios in an attempt to protect the girl/woman from being blamed unjustly and to make the OP think in a different direction.

P.S.: I have no affinity whatsoever with Facebook or any other social networking services. I don't find it a very suitable and reliable means for genuine interpersonal contact.

I'm not denying Facebook is keylogging for ads. However, in terms of the situation a simple case of someone reading a message that didn't capture their imagination enough to warrant immediate response. Leaping to spectacularly improbable alternatives will only give false romanticised hope. I thought just about everyone on Facebook sees a chat message and doesn't bother replying right then every day? Attractive women with many male friends certainly do. My assessment of the poster may seem harsh, but I speak from experience of all those kinds of mistakes. The only road to helping such a person is to show that it's possible to improve themself and stop behaving in a manner that is simply spectacularly unattractive to the vast majority of females. Back-slapping and speculations about whether the girl secretly likes him after all do nothing but harm and will actively encourage the attributes that almost all women run a mile from. The issue here is his extremely unhealthy attitude and expectations from someone he has no right to expect anything from. It's not even about the girl here, but about how unhealthily he has acted, with regard to his own interests. You won't get women unless you learn to behave very differently.


It would be interesting to know the ages involved, but I don't think it changes anything much. In fact, there's good reason why younger girls are often uninterested in boys of similar age. The insecurities involved here put them off. Young and older women alike are just unimpressed by secret infatuation from a man who wants to get their attention yet is too shy to be direct about intentions. These things prevail in Hollywood romance but put men in the friend zone in reality, generally without any chances for more.

Offline outin

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #36 on: May 28, 2014, 06:16:40 PM »
It won't hurt though knowing how older women think.

If you want to know how older women think, there are more accurate sources than the 20-30 something males who are so eager to give their opinions on such matters on this forum ;D

Offline dima_ogorodnikov

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #37 on: May 28, 2014, 06:19:14 PM »
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No amount of how-to information is going to work if you have the wrong mindset, the wrong guiding philosophies. Avoid losers like the plague, and gather with and learn from winners only.

Offline nyiregyhazi

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #38 on: May 28, 2014, 06:23:39 PM »
Yep. Lesson 1 in this respect: Thou shalt not use Facebook for that purpose. ;D

Ah, there are ways. You'd be amazed how just getting photographed out in the presence of attractive females inspires jealousy from other female friends. :-)

Offline nyiregyhazi

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #39 on: May 28, 2014, 06:27:20 PM »
If you want to know how older women think, there are more accurate sources than the 20-30 something males who are so eager to give their opinions on such matters on this forum ;D

Actually, men are usually the best sources. Women give truly terrible advice on dating, about what they would LIKE TO THINK would attract them- not about what does. Buy her flowers and be sure to message her everyday all that crap. Most of it is poisonous when trying to create deep attraction, rather than an impression of being a pest or a source of free lunches. It's nonsense and there's nobody more equipped to know than men who have been on plenty of dates. When was the last time a woman told you that the best way to attract a woman is to be too busy to make too much time for her initially and to have plenty of options open elsewhere? Only a handful of those who are attracted by this are self-aware of the fact. If there's thing a guy should never do, it's to listen to a woman's advice on how to impress other women. All they know is whether they " feel" it for someone or not, not why. They're imagining how they'd want to be treated by someone they are attracted to, not picturing or appreciating  what would first need to inspire that attraction.

Offline dima_ogorodnikov

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #40 on: May 28, 2014, 07:00:39 PM »
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No amount of how-to information is going to work if you have the wrong mindset, the wrong guiding philosophies. Avoid losers like the plague, and gather with and learn from winners only.

Offline outin

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #41 on: May 28, 2014, 07:27:51 PM »
Actually, men are usually the best sources.

Are you serious? I guess you are... Maybe it would be better if you just keep your advice to piano playing where you at least seem to have some expertice...  ;D

Anyway, maybe some of your observations on women are justified based on your experiences. Maybe the ones you are used to interacting with just aren't the smartest kind. People with little going on between their ears tend to behave in a more stereotypical manner and create a lot of unnecessary drama, no matter which gender.

I have never found it difficult to understand either men or women and quite naturally interact with both genders. As do most of my friends. Normal open communication is the key, not assuming complexity and suspect game playing where there is none.

Offline nyiregyhazi

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #42 on: May 28, 2014, 07:42:57 PM »
@ nyiregyhazi

I still think that you and many others here assume too much. She may not actually have seen the message. You also seem to underestimate the meaning of such an event happening or not happening for the rest of the bold conclusions. Imagine the following scenario:

In her account in the category "New messages" there are 4 new messages, usually marked in bold for convenience in that kind of messengers.

Now someone comes along (father, mother, older or younger brother, whoever) and opens one of those messages out of curiosity in an already open browser in her absence. This means that there will only be 3 "New messages" left marked in bold and no reason for the girl to check whether she accidentally missed anything. She said explicitly that she hadn't seen it. From here, I have no reason not to believe her, unless we are to assume that all girls of that age on Facebook are all simply there to play evil games with the boys.

P.S.: "Immature behavior" on cubedrift's part if so diagnosed is forgivable considering the age category. He has learned his lesson already for the future.

It's  very big assumption to even speculate down those lines. But really, it doesn't matter either way. If this is a thread about trying to succeed with a girl, the attitude displayed by the op is the important issue, not whether she read it or not. If anyone trying to get a date with someone behaves in such a needy fashion as to complain  about 24 hours without a response on a dull question from a person who is not a close friend, they are screwing their chances. He needs help big time, I'd he wants to get the things he wishes for. Speculation about whether someone read a message are not only serve to excuse the attitude that she should have replied within a deadline. That attitude is poisonous and the poster needs to know that and improve himself, whether she read it or not doesn't even matter, as he won't go far unless he works on that neediness. The level exposed so far is off the radar. Girls detect this like a bloodhound.

Offline dima_ogorodnikov

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #43 on: May 28, 2014, 07:59:01 PM »
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No amount of how-to information is going to work if you have the wrong mindset, the wrong guiding philosophies. Avoid losers like the plague, and gather with and learn from winners only.

Offline nyiregyhazi

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #44 on: May 28, 2014, 08:04:19 PM »
We've been here before...You are free to keep your views on sex differences based on dating websites and varied "social experiments".

The purpose of statistics is to simpilify reality, which in this case is just too complex to be modelled in a reliable way. The design of statistical studies highly determines the results as well. As interesting as they always are, statistics do not reflect reality very well and when it comes to human behavior are usually worthless for predicting outcomes in individual cases.

Human behavior has proven to be too complex for any field of science to explain well, because it's an outcome of a very complex interaction between biology, personal history and social factors. Classifications tend to fail unless variables are restricted to few, which in turn causes the results to be poorly applicable to reality. It is very easy to find all kinds of simplistic theories and reseach findings, but their shortcomings become quite clear with critical reading.

No, the purpose is to recognise trends where they exist. If you think your subjective impression of yourself is worth more than a man's subjective impression a wide range of women (where the most basic human urge can only be fulfilled by successful approaches)  so be it.

That something is complex does not equate to being random or devoid of notable tendencies in certain areas. I've gone out with some extremely intelligent women who actually professed awareness of being deeply put off by a guy who declares his undying love early in a relationship and disliking inexperienced men etc Shame on you if you seriously think that it's a sign of poor intelligence for a woman to have been influenced by aspects of standard evolution. It was a tribute to their intelligence that they actually observed themself so accurately, rather than in reference to the nonsense ideal that is more widely believed (until the woman suddenly doesn't "feel" it any more for no obvious reason and doesn't know why). Just think yourself lucky that you're not a single guy failing to pull women with standard crap advice. I've been there and had  to learn the hard way quite how useless advice from females is. I learned from men who actually learned to succeed. Some men are bullshitters but there are many very pleasant and likeable men who are not out to boast but to help men understand what works. Nobody gives better or more useful advice. Women are the worst of all to try to learn from, sorry.

Offline brogers70

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #45 on: May 28, 2014, 10:03:50 PM »
If you want to know how older women think, there are more accurate sources than the 20-30 something males who are so eager to give their opinions on such matters on this forum ;D

Yes, yes. If you want to know what older women, or younger women, or anybody else think, the best approach is to ask them and then shut up and listen.

Offline nyiregyhazi

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #46 on: May 28, 2014, 10:54:53 PM »
@ nyiregyhazi

While I agree with you on the lesson to be learned for the OP, my main concern is stereotypical thinking of whatever kind with all its underlying and often misguided assumptions. It can lead to sadly missed opportunities.

Acting based on trends is almost always portrayed in a negative light. But there are behaviour patterns that are almost universally inclined to send potential dates running a mile. It's simply crazy for a frustrated man not to make the most of available knowledge about psychology, in order to learn where he goes wrong. Success comes via various different approaches, but there are also things that very consistently yield poor results. The type of person who vents about these things in a piano forum is the type of person who urgently needs to seek assistance about how to be a stronger and more secure person- which is the only reliable road to success in these matters.

The poster urgently needs to listen to this:

http://pickuppodcast.com/2012/01/16/episode-dr-robert-glover-no-more-mr-nice-guy/

It's not about becoming a nasty person, but rather about learning not to think that being "nice" to a girl makes her in any way obligated to you- which is exactly what we've seen outlined here. Nothing repels women more than these kind of behaviour patterns. She's her own person and doesn't owe some guy she met a few times anything, merely because he hoped she was under an unwritten contract to message him within time limits. Imagine how possessive that becomes if they actually became an item! Guys who can't break the cycle of hoping irrationally for things they never even put on the table only get exploited or ignored.

Offline cuberdrift

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #47 on: May 29, 2014, 04:40:01 AM »
First: you're question was of a personal nature, not general, because you asked where she's to study next. When you ask personal questions, she's going to think you're interested.  Since she didn't respond, she's not interested in revealing personal information.  If you understand this...

Forget where I was going with that.  Here's a simple question: do you know when a girl is interested in you?  If so, how do you know?

When she gives me her full attention? Which she doesn't.

On the other hand, you'll never learn much about people if you try to tranfer your interaction to social media. People do not behave there the same way they do in real life.

I understand. It's just that I don't know why it isn't working out the way it does with other people. Sorry, but guys won't ever leave a question blank for me...at least they don't, usually. Women on the other hand are another matter...

...okay I'm getting pretty confused here. Let's just say I do have experience conversing with women through Facebook's messaging system (this is a fact). I rarely have any trouble getting responses out of...girls. This is also a fact. Even that girl. It is just that I got a tad pissed off that time, that particular time, when Facebook kept telling me she saw the message and refused to leave anything in return. I believe I can safely admit that it is not something that regularly occurs to me.


Why is this whole thing even an issue, if you're not interested? Sorry to be blunt, but getting worked up about someone not replying to a Facebook message (to the point of then going to a forum and venting about it) comes across as very needy. You also said you messaged again, directly referencing the lack of reply? That's not appealing to women.

Do you think I really eroded any chance of redemption when I nagged her about that? The thought of such a major flaw overlooked as that which could put me to shame surely disturbs me. I am not one who does not reconsider what others, especially women (who I have little experience dealing with), regard me. The manner in which you repeatedly state it, and the extent of damage to which you emphasize said mistake, continuously teaches me this painful reality that one needs such a crafty way to handle women as not to come across as a clingy, worthless pile of male fail.

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If you try to understand women independently of their sex altogether, there's even less hope still. You only need to look at statistics on dating websites and a variety of social experiments to know how different the prevailing trends are. The fact that individual cases vary does not mean that men and women are random, without strong statistical trends behind behaviour patterns.

Your theory goes that women should be understood for what they are - females, and that understanding them as an individual while being oblivious to this fact doesn't work, right? What are these "strong statistical trends" you speak of?

Definitely not a question I would ask in said situation. There are certain tricky aspects involved in an honest answer to such a question, aspects you do not want to share with just anyone over the anonymous Internet. For example, 1) Depending on where you live, one could determine social status, purchasing power, political views, etc. 2) Potential kidnappers, perverts, etc. are very interested in that kind of info, especially if they already have a reliable photo. 3) If she's a bit superstitious (the knock-on-wood type) and she still has to pass entrance exams, she may not want to talk about it in order not to spoil her good luck, etc. etc.

I find myself doubting so. I had previously asked a question about where she lives with impunity.

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Still, we don't have enough info to draw any definite conclusions about anything. She may really not have seen your message. So what? Ask another question. Simply leave her the required space/freedom to react or not react to this or that question/message. Keep in mind, though, that you may have already spoiled something essential by suggestive phrasing in your follow-up message.

By the looks of it, the universe agrees that that follow-up message was a less than desirable effect...or rather, a devastating miscalculation?  True, even I would admit that it wasn't necessary. But how else would I receive a reply? This is a stupid idea I know, but do you think it would really have been better of not to receive any proof at all of the person's affirmation of my existence than to compromise my image just to receive what I thought I deserved?

I don't know if this will help, but the message didn't exactly go in the irritated tone of "Haven't you read these messages?..." but it was phrased in a similar way, in that I wanted to tell her that I'm a tad bewildered why my question wasn't getting answered. At least, that was my intent. She may have interpreted it differently. You tell me what she could've been thinking at that.

I don't think it's an issue whether she saw it or not. Why is anyone attaching importance to that? Failing to reply to a casual acquaintance by sundown is not a sin. The sole problem is that he is hung up on a single day without a reply and sent a very needy and insecure complaint about not getting a reply.

It may not fall under the category of "sin" but it comes of as potentially impolite in my book. I have already said that I myself have never, or hardly, and would not, fail to answer any question offered me by anyone out of basic courtesy. I don't know if she decidedly doesn't consider this, or doesn't think it's rude anyway.

Also not a day, but a handful of days was the duration of that hang up.

It does sound very needy, and I am lamenting this mistake. I will certainly not do it in the future, but I still hope the other party didn't take it to the same negative extent as you think women generally do.

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That's a terrible move to make with a female (whether she read it or not changes nothing at all)- because they experience it so often. The issue is the neediness and implication that she had an obligation to reply to a mere acquaintance within a timescale. That places the guy in the weak crowd amongst most other failing frustrated men, and kills any chance of standing out as a high status male with other options open.

You're saying here that the destitute nature of that follow-up message destroyed all the chances of her still possibly regarding me as a "high status male"? In other words, you tell me that my needy reply placed me as poor guy in need of women's attention.

I guess I had to learn this the hard way, and realize that there are other options open, and ranting about one failed opportunity does more harm than good and it is not worth my time doing such a disservice to myself. Correct?

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Women hate men who quickly become fixated on them to the exclusion of the rest of the world. Forget romance novels. In the real world these men are viewed not as "romantics" but rather as creepy "stalkers".

Sorry, I don't quite get it - who are these "creepy stalkers" you speak of?

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The number of guys who would lose interest in someone they were attracted to over such things is tiny. Women are much better at closing off possibilities in response to warning signals than men are. Men notice them too, but rarely walk away as instant response. Instead they end up bearing things for all too long before finally realising that they should walk away from the person they are with as they don't match well. Men don't typically repent on attraction easily but instead wait until such annoyances are overbearing, mid relationship, to act.

Excuse me, I don't fully understand this. You tell me that women turn down someone who shows off-putting qualities them off much faster than men? And, as such, men tend to wait too long before realizing they've been with the wrong person?

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It's a simple fact that attractive women get more offers than attractive men. So women naturally evolve to turn people down more readily, whereas men are less inclined to find reasons to turn down an initially attractive prospect merely because of some niggling behaviours (unless truly extreme. We are absolutely not the same on these issues.

You tell me here that women have been designed by nature in such a way that they are fast in indicating off-putting qualities and thus turning down undesirable suitors, while men, who have limited options, would choose to let such qualities pass by unless extreme?

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All the women spoke of being very selective about how many ticks they gave and mentioned receiving all manner of dirty messages etc. Males will tick anyone who looks fairly appealing, as they quickly discover that women are so selective about ticks- so it's not in your interest to rule out maybes. Each behaviour pattern adds additional fuel to that of the other sex (as women expect ticks to be reciprocated and men expect most ticks to be unreciprocated, hence a need to cast a wider net). And women do not send reams of unsolicited filthy messages, as many men do.

What are "ticks"?

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PS. Sorry if this sounds highly derogatory to the original poster, but he really needs to hear it. Women really don't go for the type of behaviour patterns described here. It's not in any way "stupid" to find a person who behaves as described here unattractive. The poster has simply trod all over his own cock. The good thing is that it's perfectly possible to learn to change.

It is not derogatory, it's just...the truth sucks. At least the truth from your perspective...

If you're interested, ask her for lunch or coffee or something. If she says no, leave it at that. Don't bug her with a bunch of FB messages and don't add to the sh_t that she and all other women have to put up with from obnoxious men.

https://twitter.com/hashtag/YesAllWomen?src=hash

Won't that even push my self-deprecated image further off the piano bench? Haven't I done enough harm already?

I'm afraid we're in the realms of conspiranoia here. She received a mundane message and couldn't be bothered to reply. That's it. Attractive women get their inboxes flooded with boring messages from men who secretly want to sleep with them, but who instead try to make mundane chitchat. They can't spend all day engaged in chats merely to avoid hurting the feelings of those many males who don't make their intentions clear, but who instead try to bore them to tears with ordinary chat messages that fail to capture their imagination. In fact the worst thing of all may be when they do reply. There's a common breed of women who allows men to hang around secretly in love with them, and takes all kinds of gifts with no intention of offering anything in return, to a guy who will only ever be seen as a "friend" (who can be treated like a servant). Better to be be ignored than for an insecure guy to allow himself to be that kind of chump.

Whoa. Is this true? I have never entertained the thought of her getting this. I hadn't believed it to be actually possible. By this logic I am but one in a sea of countless undesirable males she has the pain of having to deal with.

And by "chump" I take this as cannon fodder? I wasn't really aware that such a reality existed.

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I'm not denying Facebook is keylogging for ads. However, in terms of the situation a simple case of someone reading a message that didn't capture their imagination enough to warrant immediate response. Leaping to spectacularly improbable alternatives will only give false romanticised hope.

What do you mean by "spectacularly improbable alternatives"?

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I thought just about everyone on Facebook sees a chat message and doesn't bother replying right then every day? Attractive women with many male friends certainly do.

As a matter of fact, they usually do if it's seen. This is the reason why I got particularly touchy about this; because people, even her, rarely leave seen questions unanswered.

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The issue here is his extremely unhealthy attitude and expectations from someone he has no right to expect anything from. It's not even about the girl here, but about how unhealthily he has acted, with regard to his own interests. You won't get women unless you learn to behave very differently.

I would never have had classed that as the way you describe it here. Regardless I think I shouldn't have done that, but by God, your descriptions horrify me. I am positive about your intent here, but seriously, what is so morally wrong about being genuine? You tell me off overtly harshly for being honest. I am not acting against you because I believe you speak from what you observe really occurs in females, and if that is indeed the horrible truth...funny how transparency could get us into so much trouble.

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Actually, men are usually the best sources. Women give truly terrible advice on dating, about what they would LIKE TO THINK would attract them- not about what does.

Man. I am certainly not considering to consult my mother next time about dating.  :)

She said explicitly that she hadn't seen it. From here, I have no reason not to believe her, unless we are to assume that all girls of that age on Facebook are all simply there to play evil games with the boys.

Don't you find it suspicious as to why she finally responded to that fateful remark instead of those previous it? I can imagine she had no choice but to respond lest she appears as intentionally discourteous? That, and, as I had previously stated, I'm back in the godawful cycle of no-replies hocus pocus again.

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P.S.: "Immature behavior" on cubedrift's part if so diagnosed is forgivable considering the age category. He has learned his lesson already for the future.

As I said I am in my late teens. I have little experience dealing with women through that impersonal app. Thankfully, you guys have helped me expand my knowledge about this. I still hope she didn't take it as bad as nyiregyhazi describes it, of course.

Are you serious? I guess you are... Maybe it would be better if you just keep your advice to piano playing where you at least seem to have some expertice...  ;D

Anyway, maybe some of your observations on women are justified based on your experiences. Maybe the ones you are used to interacting with just aren't the smartest kind. People with little going on between their ears tend to behave in a more stereotypical manner and create a lot of unnecessary drama, no matter which gender.

I'm sorry, what do you mean by "people with little going on between their ears"?

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I have never found it difficult to understand either men or women and quite naturally interact with both genders. As do most of my friends. Normal open communication is the key, not assuming complexity and suspect game playing where there is none.

Complexity and suspect game playing would describe the advice nyiregyhazi is giving me. He asserts that I should not try my luck in this ordeal if I have not grasped a proper understanding of its mechanics. Your advice thankfully gives me a chance to breathe in between, but I am still entertaining of both optimistic and pessimistic advice. Carry on.

The poster urgently needs to listen to this:

http://pickuppodcast.com/2012/01/16/episode-dr-robert-glover-no-more-mr-nice-guy/

I shall see to that.

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It's not about becoming a nasty person, but rather about learning not to think that being "nice" to a girl makes her in any way obligated to you- which is exactly what we've seen outlined here. Nothing repels women more than these kind of behaviour patterns. She's her own person and doesn't owe some guy she met a few times anything, merely because he hoped she was under an unwritten contract to message him within time limits. Imagine how possessive that becomes if they actually became an item! Guys who can't break the cycle of hoping irrationally for things they never even put on the table only get exploited or ignored.

Quite right...

The truth sucks, really. Although I have mostly gotten over this by now, I hope the girl in question hasn't regarded me the way nyiregyhazi assumes females to react to such remarks by men. It is paining to my ego and it hurts my self-worth.

We are, for Christ's sakes, pianists. We are messengers of God. We *** deserve respect. I know it was a bit outrageous of me to act that way, but please do not overlook the possible reasons why I had even considered doing that in the first place. I also did not imagine it to be so self-destructive the way you describe it. You have revealed a matrix I had not even dreamed the girl in question would have had in her mind.

Am I now to declare that piano playing is far easier than human relationships?  :o ::) >:(

P.S. nyiregyhazi - if it doesn't hurt asking - how much experience do you have with relationships?




Offline dima_ogorodnikov

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #48 on: May 29, 2014, 05:00:44 AM »
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No amount of how-to information is going to work if you have the wrong mindset, the wrong guiding philosophies. Avoid losers like the plague, and gather with and learn from winners only.

Offline flashyfingers

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Re: Facebook's "Seen" feature is F*CKING me up
«Reply #49 on: May 29, 2014, 05:21:31 AM »
OH, you mean you haven't just watched her sleep through her bedroom window already, and snuck up on her in the driveway yet?
I'm hungry